by Dawn Brower
“Right. I don’t think I know how to...” Noah patted his chest attempting to rub the ache in his heart. “Without Ruby I’m hollow inside. This is the best I can hope for.”
“I don’t have words. This pain you feel—I don’t have anything to draw on.”
Noah ran his fingers across the rim of his glass. Maybe he should have another drink. It might numb him enough to get through the ceremony. Liam was right. Pearla deserved someone far better than him. Rubina’s ghost haunted him, and she always would. Bloody hell, maybe he would have that second drink after all. He grabbed the brandy decanter and filled his glass to the top.
He took a swig and tipped the glass toward Liam. “I pray you never know the pain of losing your one true love.”
“Is this your convoluted way of toasting to the long life of my marriage?”
Noah nodded. “Don’t waste it for a second.”
Liam sighed. “Didn’t plan on it.” He studied Noah for several seconds. “I’m only going to say this one more time, and then I’m going to drop it.”
“What’s that?”
“There is still time to call off the wedding. I can even do it for you. Just say the word.”
“The wedding will happen.” Noah looked him in the eyes, letting Liam know, without words, his wishes. “This is what I want.”
What a joke. No, this wedding wasn’t what Noah wanted. If he had one wish, it would be for Rubina to never have died. For her to walk through the door at any moment with her laughter floating around him. He hadn’t felt true happiness since he lost her. In lieu of getting his one true wish, he’d settle for a child of his own. Fate owed him at least that much.
Liam picked up his glass and raised it high. “Then how about a real toast. To my good friend Noah. May he find it in his heart to forgive himself and learn to love again. For, without it, happiness will always be beyond his reach, and more than anything he deserves to find it.”
Noah stared at him. “That’s the worst toast I’ve ever heard.”
“Well, it is all you’re getting. Now drink up.” Liam downed his brandy and set his glass down. “Now, let’s make our way to the carriage. We have a wedding to rush to.”
Noah grumbled. “Don’t we have more time?”
“I’m afraid not, my friend. It’s time to head to the church. The ladies are awaiting our arrival.”
Liam would stand beside him as Noah married Pearla. His wife, Gemma, was standing with his intended. They had been planning the wedding for weeks. The banns having been read for the past three weeks in Westminster Abbey, the church where he was going to marry Pearla Montgomery.
Oh, hell. Noah downed the contents of his glass. He did need the liquid courage to go through with it. It wasn’t Pearla. No, it was him. Pearla was a lovely woman with gorgeous blonde hair and cerulean blue eyes. In some ways similar to Rubina, but his deceased wife’s hair was a rich golden-blonde while her gray eyes turned silver with desire. Noah shook the image from his head. It didn’t matter. Pearla was not Rubina. His dear wife, his one true love, was lost to him forever.
It was time to take a new wife.
“Lead the way.” Noah stood up. “I’m right behind you.”
Liam stopped and looked him up and down. He shook his head. “I’ll be with you every step of the way. Just say the word, and I’ll take care of anything you need, no matter what it is.”
“I can’t change the man I’ve become, Liam. I’m not sure if I want to.” Noah frowned. “Rubina’s death made me harder than I ever thought possible. I’ve lost too much, and I can’t afford to lose any more. If anyone else even tries to take what’s mine, I won’t be able to stop myself from annihilating them.”
“Let’s pray it doesn’t ever come to that.”
Noah hoped not because, if it did, he’d lose what was left of his soul.
“How much time do we have to get to the church?”
“We should have been there twenty minutes ago.”
“What?” Noah blinked as shock filled him. “Why didn’t you say something sooner? I didn’t realize what time it was.”
Liam shrugged. “I had hoped you’d changed your mind. But, alas, it wasn’t to be, so now we need to make haste.”
Noah took two quick strides and exited his study. He stopped in the foyer and hollered for Simmons. “I need the carriage brought around. I’m late for my wedding.”
“It’s already waiting for you, Your Grace.”
“Thank you, Simmons. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Simmons nodded and headed for the door, opening it wide for Noah. Liam followed close behind him, and they entered the ducal carriage.
“How did you get here anyway?” Noah asked. “I didn’t see your carriage or horse.”
“I had our carriage drop me off. Gemma took it to the church to wait for our arrival.”
That couldn’t be good. Gemma must know on some level how much Noah didn’t want to marry her friend. He respected Liam’s wife. Having her displeased with him—it didn’t sit well. He’d try to make her understand…later.
It didn’t take long, or at least it didn’t seem like it, before the carriage halted in front of the church. Noah took a deep breath and hopped out of the carriage. He stopped in front of the steps and stared up at the tall cathedral.
“I said I wouldn’t ask again.”
Noah’s sliced his head left and pinned Liam with a glare. “Then don’t.”
Liam threw his hands up in the air. “Have it your way. I’ll stand by your decision.”
Noah nodded and opened the doors wide. He walked with purposeful strides to the altar where the clergyman was awaiting their arrival.
“Let’s start the ceremony. I have a lot to do today.”
All he wanted to do was get it over with. He ignored the guests filling the pews. They expected more from him, but he couldn’t give it to them. This wasn’t a love match, and he wasn’t about to pretend it was on any level. The vicar nodded his agreement. Music filled the church halls as Noah stared down the aisle.
Gemma floated forward first with light steps in tune to the music. Liam’s gaze never left his wife’s face. Noah looked back and forth between the two. An ache filled his heart. He’d had that once. Gemma kissed Liam and then hugged Noah. She took her spot on the other side of him. They all turned to watch Pearla march down the aisle on her father’s arm.
She was so lovely and perfect. Not one golden hair was out of place. The smile on her face—she looked so happy. Noah didn’t understand why. What was there to be so bloody happy about? They reached the end of the aisle. Her father kissed her cheek and sat down in the front pew next to his wife.
Noah grabbed Pearla’s hand and led her to the front of the altar. He nodded at the vicar to begin. The vows went by in a blur; if asked, he wouldn’t be able to recall saying them.
“If anyone has just cause for these two not to be joined in holy matrimony please speak now or forever hold your peace.”
The Vicar’s words blended into the background. Noah wanted this done.
“I have some objections.”
A soft accented voice reverberated through Noah’s ears. His gaze shot toward the location it came from. Everyone turned to see who interrupted the ceremony. Loud murmurs filled the church and echoed back at him, but words failed him. Noah’s mouth fell open as shock overtook him. He had to be seeing things. He rubbed his eyes and blinked the blurriness away. His heart beat hard against his chest. How much brandy had he poured down his throat before coming to the wedding? He stared for several seconds, but the apparition in maroon silk kept moving toward him. Noah couldn’t believe what his eyes were telling him.
Surely the blonde vision in front of him wasn’t…
“Rubina?” he croaked out.
CHAPTER TWO
“Hello, Noah dear.” Rubina moved closer to him at the altar. She batted her eyelashes at him coquettishly. “Have you missed me?”
Her gaze fell on his new bri
de. So young, innocent, and perfect in her wedding gown, her gold curls fell down to her shoulders and her blue eyes kept going back and forth between Rubina and Noah. Poor thing chose wrong in deigning to marry her husband. She’d learn Noah belonged only to her.
Wait, Noah couldn’t belong to her. His life depended on him hating her. Rubina had to stay focused and not make claims she couldn’t make.
“I’m not interrupting anything important am I?” Rubina waved her hand dismissively. “Never mind I see. You’re about to replace me. How rude of me to object.”
“You’re really here.” Noah just stared at her.
Rubina could tell she’d shocked him. She shouldn’t be upset he moved on. If she were truly dead—no, if she were honest, she didn’t want him with anyone else. He said he’d love her forever, and he’d moved on far too quickly for her tastes. Noah would pay for that. She couldn’t hurt him more than necessary. She had to protect him. His safety came first. It didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things as long as she knew he was whole, healthy, and happy. Rubina would not be selfish at the cost of Noah’s life. Paolo would come looking for her, and Noah would be the first place he looked.
“Of course I’m here.” Rubina moved in close to him and ran her hand across his broad chest. “Where else would I be but at my husband’s wedding. It looks like you had a good turn out.”
Rubina smiled brightly and waved to all the guests. Their shocked gasps filled the room. She never did much care for English society. They were all stuck-up snobs.
“I don’t understand.” Noah shook his head.
Poor man. Rubina should take pity on him, but she wouldn’t. Couldn’t.
She gazed up at him. His chocolate brown eyes were filled with a mixture of confusion and hope. Rubina cupped his cheek with her hand. “It’s simple enough, dear.”
She dropped her hand and took a few steps back. Being close enough to touch him was almost too much for her to bear. It had been hellish believing him dead. One thing Rubina understood was the pain of losing the person you loved more than yourself. Noah must have gone through that too. The difference was Rubina couldn’t move on and Noah had.
“Nothing is simple about this.” Noah clenched his jaw. “I don’t understand how you could possibly be here, and I have so many questions.”
Rubina smiled. “Oh, but it is, you see. Rumors of my death...” She paused for dramatic effect. “How do I put this…have been a bit exaggerated.”
“Noah?” his pretty little bride looked at him, questions in her eyes.
“Pearla, I’m sorry. I don’t…” His gaze flew back to Rubina’s. “I can’t explain this. Please, forgive me.”
“It’s all right. I understand.” She smiled sweetly at him.
Rubina wanted to smack the woman. Bitterness filled her as she watched their exchange. How dare he—Rubina wanted to scream at him with every ounce of frustration building up inside of her. How could he have fallen in love with another woman and forget her so easily.
“Maybe we can move this to someplace a bit more private.” A red haired woman suggested. “I’m sure you don’t want the ton to know all your personal business.”
“I don’t mind,” Rubina interjected. “What’s a little back-from-the-dead experience worth if you can’t share it with the world?”
The red-headed tart could bite her damn tongue off for all Rubina cared.
“Rubina,” Liam coaxed. “This is a shock. Gemma is right. We should go someplace quieter—at least somewhere you and Noah can figure out what happened. I’m sure you both have many questions.”
Rubina tilted her head. “Hello, Liam. I see you’re still sticking by your best friend. When I was…away, I thought about you. Considered maybe you shared my grief. Now I see I was the only one who truly grieved.”
“It’s not like that, Ruby,” Liam said.
“Isn’t it though?” She raised an eyebrow. “You moved on. Look at each one of you. So happy and content with your picture perfect lives. Who cares what happened to poor Rubina. Life goes on.” Rubina couldn’t help the anger interwoven through her words. She had a right to it after all—having earned it the hard way.
“Pearla, perhaps we should go,” the redheaded woman said to Noah’s bride. “I think it’s safe to say the wedding is not going on as planned.”
A tear fell down Pearla’s cheek. Rubina would feel sorry for her, but she couldn’t. She knew what it was like to have Noah’s love. Jealousy turned her green with envy. Noah was only supposed to love her. For that alone, Rubina hated Pearla.
“You’re right, Gemma.” She nodded. “Can you take me home?”
Gemma nodded. “Of course.” She looked over at Liam. “Are you going to stay, or…?”
Liam looked from Gemma to Noah, and then back to Rubina. He nodded. “I think I might be needed here. See Pearla home. I will call on you later when all of this”—he motioned between Rubina and Noah—“is settled.”
“You should go, Liam,” Rubina urged. “I think Noah and I can settle this between us without you overseeing anything.”
“I’m staying,” he said. His jaw tightened in determination.
“Suit yourself.” Rubina shrugged.
She was mildly amused by the domesticity Liam showed Gemma. There was an intimacy there. He loved her, and perhaps they were already married. She never thought she’d see the day when Liam Marsden succumbed to love. He’d vowed to never marry. Well, wonders would never cease—even he could fall hopelessly for a woman.
“Ruby?” Noah approached her. “We should go home too. We can talk there.”
“What, you don’t want to air out our difficulties for the whole world?”
She didn’t wish to make things easy for him. Nothing had been easy for her since Paolo kidnapped her three years ago. Rubina wanted him to feel every ounce of pain she experienced in his hands. He didn’t know grief, but soon he would.
“Please,” he begged.
It was a start. She wanted him on his knees prostrating himself before her. Even then she wasn’t sure it would be enough. Her heart broke into a million shards when she found out he was planning on getting married again. Rubina wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to piece them together again. Her love for him was forever altered by his choice.
She needed some distance. Time to cry her heart out without witnesses—after she got what she came for she would find someplace to lick her wounds. As much as she’d like to, she couldn’t make Noah beg for anything, Rubina needed him to hate her.
“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t think I will go anywhere with you ever again.”
He reeled back as if she’d slapped him. “Why?”
“I think it’s pretty obvious.”
“But it isn’t.” Noah took a step toward her. He raised a hand as if to touch her but let it drop to his side. “You’re here. Alive. It’s something I never believed possible.”
“And yet you were about to take a bride and move on as if I’d never existed.”
His face paled. “It’s not like that, Ruby.”
She tilted her head and studied him. Uncontrollable laughter spilled out of her lips. It was time to lay things down for Noah to understand. Rubina did not take this lightly. It was all too important for her to do what she came here for. As much as it pained her, it was time for Noah to look at her with the hatred she needed him to feel.
“It’s exactly like that, Noah.” She smiled at him. “So I’m going to do us both a favor and let you go.”
“What?” he asked, confusion filling his eyes once again. “I don’t want that.”
Rubina had to be harsh. It was the only way to make him see her way was best.
“I want a divorce.”
Noah flinched. “No.”
“No?”
He shook his head. “Absolutely not. I won’t give you one.”
“Not even if I was unfaithful?”
His lips tightened at her words. Rubina had hit her mark dead on. It was th
e only way. She loved him, but he clearly didn’t love only her anymore. As much as she believed Noah belonged to her, Rubina knew when to cut her losses and move on. She loved him enough to let him go.
Noah was only holding on because he believed in forever and he’d made her promises. If he’d believed she was still alive, he’d never have stopped looking for her. She wouldn’t have found him about to marry another woman. Her Noah was honorable.
“You didn’t—couldn’t have.”
“I’m sorry, Noah, dear.” She patted his chest lightly and gazed up at him through hooded eyes. “I don’t love you anymore.”
He roared loud with denial. Oh, how fierce he looked, a lock of his dark hair falling over his forehead. Rubina resisted the urge to push it back in place.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Believe what you will.” She shrugged. “But it’s time to let go. This is good, no? You can marry your perfect fiancée and live happily as if I never existed.”
“Stop. Just stop talking.” He paced back and forth in front of the altar.
“Noah…”
“I said to be quiet,” he seethed. His anger flashing within his eyes.
Rubina did as he asked and watched him in silence. He stopped suddenly and turned toward her. No longer was his gaze filled with shock. He’d overcome it all and had a new emotion ruling him. Pure rage. His cheeks were flushed a bright red. Noah clenched his fists at his sides as he stalked toward her. If he had less control, Rubina had no doubt he’d strike her.
“Why did you come back?” he asked.
“To set you free.”
“No, I was already free.”
“Were you?” She raised an eyebrow. “Or did I still haunt you even a little bit?”
He flinched. Her words hit another mark. She knew Noah too well. Of course her death paid a toll on him. But still, he’d found another to love.
“Apparently I didn’t do the same to you. You appear rather—healthy.” He looked her up and down. “For someone presumed dead.”
