“I’m so—”
Carrick grabbed him, dragging him back. Jardin moved onto his knees between the bigger man’s open legs. Not a position he was used to. He was a man who liked to control everything. But whatever Carrick needed in order to forgive him, to take another gamble on him, he would give to him.
Carrick’s mouth moved against his, taking charge of the kiss. His tongue dipped between Jardin’s lips; sipping from him. Owning him.
His cock pressed against his pants. Aching and hard. Jardin ran his hands up Carrick’s thighs, feeling how muscular he was. Then he pressed his hand to the other man’s cock
Fuck. Yes.
Carrick groaned into his mouth. “Jardin . . .”
“Let me show you how much I want you. Let me prove it to you.”
Carrick shook his head.
It was like a bucket of cold water over his head. He’d misread him. Sure, he was rocking one hell of a hard-on, but it didn’t mean he wanted this.
“Fuck. Jardin. I just . . . I need a minute to think. Christ, that was everything . . . it was everything I ever wanted and yet . . .”
“You’re worried it might all disappear.” Jardin got it.
“Can you . . . can you get up? Seeing you on your knees like this, well, it doesn’t seem quite right. I don’t want you begging me. I thought I did. But fuck, it’s not like I didn’t make mistakes. We both know that. And you aren’t a man who gets on his knees.”
“I do for the people I love when they need me to. I do when I’ve been an idiot and it’s no less than I deserve.”
“I don’t want to punish you, J.”
“You don’t?”
Carrick’s lips twitched. “Okay, maybe I’d like to punish you a bit. But I messed up too. I just don’t know if we can come back from that.”
“And you don’t know if you want to try.”
“My life is in a good place right now. Not sure I can risk messing it up.”
“You’re not sure I’m worth messing things up for.” Jardin got it. “You’re likely right.” He started to get to his feet when Carrick grabbed his shoulders.
The other man groaned. “You’re fucking with everything I thought I wanted. That I needed.”
“I could say sorry, except that I’m not.”
“Bastard.” But it wasn’t said with ire. “Fuck.” Carrick leaned in and kissed him. Hard. Hot. He had to resist the urge not to take charge. Whatever Carrick needed to let him in, he’d give to him. No matter the cost.
Carrick finished the kiss, placing his forehead against his. “You’re holding back.”
Jardin stiffened.
“Because I’m a guy? Because I’m me? Or something else?” Carrick asked.
“Because you’re you. And I want to give you what you need.”
“Don’t do that, J.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Change your needs for me. Just don’t . . . things won’t work if you do that. We both know you’ve got to be the dominant one in any relationship.”
“You’re a Dom too. Have you ever thought about submitting?”
Carrick shrugged. “I enjoy being dominant in the bedroom. But there were times I watched you with Sally and thought about what it would be like to submit to you.”
“Yeah?” Jardin said huskily.
“Not always. And fuck, if we ever did add a third, she’d need to be a sub because I’m not bottoming for anyone else. But, yeah, I could do it. For you.”
Arousal flooded Jardin but he never wanted Carrick to feel pressured. “I would never expect you to—”
“I know.”
“Does this mean we’re giving this a try? Us?”
* * *
The hope in Jardin’s voice floored him. It showed him how much he wanted this.
Could he do it?
It’s everything he’d ever dreamed of. And the truth was, holding onto the anger took too much out of him. It was making him bitter, and he didn’t want that. In the end, he knew he’d regret it if he walked away and his life was already filled with too many regrets.
“We’re doing this.”
“Fuck. Thank God.” Jardin’s gaze ate him up. From the inside out. They just stared at each other for a long moment before Jardin pulled him in for another kiss.
Christ. He was going to self-combust soon.
“What now?” Carrick asked as Jardin drew back.
“Well, maybe we could have lunch before I have to get back to the office. Shit. Thea!” He pulled out his phone. “Stein said she made it safely back.”
“Thank God. I owe her an apology. Wait, the office? How do you know her?”
“She’s my personal assistant.”
Okay, that surprised him. “Your personal assistant? That wasn’t what I expected you to say.”
The way he’d looked at her . . . it was likely similar to the way Carrick looked at her. Like she was sunshine while he lived in perpetual darkness.
His heart feeling lighter, he stood and moved toward Jardin, shocked when the other man entwined his fingers with his, slipping his phone away. “You know what? I’m not real sure I want to go back to work.”
Carrick gave him a shocked look. “You? Not want to work?”
Jardin shook his head. “I think I’ve earned some time off. Wanna play hooky with me?”
Carrick just smiled. “Fuck, yes.”
13
Jardin looked completely out of place in his house with his designer suit.
“So, this is your place? I like it.”
He couldn’t stop the snort from escaping.
Jardin turned to give him a look. “What does that mean?”
“You don’t like it.”
“I just said I did.” There was a note to the other man’s voice that should have warned him to tread carefully. But he didn’t heed it.
“You can’t possibly like it. My whole house would probably fit into the master suite at your place.” The master suite he’d given to Sally. God, how she’d loved being lady of the manor.
He wondered how Thea would fit in there.
Nope. Don’t think about her.
Besides, he couldn’t imagine Thea in that space. It would overwhelm her.
Not with you there to take care of her.
Shut. Up.
“I don’t live there anymore.”
“You don’t?”
“No, I moved back to the family estate.”
Now that did surprise him. He wouldn’t have thought Jardin wanted to live with his family again. Not that he didn’t love them, but they weren’t an overly demonstrative lot. Then again, neither was Jardin.
“And what does the size matter? Does a place have to be huge for me to like it?”
“Come off it, Jardin. This place is a shit hole in comparison.”
“This is not a shit hole.”
“Well, no. But it’s not a palace, either.”
“You think I could only be happy in a palace?”
Carrick shrugged. He didn’t want to say it, but, yeah.
“Fine. Then I’ll move in here.”
Carrick had just taken a swig of beer that he’d pulled from his fridge when he heard those words. He choked on the mouthful.
“What?”
“Well, obviously, not right now. Not unless you want me to. But when we’re ready for that step. I’ll move in here.”
“Jardin, you’re not moving in here.”
“Like I said, when we’re ready.”
Christ, he was no less of a bulldozer than he had been two years ago. In fact, he might be more of one.
“No. Never.”
A flash of hurt filled Jardin’s face and Carrick cursed. “I didn’t mean . . . when the time is right, I want to live with you, I just meant . . . fuck. I’m bad at this shit.”
“Talking?”
“Yeah. Talking. I’ll move in with you. You can’t live here. This place isn’t right for you.”
“I don’t give a fuck where I live,
so long as I’m with you.”
They were nice words, but he didn’t truly believe them.
“Maybe we should table that for now. Want a beer?” he asked.
Jardin nodded, taking the beer Carrick offered him. Since they’d gotten there, there was a kind of awkwardness between them. As though neither knew what to say.
“I need to make a call to Thea, let her know I’m not going to be in and to move my appointments.”
Carrick nodded, watching as Jardin walked away. Was he doing the right thing? Letting him back into his life? Then again, had it been much of a life without Jardin in it? The other man had hurt him badly. But would he have walked away without a fight if he hadn’t let Sally gouge a huge hole in his self-esteem? If he’d just opened up to Jardin, maybe they could have avoided the mess that came later.
Sally’s death. Jardin’s words. So much pain.
Maybe it wouldn’t end well again. But, this time, there was honesty between them at least. Jardin’s revelation had been a shock, and he still wasn’t entirely sure he knew what he was getting himself into. But he’d suffered through his family trying to tell him how to feel when he’d first come out. He still didn’t talk to them because of it. No way was he telling Jardin how to feel.
That wasn’t the only thing niggling away at him, though. This was new, yes. And he got that they should focus on the two of them. But then there was Thea.
Thea, who he couldn’t stop thinking about.
Thea, who had looked confused and worried. And scared.
Thea, who’d run out of the restaurant as though the hounds of hell were on her heels.
None of that sat right with him. But was Jardin interested in her? And would it be fair to bring her in to a relationship that was just starting off? Even though they’d known each other for years, and though they’d shared a woman, they’d never been in a relationship together.
No, they needed a solid foundation first, then they could think about Thea.
Except he couldn’t get her out of mind. He needed to talk to her, explain things. Find out why she’d never answered his messages.
“Everything okay?”
He glanced up as Jardin walked in and moved over to where he was leaning against the kitchen counter.
Carrick took him in. Fuck, he was hot. The man oozed power and authority. Yet, Carrick knew he had a softer side too. He just didn’t let many people see it.
“Changed your mind?” Vulnerability entered Jardin’s gaze.
“Fuck. No.” Carrick reached out and drew him close, holding him against his chest. His cock hardened, thickened at the feel of Jardin’s body against his. “I want this. Want it so much it’s fucking scary.”
“I know what you mean,” Jardin admitted. “I’m scared as well.”
“Didn’t think much ever scared the great Jardin Malone.”
“Yeah, well, the great Jardin Malone isn’t so great. He’s just a man who wants his best friend to love him again.”
Carrick groaned. “Fuck that’s hot.”
“What is?”
“You. Letting down your guard. Letting me the fuck in. I want you.”
“Me too.”
“Is it moving too fast?”
Jardin shrugged. “Not like we haven’t known each other for years.”
That didn’t mean they should immediately jump into bed with each other. Still, he couldn’t resist leaning down to kiss the other man. Reaching around, he squeezed his firm ass.
“Fuck, Carrick,” Jardin muttered. “You’re killing me.”
“You sure you’re ready for this?”
“Fuck, yes. What the hell do you think I’ve been jerking off to for the past two years?”
“You dreamed about me?” Carrick asked.
“Course I fucking did. All the ways I would take you. All the ways I would make you mine.”
Jardin reached down and rubbed Carrick’s dick through his jeans. Fuck. He needed more. Jardin must have sensed that as he undid the button and pulled the zipper down then dragged his jeans over his ass to grab his cock through his boxers.
He ran his thumb over the tip, and Carrick jolted. Fuck. Him. That felt so damn good.
Carrick’s breath came in fast pants as Jardin released his dick from his boxers and started to pump the hard shaft.
“Keep your hands on the counter behind you,” Jardin commanded.
He moved his hands to do as he was told.
“Fuck. I like that you just obeyed me. Not gonna lie. Never thought I’d have this. Any of this.”
“Me either. Christ, can’t believe I didn’t know you wanted me like this.”
Jardin squeezed Carrick’s cock. Fuck. Fuck.
To his shock, Jardin grabbed hold of his hips then bent down, running his tongue over the top of Carrick’s dick.
“Fuck!”
“Always wondered what you’d taste like.” He took Carrick’s cock deep into his mouth. Carrick had to count backward from a hundred not to come then and there.
“Jardin,” he moaned as the other man drew back.
Jardin cupped his face between his hands. “You know I like to be in control. Of everything. I know you won’t always want to submit, but right now I don’t think I can hold back my need to take charge. If I go too far, you tell me. But, Carrick, I want to take you. I want to feel your mouth wrapped around my cock. I want to take your ass. And I want you in mine.”
Carrick’s breath came faster. Harder.
“Tell me you want that too.”
Jardin stepped back, giving him time to think. Or he thought that’s what he was doing. But he didn’t want to overthink it anymore. He quickly tugged his jeans and boxers off his legs. Jardin’s gaze heated as he watched him. Then he reached over and grabbed Jardin’s hand.
“Come with me.”
14
Jardin watched Carrick’s tight ass as he led him toward the bedroom. He had to fight the urge to be the one in the lead. Although he did admit the view was good.
He wondered what that ass would look like red. How well Carrick would take his whip. His belt. His paddle. His pulse raced.
He’d expected more of a push back to his dominance. But then, Carrick wasn’t a typical Dom. Or a typical sub. Jardin knew he wouldn’t submit for anyone else. And that fucking pleased the hell out of him.
Sometimes he’d take his commands perfectly, other times he wouldn’t. Maybe sometimes he’d want the pain Jardin enjoyed giving. Maybe other times he’d tell him to fuck off.
He grinned at the thought. Jardin hadn’t felt so alive in years.
He wasn’t losing Carrick. Not ever again.
Thoughts of Thea flitted through his head. With her, they’d have balance. They could both command her. Both watch over her. Both keep her safe. He’d damn well enjoy taking her over his knee and spanking her. Then fucking her. Then watching Carrick fuck her.
Or taking her together.
That’s what he’d dreamed of. Thea sucking on Carrick’s cock while Jardin took him from behind. Jardin inside Thea’s pussy while Carrick took him.
All in good time.
Right now, he needed to show Carrick how much he meant to him. How much he needed him. How seriously he took this.
“Shirt off,” he commanded as soon as they entered Carrick’s bedroom.
The other man just raised an eyebrow, but he quickly striped off his black shirt. Sally used to complain about Carrick’s limited wardrobe and lack of style.
Jardin didn’t give a fuck. The other man was hot. Gorgeous. Sexy as hell. Sally had never seen that. And it had been her loss.
But enough about that bitch. There was only one woman he’d allow to come between them. And he meant that in a physical way, not an emotional one, because that shit wasn’t happening again.
When Carrick was finally naked, Jardin ran his gaze over his firm chest. The man was sculpted from his wide shoulders down his rippling six-pack to his Adonis belt.
His gaze snagged on the thick c
ock sticking up. Hell. Yes.
“You planning on just staring at me all night?” There was a note of challenge in Carrick’s voice.
Jardin’s darker side started to rise. Go easy. “Get on the bed. Hands above your head.”
Carrick raised his eyebrows. “Always the bossy bastard.”
“Would you want me any other way?”
Carrick let out a bark of laughter. “Shockingly, no.” He climbed on the slightly messy bed. Unsurprisingly, the sheets were dark gray and the duvet was black.
Most people might look at Carrick and think he was uncomplicated. That he liked things simple. And he did. But there was more to him than the surface. Jardin slowly stripped as Carrick put his hands behind his head and watched, his gaze filled with admiration.
He wasn’t as cut as Carrick, but he didn’t slack on time in the gym. He’d never needed much sleep and it wasn’t as though his nights were occupied with anything else. The occasional visit to the club when it all got to be too much. When he needed to release some tension.
“Like what you see?” he asked, wrapping his hand around his shaft.
“Fuck, yes,” Carrick said gruffly.
“Good.”
He crawled onto the side of the bed then knelt down by Carrick’s head. “Do you want to know what I taste like?”
Carrick licked his lips. “Fuck. Yes.”
“Take me into your mouth then.”
The other man rolled over, positioning himself on his hands and knees, leaning in to take Jardin’s dick into his mouth, he sucked him down.
Holy. Fuck.
That felt so good. Jardin’s eyes rolled back in his head as he struggled for control as Carrick took him deeply. He swirled his tongue around the head, his hand reaching for Jardin’s balls. He widened his legs to give him more room to play with. And play he did. He ran his tongue up and down Jardin’s shaft. Then he sucked him slowly into his mouth. In slow, out fast. Fuck, the man knew what he was doing.
It wasn’t long until the rush of orgasm neared.
“Fuck. Carrick. I’m close.”
Carrick hummed. Then he moved his hand around to Jardin’s asshole. Just the tip of a finger entered his puckered hole, but it was enough. Jardin shouted as he came in the other man’s mouth while Carrick continued to suck on him. His breath came in fast pants, his skin was coated with a fine sheen of sweat. He felt like he’d done a hard session of cardio when all he’d done was sit there while Carrick had sucked him off.
Jardin’s Gamble Page 12
