by Regan Black
“Uh-huh.” She crossed her arms, reflexively preventing her heart from leaping into his hands. “Do you always lie to yourself?”
“Hang on.” He scowled at her. “I’m not lying to anyone. Being with me isn’t a smart move. It would be fun, unforgettable, no doubt. But I don’t buy into the whole family dynamic. You do. I—I’m more like your ex.”
Please. He could toss out all the excuses he wanted; she’d seen his reaction when she told him about Roderick’s response to her pregnancy. “You think having a baby ruined my body?”
“What?” His gaze raked over her, leaving her feeling scalded. “Hell no.”
“Then you’re nothing like my ex.” She recognized fear and uncertainty, having seen it often enough in the mirror lately. “I didn’t ask you for a ring or even a promise, Jarvis.” She had no idea how she was keeping her cool. “To be blunt, I’m attracted to you. I’m woman enough to say I’d like to follow that attraction to its logical conclusion. Just healthy sex, no strings.”
He didn’t need to know her emotions were surging all over the place. That was her problem, her responsibility. She could keep her mushy feelings well away from the need blazing between them. It was entirely possible this blaze would burn that emotion to cinders, anyway.
“That sounds cold.” He stalked over to the door but didn’t leave. On an oath, he turned back and she saw his arousal straining against the fly of his jeans. There was nothing emotional about her response to that view. Her mouth watered and heat pooled between her thighs.
“You wanted poetry?” she asked. “Being coy has never been my strong suit.”
“I’m just a messed-up cowboy.” He pushed a hand through his hair. “You’re a model.”
“I’m a woman. If you’re messed up, I’m a wreck,” she said. “But I’m honest. I want you.”
“You deserve the best, Mia.” He sounded so sincere. “You deserve rings and promises from a man who believes family is a functional institution.”
The pain underscoring his words was like a knife in her chest. “What do you mean?”
“I barely remember what a healthy family looks like. The three of us were dumped on an aunt who was forced to step up because that’s what ‘family’ does. She didn’t want to call us hers any more than Payne Colton wants to claim us. Family is obligation and responsibility and I can’t—I can’t give you that.”
“Jarvis. Whatever you’re thinking, stop and hear me.” She took a cautious step closer. “When you kiss me, I feel like me again. When you touch me, I don’t feel afraid or frumpy. That’s a gift, a treasure. And right now, that’s plenty. It’s probably all I can handle. I’m not going to fall in love over a kiss and demand an exclusive, permanent relationship.”
She was fairly sure that was a lie. She had the sense that Jarvis would be easy to love, either on the rebound or for forever. Thank goodness she’d learned to control her facial expressions during her modeling career.
He dropped his head back, staring at the ceiling. “I didn’t mean to insult you or overreact or whatever the hell it is I’m doing.”
She moved around the table and pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “Stay if you want. I won’t attack you in your sleep.”
“Same.”
She heard his boots against the floor as he walked away from the door. “I feel weird kissing you, knowing I’m going out with Selina in a few days.”
That admission might be closer to the real issue, but she sensed there was more, something twisted up with his pessimistic views about family. She hadn’t expected dating as a single mother to be easy. Hadn’t anticipated that she would be this intensely attracted to any man so soon. Maybe Jarvis could help her more by giving her a reality check about her hopes for her future.
“Not that it means anything.” He slid into a chair at the table. “She was very clear that my only purpose is to look good and be into her, so she can make Regina jealous. As if I’d be tempted to stick around.” His nose wrinkled and his lip curled as if he’d tasted something sour.
Mia laughed at his absurd expression and the baby jerked in his sleep but relaxed again. She sat opposite him, doing her best not to stare. “Your charm and flirtation skills must be off the charts.”
“I have my strengths.” He winked and her belly quivered.
“You do,” she agreed. It was a challenge to sit and talk when only minutes ago he had her body throbbing and speechless, but this seemed to be what he needed. And she wasn’t ready to be alone.
“Being around Selina is like trying to walk a rattlesnake.” His amusement turned somber. “There’s a woman who made the right choice by not having kids.”
“It must have been terrifying for you when your parents died,” she murmured. “I’m sorry.” She stretched out a hand, offering comfort without pushing it on him.
He lifted his gaze, his dark eyes shaded by his furrowed brow. “I don’t remember anyone saying that,” he said. He touched his fingers to hers. “I’m sure they did. They must have?”
“Probably,” she said. “I remember hearing it. I can’t imagine how you and your brother and sister suffered. My world wasn’t ripped apart like yours. I still had Dad. I didn’t have to move.” She laced her fingers through his. “Losing someone you love is always devastating, no matter when it happens. I wasn’t sure Dad would ever smile again after Mom died. There was an invisible cloud that followed me around everywhere, a shroud over everything. Sunlight, bright colors, flavors and feelings, all of it was dim for a long time. Grief takes time to wade through and the effects linger.”
She hoped not forever. Jarvis was too good a person to spend his life afraid of living deeply and completely. She understood abandonment, even if her experiences differed from his. Her dad had essentially walked away from her, withdrawing his support and confidence in her. At the first curveball, her husband had chosen his idea of the perfect couple over adapting along with her and becoming a family.
“My brother and sister are moving on,” Jarvis said. “It’s good. They’ll both be married soon.” He withdrew his hand, leaning back in the chair. “Probably with kids.”
“And you’ll be the cowboy uncle.”
“Absolutely.” A hint of a grin tilted his mouth. “All of the fun, none of the pressure. The traditional path isn’t the right fit for me.”
“Isn’t searching for proof of Isaiah’s stories a way of moving on?” she pressed. She refused to mention that kissing her could qualify, too.
“The search started as a weird way to connect with our past and, if Isaiah’s information is right, the result might be a better future for the three of us.”
She sipped her water. “In my book that sounds like a man who knows exactly how to value, work for and honor his family.”
He shrugged off the compliment. “At this point, I think I’m just too stubborn to quit.”
“Stubborn doesn’t have to be a weakness. Being willing to fight and adapt is also a good family trait. Your list of strengths is getting longer.”
“Stop it,” he said without any real heat.
“Why?” She turned the ring on her thumb. “Families are as different as the people who make them up. I had family with Mom and Dad. I had a family of friends in college. Now, with Silas, I have a new family. Just because it doesn’t resemble some gooey holiday commercial doesn’t make it less valid.”
“I hear you, Mia. But I just can’t give anyone that much power to hurt me again. I’ve dealt with enough pain for one lifetime. And the flip side is I don’t want to risk hurting anyone, either. Not the way I was hurt as a kid.”
Her heart ached for him, for cutting himself off from the world. Loneliness was a pain unto itself. She wished she could make him see that. Taking a deep breath, she gave him her award-winning smile. “That’s understandable. Trust me when I say I’m not looking forward to the moments when Sil
as and I hurt each other. Life won’t be perfect. One of us already shows signs of a strong and unquenchable temper.”
Jarvis laughed. “At least one of you.”
She ignored the jab. “You’re talking to a woman who’s cleared her own path more than once. Going it alone is exhausting,” she admitted. “Without you, I probably would’ve given in to Regina or flat-out run away and changed my name by now.”
“Not likely, with your famously beautiful face.”
She soaked up the sweet words, the heat in his eyes as he said them. “I can do wonders with makeup,” she teased. “Yes, the person you love most is also the person who can hurt you the deepest. I still want to have love in my life.”
“After what happened with your husband, I’d think you’d be done taking those chances.”
“I’m not. The fact that it was easy to walk away from Roderick only confirmed that what we had wasn’t as deep as it should’ve been. And when I said that, I was actually thinking of my dad.”
“The man who put his new wife ahead of his daughter.” He shook his head. “Doesn’t that prove the wisdom of keeping part of yourself protected from that kind of rejection?”
She wondered if he heard the brokenhearted little boy in his voice. “At the risk of sounding like a shrink, I’ll remind you that the loss of your parents when you were so young had a lasting impact. Compounding that when you lost your aunt—”
He shoved roughly to his feet, the chair scraping across the plank floor. “Her death wasn’t the same at all.”
“The same or different, it was another loss,” she soothed.
“More like a burden lifted.” He scrubbed at his face. “She didn’t want us, we didn’t want to be with her. More family dysfunction.” He sighed. “How did we get on this topic, anyway?”
“You stopped kissing me.”
“Well, call me a fool,” he said with a wry grin.
“I’m not asking for more than you want to give,” she reminded him. “I’m only suggesting you allow yourself to think about what you need to take.”
“From you?”
She rolled her eyes. “From anyone, Jarvis. You’re a good man. One of the best men I’ve met. You said all that about what I deserve, but you deserve happiness, too. Peace. Family. Love. However, you choose to define any of those things.”
“Right.” He grabbed his hat. “I’ll be back tomorrow. Text me if something comes up or you’re low on anything.”
“I will. Thanks.” It took every ounce of willpower to stay in her chair, to keep her mouth shut.
He paused, the door halfway open. “I’m not angry.”
“Me, neither.” Halfway in love with a man who didn’t believe in the concept, but not angry. “See you tomorrow.”
With a curt nod, he was gone. A moment later the truck engine rumbled and faded as he drove away. Obviously, she’d said too much. She didn’t regret it and wouldn’t retract a word. The world needed more good men like Jarvis, and he needed more good from the world.
Chapter 7
The intense conversation with Mia simmered in the back of Jarvis’s mind for days. He’d been annoyed as hell that first night. Had even considered not going back. Couldn’t do it. She needed someone keeping an eye out for her, even in the updated bunkhouse. It wasn’t safe for her to go into town, not while Regina still held so much leverage.
So he manned up and went back day after day, determined to keep his distance physically and emotionally. It wasn’t easy; the woman left him wanting, but he managed. They found a routine and kept conversations on the lighter end of the spectrum or locked onto his search pattern. There were more kisses, yet by some tacit agreement they kept those lighter, too. He made sure she had what she needed, including a few minutes to herself every time he stopped by.
Still, her challenge haunted him, forced him to think about things he’d always pushed down or ignored. How did he define happiness? He was completely at peace and content with his opinions on family and love and his future role as the fun-loving uncle. But happiness? That should probably involve more than a career, more than time with his siblings.
Spencer and Bella were happier with their newfound soul mates than he’d ever seen them. After all they’d lost, that kind of leap into commitment and love seemed like too big a risk. One of them had to stay sane and logical. If he was okay as the family backstop, why did it matter what Mia thought about his choices?
He was still searching for a good answer for that.
He did enjoy spending time with her son far more than he wanted to admit even to himself. He wouldn’t call himself attached; he was just more curious about how the baby soaked up the sights, sounds and smells each day. Jarvis had come by on his horse one afternoon and he swore the little guy smiled when Mia guided his tiny hand through the mane.
All of those relaxed and easy moments made tonight more difficult. Putting on a suit and heading out to a party with a different woman felt all kinds of wrong. Selina and Mia might run in the same social circles, but they were on opposite ends of the personality scale, in Jarvis’s opinion. Selina was cold and sleek and calculating, and Mia was everything warm and kind and beautiful. Both women had tremendous strength, but he preferred Mia’s easygoing glow over Selina’s sharp edges and pushy manner.
He couldn’t accurately term the time he spent with Mia as dating, but it was definitely more fun than the myriad roles he had to play tonight. Spying for Asher. Bolstering Selina’s pride. Assessing Norton’s health for Mia. Not to mention the variations on those themes that included giving Norton a message or finding something incriminating on Regina. He didn’t want to let Asher or Mia down, and disappointing Selina would backfire in the worst way on the ranch.
Per Selina’s last text message, he parked behind her house so the ranch truck wouldn’t mar her home’s perfect curb appeal or alter the impression that someone wealthy was escorting her to Regina’s event. Smoothing his tie and checking his cuff links, he strolled up the walkway, admiring the flawless landscaping the ranch crew maintained for her. He rang the bell and waited, trying not to wish the evening over before it began.
Selina opened the door and he was momentarily struck mute. Her dress hugged her body like a second gleaming skin. Gold sparkled in the black fabric, catching the light and winking in and out as she moved. Gold bangles slithered up and down her wrist as she invited him in.
“You look great,” he said, choosing a bland compliment.
Her gaze narrowed. “My, my.” She walked a circle around him and he sympathized with a fresh side of beef in a butcher shop. “You do clean up nicely, cowboy.”
“Thanks.” He gave her a slower appraisal this time, adding enough heat until her eyes twinkled.
“That’s what I’m after,” she said with a sassy giggle.
He had to admit she was an attractive woman, even if she wasn’t his type. Thanks to Mia, he found himself wondering if Selina believed in family. Probably not, considering she might have cheated on Payne, clearly resented his kids and had carved out a chunk of his estate for herself in the divorce.
“This is going to be epic.”
“I’m glad you approve.” He knew she believed his sole purpose this evening was to send Regina into a fit of jealousy. He’d play his part, hopeful that an “epic” distraction would be enough for her to slip up about the situation with Mia.
“We’ll be the talk of the party.” She tossed him a set of keys. “You aren’t going to wimp out over a little gossip, are you?”
He smiled. “It’ll be a pleasure.”
She sucked in a tiny breath and petted his shoulder. “Keep that up and you might get to hang around more often.”
He guided her fingers down to curl around his elbow and escorted her out to the sleek sports car waiting in her driveway. “I didn’t know you had a Jaguar.”
“One more perk of bein
g a Colton ex-wife,” she said, her tone low and sly. “Coma or not, Payne will never say no to me.”
After opening the door and helping her into the passenger seat, he rounded the hood and sank into the supple leather upholstery. He rested his hands on the steering wheel, admiring the gleaming walnut accents, before adjusting the seat and mirrors to suit him.
Selina snickered. “When we get to the party, can you aim a little of that passionate infatuation my way?” She put the address into the car’s navigation app and sat back again.
“I promise.” He glanced over. “When I was in college, we used to daydream about status cars. Some of the guys went out and took test drives.”
“Not you?”
“Not me.” While the test drives motivated others, Jarvis knew that getting a taste of what he couldn’t yet afford would’ve only frustrated him. “I had plenty of time for that once the money was in the bank to back it up.”
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot you put yourself through college and landed a real job before you signed on here,” she said. “Are you really thrilled about riding a horse these days instead of driving a Jaguar?”
A few weeks ago, he might have bristled or felt defensive at the sly dig. After finding Mia and especially after their talk, he chose to take the comment at face value. “They’re both temperamental,” he joked. “Turns out the ranch is an excellent fit for me. I get to drive a horse and a Jag.”
“Just for tonight,” she reminded him, coolly. Her perfectly manicured nails dug into the small purse on her lap. “Listen. Even if Payne survives, I’m sure he won’t ever admit that your tenacity and independence impressed him.”
That hit harder than the reminders that they were from two different worlds. “I don’t know why.” He cleared his throat. “We were just three orphans who coincidentally shared his last name and hometown.”
Selina scoffed. “Whatever he says, I think he’s always been impressed by you.”
