“Well, you brought in the starter and the exhaust, let’s call it $300 even,” I said.
“Sounds good,” he said as he reached into his wallet.
After paying me three one hundred dollar bills, he walked out to his bike, started it, and sped off. I looked around the shop and into the parking lot. After a quick check of the clock provided a time of day, I pushed the second bike into the bay and glanced around the shop.
I desperately wanted to ask Rain if she wanted to go with me to the poker run, but hadn’t done so yet. Her not having a phone was somewhat of an inconvenience, but very understandable considering all things. After washing my hands and locking the shop, I started my bike, and began the twenty minute ride home.
If everything went well, I should have a few minutes to spare.
The ride home was a typical traffic-free Saturday, and after a quick elevator ride, I was unlocking the door with thirty minutes left.
When I stepped into the house, Rain and Cade were sitting on the couch watching television.
“You fucking bums, it’s gorgeous outside,” I sighed.
“We’re watching Ink Masters on Netflix,” Cade said over his shoulder.
“Seems kind of ironic, neither of you have tattoos,” I laughed.
“Rain, I’ve got a poker run in thirty minutes. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me,” I asked as I walked in front of the couch.
She continued to stare at the television blankly.
“What’s a poker run,” she asked.
I stepped between her and the television.
“It’s a bunch of motorcycles in a run from city to city. Roughly, I don’t know, 200 miles. Takes about 6 hours. You ride to each town and get a random card assigned to you from a deck of cards, and when you’re done, the best poker hand wins. It’s a lot of fun, and right now, it’s 85 degrees, no wind, and sunny. Perfect day,” I explained.
“Oh, wow. Sounds fun,” she said as she turned to face Cade.
As she waited for what seemed to be Cade’s approval, I shrugged my shoulder and took a step rearward.
“Okay with you if she misses the Ink Masters, Bro?” I asked sarcastically.
“Okay by me,” Cade shrugged.
“You sure,” Rain asked.
“Sure. Go, have fun,” Cade said as he switched the television off.
“I’ll go for a run. I need to anyway,” he said as he stood from the couch.
“You sure?” she asked again.
Jesus, seriously?
“Sure. Go,” he responded.
She jumped from the couch, ran across the living room and up the stairs.
“What do I wear?” she asked over the handrail.
I considered her options. Although we had made it to the mall and got her some new underwear, she had yet to get to the DAV and get any shorts or jeans.
“Your black pants,” I responded, “I like those.”
“Okay, me too,” she responded as she disappeared into the room.
After no more than a minute, she came running down the stairs with her hair in a ponytail; wearing one of my V-neck tee shirts, her black pants, and sneakers. She looked adorable. With her tattered aviator sunglasses, she was ready to go. It amazed me that although every other woman I had ever known needed to carry a purse chock full of everything under the sun, Rain didn’t so much as need to even carry anything other than what she chose to wear.
“Ready?” I asked as she came to a stop at my feet.
She extended her arms and spun in a circle, “Yep.”
“See you about four o’clock or so,” I said toward Cade’s room.
“See you in a bit,” Rain yelled.
“Sounds good,” Cade responded.
After riding to the gas station a block away and filling up with gas, we rode three blocks to the Biker’s Edge shop. What appeared to be roughly 100 bikes filled the lot. As we pulled in, all heads turned in our direction.
Nothing against bikers or their respective Ol’ Ladies, but there weren’t many places Rain could go that she wouldn’t be considered the cutest woman in attendance. She was without a doubt the most attractive woman I had ever seen. I’d told myself early on it was her eyes, but even seeing her from afar caused me to stare. No one could dispute the fact she was beautiful, but that perception of beauty would be based primarily on her facial features. To witness her living life, however, one would have to agree - she was simply adorable.
The people who were gawking in our direction as I parked the bike were a perfect example of what I expected Rain would have to deal with for her entire adult life. All eyes were fixed on her.
“I think they like your bike,” she said as I switched off the ignition.
“No, it’s you they’re staring at,” I said as she got off the bike and moved to my left.
“I don’t think so,” she sighed as she peered over her shoulder and into the crowd of bikers.
“Really?” I said as I raised my legs over the seat of the bike, “Okay, walk over to the booth and ask for a rider ticket and a passenger ticket, and pay for them. Then see if they keep staring at the bike, or if their eyes follow you,” I said as I reached for my wallet.
“You got it, boss,” she said as she accepted the $50.
As she walked across the lot, the majority of the people who were gathered around talking watched her. When she reached the booth, several people walked up to her side or along the edge of the bench and stared. After a few seconds, a few of the men were talking to her. I began to feel slightly jealous, and then the guilt set in. I felt bad for having her walk to the booth alone. I wiped my hands on the thighs of my jeans and began walking briskly toward the booth to save her from the threat of the horny bikers who were surrounding her.
As I got closer to the booth I noticed a familiar bike with a familiar asshole, and very familiar bitch standing beside it. Chloe and Bart were burning holes through me with their eyes as I got closer. As I stepped beside Rain, Chloe continued to stare.
I tapped Rain on the shoulder. As she turned around, I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her deeply. As I pulled away, she looked at me with a face filled with surprise.
“What…uhhm, what was that for,” she asked as she wiped her lips with her finger.
I pulled her close to my chest and whispered into her ear.
“I’ve been waiting almost two months to work up the courage to do that,” I said.
“Oh Lord,” she sighed.
And, considering how kissing her made me feel, oh Lord was a pretty damned accurate statement.
ETHAN
Although the poker run was fun, I wondered if kissing Rain at the point in time I chose to was in my best interest. She made no comments to the contrary, but her actions for the rest of the day left me feeling she didn’t enjoy it near as much as I had. As a result, I spent the entire day acting as if it didn’t happen. She was her normal playful, joyous, and appreciative of everything self, but sexually forward or receptive to my nonchalant comments for the remainder of the day she was not.
Initially, I wondered if my timing was just off, but later considered the fact she may have seen photos in my room of Chloe, and recognized her standing to the side of the booth with Bart. The thought of Rain thinking Chloe prompted the kiss out of spite, even though in some respects that was what had happened, sickened me. As a result, I discarded all of my old photos of Chloe, and was making an honest effort to move on with my life and proceed along a new path of having a clear mind and a clean conscious.
Now, as I gazed at the ceiling above my bed and studied the shadows the street lights cast against the concrete, I recalled the night Rain slept in my bed and we spent the entire night talking. What I wouldn’t give for a lifetime of having her by my side. Something about being in her presence made all of my thoughts of inferiority simply fade away. She was no doubt a very special woman, but something about her was calming, and almost magical. Having her beside me on that night allowed all of the feelings
of my past disappear and only Rain and thoughts of her remained.
After some serious thought, I decided maybe I simply needed to take a step backward, be a more conventional person, and ask her on a date. All women liked to be taken on a date, and I believed if I explained myself, and expressed my lack of expectation regarding sex, she may agree not only to go, but she might do so with a more open mind and far less wonder regarding my intent.
Now feeling like nothing short of a fool, I decided I would just do that, ask her on a date. All I needed to do was decide the when and the where, and go from there. I tilted my head to the side, gazed through my bedroom door, and into the living room. A flicker of light from the second floor on the carpet in the center of the room let me know Rain was still up reading. Since she moved in, she spent more time reading than anything else.
It pleased me that she enjoyed reading, and I wondered what she read when she stayed up odd hours of the night doing so. Filled with regret for kissing her without warning, and potentially ruining any chances of making the advancements with her I hoped to make in the future, I rolled over, closed my eyes, and went to sleep.
RAIN
Ethan’s kiss didn’t disturb me, but it caught me off guard. I wondered how much differently things would have been if he had kissed me a month before he did. It isn’t necessarily the events in our life which determine the path we walk upon, but the sequence in which they unfold. The exact same events, placed before us in a different order, alter the outcome of our life drastically.
I sat and wondered what I would choose if I was able to rewind the clock and place events in certain order, yet be forced to live with the outcome. After shuffling things around in every imaginable way, I decided I didn’t have the ability to choose, and the exercise was futile.
Frustrated, I covered my head with the pillow and tried to be grateful for what I had. Try as I might, I could not stop thinking of Ethan, and how he made me feel safe. In his presence, I felt as if nothing or no one could harm me. He provided me unique feeling of comfort I had never felt before, and doubted I would ever feel again.
After considering my feelings may be a result of having not had a father in my life, I dismissed the thoughts, and decided he was nothing more than a man who was slightly older than me, and more capable than any other man I had ever met when it came to matters of making me feel secure and safe. His dreams and aspirations in life were no different than mine, and I admired him for sharing them with me.
Trying to think of living my life without Ethan or Cade made my head hurt, and I eventually chose not to think about it at all. I removed the pillow from my face, stared up at the ceiling, and recalled the night I slept in Ethan’s room without sleeping. We had stayed up all night talking until the sun came up the next day. I had never slept with a man all night before, and even though we hadn’t slept, I looked at Ethan, and would always look at Ethan, as my first male sleepover.
The more I tried not to think about it the more I thought about it. I compared the differences between Cade and Ethan, and wondered which one would be better for me in the long run. In a perfect world, a combination of Ethan’s considerate nature and tough persona, coupled with Cade’s neatness, nurturing qualities, and innocence would make the perfect man for me.
As I was well aware of the fact I couldn’t combine the two men into one, I wondered if it was possible that I loved them both, and if so, if it was probable I could in fact love them both. As I considered my options, and fought with my feelings, I eventually grew tired and fell asleep to thoughts of having them both at my side.
RAIN
As an adult, I had never had the benefit of asking an outsider or a friend for an opinion. My decisions were always made based on what I thought was best for me, and they landed me without a job, home, money, or family. Even though I wouldn’t consider or describe myself as a fool, I felt pretty comfortable admitting I had made some rather foolish decision in my lifetime. Now, having the luxury of being able to say I had multiple friends in my life, I decided I would lean on one for some much needed advice.
“Turkey, cream cheese, bean sprouts, and raspberry preserves on wheat. See what you think,” I said as I placed the plate on the table in front of Trent.
As I sat down beside him, he glanced down at the plate, slid it to the side, and pushed his wheelchair away from the table.
“What’s on your mind, Rain?” he asked.
I wrinkled my nose slightly as if to throw him off, “Oh, nothing really. Why do you ask?”
He shook his head and began to laugh.
“Well, you’ve been coming here four times a day looking after me for well over a month. Today you seem preoccupied, for one. Additionally, you look like you haven’t slept in a few days, and lastly, your shirt is on backwards. I just figured you had something on your mind, and it was important enough you forfeited last night’s sleep as a result,” he said.
I pushed myself away from the table, stood, and stared down at my shirt.
“Backwards?”
He nodded his head and pointed at me, “It’s hard to tell, because the neck’s so worn, but the little brown stain is normally in the left front, and today it’s in the right rear. So either you’ve worn it backward the other fifteen or so times you’ve worn it, or it’s backward today.”
“Oh. Gothca,” I sighed as I lowered myself into the chair.
He wheeled his chair up to the edge of the table and stared blankly at the sandwich. After a long pause, he turned toward me and smiled.
“So, want to talk?” he asked.
“I tell you what,” I responded, “Eat half the sandwich and we’ll talk.”
“Deal,” he said as he reached for the sandwich.
After he gobbled down half of the sandwich and wiped the corners of his mouth, he slid it to the side and grinned.
“Wow, that’s a mighty fine sandwich,” he said.
“Thank you,” I responded.
“So. Spill it,” he said as he pressed his hands into the edge of the table, “But make it quick, I want to eat that other half before the bread gets stale.”
“Well, eat it now,” I said as I waved my hand toward the sandwich.
“Nope. After you spill your guts,’ he said.
I inhaled, glanced up at the ceiling, and exhaled as I shifted my eyes toward Trent.
“Do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?” I asked.
“Interesting. I’m guessing you don’t mean family or friends. You’re speaking of love interests? Men? Mates?” he asked as he pushed his chair closer to the table and rubbed his hands together.
“Settle down, Trent,” I chuckled, “And to answer your question, yes.”
“I’m as calm as can be. I like this talk already. Let’s see,” he sighed.
I waited for him to continue, anxious to see what he might be able to share with me. Anything, I thought, which might make me feel better, or possibly view the situation in a different light would be worth hearing. After an extended length of silence, and me watching Trent as his brain was churning for the right response, he spoke.
“To think for one minute the human mind or the human heart has the ability to love multiple family members, and not have the capacity to feel love for multiple people, in my opinion, is to think foolishly,” he said.
“We love family, friends, animals, thoughts, phrases, places, theories…” he hesitated and shook his head.
“We love none of them any more or less than the other. Love, in my heart, is love. We tell ourselves it’s different when we think we’ve met the one. Nonetheless, it’s simply love, and we reserve hope by telling ourselves the love is special or more abundant than our previous or current loves. Me? I say bullshit,” he sighed.
“Rain, we often act on what we think. In doing so, we inevitably make mistakes. Acting on what we feel, however, leaves no room for mistakes because feelings are the one thing our mind possesses which will always be genuine. Although our actions may le
ad us to feel regret, to regret possessing a feeling is to be sorry for having felt emotion. In my opinion, nothing could be more foolish,” he paused and shook his head slightly.
“Now, if I may ask, do you feel love for these two men you speak of?” he asked as he raised his hand to his face.
I nodded my head as I considered what he had said.
“Well, if we can agree your feelings are genuine, and I suspect you’ll agree they are,” he hesitated and lowered his hand slightly.
I nodded my head, “I do, I agree, it’s genuine.”
“Very well. Now, I suspect you’re either trying to decide which one deserves your love, or which man you love more,” he said as he lowered his hand into his lap.
I shrugged my shoulders and raised my eyebrows slightly, wondering what it was exactly I was trying to do.
“I suppose so, I don’t really know,” I said.
He rested his elbows on the table and clasped his hands together, “Okay let’s try a different angle. If you were able to choose, let’s say to paint a picture only you were able to see, what would that picture include?”
“Paint a picture about them and what I feel. Like choose a future?” I asked.
He nodded his head as his mouth formed a smile, “Yes.”
It didn’t take much thought. After a short pause to make him think I was considering my response, I responded with what I had previously decided I wanted.
“To have them both,” I said sheepishly.
“Without each of them having knowledge of the other?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“No, together. The three of us,” I responded.
“I love it,” he exclaimed as he clapped his hands together.
I sat up in my seat and smiled.
“Really?” I asked excitedly.
“Absolutely,” he said as he raised both hands to his face, “Unconventional, but oh so lovely. To have something like that and have it work out would be to truly succeed at living life. Without a doubt, it would take three people who loved each other. Independently, and I would imagine, together. Yes, I think this could work in the most capable of hands.”
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