Am I dead? It had been the only thought that her young mind was able to grasp. This wasn’t what being alive was like, so it had to be what being dead felt like. Never before had she been left alone with nobody to speak to for days at a time. For hours she had wandered round, bewildered, stumbling about in the dark, touching the damp earthen walls and asking, begging, for somebody to speak to her. But nobody was listening.
The floor and walls of The Pit were icy, and freezing air blew through gaps around the trapdoor. She had cried and cried, but nobody had come.
I didn’t know what I’d done wrong – why I’d been put in there.
Then there was the man with a voice that sounded like footsteps on a gravel path – the man who she now knew to be Finn McGuinness. She had heard him talking, but she couldn’t remember now what he had said. Apart from one thing.
‘Her mam’s dead. She’s no use to us. Get rid of her.’
She had repeated those words over and over in her head. ‘Her mam’s dead.’ She understood that, but it wasn’t for some time that she understood the rest of what he had said.
And if she was no use to them all those years ago, she was even less now. She couldn’t do the skunk run and she had screwed up this job. They wouldn’t let her go, though. Nobody was ever let go. That only left two options.
‘She’s no use to us. Get rid of her.’
Or she would end up at Julie’s – just like Izzy had.
She didn’t know which was worse.
*
Emma lowered herself onto the grass, immediately feeling the damp penetrate the denim of her jeans but not caring. She reached out and gently took Natasha’s hand in hers.
‘How are you doing, Tasha?’ she asked. Natasha didn’t answer. She put her head down and stared at her hands as she pulled on one finger after the other. They were the hands of a child: chewed, torn fingernails and slightly grubby.
‘Why did you agree to do this – to take Ollie? Is it the only reason you came home? Why do you want to hurt us so much? Please, Tasha, try to explain and we’ll do our very best to understand.’
Natasha cast a sly look at David.
‘Ask him.’
David stood up and went to the other side of the track, looking out over the fields. From behind, Emma could see that every muscle in his body was tense. Finally he turned round, came over to Natasha and kneeled down.
‘Tasha, staying at home and not coming with you and your mum that night was a massive mistake – one that I’ve regretted ever since. I was selfish. I should have come. I did everything I possibly could to find you. Ask Emma. Check it out in the local papers. I don’t know what else to tell you. I even launched the Natasha Joseph appeal a year later.’
Natasha looked at him, distrust still in her eyes, and started mumbling. ‘You’re not Natasha Joseph. She’s dead. You’re Shelley Slater. Shelley Slater. Not Natasha Joseph. Tasha’s dead. Her father don’t want her. You’re Shelley Slater.’
‘Is that what they said to you?’ David asked softly, stroking his daughter’s hair, matted through lack of washing and brushing as she had refused any help from Emma. For the first time, she let her father touch her without flinching.
Natasha nodded and sniffed. ‘I wouldn’t say it. I wouldn’t say Shelley Slater – so they threw me back in The Pit. I had to stay there ’til I said it – then they kept asking me what I was called, and if I slipped up I was thrown back in. It was cold and damp, and I got no food. But Rory was scared he’d be caught with me and he said I wasn’t worth the trouble. I don’t know how he’d ended up with me, but he said he’d fucked up and I was a bleeding nuisance.’
‘You’re never going back there, Tasha. I promise you. I may have let you down six years ago, but I’m your dad, and you’re staying with us.’
Natasha spun round, her blotchy face going red with anger.
‘Have you not listened to me? They won’t let me stay.’
‘Listen to me, Tasha,’ Emma said. ‘I know this is really difficult for you, love, but I might know somebody that can help us. He’s a friend of mine, and he’s really good at sorting out difficult problems. What do you think? Shall we go and meet him?’
Natasha lifted her tear-stained face.
‘No!’ she practically screamed at Emma. ‘Don’t tell nobody else. If anybody else knows, you won’t get Ollie back, and they’ll come for me.’
‘What choice have we got?’ Emma asked. ‘Finn says the deal is off – so we need help, don’t we? I just have to make a phone call.’
Emma knew she had to get the girl on her side, to make her believe that there was a way out for all of them.
‘You can’t,’ Natasha said. ‘My phone’s monitored, and I fixed yours.’
Emma stood up, brushing the damp grass from her trousers. She had hoped to use Natasha’s phone, but that obviously wasn’t going to work. She turned round to face her stepdaughter, and put her hand in her pocket. This was a huge risk, and one she sincerely hoped she wouldn’t regret.
Her heart was beating fast. She could feel a pulse in her neck throbbing against the collar of her jacket. Slowly Emma pulled the phone out of her pocket and held it towards Natasha on the flat of her hand.
Natasha’s mouth fell open. ‘Do you have any idea what would happen if they knew you had a phone? Do you have any idea what you’ve done?’
Emma was silent.
‘You’ve phoned the police, haven’t you? Did you tell them about Rory? You did, didn’t you? You stupid cow.’
‘Emma?’
She ignored the question in her husband’s voice, turning her head slightly to give him an apologetic smile and crouched down in front of Natasha.
‘We need their help, Tasha. You think you’re in trouble with Finn and Rory, but they’ve still got Ollie. We can’t wait to hear what they decide. It might be too late for Ollie. Shall we go and meet this friend of mine?’
Natasha jumped up from the bank and pushed past Emma.
‘And what if Finn finds out? How do you think him and Rory knew the police had been to see me in the first place? How many bent coppers do you think they have on their payroll? Jesus, if you’ve told the pigs, one of them will have squealed to Finn – you can bet your life on that.’
Resting her folded arms on a five-barred gate, Natasha put her head down and cried silently, her heaving shoulders being the only clue to her tears.
Emma stared at the phone in her hand.
Was it really the answer to all of their problems, or was telling Tasha the most foolish mistake of her life?
40
‘Tell me,’ Tom said to Becky as he walked into his office and sat down.
Becky was as succinct as possible in repeating what British Transport Police had told her – that the boy who Natasha had smiled at had been seen on another train, this time with his own backpack on. The plain-clothes policeman who saw him had been doing a routine run on that particular line, but he recognised the boy’s face from the details that had been circulated, so he followed him. The boy dropped off his backpack, the same as Natasha had. When he got back to Victoria Station, Rory Slater was waiting for him, so they were both arrested. Slater’s denying all involvement, blaming it on kids from school putting the lad up to it.
‘Why was Slater waiting for him?’
‘I asked that. He said he was in the area, but wouldn’t say what he was doing. Maybe the lad was supposed to be paid for his delivery? When they recovered the backpack from the boy he passed it to, it had two kilos of skunk inside, so it was worth a bob or two. Slater probably didn’t trust him to bring the money straight home.’
‘How do we think this changes things?’ Tom asked. Becky felt a slight glow of warmth at being consulted.
‘As far as Slater is concerned, this is a routine pick-up. He may somehow have found out that we caught Natasha on CCTV, though, and if we don’t ask him about her it will be a red flag. So they just need to show Slater and his lad Natasha’s picture and ask if they recogni
se her. He’ll say no, and that will be that. There can’t be any hint that we know Natasha’s been living with him, because he’ll wonder why we’re not arresting him.’
‘Shit,’ Tom muttered, drumming his fingers on the desk. Becky decided to give him a moment. ‘And he’ll know there can only be one reason – that we know about the kidnap.’
The office was quiet for a moment while they both thought about the potential for disaster.
‘Okay,’ Tom said. ‘We need to use this to our advantage. BTP are bound to be sending a search team into Slater’s house, looking for drugs. We can send one of our guys with them to bug the place.’
‘If they let anything slip about Natasha, we’ll have to keep Rory locked up until it’s all over, and that’s going to be difficult.’
‘It’s worse than you think,’ Tom responded. ‘We’ve been told to keep away from Rory Slater – there’s another operation. A big one. We need to sort out liaison between us and the Titan guys. They’re not at all happy about this, and I don’t blame them.’
‘Bollocks – that makes what I’ve got to tell you even more tricky,’ Becky said. ‘I went to see Sylvia Briggs – Donna Slater’s sister. I asked about her kids. None of them live with her. She says a couple of them live with her sister – Donna. I asked specifically about Isabella. She started running away from home when she was nine and Sylvia gave up bothering to try to find her.’
‘There are some truly delightful people in this world, aren’t there?’
Becky smiled, although funny it definitely wasn’t. She was spared the necessity of responding, as Tom’s private mobile began to ring.
Tom listened carefully to his caller for a few minutes.
‘Calm down, Emma, there’s no need to panic,’ he said. ‘But we do need to get you all out of that house. It may not be safe, and we need to assess the level of threat. Where are you now?’
Tom’s voice was low and urgent, and Becky knew something was seriously wrong.
‘Okay. Go home, pick up some shopping bags and get everybody in your car – not David’s Range Rover because it stands out too much. Remember to take your purse – exactly as you would if you were going shopping. It needs to look natural. I’ll make some arrangements. Call me when you’re away from the house and I’ll tell you where to go.’
He paused again.
‘Oh, and Emma – I need you to wear something quite distinctive – a bright colour and not too tight. I’ll explain later. It’s just started chucking it down outside, so choose something with a hood. When you call me, don’t lift the phone to your ear. Put it on speaker and leave it on your knee. Make sure Natasha takes her phone – it will have a GPS tracker on it, and if they can’t find her they’ll panic. Right. I need you to repeat all of this.’
He listened silently. ‘Well done. I’ll see you in less than an hour. Oh, and Emma? You’re doing great. Really great.’
Becky had said nothing throughout but had taken notes of everything Tom had asked Emma to do – in case they needed to repeat the instructions later. Tom turned to her now.
‘I want BTP to keep Rory Slater until I say they can let him go. The Joseph family is in danger. Out of choice, I’d pull them all out to somewhere safe – but they’ll never agree to that. Either way, Rory Slater and his bosses think they’re going to get Natasha back – they can’t afford to let her go. She’s bound to know way more than she realises. We need a plan to keep this family safe, Becky. And we’ve got about ten minutes to decide what it is.’
41
Unlocking the bathroom door, Emma emerged into their bedroom to see David standing waiting for her.
‘Emma,’ he started. Shit! She hadn’t told him about the bugs, not wanting to freak him out too much.
‘Oh darling, what are we going to do?’ she interrupted before he could get started. She moved quickly across the room and pulled him into a hug, gently whispering ‘Shh’ in his ear.
He pushed her away and looked at her with such astonishment that she wondered if he would ever trust her again. But he wasn’t stupid. He pulled her roughly back into his arms and she let out a small cry of shock, which she quickly turned into the start of a sob. She felt David’s lips against her ear.
‘I don’t think I know you any more.’ The words were spoken so quietly that she wasn’t sure she had heard him correctly. He sounded so sad, so alone, and she longed to give him the time he deserved to listen to her explanation. She had lied to him, kept him in the dark and was now insisting that he did her bidding. This was so far from the relationship they’d had.
She pulled him into the en suite and closed the door, keeping her voice low.
‘I’m sorry, David. Everything happened so quickly and I knew you wouldn’t want us to contact the police. But I couldn’t stand idly by and watch it all unfold.’
‘Don’t you think it should have been a shared decision?’ he asked, not unreasonably.
Emma forced her shoulders to relax a little. She had to stay calm.
‘Probably – but everything’s different for you. You’re being pulled in all directions – I didn’t want to stress you any more than you are already. But the important thing is, there are bugs in the kitchen, our bedroom and the sitting room. They can hear every word we say.’
David pulled his head back, his brow furrowed. ‘Are you saying that Tasha put the bugs in place?’
Emma nodded. ‘Tasha’s been brought up in a criminal family, poor kid. All this – Ollie’s kidnap, the bugs, the drugs - I suspect none of it’s enough to scare Tasha. But she’s frightened of those two men – Finn and Rory - so she lied to them about being captured on CCTV. That was her big mistake and now she’s terrified. Look, we need to get a move on. We’re losing time.’
She put her finger to her lips and opened the bathroom door.
She walked quickly to a chest of drawers where she knew she had a long royal-blue zip-up jumper that she rarely wore because it was too big. She didn’t want to see the confusion in her husband’s eyes for another second, and he saved her the trouble. The door closed quietly as he left the room, and for a moment she gave herself the luxury of two minutes sitting on the bed, calming her nerves, and then got up to follow him. She paused at the door.
Although her heart and soul were occupied with Ollie and his safety, Emma knew she was going to have to talk to Tom about Jack too. Natasha’s revelation that it had been a man called Jack who had phoned Caroline just before she died was weighing on her mind. She reached up to pull the old shoebox from the top of her wardrobe. Opening it, she rummaged around until her hand found what it was searching for and she pulled out two sheets of paper, folding them carefully and putting them into her bag along with her phone.
Act two, she thought as she walked downstairs, gulping down a hard ball of fear.
The kitchen was silent, and she walked over to the fridge and pulled open the door.
‘Right,’ she said in a determined voice. ‘Tasha says nothing’s going to happen today. But let’s hope Ollie will be back tomorrow. I have to believe that. I have to convince myself that he’s staying with grandparents for a couple of days, or I wouldn’t be able to breathe. And we need to eat. We’re out of food, out of milk, everything. He’s not going to come back to a house full of sick, helpless people. We need to go shopping.’
David was staring at the inside of the fridge door, where a two-litre container of milk was nearly full, and the shelves were stacked with fresh food that had been bought just the day before.
Emma looked at Natasha and nodded her encouragement.
‘You can’t go out. I told you, you can’t go anywhere without me,’ the girl said, her voice sounding weak and unconvincing. It would be better if Natasha didn’t have to speak again.
‘Then you’d better come with me to keep an eye on me, hadn’t you. We’ll all go, then you can make sure I don’t do anything … your masters wouldn’t like.’ Emma was suddenly aware that she had nearly said the name Rory and had only just
stopped herself in time.
‘David? Come on. You’re coming too. A family outing,’ she said with a sarcastic laugh that ended in yet another sob.
David went to pick up his keys.
‘No, we’re going in my car. I want to drive. I need to drive,’ she said.
David shrugged and threw his keys back on the table as Emma ushered them out of the door.
*
There was an oppressive silence in the car, and Emma wondered not for the first time how silence could vary so much in pitch and tone. This silence held a high-pitched scream at its heart. Her own head was filled with Ollie, but she kept pushing the thoughts away – mentally stroking his soft hair as she did so – to focus on what mattered. Getting him back.
She could guess what was going on in David’s head. He would be worried about Ollie too, but images of Natasha’s life over the last six years were becoming clearer and clearer, and he had to face up to the fact that Emma herself had been lying to him.
When they were first together David and Emma had talked openly about the small deceptions they had lived with in their previous relationships and agreed that there wouldn’t be a single secret between them. As far as she was concerned, that had been the truth. Until Natasha had walked into her kitchen. Since then, Emma had lied about her feelings and kept secrets from her husband.
She glanced in her rear-view mirror at her stepdaughter. Tasha was slumped against the back seat, her face washed out, her eyes haunted by images of her past and her future. This was a child who needed her mother more than ever, and Emma wished she could summon Caroline here right now.
Emma had called Tom the minute the car was away from the house, doing as he said and keeping the phone on speaker on her knee. He had told her to go to a supermarket – not their usual one, but a different one – and park in the busiest aisle of the car park.
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