by Ryan Michele
He wrapped me in his arms and held me tight. I didn’t know what to think.
Insecurity was a bitch and not something I was accustomed to. Yet, the feelings were there. The doubt. The questions.
Was I staying too? And if I was, how did I fit into all of this?
7
Crow
Rylynn shut the door and locked it up tight. The day was exhausting, and this wasn’t even the service. People from high and low came by to give their condolences. Some I hadn’t seen in years. It drained the life out of me.
It was great having people show up to lend their support, talk about my dad, and couldn’t forget the shit ton of food. But toward the end, I was ready for everyone to go. I needed sleep. Tomorrow was going to be worse, and I needed all the energy I could muster.
That was when I put two fingers between my lips and whistled loudly. “Time to go, people,” I called out to everyone. It didn’t take long for the place to clear out.
Van was so tired. Rylynn had to walk her to bed, her arms under Van’s pits.
“How ya doin’?” she asked, coming up to me and wrapping her arms around my waist. The smell of Rylynn instantly engulfed me and I couldn’t stop, tucking my face inside her neck to get the full effect. Fucking loved the smell of her.
I rested my forehead on hers, holding her tight. Upon instinct, I tucked my face inside her neck, inhaling her. It was as if I could pull her inside my body and make everything disappear. It calmed me which was strange because when I was there, with my eyes closed, I felt safe in allowing myself to relax. That level of trust I had with her, that she’d have my back if my eyes were closed, moved me profoundly.
Rylynn was the only one to do this for me.
“Thanks for everything today, Pixie.”
“No problem. Glad I could help.” Her hands caressed the back of my neck and whether she knew it or not, she was giving me strength. Never in my life had I needed that from another human being before, but she gave it freely, wanting nothing in return. Women like that were rare.
“You know I’ve done some fucked up shit in my life, right?”
She nodded, taking my head with hers. This was what settled me. Rylynn didn’t dig into my past. She didn’t question me. She gave me simple acceptance.
Something I never had before.
“Never once needed someone. Today, I needed you.”
Her body melted into mine.
“You know about my two kids now. You haven’t said much about that.”
She sighed. “While I would’ve liked for you to tell me about them instead of it being a shock, it’s done. You have two kids.”
“And Greer is sixteen, close to you in age. Does that bother you?”
“No, does it bother you?” she asked me back.
“Not one fuckin’ bit.” There was a long pause, and I waited for her.
“There are lots of things you don’t know about me, Crow,” she started and surprising her, I picked her up and carried her to the couch where I sat and positioned her to straddle me.
“Yeah. So tell me.”
Her smile radiated the space, pushing the clouds of darkness to the side and letting that light shine through. “What exactly do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
Her body gave her away, telling me she liked that answer. I laid my head back on the couch and looked into her beautiful green eyes.
When she didn’t say anything, I asked, “Tell me something I’d never guess with you.”
Her face turned into a mask for a moment, then it receded. “I killed someone.”
While most of the time some declaration of this could shock certain people, me not so much. It was interesting to hear though. “And…” I prompted.
“This bitch was going to hurt Emery, that’s GT’s daughter. I was outside her place and saw what was going down, pulled out my gun and fired. Bitch went down.”
Raising my hand, I tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “Protecting your own.”
“Yeah. And I don’t regret a second of it. If I had a do-over, I’d do the same exact thing, no questions asked.”
Fuck, this woman had a loyalty streak in her that rivaled me and my brothers to the club. Even young, she knew who she was and her character was strong and mighty. She proved today that she’d protect what was hers by getting Kara off of me with ease. Fuck, if that didn’t make my dick hard.
“I know,” I replied to her. “You have the protective instinct down to a science huh?”
She chuckled. “I don’t know about that, but I read the situation and do what needs to be done. When I was younger, it was the exact same thing. Assholes picking on kids at school, I’d step in.”
“Really?”
“Got a couple clocks to the head for it. The first time was seriously embarrassing. That was when my dad set up some time with me and Princess. She taught me how to duck and anticipate others moves. It took me a bit to get, but let’s just say the bullies at school thought twice before being dicks.”
A smile lifted my lips. “You do realize that’s hot, right?”
“Everything I do is hot. When are you going to figure that out?”
The bark of laughter came out rough at first. Strange how when part of your world was destroyed that laughing could feel rusty. I looked to the hallway remembering Van.
“You shut her door?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you get everything this morning?”
She nodded. “Yeah. Thanks for that. And thanks for not beating the shit out of Ethan.”
“He needs to learn not to say that kind of shit to a man about his woman.”
Something flashed before her eyes before she let it go. “Get that. But he was just jokin’ with ya.”
“Know that too, but…” I flipped her on her back and pressed her into the couch with my weight. “No one fucks with you, Rylynn. No one. I’ll fuckin’ destroy them.”
“Awe. Aren’t you sweet? What a woman always wants, for her man to kill for her.”
My body grew tight, and I got serious. “No fuckin’ shit, Pixie. No one fucks with you.”
She lifted up, her mouth connecting with mine.
It took me a moment, but knew that Van slept like a log. Fucking Rylynn on the couch; she wouldn’t hear a thing, and I needed her.
There was no preamble. I needed inside of her, to drown the day and get a small reprieve from all the pain that killed me inside.
We tore at each other’s clothes, throwing them all down in a heap. Two seconds later, my lips were on hers as my cock slid inside of her. Her back arched, but I wouldn’t let her release my eyes. She needed to feel this. Feel this connection we had.
As I thrust inside her slow then quick, repeating it over and over again, her eyes started to fill and that was when I knew she got me. She got what I was trying to tell her. As we came together, I buried my face in her neck until our breaths evened out.
After a bit, I pulled out and laid my head on her stomach. Her hands sifted in and out of my hair, comforting and soothing.
“Who were all those girls that came? Goldi was excited to see them,” she asked, and I had a choice to make. It was a huge one. This life wasn’t for everyone. No way in hell I’d tell Sophia we had a stable of girls. She wasn’t meant for this life and would never understand such a thing. And being straight, I never even wanted to tell Sophia because she didn’t get to have the inner workings of what was inside me.
With Rylynn, she was and could handle what I told her. The thing was a decision needed to be made to let her into my life, for real this time. No playing fuck in hotels or any of that shit. This was as real as it got between two people in my club. Telling one another the things that only stayed between them. Never saying too much but still knowing more than anyone else because she shared my bed.
Never had I given anyone that kind of knowledge to the heart of me. It had been locked up tight for so many years I felt like I couldn't breathe.
&nbs
p; It was judgment time. Either all in or not.
“You here with me now?” I asked instead of answering her, needing to find her pulse on being here with me.
“Right here, Crow.”
My arms around her got ultra-tight, and her head popped up our eyes meeting. “Not what I mean, Pixie. You in this with me. Meaning you move your shit here and we really do this.”
“You asking me to move in with you, Crow?”
The words hit me hard, and I didn’t understand why because that was in fact what I was doing. Asking her to come here and take a chance on me, on us. See where this could lead. And I had a damn good idea where that would be.
“Yeah. Want you here with me.”
“Can we talk about this later?” she asked, surprising me. There’d been a shit ton of women who would do anything to be in my bed. Hell, in my house. No women came here I was sleeping with ever. This place was different for me. Home. A place where I wanted to share my life.
Her wanting to talk about it later meant she wasn’t ready for this step, yet every signal she’d given me said she was heading in that direction. Something wasn’t right.
“What’s in that head of yours?”
She got up, making me have to move, and went to the side of the couch, wrapping her arms around her knees. “I know how you feel right now. You lost someone you held close and now you want to grasp at something that’s real. I get it. Really, I do. I didn’t have anyone to grasp onto except you for one night the day we buried my grandpa. I just want you to be sure about this and talk about it when the pain isn’t so raw.”
Fuck, she was wise beyond her years. Greer would never say anything like that. He wouldn’t get it one bit. She though, she did. An old soul. Fuck, she was perfect.
Sitting up, I moved over to her, picked her up, and put her in my lap. I held her tight and wrapped her in one of the blankets Van bought a while back. Her head fit right under my chin in the perfect spot. “You’re right. I am raw right now. That wound won’t close for a long while, but it’s also opened my eyes to what’s in front of me, Rylynn. You’re mine, Rylynn. Want you here with me, not in Sumner.”
She said nothing, and her body began to shake. “Pixie?”
A loud pound came on the door, her eyes flying to it.
“Fuck,” I ground out as she hopped up and fought with her clothes to get them on. Grabbing my jeans, I pulled them up over my ass and left them unbuttoned. Rylynn darted from the room. She wasn’t the type to run, yet naked was a whole different thing when visitors were calling.
When I opened the door, I was laughing. Greer stood there, hand in a fist ready to pound once more. He halted, and Sophia was standing right behind him.
“Hey.”
“Hey, Dad.” Greer gave me a quick hug and moved into the house.
Sophia stepped forward, tears in her eyes. Her hands came to my cheeks, and she kissed me.
She took me by surprise, and the moment I should’ve stopped it—I didn’t.
I also didn’t know that Rylynn saw the whole thing.
8
Rylynn
After righting my clothes and getting presentable, I went out to greet whoever decided to show up. While I’d thought we were done for the night, we obviously weren’t.
Coming to the mouth of the hall, my feet stopped as I was frozen in time. My heart squeezed to the point of physical pain.
Sophia and Crow were kissing. Her hands on his face caressing him gently.
He didn’t push her away. He didn’t tell her to stop.
Did I just really see that? Maybe that was it, my mind playing tricks on me.
Moving to the bedroom, I closed the door softly and went into the bathroom with my pajamas. Normally with Crow we slept naked, but part of me, the one deep inside I didn’t let others see, needed a shield of some kind. It was the best I could do.
Coming out of the bathroom, the bed stared at me, taunting and teasing me. That was when I heard it, laughter coming from the living room. Daggers pierced my chest.
While I was grateful for Crow to have that humor on a day he needed it, I also hated that it wasn’t me giving it to him and Sophia instead.
Turning all the lights out, I climbed into bed and pulled the sheet and blankets over me. My knees tucked up into my chest was when it happened.
The tears came, there was no stopping them. Never knew a kiss could hurt so bad, but it did.
Everything hurt.
The worst was my heart.
That was the moment I knew one hundred percent I loved him.
That I wanted to stay with him. For him to be mine.
It was also the moment I learned, some things you loved were never yours to begin with.
Somehow, I found sleep.
The dreams though, I could do without.
9
Crow
What a fucking day…
Staring at the casket while Train, a brother from another charter, did the service for my father. Everything inside of me hurt, and as if Rylynn could feel it, she squeezed my hand giving me her strength. I was a selfish prick and needed her at my side even though she’d just gone through this.
Van sat beside me holding my hand as well. Greer next to her, then Sophia.
Train went on and on, but I didn’t register a word that he said. All of it sounded like it was mumbles coming from somewhere else other than right in front of me. While I thought in the hospital it was real. This, seeing Dad in the coffin that would be lowered down into the ground, that was real.
He was gone. Truly gone. It didn’t matter the reason, it just was. My father always taught me that a man, a real man, should never be ashamed to show his true feelings. In my line of business, I compartmentalized it, not allowing any of the deeds that needed to be done to affect me.
This though. Seeing that fucking casket burned right into my soul. This would be a moment that I would never forget for the rest of my life. The last thing he told me was that he loved me. Christ, I knew he fucking knew I did too. It just sucked I couldn’t give that to him one last time and not have it be through a damn casket.
I never once let go of my girl’s hands, even when they began to sweat. I needed each of them. Rylynn grounded me, and my daughter because she meant the world to me.
Train said his final words, and we were escorted to the casket. Rylynn touched the top of it and went past, turning to look at me. Van kept a tight grasp on me, fear in her eyes. With my free hand, I lightly brushed over the casket. “Love you,” I whispered, because it wouldn’t come out any louder, but he needed to know one last time. He was a great father. The best. I’d miss him every day of my life.
Van did the same thing, then not looking back we went right to Rylynn. I grabbed ahold of her with one arm and dipped my head into her neck, breathing her in for a moment. She squeezed me hard and then pulled away.
She’d been a bit distant since yesterday’s visit from Sophia and Greer. She never came out while they were there and when I found her later, she was in my bed asleep. With everything that had gone on, I didn’t wake her. Instead, I selfishly watched her. Every inhale and exhale as if she found this special place. An untouchable moment.
It was beautiful.
She was beautiful.
This morning was chaos, and we hadn’t had a chance to talk. Even though I had a thousand things I wanted to say, there just wasn’t time.
“Dad. Can Mom ride with you?”
Why my son was asking this I had no idea, but it wasn’t happening. That was not Sophia’s place in my life. Hadn’t been for a long damn time. “No. Rylynn is on the back of my bike.”
“But…” Greer tried, but I cut him off.
“No, Greer. You drive her.” He understood my tone and shut up quickly. A few moments later his mother came up to me, Van letting go of my hand. Then Rylynn did as well, bent down, and started talking to Van. My girl was enthralled by my woman. It hit me deep to see the way Rylynn looked at my daughter. Sophia wrapped her a
rms around me while my attention was on Rylynn and Van.
“I’m so sorry,” Sophia said in my ear. “He was a great man who loved you more than anything. He lived a good life. Be happy about that and celebrate him, instead of mourning him.”
She then pulled away from my ear.
“Thanks.”
Sophia came in close and kissed my cheek. Rylynn was in an intense conversation with Van if her facial expressions were anything to go by. I smiled at Sophia and she took off with Greer, who shot daggers at me. Fucking hell. I’d deal with him later.
I was used to being pulled in a thousand different directions. It was common for more than one person to need my attention. Except the only person I wanted to focus on right now happened to be enchanted by my daughter.
Everyone came pouring out from the gravesite. Rylynn came to my ear. “My mom and dad are here along with some of my Ravage. I’ll let you get to your guests.”
The way she said my Ravage stung a little. We were all Ravage, and I wanted her to feel that my club was hers too. I decided not to dwell on it. After all, Rylynn and I were new to all of this.
She’d pulled away at the party saying she was going to call the Sumner Ravage, not that Bear hadn’t already done it. It was still a nice gesture, and I didn’t know how I felt about them being here.
“I’ll be over there soon.” I kissed the top of her head and released her as she shuttled to her family. Their eyes were on me and I lifted my chin, but it was with one that I really connected with—Cruz who was there along with Cooper, Nox, and Austyn. Shit, they all came. While this was normal for other charters to come to a member’s funeral, I had a feeling this had to do more with me and my genetics.
Another thing to deal with… later.
Loads of people came up giving me their condolences. Lots of hugs, slaps on the back, and smiles. My old man was very well liked, and everyone gave him the respect he deserved.
Jenny appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Van, and I stepped in her path. “What are you doin’?”
