My blood work came back perfect and I agreed to an ultrasound. That was immediate and the results stated I was fit for pregnancy.
Those tests were nothing compared to Barry asking if they could start the in-vitro, frozen embryo transfer injection process.
I was clueless as to what that meant and Barry explained that when dealing with cryogenically frozen embryos, the uterus needs to be prepared for implantation. There was only a 50% chance that it would work, hence why he wanted to implant six embryos.
"Why do you want to give me injections if I haven't made up my mind?" I asked Barry.
"Because that way if you decide to do so, your body is ready. Right now it's perfect timing because you just finished your cycle."
"What happens if I decide against it?"
"Nothing, you'll continue on. You may miss a period but nothing drastic."
The tests took most of the afternoon and fortunately I did not run into Dr. Lewis.
I had so many questions about COM Camp since it dawned on me that I knew of only our division, and the bad one, but nothing of the others.
It was something in all my conversations with James, I didn't ask. It came up because Barry stated that should I conceive, I would have to be monitored by them constantly. Not hooked up to anything, but staying within the division.
Did I want that? My permanent residency at COM Camp was now playing a factor in my decision.
Was it indeed a place I wanted to raise children, if I actually kept them?
I couldn't see Dodge or even Bud wanting to stay there. Tyler hadn't seen enough to formulate an opinion.
I did finally find someone else that would speak to me about COM Camp. The male nurse that took care of Tyler.
He said it was against the rules, but offered some information. Primarily children were kept with caretakers in Division Two. Division Three was farming, and Division Four was mainly housing for those who worked in other divisions.
Did he like it? I asked him.
He hesitated in answering then said, "It's better than surviving out there."
I didn't get that. I was fine with surviving out there. Dodge had it down. We just needed a new place to start. Then again, perhaps things were different for those traveling the roads. Look at what happened to us when we ventured from my house.
My day was pretty bland; about the most exciting thing was getting that cold gel squirted on my stomach for the test. I couldn't walk around, I couldn't see the division. There was a rumor that the president wanted to meet me, but that had yet to happen.
Either I prepared my meals or they were brought to me.
I went where they said I could go and stayed where they told me to stay.
I was just as much a secret in Division One as I was out in the world, the only difference, outside the world was better.
In a sense, I was free out there.
Air conditioning, clean surroundings, protection, food and hot water. Most of those things I would eventually have again with work.
They weren't motivation enough to make me want to stay in COM Camp. Because unfortunately more than I realized or James believed, I was nothing more than a well kept prisoner.
TWENTY-EIGHT - DODGE
Life seemed simple. If only for that day. There was something about being on the monastery grounds that brought out the best in everyone. Everyone but me, of course.
I didn't seem to notice or really care much. My focus was on three things.
Make sure Darie was well, fix the RV and go get Faye and Tyler.
First thing was first. Jeremiah brought us to the 'doc', a man who was the doctor in Wayne before all hell broke loose.
He took a look at my air cast and said that it wasn't going to do and wanted to set it properly. I knew a cast would take hours to dry, so I opted to work the RV first. As he examined Darie, he told of how there had been only three instances of the sickness on the monastery grounds. But the way they handled it was sniffles and cold, flu or not, they were isolated. Jeremiah said they were spared. The Doc clarified that and said not a single monk got ill.
Of the fourteen hundred in Wayne, two hundred retreated immediately to the holy grounds. Another third left and then many more just trickled in.
Half the people of Wayne they couldn't account for. Doc believed they died.
He gave Darie a good exam, asking him a million questions, then asking me. He didn't have the resources to do blood work, so he had to rely on knowledge, old fashioned wives tale signs, deduction and reasoning.
Darie was not dying, as Bud put into my head. He wasn't well, the Doc said. He not only was undernourished, he was pining for Faye.
He missed her terribly, telling the Doc that she was helping to be a mom because his mom died.
Admittedly, I was a little jealous. I handled those boys, or at least the dirty work with them, and Faye got all the glory and love.
Yeah, I suppose they loved me or liked me a lot. But I highly doubted either of those boys would get sick from not being around me.
Despite the fact that we had food, Darie didn't eat much. I knew that. I tried. But it wasn't like we could claim defeat, pull into McDonald's and get the child an order of nuggets that we knew he'd devour.
The old adage, if they're hungry they'll eat, didn't hold true in this instance.
The Doc told us we had to try anything and everything to get some nourishment in him.
I made it a point that I didn't give a shit if it was candy, that child was getting calories. When we resumed our journey there were plenty of stores here and there to raid.
Following the exam, the boys said how they wanted to play with the other kids and I took advantage of that time to jack up the RV and get to work on it.
One would have thought I was some sort of engineering guru the way people came over to talk to me while I worked. Asking if I knew how to fix this or that and telling me how they were glad they had someone with 'fix it' knowledge. Some even stated I had to be a master doing it all with a bum arm.
It was hard to tell them I wasn't staying, but for some reason, they were all like, "You'll be back."
Even with the distractions, not to mention the pain in my arm, I finished the RV in a couple hours and set her to the ground. That was going to be our home for the night.
Admitting defeat, I sought the Doc, popped a pain pill and he set my arm. I don't know if it was the plaster cast and my arm being set right or the pill, but for the first time since I was beat up, my arm didn't hurt so badly.
After the cast had time to dry, I went back outside.
Darie and George still darted about. I could tell Darie didn't feel a hundred percent but he wasn't missing the chance to play with new kids or to tail his brother around.
Bud had built us a small fire and sat facing the boys, watching them play like a proud grandfather.
"Is that coffee?" I asked, making myself comfortable in the folding chair by him.
"Yeah, pretty good too. How's my Fastball?"
"Good, I think. I'll know once we get her on the road."
"That's reassuring."
"Trust me." I winked. "I know what I'm doing."
Darie squealed loudly and it caused me to look up. I didn't know if it was a happy or scared noise, but when I saw the smile, I know he was fine.
"Probably feeling that energy," Bud said. "Or gas. One of the two is making him laugh."
"What are you talking about?"
"While you were fixing Fastball, that boy ate."
"He ate? What did he eat?"
"One of them Monks cooked up some kettle beans. Big old kettle over a fire. Molasses I think was in them, not sure. So thick you didn't even know they were beans. Darie ate two large bowls."
"Darie ate beans? I tried to feed him beans."
"That's because you opened a can. You didn't roast them over a fire."
"Actually, I would have loved to try them."
"They brought you a helping." Bud said.
"They d
id?"
"Yeah, but Darie ate them. Ate mine too. Figured if he was eating, he could have them. We have food so no worries."
"I'm not." I rubbed my hands together aiming toward the fire. It was getting cooler.
"This is nice here Dodge. Really nice."
"I don't know."
"You don't know?" Bud asked. "Look around."
"Do you trust it?"
Bud laughed. "Monks are running this place. And I wouldn't exactly say they were running it, just providing. People here are good. One man was telling me they have little tunnels under the cabins. They have drills to move the women there in case anything happens."
I shook my head. "Just not what I want."
"Well, what the hell then Dodge? You want a place to settle. You thought about joining the Kentucky people. You yourself said you want the boys to have people around them. Well, here it is."
"Things change, Bud."
"Like what?"
"Like Faye ... and women in general. Hiding in a catacomb at the first sign of trouble. I think she stands a better chance being off somewhere secluded."
"What about them boys? What kind of life are they going to have? Or Tyler. They need people around them. You may not, but they do."
"What about you?"
Bud exhaled loudly. "You know when all this happened, and my wife died, my kid died, I wandered like Faye. Not wanting to live. I figured, heck how much time do I actually have? Not giving out my age and not that you'd know it 'cause I'm a handsome fella, but I'm over eighty."
Hearing that surprised me. I didn't know. Faye believed he was in his seventies, maybe. Bud looked good. "You still have some years, Bud."
"Yeah, I do. So it doesn't matter where I wind them down. Here, there, back home. Rolling down the broken road in Fastball. Doesn't matter. But I'll be honest with you, I also wouldn't mind pulling back Fastball some. Parking right over there by the edge of the trees." He pointed. "And hanging here watching them boys. This is God's green earth as best as you can define it. It would be good staying here until it's my time. But I go where you go."
"Thank you."
"You are using my RV."
That made me laugh. "I think I just have a problem with joining an already established community. Sort of like I'd be just a sheep here."
"That's the control freak in you talking. But I see your point. I do think before you make any decision to go off with the kids, start your own Monk City, I think you should talk to Faye. We're all like a family, and this should be a family decision. Not a Dodge choice."
"You're right," I said. "Man. How did you get so wise, Bud?"
"I'm old. You know that. Wait. You may not. My good looks hide my age."
I chuckled and stood in the mood for a cup of coffee myself. I headed toward the RV to make a cup and some food. Probably wouldn't be anywhere as good as the coffee Bud had or the beans that Darie ate, but I'd make do.
I glanced over my shoulder to Bud who resumed watching the boys play. Then I looked at the boys, they were playing some sort of catch and release game and laughter filled the air of the grounds.
Tyler popped into my mind and my heart skipped a beat, hoping and praying that my son was fine. I wondered what Faye was doing and if she would really enjoy the Monastery sanctuary as much as Bud or if she would be like me and just want to be on our own.
Soon enough I'd find out. In the morning we'd leave. I'd let them know that we'd be back, even if it was just for a brief visit.
Besides, I actually wanted to know about the camp down in Florida. Maybe they offered even more. I watched the boys for another minute and slipped into the RV.
Maybe the whole entire reason nothing felt right was because Faye wasn't there. She was a new addition to my life that appeared when everything went bad. Every decision made was together, every meal, every evening conversation. In the four months since we met we weren't apart for more than a couple hours. Now, it had been a week and it was driving me nuts.
No decision could be made or even contemplated until we were all together as a unit. Hopefully the unity of our group was not that far off.
TWENTY-NINE - FAYE
More than likely it was my paranoia or even my over active, Hollywood induced, imagination but I was certain that injection they gave me to prepare my uterus was some super hormone injections designed to make fertilization infallible. After all, this was some lab that gave me the injection for a project called Eve.
A 'soup' of hormones typically used in frozen embryo implantation was how Barry described it. Telling me that in the pre-virus world many women undergoing in-vitro had received it. It was one of three injections needed.
I didn't buy that. There was something about that injection. It sent my body and mind into a tailspin. I was hot, then cold. Sick to my stomach and achy, my breasts hurt then they didn't. I was angry that it was humid, then I cried when I saw a flower.
I told James I wasn't liking how I felt. That something was off.
He suggested that I was tired and it was magnifying everything.
That made sense, everything always seemed worse when I was tired, so even though it was early evening I decided on a nap.
Jokingly I told James. "If you don't see me later, come check on me to make sure I didn't die."
He didn't laugh.
My nap wasn't long but it was a hard sleep and one I wish I didn't take. The hormones that intensified my emotions seeped into my dream and it was a nightmare.
A nightmare I had lived.
My subconscious released the reasons why I didn't want to have another child, and in the dream I lived it.
I dreamt of that fateful day when I lost my family.
In the dream I watched them die. I watched our SUV get smashed by that truck, flip in the air and ricocheted off of four cars.
Clearly, I saw the impact as it hit the passenger side, killing Rich instantly and sending my daughter Sammy from her Youth Seat out of the vehicle and onto the street, right where they had found her.
I screamed and cried and woke up feeling that pain all over again.
It was with me always, but had dulled since the accident. Now with that dream it returned with a vengeance. So much so I grabbed my chest, tried to breathe and swore I was having a heart attack. I stood, legs wobbling, reaching out to the darkened room and then I knew I wasn't having a heart attack, I wasn't lucky enough to die. I was alive, reliving that day all over again and feeling the heartache. An emotional pain so deep and so real, it manifested physically in me.
It was traumatic and I dropped to my knees and sobbed.
My babies. My husband. My entire existence died that day.
What was I doing? Suddenly all the healing I had experienced in the previous seven months diminished.
I was a mere shell of existence crumbling on the floor of the apartment.
Never again, in my entire life did I want to lose someone I loved so much.
The dream, I believe was the answer to the question I had been debating.
When Rich and the kids were taken from me, I shut down to everyone. Letting Dodge, the boys and Bud into not only my life but my heart was opening up myself to experiencing that pain again.
I already gambled with that. Getting impregnated, having a child was just expanding the chances of heartache and loss.
Crying uncontrollably, hands to my face, I realized I wasn't ready yet to take that chance. I wasn't ready emotionally to think about having a child. Not yet. Maybe in the future, maybe when I was stronger, but it was still too soon.
I knew what my decision was for the time being and I feared the reaction of Dr. Lewis when I would tell him my answer was definitely no.
THIRTY - DODGE
SEPTEMBER 9
Darie had this keen ability to twist and turn his body in the smallest of places. We stayed in the RV and while I debated on sleeping in the driver's seat, I opted for the covered sofa which folded out into a wider twin size bed. Bud insisted it was a double.
<
br /> It wasn't one of those luxury, extra-long RV's, but it was a nice size. Because it was Bud's he got the rear queen bed.
George opted for the other couch without pulling it out. Surprisingly, the boys were asleep early. I took advantage of that and decided to sleep as well. After all, I wanted to get an early start. So when Darie's foot plowed into my face, I took the upside down restless sleeper as my personal alarm clock and got up.
It was starting to get light and I illuminate my watch.
Six-thirty.
I was surprised I slept that long. My arm felt nearly one hundred percent better, no hard morning ache shooting up my bicep.
While the plaster short cast was heavier, it was actually easier for me to move and it wasn't as awkward.
I sat up on the bed and Darie shifted his body again. I ran my hand over his head then adjusted him on the pillow and covered him. I smiled because he fell asleep with Faye's shirt.
After standing up I checked on George, who barely moved from the night before. The scent of something cooking outside carried into the RV, one the scents I caught was coffee. I decided I was going to seek out a cup. Maybe someone would be neighborly.
But first I wanted to get dressed. When we left the KAO campsite following my recovery there, we packed everything pretty tight. Putting things in order of needing them. Extra food and water were carried it the storage.
My plan was to take a few moments in the morning, get mentally prepared, wake the crew, get them fed and then we'd be on our way. Maybe push for a longer traveling day.
To maximize space, most of everything was tucked away in some nook or cupboard in the RV, but our clothes were in the back room.
I hated to disturb Bud, so I put on the small wall light in the hall outside the Queen Room, and quietly slid open the door as little as possible and slipped in.
My duffle bag was on the floor near the foot of the bed.
Matching or not. I would reach in, grab a shirt and a new pair of pants. Careful not to make a noise I unzipped the bag slowly and reached in. I grabbed a tee shirt, felt for denim and tugged out a pair of jeans.
I'd fix the items later. I just wanted to get my things and get dressed.
Last Woman 2 Page 11
