The closest I have ever come to something special
And nothing at all
Simultaneously
He doesn’t know how to love me.
I don’t know how to hate him.
Conundrum
The saying of the very word love
Is rare
And loving him with my eyes closed
And my mouth shut
Is the only way to love him
Unconditionally
More him now than I am
More lost now than found
Gone
I am the victim of a common, yet fatal mistake
A man never changes
Only the seasons
The Chase
I have been chasing a mirage
I have been living a lie
Believing lies
And closing my eyes
I dreamed a host of dreams
And sent a million prayers up to heaven
I have wanted
And then the ending here
Has left me wanting
Oh, he’s a wild a thing
Not mine
Not yours
Not anyone’s
He’s wild you see
Like wild flowers
Springing up all over the place
Never where you want them
Never when you want them
He’s wild with a devilish smile
That lights up the night
Shackles, chains, ropes
Tie me down. Strap me down.
Break them down, these walls, piece by piece
Free me. Free me.
Slave of my thoughts
Prisoner of my mind
Free me. Free me.
I am bound.
I am strapped down.
Oh, liberty shine down on me
Set me free
Set me free
A Lover’s Poem
Sweet perspirations as I
Dream of a love so dear
Love and joy inside—bursting into fantasies
Caressing my slumber
No more lustful desire
Of body to body expiration
Here in my thoughts, I am
In love forever
He is never gone
He is never wrong
And in his eyes I live and live
And I give into him because it is right
We are ever and everything
Young Love
Dreamless wanderers are they
Aimless without an understanding
Hopeless hand in hand
Reaching no where
Never questioning the darkness which they roam
No words or thoughts of their own
No Sight. No Light.
Joyful mad hatters they are
Sitting at the table of the disturbed
Drinking tea with the deaf
Dancing with the blind
Vagabonds in King’s robes
Threads like shackles-shackles-shackles-
-Clank-Clank-
Jewels drip like iron chains
Homeless captives with cancerous desires
No one knows they’re dying
No care they’re here as humans
No one leaves the darkness
No one knows ---it’s her
Sob Story—For my dear friend
Trained to be his whore
And live no more
Have his baby, love you maybe
Pray him to live
Wait for him to die
Quick, dirty, bloody money
Hand to mouth
Hand to mouth
Share him with another woman
Learn the trade well
Not a wife—but a wifey—ha!
Like a knock-off purse, desperately close to the real thing
But not really--WHY? Exactly?
Ride the bus to see him
--Life like a conjugal visit—just enough to get off
Hold ‘em down, Hustle. Wait.
Sell the car for bail money—put up the house
Have another baby, love you maybe
Tats on his arm Tats on his back New Bling New Grill
Hit ‘em on his cell, run by his house
Scream. Yell. Curse. Fight. Shout.
Now she’s having his baby,
Love her, Love you
Maybe
Suicide
I am the walking wounded
The slumber-less child of a not so clear destiny
Carrying my body like a heavy load
A Short Conversation
I told him how conflicted I was
I told him that I needed to get away
He just smiled and said
That even if you moved to another country, you would still be in a room with yourself
Still conflicted
Maybe I need a love, I said
. . . .Maybe you need to love yourself
For Books
As the agony ascended
Fresh fear arose
At least it was abundantly clear
The purpose of his prose
Soundless. Surreal.
Speechless, I was—
Leaning in to hear more—terror, love. Sorrows
The silent, sickening, stillness
Clinched cleverly the air
Barring us from breathing
Before the burning, scorched us bare
A pulsing passion pushed me to read more
Runaway
I have a foolish heart
That doesn’t like to return home
Little heart runs through mazes
Sometimes brings other hearts back
Home?
Yes, my heart tries to make them stay
Listen little stupid heart
It will not.
Nerdy talk
Let me move you with my mind
And my body will follow
Stimulate you with intellectual words over artistic vision, between heavy breathing
--before—and after
Tantalizing and surprising you with climaxes carefully articulated in multiple verbs and adjectives
In hot repetition
Watch me work this pencil-ha!
Let me move your mind and my body will follow
Ensnare you with my chemistry—a scientific ministry of NaCl and H2O
Making a bodies glow—glow—glow---shine
Your work and my force could make this bed move a long distance over time
Let me move you with my mind and my body will follow
One plus one is two---you me—you me—you me—you me
A Fatherless Child Pt. 1
Who are you?
Tall, dark man who never touched me
Where did you find me?
You made me just as a child makes a sand castle
Yet I did not wash away, when you left the beach
Did love stir inside you?
Did you feel me come into being?
My love is lost for you now
It went looking years ago, and never returned
I don’t think love found what it was looking for
Stranger, your shadow has walked with me
Haunting, deep darkness that creeps into me
Who are you?
I have never met you-really
Just seen you in some memories
Your voice shouts through a vacuum
Lost to me
You made me deaf to your kind of love; I do not know its sound
Philanderer, you just wonder through me
Yes, you meander through my heart and swim through my tears
I absorb you again
Who are you?
.
And it was…
And it was more like hate than love
I am a fake
I am a fraud
His words that cut through me
Like hot steel blades
All my hopes a
nd all my dreams
He scooped them up
And placed them in the furnace
My love, not his love
And all my sacrifices now meaningless
And all my patience for him seeped away
And my most precious thoughts of love everlasting
Scattered to the winds
And then the numbness, rolled up my legs, up the curve
Of my belly, over the rise of my breast
And strangely tickled up my chin
Crawled into my throat
And then I slipped away
Back to a place where I still loved him
Losing it
My mind not mine
Not mine anymore
Windows not windows
Nor are doors still doors
I may not exist
Anymore, anymore
Me not me anymore
Feet not to the floor, hand not to the door
Damaged to the core
Me not me
Anymore
Waters not on the shore
Almost and never more
Ripped. Ravaged. Torn.
Until there is no me---anymore
Speak
I want to try again
I want to be very clear this time
I want you to see me
I think in the past I have been invisible, I’ve been a shadow
But now I’m bigger than that, louder than a train
Trying is for people that cannot do it… I am not one of those
I am not who you think I am
I’m just a child
Of the wind, of the water, of the fire, of the storm, of the times
Give me a dream and stand me in the corner
My nose touches the wall, but my eyes touch a journey
I am better than most
I am worse than some
But I will do it and do it and do it until it is done
I am not who you think I am
Or what you have made me out to be
I am a destiny--a future
I am everything between now and memory
I am everyone who emerged from the cradled crevice of Eve’s thighs, all of those who lamented Isis’ tears
Whose blood colored the water of the Atlantic, the Mississippi, the pavement of Selma, the Yazoo clay, the streets of Harlem, and of Brooklyn, and Chicago
Yes, I am the condensation of the breath that wrapped around a glass hope of falseness in the allies of D.C and the money colored death of syringes in Baltimore
Luckily lucid some remain, those who encounter me and live are survivors of themselves
Apathy thrives between the ears of those
who wish to out-live me, but unconsciously they worship my
ability to absolve their responsibility
They dare not call me by name
Without surprise, just slow realization
Let me seep into your soul and tell you how much it’s worth
I am not who you think I am
I think in the past, I have been invisible
I have been a shadow
Always there, always dark
Black. Woman. Me.
I’ve got soul and spirit
Riveting through me like an African drum
And hums, old slave spirituals
Of lyrical dynamics
On hammocks of peace
I cease to hear the noise of confused girls
And insane boys
What joys I can find, just hearing my mind
Sing its enlightening tune
Like spring rain brings May blooms
Slightly tainted by the world’s viscous crimson
Forget about heartache, headache, and pain
Slain and stained dreams and schemes
Ruined by the mean torments of life
These are the moments I will celebrate and commemorate
By honoring my heart and never part from my hopes
I will thrive because I believe and conceive only things
That will bring me–Great Emancipation
I am vigor
I am determination
No one dares steal my perseverance
My clearance---- I am Woman
I don’t play that game of shame and misplaced bullets of blame
No ma’am, I am
More than whom society planned for me
Slave girls fantasized about my opportunities
I am a traveler and gatherer of diverse studies
My buddies are inspiration and motivation
They keep me moving and grooving
Leaving behind the times my mind couldn’t operate
I obliterate demeaning circumstances and cultivate my advances into realistic things
I am a Queen
And the Mandingo warriors
Worship my passionate aura
And the Ivory Coast boasts of my regal black soul
I know where I’m going
I know where my people have been
The long road behind me
And the hardest road ahead
But instead of buckling under the fold
I will keep the struggle
Marching, marching, marching on . . . . . . .. .
Teach Me
Let me hear the rumble of drums
Tapping into the wells of my soul
Inviting the ocean’s mighty roar
Into the doors of my mind
Let me find
A calling, falling in and out
Of new dreams
It seems everyday is a new venue
Springing bright lights in my head
I dread the darkness, dark nights
Putting up fruitless fights
I want to be in flight
Where I can soar to great lengths
Armed with virtuous strengths
Help me appease the yearning
Burning in the furnace of my heart
Give me a head start
Some humanity, some sanity
Not vanity that will profit me none
Show me the sun
Enlighten my spirit
Build my perseverance
Guide my steps in the way of the wise
Make me reach for the skies
Let me shout and be proud
Help my echoes resound
Comfort me when I’m down
Prevent me running
Point out my shortcomings
Criticize me without cutting me down
Mold my character firm and round
Teach me. Teach me.
Teach me.
Corners
Far from the corners of our world
People are living
Unbroken Un-Black
Not ever knowing the affliction of inescapable complexes
Or victims of there hated reflections
Prisoners of a tormented complexion
Oh yes, I know that somewhere
Far from these corners
People are living
People are breathing
With purpose, with dreams, with drive
Not on these corners
Not on these blocks
Stifled with the choking venomous scent of young blood
And the rancid smell of bludgeoned dreams
These corners are not for living
They are only for dying
Change—ally or enemy
Time will tell
Hmmm…what is that smelly stench?
That rises up into our nostrils?
Cuts, blood running
Time heals all wounds
Change your life
Change the way think
Blame slows you down
An enemy of all
Blame kills, falsely accuses
With change comes a renewal
Un-chain your mind
Time flies so say a prayer
Let seasons change
Time wa
its for no man
The Academic
He can’t think outside the box
He finds a box to put you in it
That is not an intellectual
That’s what you call an academic
The Playground
We are children with many fears
Some of us chase down our nightmares with guns and bombs
Others crawl up in corners with pacifiers
We whimper, we weep, we hide
We seek—answers to prayers
Immortality in fire and air
And prescribed slumber
We are children bantering, bickering, bullying
Terrorizing each other
We live for-profit lives, we tell for-profit lies
Gain nothing, give nothing
Some of us sleep forever
and we are…
and we are in these times
these perilous
treacherous times
intellect in effect
is nothing more than a
public defect
we’re officially
all flesh
Out
We are out!
Out of our minds, out of ourselves
out of our element
We are out!
Out of sugar cane fields, out of tobacco tides, out of cotton fields
out of planks of boards called quarters
out of our own........We are out!
Out of Africa, out of boats, out of deaths, out of life
We are out!
Out of luck, out of love
out of graves, out of hospital beds
out of crack houses, out of whore houses
out of our minds!!
We are out . . . . out. . .out. . . .out
Wild and out . . . .not stopping
or stumbling or wondering -----Why?
We Are Out. .
Contradictions
We the people…
We the people don’t trust the government
We don’t talk white
We don’t Tom around
We the people…be steady mobbin’
Love.Speak.Easy. Page 2