by Marci Bolden
While she had gotten better over the last year about accepting affection and praise from her friends, and even to offer those to others, Taylor had to be in the right place for those things to happen. At that moment, she didn’t seem to be in the right place. She looked like she’d jump and run if pushed too hard.
“Come on. You look completely unsettled,” Jade said, gently prodding for information. “Did something happen?”
Taylor sank back in her chair, and defeat washed over her as she wiped her hands on a napkin. Darby’s heart sank like a Thanksgiving Day Parade float with a hole in it. Taylor was tough, even when she didn’t have to be. Seeing her look so…vulnerable…nearly brought tears to Darby’s eyes.
Fear enveloped her. The last week had been one disaster after another. She didn’t think she could handle one more. Hadn’t the three of them been going through enough?
“I lost another bid,” Taylor said quietly. She looked at her pizza and then pushed her plate away as if she’d suddenly lost her appetite. “That’s three this month.” She shrugged as she continued to stare out over the water. “I think it’s time to throw in the towel, guys. I’m not cut out for running my own business.”
“That is absolutely not true,” Jade stated.
Taylor crossed her arms and jutted her chin out with all the defiance of a teenage rebel. She pulled the change off like a pro and used it often. This was an unspoken warning that Jade should back off. She went from seeming like the weight of the world had crushed down on her to not giving a damn about anything in the blink of an eye. The next warning would be a snappy comment. If that warning wasn’t heeded, Taylor would excuse herself and leave.
Darby held her breath and waited, hoping this didn’t escalate to that point.
“It is true, Jade,” she barked. Warning number two. “People won’t give me a chance. Nobody wants a female contractor. It’s ridiculous.”
“I agree,” Jade said, and in an instant, Taylor’s defenses eased and Darby relaxed some.
Rather than storming off, sadness filled Taylor’s eyes, and it nearly made Darby sob. This was too much for her already heavy heart to handle. Taylor’s company meant the world to her. Her grandfather had been so proud of her for going to business school so she could learn how to run a contracting company. When he’d died, he’d left her what little money he had and all his tools so she could make her own business. He’d told her he didn’t want her working for other people all her life. According to him, she was too smart for that and deserved to have her own company rather than be a minion. He’d done everything he could to give her a solid starting point for O’Shea Construction.
Unfortunately for Taylor, she’d gotten caught up with the wrong guy while mourning for her grandpa. They’d gotten married, but their union hadn’t lasted long. When they split up, the scumbag stole all the tools her grandfather had given to her and the judge had let him get away with it.
Taylor lost almost everything she had left from her grandfather in her divorce. Seeing her company failing wasn’t a simple business issue. This really was personal to her. She wanted to do something her grandfather could be proud of.
The idea of her giving that up was soul crushing.
Darby looked at Jade. This was definitely Jade’s area of expertise. She was the fixer. However, Jade was looking out at the cove as Taylor had done.
Darby’s stomach tightened like a Venus flytrap with a mosquito inside. No. Jade couldn’t possibly be thinking that Taylor should quit?
“You’re a female in a male-dominated field,” Jade finally said.
“Yeah,” Taylor said. “I’m aware.”
“But I don’t think that’s really the issue,” Jade said tentatively, as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to say what she was thinking.
“So what’s the issue?” Darby asked when Taylor didn’t press.
Jade took a sip of her cranberry juice before saying, “The people who are reaching out to you are looking for someone different. Someone…”
Taylor lifted her brows at Jade. “What?”
“It’s not fair; it’s not right,” Jade said as she looked across the table at Taylor, “but I think people are expecting you to be…softer.”
“Softer?” Taylor asked.
Jade nodded. “They’re looking to hire a female contractor, but they’re really getting…”
“Me?”
Darby let out a slow breath. Taylor had been raised on construction sites. She was one of the guys, really. And when she got around a crew, she tended to act that way. “Oh. I see what you’re saying.”
Taylor seemed to need a few more seconds before she caught on. “They want a powder puff.”
“Not a powder puff…exactly,” Jade said. “But maybe someone who isn’t so…”
Taylor shoved half a breadstick in her mouth as she slouched and started chewing with her mouth open. “Someone who isn’t like this?” she asked around the half-chewed food.
Jade and Darby laughed at Taylor’s exaggerated display. The moment had gotten tense, and Taylor’s obvious attempt at lightening the mood worked, but that didn’t change the fact that Jade was likely on to a truth that Taylor didn’t want to hear.
“Something like that,” Jade said.
“So what?” Taylor asked as she straightened her back. “I should start wearing skirts to work?”
Jade shook her head. “No. You shouldn’t change anything. That’s not going to make you happy. You’re going to have to keep pushing. That’s the only way to break through.”
“I know,” Taylor said. “But I don’t know how much longer I can make it.”
Darby sighed and put her plate on the table.
“I’m sorry,” Taylor said. “This dinner was supposed to cheer you up. Not drag you into my problems.”
“Your problems are my problems,” Darby said. “Just like mine are yours. That’s what friends are for. Right?”
“Right,” Jade said.
Taylor nodded a few seconds later. “Right. But let’s not talk about this anymore right now. We need something uplifting to discuss. Like Jade’s sex life.”
Jade gasped and shook her head as Taylor and Darby laughed. “You two are terrible.”
“That’s why you love us,” Darby said and picked up her pizza again. As she took another bite, Taylor lobbed another Liam joke Jade’s way.
This was yet another perfect example of why Darby loved her friends so much. She was so thankful for them in that moment. No matter what else was tossed her way, Darby knew she would make it through. As long as she had Taylor and Jade, she’d make it through anything.
Though Darby was certain Jade and Taylor had other things they should have been doing, they spent the afternoon sitting on the beach together, and she loved them for it. Not only did she need them to keep her mind off her problems, but she wanted to finish smoothing over any residual hurt feelings left over from their disagreements.
Usually they would spend days like that on one of the main beaches watching people swim and play in the water. Today, they’d stuck to the cove. Not only were there less distractions, but there was no chance someone would recognize Darby and say something to her. Which meant less chance that Darby would have a breakdown and Taylor would end up in jail trying to defend her—though no one spoke of those reasons, Darby was certain they all silently agreed on them.
After relaxing on the cove’s little stretch of beach for several hours, they’d decided to grill out for dinner. The day had been normal. So completely and wonderfully normal. And perfectly boring.
Despite the calm that her friends had created for her, Darby’s mind kept sneaking back to relive the confrontation with Jennifer. She hadn’t told Jade and Taylor about the grocery store battle yet. She didn’t like keeping secrets from them, but she was still processing all that had happened. All that had been said. More specifically, the way Jennifer’s words continued to eat at Darby’s soul.
What you’re doing is mean-spirited. More than
mean-spirited. It’s cruel.
Cruel.
That was what Jennifer had said. Those were the words that had hit Darby right in the heart. For some reason, Darby couldn’t form the words to share that. Maybe because she feared her friends would agree. Maybe she thought they wouldn’t defend her.
And maybe that was because she was beginning to see they couldn’t. They couldn’t tell Darby that Jennifer was wrong. They couldn’t debate if she should or shouldn’t have said so.
Jennifer was right, and she was right to call Darby out on it.
She was being cruel to her former clients.
Taylor cooked chicken on the grill, and Jade disappeared inside her cabin to make a few side dishes. Meanwhile, Darby sat staring out over the cove, finding it difficult to think about anything other than the growing feeling that she’d been wrong from the start of this mess and it had been nothing more than her out-of-control ego that hadn’t let her see that.
When had she become so prideful? When had she allowed saving face to become more important than other people? That wasn’t like her. She had a kinder heart than that. Somehow she’d gotten swept up in the excitement and lost touch with herself.
She’d let the positive comments on Un-Do go to her head. Noah Joplin’s laughter had filled her eyes with stars, and she’d been drunk on a high that led her astray. She’d clung to those affirmations and discounted everyone who disagreed.
Darby couldn’t live with herself if she really thought she’d hurt someone. She’d been hurt far too much in her life to be that person. She’d been such an outcast in school that living in her own skin hurt. She wished she’d reached out to Jennifer then. Or at least someone like her.
If she’d been braver, maybe the band of “losers” could have worked together to thwart the bullies. They could have become their own group and shown the popular kids that they weren’t losers. That treating people the way they had didn’t say a damn thing about the so-called geeks but spoke volumes about the more popular kids.
Darby would never know now if they could have stood up against power and popularity, but she wanted to think that they would have. And she wanted to think that if she was ever in a place where she was bullying someone, they would stand up to her.
She had to consider that was what Jennifer had helped Sue do. Sue felt betrayed and hurt. She felt humiliated. And she’d used Jennifer’s podcast to openly call Darby on it.
Even more than admitting she was wrong, that was the part Darby thought had made her stand her ground so firmly. Rather than admit she’d done something wrong, it was easier to point the finger at Sue for putting a name to the story Darby had told and at Jennifer for giving Sue a platform.
Rather than owning up, she’d deflected. But the time had come. She had to face the consequences of her actions and stop pretending they were going to magically fade away. The last week had been hell. And she’d deserved it.
There was only one way to put an end to it.
Accept responsibility for her mistakes, as Jade and Taylor had been telling her, and do what she could to set things right.
When Jade returned, Darby swallowed hard. “I think… I think it’s time to change my site,” she said.
Jade and Taylor stopped moving to look at her, but it was Jade who spoke. “Okay. Do you want help?”
Biting her lip, Darby tried to hold back her tears. “Maybe just a little support.”
Jade was almost instantly at her side and taking Darby’s hand. “Okay. Come on.”
Darby let Jade lead her inside and dropped heavily onto her sofa. The weight of what she’d done had become almost too much to carry. As they sat close together like that, Darby opened each dress description and deleted the stories about the cancelled weddings.
A big tear fell down her cheek as she pressed the button to update her site. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”
“I know,” Jade reassured her.
“Do you think… Should I post an apology on the site?”
After a moment, Jade nodded. “I think that would be nice.”
“Would you help me write it?”
“Of course.”
Darby sighed as the idea made her stomach twist into knots. “What if they don’t forgive me? What if people are still mean to me?”
Jade gave her a half hug and pressed her cheek to Darby’s. “Honey, we can’t stop people from being mean, but maybe we can get some of your old clients who aren’t upset to do testimonials for you. Then you can try to regain any ground lost this week. Posting an apology is a great first step.”
Darby considered her words for a few minutes. “I think I might close it down.”
“I think you should post your apology and give it some time. See what happens.”
“But it’s not fun anymore,” Darby said. “I don’t want to do this if it isn’t fun.”
“But you also can’t run away. You have to stick around long enough to try to make this right. Look, you don’t have to turn the commenting section back on,” Jade said. “And if you want, Taylor and I can weed through your email inbox until all the dust settles. We won’t let any bullshit comments make it to you.”
Darby’s heart melted. “You’d do that?”
“Of course. I don’t want you to give up, Darbs, but I understand how difficult this is. Let us make it easier for you.”
With a lump in her throat and a knot in her stomach, Darby wrote out an apology. She admitted she’d been insensitive. When she tried to say that it hadn’t been on purpose, Jade made her erase it. She said Darby had to apologize, not make excuses. Darby wanted to argue that it wasn’t an excuse, but Jade simply shook her head.
“A straight-up apology, Darby. That’s what you need here. Recognition that you made a mistake and a promise to do better in the future. That’s it.”
Frowning, Darby did as instructed and apologized specifically to Sue Berdynski for sharing her story on Noah Joplin’s show. Then, as Jade had told her, she made a promise to take a good, hard look at herself so that she wouldn’t make this mistake again in the future.
With Jade’s encouragement, Darby posted the apology at the top of her website. As soon as the site was updated, she felt better. Her stress eased. Not all of it, but enough that she felt like she could breathe without being restrained. The weight that had been sitting on her chest was lighter.
“I’m so proud of you,” Jade said softly.
Darby sniffled and nodded. “Thanks.”
“Come on,” Jade said. “Let’s do what we can to forget about this for the rest of the day.” As she’d done when she’d led Darby inside, Jade took her hand and led her back out to the table. She sat her down and poured a drink from the pitcher.
Sinking back in her chair, Darby sipped and glanced at Taylor. She smiled and gave Darby a nod, which in Taylor speak was the equivalent of a high five. Good job, she’d said in her own way.
Darby smiled her thanks as Jade went back to setting the table. Warmth filled Darby’s heart, filling in some of the cracks the last few days had left. “Look at us,” Darby said. “We’re like the best little family. I love it.”
“Me too,” Jade said.
“It’s nice to be getting back to normal.”
“We’re not there yet,” Jade said and eyed Darby.
Darby furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”
“You are not back to yourself,” Taylor said. “Look at you. You still look like Wednesday Addams trying to fit in at a church potluck.”
Running her fingers over her black strands, Darby glanced down at her black shorts and light-blue T-shirt. “I do miss my red hair.”
“So do I,” Taylor said. “I never thought I’d say that. I never thought I’d miss your wacky clothes, but for God’s sake, will you please stop looking so normal?”
Darby and Jade laughed.
Darby’s smile fell quickly, though. “Actually, I don’t think so. I think you have to get used to this version of me. At least for a while longer.”
“Why?” Jade asked.
Warmth settled over Darby’s cheeks as embarrassment and insecurity flared in her chest. “It might sound silly to you guys, but all this stuff with Jennifer brought up a lot of bad feelings.”
“Feelings are gross,” Taylor said. “Don’t have those.”
Darby tried to smile but couldn’t. “For once, we agree. I need to sort through some things before I can feel comfortable standing out again. I need to blend for a while.”
Jade sat next to her with her concerned mama face on. “Don’t hide yourself, Darby. That won’t help.”
“I’m not hiding as much as…”
“You’re hiding,” Jade said when Darby couldn’t explain what she was feeling.
“Healing,” Darby said after a minute. “I need a little bit more time to heal.”
“Okay,” Jade said softly, “but don’t take too long. We really do miss you.”
Eight
One of Darby’s favorite things to do with Taylor and Jade were spontaneous road trips. They always had so much fun on their little adventures, finding new places to explore and restaurants to try. It was a great way for them all to break away from the stresses of running their own businesses.
In the past they’d gone to polo matches, explored caves, and tried new and strange foods to eat. Darby could now say that she’d seen bats in real life. She wasn’t a fan. She could also say that she’d eaten shark. Not a fan of that either. But she’d tried it, and that was a badge of honor she never would have had if she and her friends hadn’t taken time away from their lives to actually experience things.
Darby needed the distraction and suggested they go on a trip to leave the stress of Un-Do behind them, at least for a few hours. So the following day, they climbed into Jade’s car and hit the road.
Since it was Taylor’s turn to pick where they were headed, they ended up at some lighthouse looking over the Atlantic Ocean a little over an hour’s drive from Chammont Point. Darby didn’t mind. The long drive had been good for them. Singing loudly and mocking one another’s inability to carry a tune had made the day feel perfectly normal. Without the weight of her mistake lingering over her, Darby was able to actually enjoy the ride.
