As we approached Gilbert’s cottage, the vehicle lurched, a large creak splitting the air. The barouche tipped sideways. I screeched as I lost my grip, sliding to the side and nearly falling down to the road. Martha collided with me, her head connecting with my shoulder. The entire vehicle stopped at an angle, the side on which I sat tipping closer to the ground. The horses brayed in discontent. Martha moaned, rubbing her head with one hand.
“What happened?” Juliana asked as Luke stood, jumping down to meet the coachman by the front wheel.
“The wheel has broken.” Luke stepped away from me and pointed at the right side, where the old metal wheel had come disconnected from the rest of the vehicle. Juliana looked around frantically. It took a moment for me to recognize why—we were stopped directly in front of Gilbert’s cottage.
“Do you know how to repair it?” Juliana asked.
Luke squatted down by the broken wheel, examining the damage. “I’m afraid I have little experience with this sort of problem.” He studied the back of the wheel, lifting it up and propping it against the barouche.
Our coachman, Ellis, crouched down beside him. “I may be able to repair it.”
Juliana’s eyes darted toward Gilbert’s house, and back to Luke. Her pallor intensified when the front door of the cottage swung open.
Gilbert stopped on the front step, momentary surprise crossing his features. His gaze shifted to Juliana, hovering there for a long moment before he walked across the grass. Juliana looked as if she had seen a ghost, frozen in her place, looking more and more like a ghost herself as Gilbert approached. Panic gripped my muscles as Gilbert opened his mouth to speak, his attention directed at Juliana.
“Mr. Robins,” I blurted, stumbling down from the barouche. I tripped on my skirt, catching myself before I fell.
Luke looked up, turning around from his place by the broken wheel.
Gilbert pulled his gaze away from Juliana, his mouth firm as he noticed Luke, his eyes heavy as the realization of who he was seemed to dawn on him.
“Mr. Robins, how do you do?” I spoke quickly, hoping the urgency in my tone would stop him from speaking with Juliana, of revealing anything about their acquaintance. “It seems the wheel of our barouche has broken. I am sure you heard the noise from inside. Do you have any experience repairing broken wheels?”
“Not wheels in particular, but I believe I can help.”
“If you would be so kind as to repair it for us, our coachman Ellis would be willing to assist you. As would I.” I turned around before Gilbert could reply, regarding Luke and Martha at once. I glanced upward, relieved to find thunder clouds in the sky. Yes, I could use that to my advantage. “Oh, look! It appears a storm is on its way. We cannot have Juliana falling ill again, and we really ought to bring the horses home for shelter while the barouche is being repaired. Juliana, Luke, perhaps you could ride the horses back to Brookhaven? Martha and I will stay here with Mr. Robins and Ellis and take shelter should the rain start.” I caught my breath.
Luke stared at me from his place on the ground, his confusion even more evident.
Before I could speak again, Juliana’s voice met my ears. “I am quite afraid of riding horses, and so is Martha. We will take shelter here until Mr. Robins so kindly repairs the wheel.” She wrung her hands together, avoiding Gilbert’s gaze. She looked at Luke. “Eliza has no qualms about riding. The two of you should take the horses back to the stables. I will be fine staying here until the storm passes.”
A wave of panic overcame me. I had forgotten how frightened she and Martha were of horses. Did Juliana wish to stay and speak with Gilbert? Why else would she have chosen to stay over enduring a short ride?
She cast me a reassuring look that answered my question.
When Luke appeared hesitant, Gilbert stepped forward. “Miss Watts and Miss Martha will be quite safe here inside with my mother and sister.”
Luke stood, indicating his agreement to the plan with a nod.
My heart pinched with dread. After my attempted rescue, Juliana had just sentenced me to a ride with Luke. My palms began sweating, my legs shaking beneath me.
A flash of lightning appeared in the distance, followed by a low rumble of thunder. The dark clouds stirred, and I could see them inching toward us. Luke followed my gaze to the sky. “Are you certain you feel confident riding?” he asked me. “If the storm was not so close I would suggest we walk, but riding will be faster.”
“My father taught me to ride with and without a saddle.” It had been years since I had done it without, but my balance could not have suffered too much over the years. I would have to ride astride as well, which was not preferable.
Luke untied the horses quickly with the help of Ellis, waving me over to the black horse, Thunder, who rightfully belonged to my uncle from Spain who was unlikely to return for him. Thunder was well-trained and calm, and my fear dissipated the moment I touched his smooth coat. There were no stirrups, and no pommel to hold onto. Luke bent down, making his hands into a step. I looked at the horse’s eyes, relieved that it appeared to be relaxed despite the coming storm. I stepped into Luke’s hands, grateful for the full skirt of my mourning dress, as it only shifted slightly up my ankles when I sat astride.
Gilbert made a step with his hands for Luke, and he mounted on the tan horse beside me.
“Thank you for your help, Mr. Robins,” I said, sharing another glance with Juliana. I never would have agreed to this plan if I had not sensed that she wanted to speak with Gilbert. Perhaps she needed a last conversation with him before Luke proposed. Her strength of character showed yet again in her ability to let go gracefully. As much as I tried not to, I was still holding onto Luke, and that scared me. Avoiding him could only last so long, and so could my heart’s resolve.
I held tightly to my reins, acquiring a sense of the horse’s movement, balancing with my legs. Luke set his horse in motion, and I followed, keeping my focus on the land ahead.
Another crack of thunder split the air, bringing a slight chill. We rode for at least a minute before Luke spoke, sending a tremor through my body.
“I have never known you to be so quiet,” he said. His voice was filled with confusion, tempting me to check if his expression matched. His eyes matched the grey clouds in the sky, but were heavy with uncertainty instead of rain.
“I am concentrating.”
“I do not mean at this particular moment. You have hardly spoken to me in days. Surely you have an opinion on my progress with Juliana. I have never known you to lack an opinion.” The hurt in his voice reminded me just how wrong I had been to grow so close to him. My heart stung, the ache spreading out to my fingertips.
“My opinion is that you should propose to her soon. It has been too long. You both seem quite certain of your marriage, so why procrastinate the engagement?” I cringed at the blunt, coldness of my voice. It was the only way to defend my emotions, which hovered far too close to the surface. Our horses trod quickly over the temporarily dry ground, a pace somewhere between a walk and a trot. I didn’t dare go any faster. “I know Juliana does not have any objections. I spoke with her just yesterday.”
Luke was silent. The next crack of thunder was louder than the previous ones, vibrating the air.
“Do you have any objections?” he asked after a long moment.
I took a deep inhale of the humid air, feeling a raindrop against the top of my wrist, then my neck. “Not anymore. I know what Brookhaven means to your sisters, what it means for Martha’s future and my own. You helped me understand.”
Luke released an audible breath, one that sounded frustrated. I focused on my horse, on my balance, on each sparse droplet that made contact with my skin. Do not look at him. Do not.
“What has changed?” he asked. “You have been avoiding me. Please tell me what I did to offend you.”
“You have done nothing wrong.” My voice broke, and I tried to hide it by clearing my throat. It was not his fault that I loved him. Love was a mystery
, the same mystery I had seen in his eyes long before I fully realized what it was.
“Why then are you acting so differently?”
Luke’s persistence struck a chord of anger inside me. “I am acting as I always should have! I should never have spent so much time in your company, nor should I have spoken so freely around you. And you should have proposed to Juliana a long time ago.” I held the reins with enough force that my fingernails stabbed into my palms.
“That is not how you felt before.” Luke’s voice rose to be heard over the thunder. “If you recall, you went to great lengths to sabotage the courtship.”
“Feelings are quite capable of changing.”
“Why do you regret spending time in my company?”
I felt suffocated by his questions, by my own secrets that throbbed in my heart.
More rain fell from the sky, the droplets growing in size and weight. The quantity would soon increase, and I did not want to be caught in it. I urged my horse faster, taking up a full trot. Luke followed, not missing a stride. Brookhaven lay in the distance, appearing much smaller than I knew it to be.
Our pace was too quick for conversation, and I was grateful. We slowed as the stables came into view. The rain began falling heavily, soaking through my curls and dripping down my face. The water was warm, and I was surprised it did not evaporate off me—the heat of the conflicting emotions buried underneath my skin seemed enough to fill the air around me.
I pulled on the reins, bringing the horse to a halt in front of the stable doors. Luke dismounted quickly before striding toward me. Before I could protest, he took me by the waist, lifting me from the horse’s back and setting me firmly on the ground. His hair released droplets of water down his face, catching in his lashes. He took my hand and pulled me toward the stables, not letting go until I was just inside the doors. Then he walked back into the rain to fetch the horses.
The stables were quiet aside from the heavy rain on the roof and the few horses that stirred with anxiety. One at a time, Luke led the horses to their stalls. I found two blankets, handing them to him to drape over their wet backs. When the doors closed, stillness settled over the room. I quieted my breathing, pushing back the wet curls that had stuck to my forehead. The sound of the rain against the roof did not seem to be close to letting up.
How long would I have to stay in here with Luke and his many questions? I remained close to the corner by the door so I would have a quick escape if I decided I would rather face the rain and a potential cold.
Luke turned around, his features heavy as he looked at me. “Why do you regret spending time in my company?”
I had hoped he had forgotten about that question. How could I explain it? I shivered despite the warmth of the stables, crossing my arms. “You are asking far too many questions.”
“Please tell me.”
“It does not matter.” My voice was little more than a whisper.
Luke averted his eyes, scuffing his boot against the ground. “It matters to me.”
“Why?” I regretted asking the moment the word escaped my lips.
He walked closer, running his hand through his wet hair, releasing more droplets down his face. “Because there are times I regret it too.” His grey eyes connected with mine, appearing darker in the dimness of the stables. “I wonder if your reasons are the same as mine.”
Emotion clawed at my throat when I saw the weight in his eyes, heard the hoarseness of his voice.
“We should not speak about this.” I turned, taking hold of the handle of the door.
He stopped me, taking me by the elbow. My anger rose to my chest, hot tears burning behind my eyes. I stared at the wooden planks in front of me, listening to the pattering of the rain. I jerked my gaze toward him, and it might as well have been a whip for the reaction he had. “Let me go. Please.”
His hand loosened. “Stay until the rain stops.”
I shook my head, slipping away and pushing open the door. “It hurts too much.”
The rain fell on me in heavy sheets as I stepped outside. My feet pounded over the grass and I held my soaked skirts up with one hand as I ran. I would have to send a servant to ride back to Gilbert’s cottage to retrieve the repaired barouche and Juliana once the storm ended. I couldn’t spend another moment with Luke. There was too much at stake.
I didn’t make it far before Luke called my name. I turned around, shocked to find him running after me. I stopped on the rain soaked grass, balling my fists at my sides, as if they could defend me from him.
“Go back and propose to Juliana,” I said.
He drew closer, walking with large strides until he was right in front of me. I blinked against the rain and the tears, unsure which it was stinging in my eyes. “It doesn’t matter if she loves you. There are sacrifices that must be made. Our plan was never going to work, and there is no need to take more time trying, especially now that she has seen Gilbert again.” I cursed myself, biting my tongue.
“Gilbert? Who is Gilbert?”
There was no choice now but to explain. “Mr. Robins. Juliana was nearly engaged to him before the reading of Aunt Augusta’s will. She only agreed to the stipulations to protect Martha and me. At first I tried to stop it from happening, but her mind could never be changed. I thought I could change her heart, but that too is impossible.”
Luke scowled at the ground, the rain soaking into his hair, making it even darker. He looked up, anger flashing in his eyes. “Why did she not tell me? Why did you not tell me?”
“It was not my secret to tell! I promised her I wouldn’t, and I just broke that promise.” I drew a heavy breath as tears threatened to overwhelm me. “Juliana did not tell you because she feared you would not carry out the marriage if you knew she was in love with someone else.”
Luke took a step closer, stealing my resolve to turn and run away again. “Would she do the same if she knew I was in love with someone else?”
By the way his gaze swept over my face with adoration, I could only guess that someone was me. The shock of his words pounded against my heart, igniting it with hope, but it was quickly stamped out by reality. Luke’s eyebrows drew together, vulnerable and honest. He touched my face, his fingers warm against my skin. “I have thought about a new plan. My sisters adore you. They will be happy to welcome you into our home, wherever it may be. We could move to a new town where I will have more work. The loss of Brookhaven will be a disappointment, but not so much that they cannot recover from it.”
I knew one sister that did not adore me, and her loss of Brookhaven would be a devastation. She would hate me forever. And where would Martha go? I could not take her future opportunities away, I would feel guilty forever. I stood perfectly still, too afraid to move or to speak.
“Would you be happy with me?” His eyes bore into mine.
I could not lie to him. “Yes,” I breathed, holding back the sob that shook my torso. “But I can learn to be happy without you too. It is a choice.”
“And my sisters and yours can learn to be happy without Brookhaven.”
I had never been more tempted, nor more conflicted. Isn’t this what I had wanted? Juliana could have Gilbert. I wanted Luke—but I could not rid myself of the weight of the responsibility I felt for the others involved. How could I trade in their desires for my own?
“We cannot be selfish, Luke.” Tears fell down my cheeks and onto his hand; he might have mistaken them for rain. I stepped back, pulling away from him. “Juliana has taught me that. You taught me that.”
He caught me by the wrist as I tried to walk away, pulling me back to him. His chest rose and fell with a deep breath. First his eyes fell to my mouth, then his lips as he took my face carefully between his hands. His mouth brushed over mine, as if testing my strength to stop him. Every conscious thought told me to push him away, but I lacked the ability.
He kissed me harder, and my lips parted in a gasp, a sigh, giving him every opportunity to deepen the kiss. He buried his fingers in my hair. His
lips tasted of rain and longing, even the salt from my tears. I kissed him with abandon, pulling on the fabric of his jacket, forgetting just how wrong this was—just how careless. If I did not remember soon, then I might have kissed Luke until the rain stopped. Or even forever.
When at last the kiss slowed, he leaned his forehead to mine.
My hands rested on his chest, where his heart beat against my palms, steady and quick. “Why did you do that?” I whispered.
He drew back to look at my eyes. “I wanted to be selfish, if only for a moment.” His fingers traced my cheek before he stepped away, turning back toward the stables.
I watched him go, fighting the urge to follow him. How could he marry Juliana now? How could he expect me to live under his care, seeing him daily, after leaving me with a memory of that kiss? It was not only selfish, it was cruel.
I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling much colder now that he was gone. I was soaked to the bone, but I didn’t leave until Luke was inside the stables. My chest felt hollow as I ran toward the back entrance of Brookhaven, uncertainty nipping at my heels.
Happiness could be a choice and so could love. But to stop loving someone—there was no choice in that. In all of the scheming between Luke and me that had occurred this summer, love had been the most clever and the most determined.
Love, it seemed, had outwitted us both.
Chapter 22
I felt better once I changed into a clean, dry dress. I sat in front of the fireplace, watching the flames as they flickered and jumped, casting shadows about the room. Although my eyelids drooped, I didn’t dare take a nap. Juliana and Martha hadn’t yet returned.
My ears piqued when I heard the front door, and I stood, hurrying out of my room and down the stairs. “Juliana?” I stopped halfway down. She stood at the bottom of the stairs, nose twitching and chin quivering. Martha stood several feet behind her, and I could tell by her downtrodden expression that something was wrong with our sister.
I rushed down to the bottom, and my feet touched the floor just as the tears began falling down Juliana’s face. I wrapped her up in an embrace. Her face buried into my shoulder as she cried. Her small frame shook. “I didn’t think it would be this hard,” she whispered. Her broken voice made my heart sting, and I held her tighter.
An Unwelcome Suitor (Entangled Inheritance Book 4) Page 19
