“Sorry, baby, but I’m afraid you’ll never get to know what loving another man feels like.” She smiled as I brushed her cheek with my thumb. “I’ll never let you go.”
Our lips mashed again, and I decided to play boldly, pushing her gently down on the couch, hoping tonight would be the night. I’d wanted to take it slow, the way she deserved, maybe wait for her to say she was ready to take our relationship up another level, but that had been before I’d known how addictive she’d be. Now I knew I’d never get enough of her.
Things got a little frantic afterwards, and when my hands started roaming her body, itching to get that dress off her and whatever else she was wearing underneath, she placed both her palms on my chest and pushed me slightly off her. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to hide the disappointment I was feeling. I’d promised myself I’d never force her if she thought this was too soon, but I was a guy after all, and after half an hour of heavy making out it would take a little for my brain, and other parts of my body, to understand it was time to stop.
“Sorry, I got a little carried away. I didn’t mean to—”
She placed two fingers to my lips, shushing me. Her pupils were so large her eyes almost looked black, and I could see a fire smoldering inside them. Her chin was slightly pink from where my stubble had scratched her pale skin, and her lips were swollen and still wet from my kisses. She’d always looked cute and shy, but now—wow, now she looked downright sexy.
Something twitched inside my dress pants, and I uselessly tried a pep talk inside my mind.
“I just wanted to suggest we move upstairs; my bed will be a little more comfortable.” She batted her eyelashes and gave me a cheeky grin, which I returned, jumping up from the couch and offering her my good hand. She giggled and took it, letting me pull her up and purposely crashing against my chest.
We went upstairs holding hands, and I barely took in the unfamiliar surroundings, with my gaze fixed on her body as I followed her to her room. My heart went wild the moment she switched on the light and I saw the red candles on the nightstand and chest of drawers, waiting to be the only light in the room.
“Ah, so you’d actually planned on ending the night here . . . All that Disney romanticism was only a means to get me upstairs eventually.” I used a teasing tone, feigning surprise—as if I hadn’t hoped and prayed we’d end up in her bedroom tonight.
She chuckled and spun back. “Maybe.”
“That’s my girl.” I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her forehead. “I was really hoping you’d show me your room, but didn’t want to sound too eager. How about we light those candles and go back to where we stopped?”
She nodded and reached for the packet of matches on the nightstand, dropping it and chuckling at her clumsiness. Her hands were shaking and she failed to light the match at the first two attempts.
“Need help there, beautiful girl?” I asked from my spot near the door.
She let out an annoyed groan and I laughed. Finally, the match lit up with a crackling sound, and the smell of sulphur filled the air. Claire flitted from the nightstand to the chest of drawers, and once all the candles were lit, she turned out the light, spun and plopped onto the bed, kicking off her shoes.
She looked at me provocatively from underneath her lashes, and patted the mattress next to her. “Yes, this is definitely more comfortable than the sofa. Want to try?”
I grinned and crawled toward her on the mattress, kicking off my own shoes, and not breaking eye contact until I was hovering above her, my lips only millimeters from hers.
“You’re right, it is comfortable,” I whispered against her mouth. She shivered, and I was glad I wasn’t the only ball of nerves in the room. “But I find this warm body beneath me to be even more so.”
She tilted her head so that her lips found mine, and I lost all self-control. She was my personal drug and tonight I was planning on overdosing on her—if she’d let me.
Chapter Twenty-five
Claire
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t hoped we’d end our romantic date in my bedroom, but I still couldn’t believe David was here with me on my bed, leaving a trail of hot kisses from my ear down my neck and to the V-neck of my dress. I’d never been confident at being intimate with a guy, especially not after the way Peter complained about me not being fun at all; still, having David on top of me, kissing and caressing my body, felt completely natural, as if we’d done it forever.
David pulled back and supported his weight on his elbows, staring intensely at me for a few seconds. In the dim light provided by the candles his eyes were dark and huge, and I lost myself in them, forgetting all my insecurities and fears, wanting so desperately to erase all the bad memories I related to intimacy.
David isn’t Peter. He would never hurt me. He’d never be selfish or rough. He’d . . .
“Claire.” The way he whispered my name, with his eyes locked with mine, covered my whole body in goosebumps, even though the room was warm and we were still completely dressed. “Where were you just now? You looked . . . frightened. We don’t have to go any further, if you don’t feel comfortable.”
There. Just further proof that David was nothing like Peter, who would’ve taken what he wanted without asking for permission, without worrying too much whether I was in the mood for any of it or not.
I brought my hands to his face and brushed his cheeks with my thumbs, liking the way the stubble pricked my fingers. Opening up with him had been so easy when we were barely more than strangers; there was no reason not to talk to him about what troubled my mind now we were a couple.
“I’m more than comfortable having you here in my bed, but . . . remember what Peter said that night at the pub?” David stiffened at the mention of my ex, and I wondered if this chat would totally kill the mood and have him get off me and out of my room. Even so, I needed him to know what was going through my mind. I wanted him to know me, the real me that nobody ever got to see. “He was right when he said I’m not good at . . . this.”
His eyes narrowed a little, and he stared at me with a frown. “This being . . .?”
I rolled my eyes. “Sex, okay? He’s the only one I’ve ever been with, and both times it was like torture and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Not that it ever took him long, thank goodness.”
I looked away and sat up, causing him to move off me. I was twenty-four but I felt more like an insecure teenager—not exactly the kind of woman I was sure he was used to. I was ashamed of my inexperience and felt stupid for even bringing up the subject. Yep, I’d officially ruined the night.
“Why don’t you tell me about it?” He sat next to me and took my right hand in his left one, intertwining our fingers. “I don’t particularly like talking about that gobshite, but I want to know everything about you, Claire, even if I have a feeling that once you’re finished talking I’ll feel the urge to find him and kick his ass.”
I let out a small chuckle, in spite of the tension I was feeling, and he gave my hand a squeeze. “This might be a major buzz-killer, you know,” I said, brushing the back of his hand with my thumb.
He grinned. “Leave that to me. I’ll bring back the heat in no time.”
I rested my head on his shoulder, and he released my hand to wrap his arm around me and pull me in. With my cheek on his chest, the steady beating of his heart calmed my nerves. I heaved a sigh and started telling him the whole story about how Peter had managed to psychologically coerce me into sharing my first time with him, how uncomfortable and painful it’d been, as well as fast—at least for him. I’d just waited for him to finish and was glad when he’d grunted and rolled on his side, without worrying too much about how I was feeling. I’d always thought my first time would be special, but he’d only made me feel stupid, inexperienced and weird because I hadn’t liked it one bit. I’d just squeezed my eyes shut and waited for it to be over, blaming it all on my inexperience and all the awful things that were going through my mind at the time.
> Lucky for me, we weren’t together long enough to repeat the performance after that night. The second and last time he’d forced himself on me was the night I finally decided to leave him.
“When he walked into the pub that night, he’d probably already been drinking somewhere else. He used to go out with his teammates after a game. He had a couple more beers while he waited for my shift to be over, so by the time I was ready to leave he was a little over the top.” I looked away, staring at the flickering flames of the two red candles on the nightstand to my left. “I told him I’d call a taxi but he dragged me out to his car, saying he was in the mood for some action. I told him I was tired and I needed to go home and check on my mother, but he didn’t even listen to a word I said. He’d been very understanding and caring when we first started talking and I’d told him about my situation at home, but after a while he’d started saying I used my mother as an excuse not to live my life.”
“Insensitive jerk,” David muttered, rubbing my shoulder with his good hand. I leaned into him, wanting to find in him the strength I needed to keep talking.
“He didn’t let go when I insisted my mother was waiting for me, nor when I tried to pull away from his strong grasp. He pushed me into the back seat of his car, saying he was going to take what he wanted and that I owed it to him, since I’d been such a complete disappointment the first time.” I closed my eyes, trying to keep my breathing steady even as panic surged through me, blocking my air pipes. “He was too strong; I just couldn’t get him off me when all his weight was crushing me against the seat.”
“Please, tell me he didn’t do what I’m thinking he did.” David squeezed my shoulder and I heaved a sigh. I’d never told anyone what had happened that night—not the details, anyway. Ciara knew I’d left Peter because he’d hit me, but not the reason why he’d done it. Opening up with David had always felt easy, and I didn’t want the ghost of my stupid ex to come between us, this wonderful thing that was growing between David and me.
Tears filled my eyes as memories of that night flooded my mind. The sting of my split lip, the weight of his body on me, the pain I felt with every thrust, and as I started telling David the whole story, leaving out no details, I was back in the car.
His weight was pinning me down against the hard seat. The sour smell of booze on his breath made me feel like throwing up. I begged him to stop. He’d never acted like that before, and he was scaring me. He was so strong, he could keep both my wrists pinned above my head with only one hand and I still couldn’t break free, not even when I tried with all my strength.
“Please, Peter, stop. I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want to have sex with you when you’re so wasted you won’t even remember any of it.” My voice wobbled, but I didn’t care. Maybe if he thought I was crying he’d stop and let me go home.
Instead of releasing his grip on my wrists and getting off me, he crashed his mouth on mine, kissing me sloppily and causing me to gag at the taste of beer and cigarettes. I turned my head, breaking the kiss, and before I knew what was happening, the back of his free hand connected with my cheek, splitting my bottom lip and causing a searing pain to radiate all over my face as my cheek was pressed further into the car seat.
“Shut up and stop being such a prude.”
Hot tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks while he hastily pulled down my jeans, ripping off my underwear in the process.
I shivered when I heard the zip of his jeans, followed by the sound of ripped foil. I let out the breath I’d been holding when I realized that, even though he was completely wasted, he’d been at least sane enough to remember to use protection. The last thing I wanted was to get pregnant and have to carry this vicious man’s child.
The pain I felt the moment he pushed himself inside me made me forget the throbbing in my cheek and lip, and I squeezed my eyes shut, concentrating on the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. I couldn’t believe the guy who’d always been so nice was the drunken man on top of me.
It was over before I even knew it. It probably didn’t take him more than two minutes to get what he wanted and collapse on top of me, but in that moment, those two minutes felt like two hours. The heavy weight of his body made it hard for me to breathe, and each thrust caused stinging pain to shoot all through my body.
I dared open my eyes when he finally pulled himself off me and looked at me with a sneer. “See? It wasn’t so bad, was it? There was really no need for you to fight it and go all prudish.” He zipped up his jeans and shook his head as he looked at me. “Ah, whatever. You’re really not worth the time, doll. I’m not sure you even know how to enjoy this,” he said, then he told me to get into the front seat so he could drive me home.
I pulled up my jeans, feeling ashamed of myself and even guilty for letting him treat me like that. How had I not seen it coming? How had I not been able to see he was an aggressive, selfish bastard?
When he got into the driver’s seat, I scrambled out of the car and ran to the line of taxis waiting for clients. I knew he wouldn’t make a scene in front of everyone, so I just straightened my clothes and hair and sneaked inside a cab, my heart thumping wildly as if I’d just escaped a serial killer.
“It’s okay, baby. It’s over, it’s all over now.”
I hadn’t even realized I’d started shaking until David pulled me into his chest, resting his chin on top of my head. It took me a few minutes to calm down, but David didn’t push me. He just rubbed his hand up and down my back, his voice a low soothing rumble repeating over and over that it was okay, that he’d never let anyone hurt me again.
He placed a kiss into my hair and pulled me even closer. I took comfort from his touch and his sweet words, and I swallowed the gigantic lump in my throat. I wanted to get to the end of this story. Once it was out in the open hopefully I’d be able to move on, get over it and forget it had ever happened.
“The following night he came to the pub as if nothing had happened, but I told him we were over and I had security escort him out. He let out an annoying chuckle, saying there was a queue of women waiting for him, and he definitely wouldn’t waste his time with a prude like me.” I exhaled and the burden of shame, guilt and regret I’d carried around so long finally left my body with the breath I’d let out.
“That guy was just a selfish jerk and he didn’t deserve someone as special as you.” David kissed my temple and I shivered as his hot lips seared the side of my face. I could only hope Peter hadn’t ruined me forever, because I couldn’t think of not getting close to David, of not knowing what it would be like to be skin to skin with him. “Don’t worry, we don’t have to do anything right now. I can just cuddle with you all night until you ask me to go home. I don’t need anything more than holding you in my arms for this date to be perfect.”
I shook my head against his chest and pulled back a little to look him in the eye. Why couldn’t I have met David first? If I had I was sure my first time would have been a memorable experience, unlike the hurried five minutes it took Peter to get it over with without worrying too much about me.
“I don’t want him to ruin our night—I won’t let him. I know that with you it will be completely different, that it will be perfect, just like our first kiss but . . .” I swallowed the sob that I felt bubbling up my throat and inhaled deeply, closing my eyes for a second. When I reopened them, David was staring languidly at me and a sweet smile tugged at the corners of his lips, those soft lips I’d become addicted to after only two weeks. “I just need a little time to pull myself together. You’re the first person I’ve told the whole story to. I feel like a load has been taken off my chest, but I want any bad memories to leave my mind completely so I can create new memories with you. I want to remember only you, as if you were my first.”
He squeezed me a little tighter. “I will be your first: the first who’ll cherish your body and put your happiness before anything else, just like you deserve. Unlike the jerk who only thought of himself.”
His wor
ds went straight to my heart, melting the ice shards Peter’s words and behavior had left in their wake. With each heartbeat I felt new life rushing through my veins; hope, love and happiness filled every inch of my body, bringing back the confidence Peter had taken away from me two years ago. I wanted to be with David more than anything else, but I wanted it to be right, to feel right. Until the elephant in the shape of a bulky rugby player had left the room, I wouldn’t be able to put it all behind me and be over him, over the humiliation, the hurt, and the guilt.
“I love you,” I said, looking up from his chest and finding his lips. He let me brush them gently a couple of times before he took charge, moving from my lips up to my eyelids, my forehead and to my ear. I involuntarily gasped when his hot breath tickled my ear shell, and he chuckled against my skin.
“Sorry,” he said as he pulled back and stared at me. “I got carried away; you’re sort of addictive, ya know?” He placed another soft kiss on my lips before sitting back against the padded headboard of my bed. He let out a sigh of contentment and pulled me close to him. I automatically rested my cheek against his chest again, loving the sound of his heartbeat.
We breathed in unison in the silent room, neither of us feeling the need to fill the quiet with small talk or empty words. His good hand rubbed my arm up and down, while my hand traced circular patterns on his chest, eliciting a soft moan every now and then. This felt good. Even though it hadn’t turned out the way I’d meant when I first prepared everything for our date, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I was in the arms of the most wonderful man I’d ever met and would ever meet. Things were starting to look up at last.
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