by Rita Hestand
"Anything you have to say, can be said in front of Hannah, after all, we're gonna be married soon. Besides, it was you that insisted she come too."
Deke firmed his lips and frowned again. Bad choice, Rusty guessed.
"All right. I suppose she is entitled to know. There's just no easy way to put this, for either of you. So I'm just gonna spit it out...Jennifer is back!"
Chapter Seven
There was a long silence, as though everyone at the table held their breath. Hannah included.
Like a steam engine suddenly running out of steam, Rusty sat very still. He'd expected anything but that! Outside he looked calm, but inside he was churning with questions, and anger.
He wasn't comfortable talking about this in front of Hannah.
Fool, he chided himself silently. Why couldn't he have waited for Deke to talk to him later? Why did he have to act like some kid who couldn't wait to hear the news. For all the world he wouldn't hurt Hannah, but this...
Jennifer! He'd never thought she'd come back. In fact, he hated to admit it, but Jennifer hadn't been on his mind lately. It boggled his mind, screwed his thinking and made him angry all at the same time. Why in hell did his brother insist on Hannah coming with him, then? More angry with his brother, than anyone, Rusty looked for some outlet for all the emotions crowding him.
Hannah started to get up from the table and excuse herself, but Rusty was having none of that. He pulled her hand closer to him and sat very still as he eyed Deke first, then his father who looked white as a ghost.
"Stay Hannah. I want you to stay." Rusty said with a steel edge to his voice.
"Okay," she whispered.
"You brought me back home, for this?" he demanded from Deke some sort of explanation.
Deke began to fidget some as Emma sat the plate of biscuits in front of Deke with a decided frown. At least Emma understood how awkward this was.
Without a doubt Deke seemed confident he'd done the right thing. "I had to, bro. I'm the one that forced you into this." He shot Hannah a quick apologetic glance. "I thought it only fair to give you a choice. No offense Hannah, this isn't your fault. I'm sorry I had to broadcast it like this."
"None taken," Hannah rushed to say. Although she had been shy when she first walked in, she suddenly seemed to take the bull by the horns. Obviously she saw and understood the awkward position everyone was in.
"Deke's right, Rusty. You'd have never forgiven him if he'd kept it from you."
How did she know that? How did she know anything? And yet she did. She seemed so wise to him suddenly, so mature and capable of handling anything. Just a few more qualities to like about Hannah.
"You never should have called me Deke, it's of no importance," Rusty insisted, standing up and pulling Hannah along with him. "Emma you got a room ready for Hannah. We've been in the truck all night, and I'm sure she needs some rest."
Emma nodded and cast her husband another frown. "Well, don't look at me that way Emma. I was only thinking of Rusty." Deke managed as everyone stared at him.
"I appreciate your concern, bro. Really, but Hannah and me will be getting married this weekend, here!" Rusty announced.
"This weekend....?"
Hannah jerked loose of his hold and put her hands on her hips. "Your brother was trying to do the right thing by you, giving you a chance. As he should for shoving this whole situation down your throat. I'd think the least you could do would be to see Jennifer and find out how you feel about her...before the wedding."
Rusty glared at her now. "I don't need to see Jennifer. She left me, remember?" He shouted.
"That's male ego talking." Hannah replied huskily.
Emma took Hannah by the arm and led her down the hall and away from the men who were making a mess of it.. "Let's leave it for now, and get you comfortable, hon. I'm sure you are exhausted."
"I am a little tired," Hannah sighed, obviously glad to be out of that line of fire.
Rusty ranted and raved for several minutes, then stomped out of the house.
Hannah watched from the window as he walked down the long pathway leading to the pastures. Her entire fate was in his hands and right now all she could think about was how much she might mess his life up...
*****
That afternoon Hannah was standing by the kitchen door staring out when Emma came in and began preparing the evening meal. As she worked, she'd glance at Hannah, and finally she broached the subject.
"Hannah, I'm sorry about all this." "No need to be. Deke did right."
"Yes, but dragging you here, wasn't such a great idea."
"Maybe, maybe it was. At least he didn't do it behind my back. I'm rather grateful for that."
"Then you do understand."
"Of course, Rusty loves Jennifer, he's just too stubborn to admit it. At least this way he has a chance to right the wrongs."
Emma stopped cleaning the vegetables and looked at her. "What a very good person you are Hannah. I'm so pleased to meet you. In other circumstances, I'm sure Rusty would fall in love with you."
Hannah frowned, glancing down at her clothes that she intentionally wore to ward men out of her life, she suddenly almost regretted it. Would Rusty have fallen in love with her if she'd worn different clothes, worn make- up? It didn't matter, that was a frivolous kind of love and she wanted no part of it.
"I think it's terribly romantic. Rusty loves her dearly, and I'm wearing the proof."
"What do you mean?" Emma asked.
"Look," she extended her hand so Emma could see the ring. Emma gasped.
"Oh my..." Emma's hand went to her mouth as she gaped at the diamond.
Hannah smiled sadly. "Yes, the minute he gave it to me, I realized he loved someone very much. He told me about her."
"He did?" Emma seemed surprised.
Hannah nearly laughed. "He thought we should get to know one another since we were going to get married."
"And still might."
"No, I wouldn't hold him to that. In fact, I think I'll leave early in the morning, if you don't mind. I need to get back. I just fired my foreman and I'm needed there."
"But Hannah..." Emma protested.
"Please don't say anything to Rusty. I'd rather just leave it at that, if you don't mind. I can't tell you all how much I appreciate the offer to help, but under these circumstances, I just can't accept."
Emma started to protest, but Hannah's expression stopped her. "Okay Hannah. We owe you that much." "Thanks." Hannah sighed with relief, then began helping Emma prepare the meal as though she'd been part of the family for years. Surprisingly the conversation flowed between them in the same manner. Hannah liked Emma, she liked Rusty's family. And a small part of her felt sad to not be a part of it. But that was silly. She didn't belong here, she told herself silently.
She kept telling herself that when the conversation at supper flowed naturally between herself and his family. Rusty had been unusually quiet, but Hannah understood his silence.
After dishes were done, she donned her jacket and walked outside. It was cold, but there was a full moon and a beautiful night. Hannah walked for a long while, thinking over her options. She could go back to Vegas, and eventually earn enough to buy the ranch back, or at least the graveyard. What use would strangers have for a graveyard?
Yes, as much as she hated wearing those costumes and parading up and down those stages, it paid good money. Better than any regular job. And she could find a place of her own and begin again, anew!
Just as she had all her thoughts arranged and just as she was about to turn around and go back to the house, a horse and rider came up to her.
"Where have you been?" Rusty's cool tone broke her musings, as he swung down off the saddle. There was a note of concern in his voice that had her staring.
"Walking, why?" She asked as her voice faded into the darkness.
"It's too cold to be out here." He objected coming closer and draping an arm over her shoulders, as though it were a natural thing for him to d
o.
"A little, but it's a beautiful night, though." She said and glanced up at the stars in the sky, ignoring that slight spark of electricity that always connected them. "They look almost touchable, don't they?”
"What...?" His voice grew husky as he seemed to pull her closer into the circle of his arms.
"Look at the stars." She gestured, needing to put space between those comfortable warm arms he offered.
"Yeah, I guess." He glanced down at her, and his breath hitched as she stared into his eyes, reaching into her heart and reading her thoughts. Hannah's eyes were so expressive. "Now listen Hannah. We need to talk."
"About...?" Her voice was a mere hushed whisper. "About us." He met her gaze and the intensity made her look away. Why did she have the urge to run into his arms and never let go?
"There is no us, Rusty." She insisted trying to pull away, but he was having none of that. He kept her tucked against him.
She stopped resisting and took a deep breath about to continue her explanation.
"Isn't there?" he reached down to touch her cheek with his knuckles. It was a simple act, but it was so gentle, so very comforting, her cheek seemed to soak it up. Gently stroking he watched her, fascinated that her eyes seemed to speak for her. Her dark eyes danced with life and so much more.
She almost backed away like a skittish kitten, but backing away would be admitting he was getting to her, and he was, he decided with a satisfied smile.
He slowly turned her toward him, his head bent and she sensed his kiss that never came. His hot gaze swept over her, but instead he smiled gently at her as though having second thoughts about his reactions. Then he guided her toward his horse. "Let's get back, Emma's worried about you."
"I'm sorry." The spell was broken and she did back away from him then.
"We were all worried." He quickly amended. He hoisted her up and into his saddle, then slid up behind her, so that his arms were around her.
A sudden warmth surrounded them. She tensed. Being this close to him did things to her. Things she didn't want to think about. She felt her own heartbeat quicken. She smelled the fresh woodsy cologne he wore, felt the smooth of his cheek. Everything inside her seemed to melt at once, yet she still managed to create a false front for him.
His cheek grazed hers. She held her breath for a moment, trying to release the tension inside her as she calmed her nerves and reserve. She closed her eyes and willed herself to sit straight and not yield to the power of this man's charms. She felt her own cheeks grow hot. Her breath caught in her throat. Plain and simple desire, squelched only by her determination, threatened to surface. If she turned her head, he'd kiss her, she knew it, but she refused the glory of it. Even though every muscle strained silently toward him, she resisted. His lips would taste warm, and a shiver ran through her encouraging her to invite the kiss. Her mind said one thing, her body another and she was at war with the odds.
Instead she sat stiffly in place, as the warmth of his body surrounded her. It was the hardest thing she had ever done. Wanting a man, this desperately, had never been a part of her life, till now. But now was not the time, this was not the place, and Rusty, was not the man, she decided with deep regret. She felt like a mirror cracking open into a million different pieces. Shattering from a need so buried inside her she hadn't known it was there.
Every movement seemed to bring them closer. Every thrust of the saddle brought an awareness. Had he thrown her to the ground and made wild passionate love to her, she would not have felt it any deeper, closer, or more vividly. He was making love to her. Cowboy love! She smelled the distinct odor that was all Rusty, she felt the power in his arms, felt the tense, taut muscles of his shoulders and chest. She also felt the security of being wrapped in those arms, and totally protected. For a brief moment she almost weakened and turned into him, but stiffening her resolve, she never let it happen. It would be too hurtful to fall for this cowboy. If it wasn't already too late...
Just as they reached the yard, he pulled her solidly against him. An immediate tension swept between them. Her heart leapt, knowing full well he was just as distraught this moment as she. She felt the fast hard beat of his heart. It matched her own. Again her breath hitched, her glance slid slowly to his through the darkness, and the heat of the moment nearly consumed them. For just a second she relaxed, her body melting against his into one pool of pent up longing. She closed her eyes, savored the moment, knowing that one turn would have her consenting to this silent love-making. Her back was hard against his chest and shoulders now. Her head was mere inches from his and his lips began to descend, slowly with purpose. She felt his hot breath against her temple. Suddenly, he pulled her hard against him, so that only clothes separated them and kept their sanity. She felt the rise of desire in him and gasped. His hands went slowly down her arms then he wrapped them under her breast and set her on his thigh, so he could see her face. This was the moment she'd waited for, the moment she had denied herself. But there was no denying what they both wanted at this moment, it was in their eyes as they gazed into each other's faces, it was in their heartbeat as they melted into the embrace, it was in the heat of the moment that sanity fled and feelings took over. The gentle rock of the horse beneath them merely emphasized their needs. Never had Hannah felt such a pull towards a man. As though her own body and mind had no control. As though coming together was all that mattered in the world. In that moment, Hannah knew she'd give him anything....anything.
And then...a porch light came on, and she jerked upright and back to sanity.
"Oh good, you found her." Emma called in a worried tone.
Hannah reddened at the thought of what she almost let happen. On top a horse, for God's sake, had she lost her mind? So close and yet so far. Rusty was here to be reunited with his old love, his true love and here she had nearly let the unthinkable happen between them. What was wrong with her? She'd never been this close to losing it all with a man. Never wanted a man in such a way. Shame clouded the glory of what they might have had.
She couldn't allow herself to love this cowboy. Wouldn't! It would be fatal to her heart! But somewhere deep inside her heart...she knew it was too late.
And with that firmly implanted in her head she jumped out of his arms and ran for the house. She didn't look back, didn't offer an explanation for her hasty retreat to safety. She couldn't.
"Did I interrupt something?" Emma asked as she watched Hannah run.
"N-no, nothing that won't keep." Rusty replied his voice faltering from a whisper to a rough rasping.
Deke joined them on the porch. "Jennifer's coming over in the morning."
"What for?" Rusty demanded, disoriented from the conversation by his own welling need of Hannah. What had just happened? What was wrong with him? The only thing he wanted at this moment was to excuse himself from his well intentioned brother and sister-in- law and chase after Hannah to explain....or to finish making love to her, if she stilled wanted him as much as he did her..
But explain what? How could he explain the white hot heat that had surfaced so fast and furious between them? And he was sure of one thing, it hadn't been one sided. He knew when a woman wanted him. Trouble was...he wanted her too!
"To see you I guess." Deke replied twisting his head in one of those questioning Travers gazes.
"Did you tell her I wanted to see her?" Rusty tried to get hold of himself, tried to bring his mind back to the conversation, but his body wasn't willing. It'd be almost impossible to dismount and walk away right now, so he stayed atop the horse.
"Not exactly." Deke cast him another strange look. "What time..." Rusty squirmed.
"I don't know, I guess after breakfast." Deke glanced at Emma, and when Emma shot him a look of 'leave him alone', they went inside the house.
Rusty dismounted slowly a few minutes later, willing himself under control as he led the horse back to the barn. After feeding and combing him, he decided to clean the stall. He just couldn't go to bed yet. Mainly because he couldn't p
ut away those strange and wonderful feelings.
An hour later he paced the porch. His boots made a loud thunder of their own. His anger festered. Jennifer. Of all times for her to show up. Now what was he going to do? And what about Hannah? Why had he had this strange sexual pull towards her? How embarrassing this must be for her. Why did Deke insist on him bringing her? Even though he didn't love Hannah he didn't want to hurt her. He liked her too much to hurt her. And he would have to get his lust under control too, because the last thing he wanted was to hurt her.
And what about Jennifer? Did she expect him to just forgive her and things go back to normal? He wasn't even sure what normal was anymore.
What kind of man was he? How could he have been so turned on by Hannah with this turn of events? Nothing like that had ever happened to him before. He'd never felt such an intense need of a woman before. Jennifer had teased and taunted him, but she'd never made his blood boil and his heart pound so loud it sounded as though it might burst right through his chest.
What was it about Hannah?
He headed for the kitchen and poured himself a big glass of milk, which he downed in a second. Then he poured another.
Cal walked in, and smiled sadly.
"Well now boy, looks like you got problems." Rusty nodded. "And then some."
"Well, don't be too hard on Deke. He had your best interest at heart. He knows how much you loved Jennifer. It's only fair to give you a second chance....if you want it. Guilt made him call you, Rusty."
Rusty glanced at his father, who looked better now than he had three years ago, before he quit smoking. Before Sammie Jo came into his life and ignited a new glow inside him. Rusty smiled to himself. How did women manage to do that, he wondered? How could they take a man and change him almost over-night?
"Right now, I'm not sure what I want, Dad."
Cal shook his head and poured himself a glass of milk. "Yeah, I figured as much. Hannah's a nice young lady."
"She really is."
