by J. P. Grider
As he took a swig right from the bottle, Lorraine walked in with her wrapped-up hand and started running cold tap water over it. Noah could hear her nose filled with tears as she sniffed them back into her head. She needed a tissue. Noah ran his hand through his hair, and while he contemplated whether to get up and get her one, Norah walked in with the brown paper bag full of glass. “She knocked all six of them over,” Norah said as the vacuum sounded in the other room.
“Six?”
“Wine glasses. I think her hands were shaking when she went to grab them out of the breakfront.”
“Breakfront?”
“That’s what Mimi called it when she asked Rainy to get the glasses.”
“It’s a china cabinet,” Lorraine said after she turned off the water. “Mimi calls it a breakfront. I don’t know why.”
Noah nodded. “How’s your hand?”
“Fine.” Lorraine took a roll of paper towels and started wrapping her hand again.
“You don’t have bandages?” he asked.
“Yeah. I don’t need them yet.” She sat down at the table and looked at Noah and Norah. “This is crazy.”
Noah didn’t know to what she was referring exactly, but she was right—this was crazy. How was it right that one family could lose so many parents in their lifetime? He looked at his baby sister, who only lost her own mother four years ago, and now lost her father and her new step-mom, who, from what Noah could tell, was good to Norah. How the hell was life fair? This is why Noah liked to shut down his emotions and just live day to day without thinking about things too deeply. When those kind of thoughts creeped in, he shoved them back down. No way was he having a breakdown like he did when he was fifteen.
“Were your hands shaking, Rainy?” Norah asked.
“I guess. I was just trying to get all six down at once. It was stupid.” Lorraine still needed a tissue.
Noah got up, went into the bathroom, and took the roll of toilet paper off the holder. “Here.” He plopped it down in front of Lorraine. “Blow your nose.”
She unraveled the paper with her good hand, while using her elbow of the injured hand to hold down the roll. While Lorraine blew her nose, Noah looked at his sister, who was staring right into Noah’s eyes.
“You’re not okay,” she whispered.
Noah turned his head and ignored her, paying attention, instead, to Lorraine’s face. She was focused on her wrapped-up hand, pressing into the covered wound with her thumb. “Tylenol will help ease the pain a little,” he told her. “Where is it?”
“The shelf behind the washing machine.”
When Noah went to retrieve the Tylenol, he saw the package of bandages and grabbed them too. He put them next to Lorraine, and took a bottle of water from the refrigerator.
“How’s your hand, Rainy?” Lorraine’s grandmother rolled the vacuum through the kitchen and put it in the closet.
“It’s fine. When do we leave?”
“About ten minutes. Will you go get your brother, please, Norah?”
“I’m right here,” Noah told her.
“I meant Carter.”
“Carter’s not her brother, Mrs—”
“Noah, please, we’re all family. And call me Mimi.”
Right. We’re all family.
And he was having impure thoughts about one of his new family members.
CHAPTER TEN
Lorraine sat on the couch in the back of the room, as far away from the caskets as she could be. She hadn’t yet taken a close look at her mother. That would take courage. Mimi was up front greeting everyone the whole time, but near the end, she came to check on her granddaughter. “Come on, Rainy. I’ll go with you.”
Lorraine shook her head. “Not yet.”
“It’s almost the end of the first session. Come on.”
Not budging from the seat, Lorraine asked, “Where’s Grandpa? I thought he was coming.”
“He is. His flight comes in at five. He has a car picking him up at the airport. He had to take care of the condo and stuff, since it’ll be empty for a while.”
“Empty?”
“Grandpa and I are going to live with you for a while.”
Lorraine was relieved. “Thank God,” she whispered.
Mimi squeezed Lorraine’s knee. “Your mother left you kids to me in her will, and Norah's father left Norah to Tatum if something happened to him, so it makes sense for your grandfather and me to move into your house.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Don't worry. That’s why Grandpa is making arrangements.” Mimi patted Lorraine's knee. “Come on now. Let’s go see your mother.”
Lorraine did not want to see her mother. Not like this. She wanted to remember her the way she was when she was alive, not lying lifeless in a casket in a funeral home. “I really don’t want—”
“Rainy. Come on. Carter did it.”
Lorraine did notice Carter standing at the casket earlier. He stood there almost as still as his mother was lying in the casket. “Where is he now?”
“I don’t know.” Mimi took Lorraine’s hand and walked with her up to the caskets.
Lorraine stopped in front of Brick’s casket first. Her grandmother didn’t protest, but she did let go of Lorraine’s hand and back away. At least her mother and Brick were together. They could comfort each other, she thought as she looked at Brick, but it was getting difficult for Lorraine to breathe. She’d look at Brick and then side-eye her mother. She knew she had to do it, but how? Breathe, Lorraine. Breathe. One side-step to the right, and then she stopped. Inhale, exhale. Inhale. Exhale. If Lorraine didn’t remind herself how to breathe, she’d run out of air. She tried to take another side-step to the right, but before she did, a hand took hers. It wasn’t her grandmother’s; it was too large and not very soft. Noah. He didn’t say a word. He pulled her to the right with a gentle tug and brought her to her mother. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Her heart was pounding, her chest was tight, and it was getting even harder to breathe.
Still holding her hand, Noah took a step forward and knelt on the bench in front of them. Lorraine had no choice but to do the same; he was still holding on to her hand. Noah remained quiet as he exchanged one of his hands for the other, never disconnecting from Lorraine’s. With his right hand now in Lorraine’s, his left hand was free to run slowly up and down her back, a tender touch of encouragement. Lorraine didn’t know why, but this last gesture caused her heart to stop, her breath to halt, and her tears to gush. With her free hand, she covered her mouth as she let out what sounded like a grunt and a yelp.
“Breathe, Lorraine,” Noah whispered right into her ear. “Breathe.”
She wiped at her wet face, then reached out her arm to touch her mother. Her fingers lingered just above her mother’s shoulder, but she couldn’t bring herself to actually touch. The mint blouse. She should have picked the coral one. Maybe she wouldn’t look so pale. More of Lorraine’s tears leaked from her eyes. Noah’s hand was still on her back, and she could feel its heat through to her chest. “How am I going to live without you, Mom?” she whispered. “What am I supposed to do?” Her fingers never actually touching her mother, Lorraine brought her hand back to her face and wiped at the wetness again. “Please don’t leave me, Mom. Please come back. Please. Please come back, Mama,” she barely uttered out loud. She dropped her head onto the wooden stand and sobbed. Noah’s hand came up on her shoulder, while his other hand squeezed hers. She was sobbing so hard that it hurt in her belly. Noah let go of her hand and placed two fingers beneath her chin to raise her head, and without hesitation, Lorraine leaned into Noah and cried into his chest. It hurt so badly that her body felt paralyzed, yet all she wanted to do was scream and run and disappear into thin air. She couldn’t be here anymore. Lorraine didn’t know how to move on from here. The next minute scared her, never mind the next week, or month, or year. Her mother was her everything. How could she exist without her? How could she move on?
After soaking Noah’s shirt with her t
ears, for she hadn’t an idea how long, Lorraine pulled back only when her grandmother’s hand cupped around her arm. “Rainy,” she whispered.
“Oh, Mimi,” she cried as she got up and hugged her grandmother, a new set of tears pouring from her eyes.
“Come on. We’re going home.”
***
Noah dashed out of there as soon as Lorraine fell apart in her grandmother’s arms. It took the strength of two of him to keep from falling apart with her when she broke down in his arms. He didn’t know what possessed him to approach her in the first place. Maybe because her grandmother let go of her hand and stepped away from her at probably the most devastating moment of her life? Maybe because she was standing in front of his father’s casket, because the thought of seeing her own mother was too overwhelming to bear? Maybe because the way her shoulders shook, when she was up there all alone, broke his heart?
He had to suppress these feelings. Needed to. So, instead of going into the main house where everyone else was now gathering, he changed into his running clothes and went out for a run. As he ran, he thought about Norah. She was holding up well. Too well. Was she closing up her heart? He hoped not. Maybe she hadn’t been close to Brick anymore? Noah wouldn’t know, since he’d hardly been a part of her life since his mother died. Hopefully that’s all it was—a lack of bond between his sister and father. He’d expected her to react today how she had four years ago. Like Lorraine did today. Maybe it was a mother thing. That could be it. But Noah hoped it was not the shutting down of her heart. It was fine for him to shut down, but not for her. No. He didn’t want his sister to live life without emotion. It was good for him, though. It was good for him. It was good. For him.
DAMMIT. It was good for him to shut down and have no emotion.
So, why the hell did they all come flooding back today when he held Lorraine?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“Hey.” Noah strolled in a half-hour late, his head wet, his face flush.
Was he having sex in his apartment while more than a dozen people were right next door? That would explain why his motorcycle was parked outside, but he wasn’t answering the door. Lorraine had wanted to thank him for holding her while she was viewing her mother, but now she just felt annoyed.
He sat down next to Lorraine on the couch in the back of the funeral parlor. “Is your grandmother upset I wasn’t here on time?”
Lorraine kept her head down when she answered. “No. Norah was asking, though.”
“Sorry. I just, I had to go for a run. It was—” he stopped talking mid-sentence.
Lorraine didn’t respond, her eyes were still watching her foot kick at the floor. But it relieved her that he was out running and not having sex. She wished it didn’t affect her at all.
“You okay?” Noah whispered.
Finally looking up, she shook her head, but said, “Thank you. For before.”
He was about to take Lorraine’s hand again, but he snagged his hand back just before he touched her. He shrugged. “Well, you didn’t need to be alone.”
“Hmmm?”
“Seeing your mother like that. You shouldn’t have been alone.” He nodded. “I better go sit with Norah.”
Lorraine couldn’t figure out Noah. He was cold and rude yesterday, but today, he was so kind and compassionate. Is that what death did to people? Made them irrational? It certainly made Lorraine a crying lunatic.
The evening’s services were busier than the afternoon’s, but Mimi gave permission for Lorraine to stay in the back and not go up to the front again. Carter stayed back too. He was sitting in the huge Victorian chair in the back corner, fussing on his cell phone. Lorraine tried to talk to him earlier, but he told her that all her talk about Mom was too maudlin for him and to leave him alone. Maudlin. Lorraine had to look up the word on her phone. He was such a smarty-pants. Every school year, the teachers put him in the Gifted and Talented class. He got his intelligence from their mom. Lorraine must have gotten hers from her Dad. She couldn’t remember, though, if he was a smart man or not. She just remembered how strong his hugs were. And how excited she was to see him come home from his job at the cable company. Some days, he’d even come home in the middle of the day with his bucket truck and take her up in it. Her father called it a cherry-picker, and one time, they did just that. They picked cherries off the very top of Grandma Mattina’s cherry tree. Then they brought them home, and Lorraine’s mother made the sweetest cherry pie she’d ever tasted. Lorraine never did have cherry pie after that. Her father died shortly after that day, because Lorraine remembered seeing the empty pie plate on the counter, an uneaten slice sitting on a paper plate next to it, when the paramedics were picking her father up off the floor.
Lorraine came out of her thoughts when a drop-dead gorgeous brunette stepped inside the room. Why were some people blessed with an awesome body and beautifully thick curly hair?
The girl, who looked vaguely familiar to Lorraine, waved her hand to someone in the room, and Lorraine followed her gaze right to Noah, who nodded once and headed her way. “Sofia,” he said when he reached her.
As Sofia went in for a hug, she cried, “Oh, Noah. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad.”
“Thanks.” Noah let her hold him. And then it clicked who she was.
“You should have called me right away. I would have come sooner.”
“It’s fine.” Noah broke the embrace first. There was an awkward silence between Noah and Sofia, so when Noah spotted Lorraine, he pulled Sofia over and said, “Sofi, this is Lorraine.”
“Ooh, what happened to you? Hope the other guy looks worse,” Sofia so inconsiderately said to Lorraine, whose bandaged hand came up to cover her broken nose.
“Sofia,” Noah kind of scolded.
“Sorry. Hey, I think I remember seeing you the weekend of the wedding.”
Lorraine wished she hadn’t remembered the gorgeous brunette, but she had, so she said, “Yeah, right. Nice to see you again.” Though it wasn’t really nice at all, since Sofia was the first one, this entire day, to insensitively bring attention to Lorraine’s face.
“Sorry about your mom and dad.”
“Thanks.” Lorraine didn’t bother correcting her. Brick was not her father.
“Can we talk, No?” Sofia asked, leaning in to No’s ear and hanging on his arm.
Noah nodded and they left the room. Lorraine ignored the odd sensation in her chest when Noah left with Sofia.
So many people came to pay their respects that night, but Lorraine recognized only a few. They must have been friends or coworkers of Brick’s. They looked like investment bankers—all suited up and proper. Lorraine’s mom’s friends, who visited this afternoon, were the teachers she worked with. There was a distinct difference between the two. As Lorraine took another look around the room, she noticed the worried look on her grandmother’s face. Oh my God. Grandpa. The thought only now occurred to Lorraine. Her grandfather wasn’t here yet.
For the first time that night, Lorraine left the safety of the back of the room to see her grandmother. “Mimi. Where’s Grandpa?”
Mimi took Lorraine’s hand. “I’m not sure. He should have been here already.”
“Did you call him?”
“Yes.” She held up her little silver flip phone. “He didn’t answer. Maybe there was a flight delay.”
“Okay. What flight was he on? I’ll go check on my phone. I think we can check online if it was delayed or not.”
“Really? Oh, Rainy, can you do that for me?” Mimi pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Lorraine.
“Sure. I’ll be right back.”
Lorraine went back to her couch where she left her purse and took out her phone. Carter and Norah both followed Lorraine. “What happened?” both of them asked simultaneously.
“Grandpa should have been here already.” Lorraine busied herself on her phone in search of her grandfather’s flight.
“What flight, Rain?” Carter asked.
She handed him th
e paper, and Carter searched his own phone.
Carter found it first, of course, and rattled off the numbers for Lorraine, who then called the airline. She walked out of the room while she waited for someone to pick up. Carter and Norah followed her. Lorraine asked her questions, received some answers, and hung up. “It came in on time. Three hours ago. Oh my gosh.” Now Lorraine was really worried. They all were. “What do I tell Mimi?”
“What’s going on?” Noah saw the group and joined them.
“My grandfather didn’t show up. His flight came in three hours ago,” Lorraine answered.
“Okay. That’s not too long. There could be traffic. The car that was picking him up could have been late.” He put his hand on Lorraine’s shoulder. “There’s no reason to worry yet. ‘kay?”
Lorraine nodded.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Carter said, his face less worried since Noah appeared.
“Does your grandmother have the name of the car service?” Noah was addressing Lorraine, but Carter said, “I’ll go ask.”
“I hope your grandpa’s okay, Rain.” Norah spoke softly. Worriedly.
Lorraine nodded. “Me too.”
“He is,” Noah added, his gaze on Lorraine lingering a bit longer than necessary.
“Noah?” Sofia joined Noah and held his bicep in both her hands.
With his other hand, Noah peeled Sofia’s hands off his arm. “We have some things going on right now, Sof. Thanks for coming today though.”
Sofia frowned. “And you don’t want me to come by later?”
“No. No. I’m good.”
Sofia kissed Noah on the cheek. “If you change your mind, you got my number.”
“Thanks, Sof.”
Sofia left, and Carter came back. “She doesn’t know who Grandpa called to pick him up.”
“Damn,” Noah said.
Lorraine covered her mouth and suppressed a gasp.
