by K C West
“Hardly a thing, I swear.”
James thrust a package into Kim’s hands. “We…uh…didn’t have much money, Doc. I wish we could afford to show you how much you really mean to us. Anyway, happy birthday.”
Kim looked around at her students. “Really, you didn’t have to do this. The party was plenty.”
“Open it!” Mike called.
Kim chuckled. “Still in a hurry to get out of here, are you, Mike?”
We all laughed and watched her tear the wrapping off the gift. It was a hand-tooled leather belt with a silver and turquoise buckle. I gave James a nod and a ‘thumbs up.’ “Nice choice, big guy.” He blushed.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you all so much.” Kim admired the craftsmanship in the belt and turned the buckle over. “Goodness, you had it engraved.” She held it up to the light. “Amazons Rule…November 1999.” She stood and gave them each a hug.
“Okay, PJ,” Laine said when Kim sat back down. “It’s your turn.”
Dewey found the package on the computer table and passed it to me. “Well, I thought maybe I’d give it to her in a little—”
“Aww. C’mon,” Josie urged. “We’re really curious.”
I shrugged and handed the box to Kim.
“Oh my goodness, PJ. You shouldn’t have.” The group ‘oohed’ and ‘ahhhed’ when she held up the gift. “It’s a Krater, isn’t it? A Greek mixing bowl for wine and water.”
“A replica, yeah.”
“And it looks like there are Amazons on the side.” She held up the red and black bowl so the group could see the figures depicted on the exterior.
“It’s an exact copy of a Greek Krater that the Boston Fine Arts Museum has on display. The original was created about 450 BC in Athens. The black figures are thought to show Amazon women fighting a monster of some sort.”
Kim studied it intently. “A griffin, perhaps.”
I shrugged. “Maybe so.”
She put it down carefully and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you. It’s perfect.”
“You’re welcome,” I mumbled against her shoulder.
Just perfect. I couldn’t help my frustration. My perfect moment was lost…again.
Chapter Seventeen
I lay in the moonlit silence of the motor home, unable to sleep. Pup was on the floor beside the bed. He was snuffling and twitching, dreaming, I suppose, of being the Alpha Male, running free with the pack. “I wish, Pup, that I could return you to the wild where you belong.”
He opened one eye and looked at me as if questioning my comment. He was content, I think, to be with me. And where it had once been just he and I … now there was PJ. He was the Alpha Male and we were his pack.
The dial on my wristwatch glowed … a dim beacon in the otherwise dark room. It was well past midnight and even though I was tired, I could not go to sleep. My mind, a confusing jumble of thoughts, kept me awake and restless.
Yesterday had been quite a day. The crew, bless them, had surprised me with an on-site birthday party. I don’t recall ever having had a birthday party, surprise or otherwise.
Usually my birthday passed without a second thought on my part. Yesterday’s party in a tent on the side of a mountain made up for all the lost years. It had affected me more than I wanted to admit.
And, PJ, that beautiful Krater. That’s a gift that would normally be reserved for that special someone … not your boss.
Despite the fact that we were closer after having survived a stormy beginning, I was still her boss, nothing more, nothing less.
Well, yes, it’s more than that, isn’t it, PJ? We’re friends.
You’ve seen me through some dark days. You’ve stood by me when I was at my most vulnerable, when I was overwhelmed by the scope of our discovery. You were there, still are, if I need you, to handle the day-to-day operations of the project.
I scrambled out of bed and pulled on my Acorns, the slipper socks I found so comfortable for padding about indoors.
It was warm enough that I didn’t need to pull on a sweatshirt. I was comfortable as is, in my faded green, sleep scrubs.
Pup yawned and stretched. “Sorry, fella,” I said, running my hand through his ruff. “Just cause I can’t sleep doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.”
When I opened the privacy drapes that covered the windshield of the motor home, the light of the full moon streamed through the glass and spilled over into the interior of my mobile headquarters. My monitor caught the moon’s reflection and glowed … a ghostly eye inviting exploration. But, I was not in an exploratory mood. I just wanted to be here now and in the moment.
Ever since we discovered the remains, I’ve been in a state of confusion, not knowing who I really was. I need to know myself again and be who I am now … in this world and in this time.
I moved mechanically to the stove and put on the teakettle then I turned to the cabinet and pulled out a mug and a box of Carnation Instant Chocolate. By the time I had split open a package of powder and found a bag of mini marshmallows, the kettle was whistling for my attention. There was something inexplicably comforting about making hot chocolate, even when it’s done the easy way, with instant ingredients.
I was aware of the fragrance of roses. Frederick’s bouquet of red roses stood on the table, a surprise gift from the man who had, by way of a grant, turned my desire to continue my search in the Superstitions into reality.
How thoughtful of you, Frederick, to remember my birthday, yet how thoughtless you are with your daughter. She needs you in her corner … you are her father after all.
I nursed the steaming mug of chocolate in a small square hot-pad and took it up front where I settled in the passenger seat, swiveling it so I could face the enormous, bulk of Superstition Mountain. It was a beautiful sight with the moonlight playing hide and seek among the mounds and gullies that dotted the mountain’s surface.
Sitting there alone in the motor home, my safe place, a home away from home, and sipping hot chocolate in the light of the moon, I was myself and in the moment. Where else would I be? Except it wasn’t enough. My mind struggled to stray while I fought to keep it confined.
I gazed at the mountain … my mind wandering. I thought about Laine and Josie camping out up there, in their favorite side canyon. They had invited PJ to join them and she had accepted. I wondered how they were doing, the three of them? Were they asleep, all snuggly rolled up in their sleeping bags or were they sitting up, talking girl talk, and sharing the light of the same moon that illuminated my space? Why was I feeling hurt because PJ hadn’t invited me to go with them?
“Come off it, Kim Blair. You know you had work to do. PJ knew it, too, and even if she hadn’t… so what?”
So I’ve finally come to this; talking to myself and feeling put out because my Assistant Director didn’t see fit to invite me for a sleep over. We had shared many nights on the mountain, so why the big deal?
Pup crawled into the small space at my feet. “You old softie, you’d be a lapdog if I’d let you,” I said, uncrossing my leg, allowing him more room.
When Pup had settled down, my thoughts turned again to PJ. I hadn’t wanted her in my life, yet she had landed there with all the delicacy of an asteroid crashing into downtown Phoenix. I chuckled to myself. Despite earlier disagreements, she had become a close friend and to some degree, a confidant.
I loved the way she stretched in the sunshine after working in the cave and how she’d run her fingers through her hair … hair the color of the sunrise on a spring morning. If I were an artist, I could capture her image in a painting that would hang on my bedroom wall where the sunlight would illuminate it by day and the moonlight at night.
Perhaps, PJ, sometime when you’re not looking, I’ll take a picture and have it enlarged and framed and put it on my bedside stand. I smiled to myself. I wonder what you’d say about that?
“Oh Pup,” I said, trying to move my foot, which was going to sleep beneath the bulk of his muscular shoulder, “what do I do
about her?”
PJ had been on my mind a lot lately and I was not happy finding myself attracted to a colleague. I had never before mixed business with pleasure. This was new for me, having a colleague for a friend, and she was that. It bothered me though, that she had witnessed my vulnerabilities. On the other hand, her friendship had gotten me through some tough days.
Although Terry had been, in some respects, a colleague in that she was a scientist, I had never worked with her, nor was I likely to … her field of expertise was different from mine.
PJ was straight and that put us on different sides of a fence that I was not about to step across.
Whatever my feelings for you, PJ, they must remain just that, very personal and private, shared with no one, except myself You must never know that I think of you in that way.
I was aware that my feelings would not make my working with her easy. If she had any idea that I thought of her in that way… This was a woman who liked men, one who would feel threatened by another woman’s attraction to her.
What the hell am I thinking about anyway? Is it that I’m frustrated?
I thought about the last time I had made love. I was still with Terry … just before our breakup, and that was what … four years ago, or five?
That’s a long time, and I’m not dead from the head down… I have my needs, but it doesn’t give me the right to be thinking of forbidden fruit. Besides, that which follows love is spelled h-u-r-t.
Pup opened one eye as if to tell me I should be in bed and asleep. “I know, my friend, she has us both by the heartstrings.” He was right, of course, about bed. I got up, rinsed my mug, and crawled back under the covers.
Despite having had a restless night, I was up early. I had not dreamed of the Amazons. In fact I had not dreamed of them at all since we discovered the first cave. I understood that the dreams were no longer necessary. Marna and Leeja and the others had shown themselves to me. They were so much more than remains. Instead of bones I saw two dark haired warrior women with olive complexions and strong bodies. And now, since the facial reconstructions, they were as familiar to me as anyone could be. Their story was, in some ways, my story.
I could not explain the fact that Marna looked so much like me or why I identified so strongly with her. Were she and I one and the same? Had we, through some quirk of time and space, come together with ourselves after centuries apart? It didn’t make any sense, but perhaps it wasn’t supposed to … yet….
One thing I was sure of was that Marna, Leeja, and the others were real. They had at one time walked upon this earth together, fought together, and more importantly, Marna and Leeja had loved each other. Their love had been so strong, so much a part of them, that they could not continue on alone. Leeja could not journey into the afterworld without Marna any more than Marna could have continued in this life without Leeja. As death overtook one, so the other followed, anointing her lover’s body with blood and holding her forever in her arms.
What must it be like, I wonder, to have a love such as that?
The glow of a new dawn was touching the shoulder of the mountain when I stepped into the shower. The warm spray felt good after a night of tossing and turning, and no real rest. I was sure though that it wouldn’t do anything for the dark circles under my eyes.
Thoughts of PJ crowded into my mind. Our momentous discovery had changed her, too, in ways I was sure she hadn’t yet shared with me.
PJ, could you have been Leeja in my past life? Do you even feel a connection to her?
I didn’t think she did, not in that way.
When I looked in the cave that first time and saw the two of them in an eternal embrace, I knew but wouldn’t admit that Marna and I were connected, and that a window had opened, bringing us together. They had caught up with me and had forced me to confront a past that I had not been aware existed.
Is that what my life-long search had been all about?
I shrugged my shoulders and moved my head in a circular and side-to-side motion, ending up with my eyes closed and my face to the spray. I could feel my knotted muscles loosening up and the stiffness evaporating. I thought about the time that PJ had massaged my back. The woman had fingers of magic. When I opened my eyes, she was there, an apparition in the steam filled cubicle.
I quickly stepped out of the now cooled shower and grabbed the towel from the rail. My image, another year older, stared back at me from the full length, closet mirror. I was in good shape for my age. Working outside agreed with me and was apparently all the exercise I needed to keep me fit. I didn’t have an ounce of fat on my body despite a not always perfect diet. I was brown as a berry from exposure to the sunshine.
I towel dried my graying hair, applied a little styling gel to tame it, and brushed it into place.
I saw PJ in the mirror …stepping out of the shower behind me and taking a soft, rose-colored towel off the rail. Her hair looked darker now that is was wet. Drops of water clung to her pert breasts … catching the morning light. Her still wet abdomen was taut. She didn’t dry herself off as I did, with a good rubdown. Instead, she caressed her body with the towel… “NO! STOP!”
I was to meet PJ, later; at her hotel … we were going to spend Thanksgiving together. How could I look her in the eye after having lost control of my thoughts like that? It wasn’t going to be easy.
I threw my towel into a corner and dressed hurriedly.
Chapter Eighteen
“I wish I’d insisted that Kim join us last night. That side canyon you two found is beautiful.”
Laine poured more hot water into my mug. I reused my teabag and added two heaping teaspoons of sugar, taking a moment to stir my tea and collect my thoughts. It was Thanksgiving morning and soon we’d scatter to our various holiday activities.
Laine, Josie and I were sprawled on the cot and camp chairs in the main tent, enjoying our breakfast. The stove in there was dependable and familiar.
Everything about this tent is familiar. The only thing missing is Kim.
Josie shook her head. “One thing we’ve learned about Kim is that you can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to and if she thinks work is more important, then that’s that.”
“Besides, PJ, you were telling us about life at Boston University.” Laine’s eyes glinted with amusement. She and Josie had regaled me with stories of college life at the University of Arizona and the dating scene on campus. Now, it was my turn.
“Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah…B.U. Beach. They called it that because you could lie down on the knoll near the road and the cars passing by would sound like the crash of the waves at the ocean. Or so Ted told me.”
“And did it?” Josie asked before biting into a crisp slice of bacon.
“I never found out. When I stretched out, he climbed on top of me and I had to wrestle my way out of his clutches. What a pig!”
The girls laughed and I joined in.
Laine finished her meal and stood to gather our dirty dishes. “Boston University doesn’t sound much different from the University of Arizona.”
“It was years ago,” I said, handing her my plate, “maybe things have changed.”
Josie looked at Laine and they giggled. “I doubt it, PJ.”
Laine nodded her agreement.
We had enjoyed our night on the mountain. I kept thinking of our leader, though, and how much I missed her company.
I should have invited her. I might have convinced her to join us, even though she said she had computer data to crunch. She works too hard. And today’s her birthday. She shouldn’t have to work on her birthday.
The girls and I had chatted about everything from Arizona’s early inhabitants to where the Lost Dutchman, Jacob Waltz, might have stashed his gold. Beside the courses they were taking at the University of Arizona, books, movies and boyfriends, I’d even managed to wrestle a few facts about Kim out of them that I hadn’t known before.
Both Laine and Josie had taken Kim’s classes as undergraduates. They were impressed
with her ability as a lecturer and her vast knowledge. Laine was especially intrigued with Kim’s expertise in the field of dendrochronology. From what they told me, Kim had been instrumental in establishing a nationally recognized facility at the university for the study of tree ring dating. My research into Kim’s background told me her dissertation had been in that field, but I had no idea she was so well known and so respected. I guess I should have realized that UA would have some good resources since A. E. Douglass was at the university when he developed the technology during the 1920’s.
Why am I surprised she never mentioned this to me? She’s full of mystery and so closed mouthed about her accomplishments.
“Sandy isn’t like that, though,” Josie said after a few moments of silent thought.
“Like what?” I’d lost the train of our discussion.
“Like Ted.” Her cheeks flushed with the intensity of her comment. “He’s not a pig.”
Ah … she’s got a crush on the cowboy. “No, he isn’t,” I assured her.
She cast a glance at Laine who was busy washing our dishes. We found dishtowels and helped with the cleanup. Josie took a few deep breaths and forged ahead with the topic as we worked. “You know, PJ, I used to be so jealous of you when you first got here. Sandy followed you everywhere.” She held my gaze, the dishtowel bunched in a tight fist. “It is over between you, isn’t it?”
“There was never really anything there to begin with, Josie. He’s a wonderful guy and I love him dearly, but not that way.”
“Really?” Laine looked over at me. “I’m surprised to hear that’s all it was. He used to watch you all the time in camp when he thought you weren’t looking. Josie tried everything to get his attention, but he had eyes for you alone.”
Josie’s cheeks still burned. She slapped Laine with the towel. “Hey, that’s enough, pal. Quit telling all my secrets.”
They gave each other playful shoves.
“Sandy and I had a talk and decided to be friends and colleagues, nothing more. It was best for both of us. So, if you want him, Josie, you have my blessings…just treat him right, hear?”
