by Beca Lewis
“He said not to worry about that now.”
Turning back to Eddie, Bryan asked, “Why are you here?”
“I brought you the first person you are going to help.”
“Help? Help how?”
“This will take a little longer than we have standing here in the park while you look like a crazy person talking to the air.
“Grace over there is taking it in, and so is Pete. Go on home, and we’ll meet you there later. I need to take Connie for a walk around the town before she settles into what she has to do.
“And as for your friend there, bring her along.”
“But she can’t see you, so how can she help?”
“She’s going to help you, and you will need it.”
Bryan looked back at the Diner, in time to see Pete walk away from the window and say something to a woman Eddie knew was Pete’s wife, Barbara. Grace had her back to them, but Bryan knew that Eddie was right. Grace had heard him talking. Maybe she thought he was talking to Rachel, but he doubted it.
What kind of trouble was he in? Looking down at Rachel, Bryan knew that Eddie was right. He would need Rachel’s help. Would she be willing to give it to him? After all, he had walked away from her before, pretending that he didn’t need her. Maybe she wouldn’t want to get involved with all this craziness.
But when she looked up at him, her green eyes curious and happy, and then smiled, he sighed. It was Rachel. She had always been there for him. Maybe it would be okay.
*******
Grace Strong watched Bryan and Rachel leave the park together. She knew about both of them. Not because she knew them, but because she had made it her business to know everyone in town. Grace loved that she was known as the town’s busybody. As soon as she moved to Doveland a few years before, she had started into her favorite pastime, learning everything she could about everyone in town.
Setting up the town’s favorite coffee shop, Your Second Home, gave her every opportunity to meet people. She wasn’t a gossip. She was a listener. Her deep brown eyes never strayed as she listened.
Grace knew that she was not, and never had been, a beautiful woman, and now that she was older, her short and stocky frame fit everyone’s version of a sweet old lady. But everyone who knew her understood that Grace was much more than she looked. They knew she was always aware, always paying attention to the world and people around her. It was inevitable that Grace would overhear Bryan’s conversation with apparently no one.
She had smiled to herself, thinking that perhaps another interesting story was about to unfold in Doveland. As Grace headed back to her shop, she saw Pete standing in the Diner’s window and waved to him. She knew that he had waited for her to see him. It meant that he had noticed something too about Bryan and Rachel. She was sure that Pete would bring it up at the next Monday night meeting. As a group, they wouldn’t interfere with whatever was happening, but they would pay attention just in case they were needed.
Yes, Grace thought to herself as she opened the door, smiling to herself as she smelled the combination of coffee and baking, something is happening. It won’t be long until I discover what it is.
Sixteen
Even though Eddie had said he was taking Connie for a walk around town before going to Bryan’s house, he and Connie didn’t leave right away. Instead, he turned to watch Grace. He hadn’t known her when he was alive, but he had watched her since she and her friends moved to Doveland a few years before.
He liked her. If he had a choice of a grandmother, it would be Grace. His father’s mother had not been so kind, or at least he didn’t think so since she had rarely seen him. Even as a child, Eddie knew that his father’s family had not liked his mother. Families, Eddie snorted to himself. Yes, he was only ten, but he had seen a lot since he had died. He figured he was actually a wise old man by now.
Eddie was rarely in Doveland. He helped anywhere there were people stuck in the in-between. Yes, he lived in the in-between too. But only because he wanted to.
However, recently Eddie had begun to think that perhaps it was time for him to move on. That maybe Connie would be his last case. He had waited for Connie to die, knowing what would happen. Eddie was helping Connie because his mother had asked him to. After this, he could leave.
Eddie glanced over at Connie and wondered what his mother had ever seen in this woman. Connie presented herself as a nothing, but underneath she was equally angry and sad. She probably couldn’t figure out which one to be the most, which was one reason she was stuck.
If Eddie didn’t know better, he would be angry at Connie for what she had done to his mother. But he knew better. He had seen what anger had done.
Looking around the park, Eddie saw many other people stuck in the in-between. People who didn’t know how to leave, or didn’t even know they were dead, or didn’t accept that they were. But he wasn’t there for them. He was there for Connie.
Eddie watched Grace wave at Pete. Yes, they would pay attention. That was a good thing. He had seen how they had helped others in the past few years, and he knew if he had to, he could involve them. For now, it was time to take Connie for a walk around town. It would be interesting to watch what she did with the memories.
*******
At first, Connie hated the idea, and let Eddie know what she thought in no uncertain terms. Walk around the town. For what?
But Eddie ignored her ranting and urged her on until she reluctantly started walking. Walking without actually touching the ground was an odd experience, but after a few blocks, she forgot about the sensation and started paying attention to what she was seeing.
Eddie had told her to let the memories come back to her, not fight them, just pay attention. When she had demanded to know why, he had said that if she ever wanted to leave this in-between place, the only way it would happen was to do what he told her to do. She grudgingly agreed to follow his orders.
As much as Connie didn’t want to face anything, she also didn’t want to be stuck. When she had asked Eddie where she could go if she weren’t stuck, he had told her it was up to her. The way he answered the question sounded ominous. But if it was up to her, she was willing—mostly.
She thought she could probably control the experience so it wouldn’t be too bad. After all, she had lived the last part of her life in an in-between place, and survived it.
“Did you?” Eddie asked her.
“Did I what?”
“Survive your self-imposed isolation?” Eddie answered.
“What? Are you reading my mind?”
“How else am I to know what’s going on?” Eddie said, walking backward so he could face her. “You’ve lied to yourself for so long that I can’t believe a word you say. At least for now.”
Connie stamped her foot—which was very ineffective since it hit nothing—turned, and walked the other way. Eddie let her. He knew that her memories would find her no matter how hard she tried to avoid them.
Walking through the town was just the beginning, and she would find out that was the easiest part.
Without thinking about it, Connie headed towards Edith’s family home. Eddie knew she would end up there eventually, so he let her walk alone. Perhaps without him around, she would let herself go back in time and think about what went wrong.
He didn’t know exactly what happened. His mother had only told him to help her friend when the time came. She had told him stories of when they were in college together and how Connie had helped her get through school while she hunted for a husband. She had found him his father, Theodore Prince. Not a prince of a man at all.
Eddie knew that one reason his mother had asked him to help Connie was that it would also help him. He needed to know the story, too.
In some ways, Eddie had avoided it the same way that Connie had. But what he did know was that ten years with his father had been enough for him.
Seventeen
Eddie stood in the garden, waiting for Connie to arrive. He had visited the house a few times since he had died, trying to recapture the happiest times of his life.
A few years ago, a new family had moved in that reminded him of what his mother had told him about her family—two kids and loving parents. He wondered what that would have felt like. And watching this family had given him a glimpse into his mother’s joyful family life.
When he visited, Eddie would stand in the garden and watch. The garden he remembered had changed through the years, but it was still beautiful. He knew his grandmother would be happy to know that her garden lived on.
Eddie would also go into the house, but only when the family wasn’t home. He was always careful not to leave any residual energy behind, just in case someone in the family was what he called “a sensitive.” So far, the only beings who had noticed him in all these years were the pets. But they couldn’t say anything, so he felt safe visiting.
This was not the house he grew up in. Eddie and his mother and father lived in a much bigger house in Pittsburgh. But he had visited this house with his mother. His father never came with them.
He remembered always wanting to stay. He never wanted to go home. He would beg, cry, pout, argue, but nothing worked. His mother said that she had agreed to be a wife until death parted them, so he and his mother always returned to his father’s house.
His grandparents would ask his mother to stay, too. Sometimes they begged her to at least leave Eddie with them. Eddie would stand between Ralph and Lorraine, hugging their legs, praying that his mother would say yes, and he wouldn’t have to leave.
But she never changed her mind. His mother would tell them she had made a choice, and it was her duty to stick with it. Eddie was all that she had. She couldn’t leave him behind.
All four of them would cry as they said goodbye, and he didn’t stop sobbing quietly in the back seat until they reached their house, where he would force himself to stop. He knew his father would punish him if he didn’t appear to be happy to come home. And even worse, his father might tell them they couldn’t visit again, which would be the most terrible thing he could imagine.
Eddie loved his grandparents, Ralph and Lorraine, and he knew that they loved him. Too much, maybe. Because they had both died within weeks of each other, a year after his death.
When they died, Ralph and Lorraine had not remained in the in-between, so he hadn’t seen them since that last visit when they were all alive. Eddie hoped that he could find them once he had finished this task. Maybe they could live together.
But as wise as Eddie had become, he still didn’t know exactly how that worked. Eddie hoped that by working with Connie, he would discover how and where to find his grandparents.
Eddie’s Uncle Bill had come to their house a few times as he was growing up. Even then, Eddie knew that Bill didn’t like his father. The feeling was mutual. And as much as his mother tried to calm the tension between them, it was never a pleasant visit.
Eventually, his Uncle had stopped coming and only sent cards and letters. Eddie knew that he hadn’t received them all because sometimes Bill would refer to something he had never heard before.
So Eddie had learned to get to the mail first, before his father. He would read the letter and then destroy it, keeping whatever his Uncle Bill had said locked inside his heart. He didn’t even tell his mother, afraid that somehow she would blurt that information out during one of his father’s daily interrogations.
He saw his uncle again when he came to his funeral. Bill had cried so hard his shoulders shook. For a moment, Eddie thought Bill had seen him because he glanced up at Eddie when he put his arm around him. But then, shaking his head, Bill had reached for his partner’s hand, and they had sat weeping together, their hands hidden beneath the coat that lay between them.
Now that he could make his own choices, being dead and all, Eddie would visit Bill and Terrance once in a while. It made him happy to see how their lives had smoothed out and how they didn’t have to hide as much anymore. He knew that Connie had been good friends with his Uncle.
What Eddie didn’t know was why Bill and Connie hadn’t stayed in touch. It wasn’t because of Terrance. His mother had told him that Connie had known about Bill, long before anyone else in the family suspected.
Connie had even tried to tell her about Bill while they were still in college. His mother was ashamed that she hadn’t listened, and that she didn’t accept it as quickly as Connie had. It was one of her regrets. One of many.
Eddie knew that his mother was counting on him to make right what went wrong. Not him, really, Connie. He would help Connie in the in-between, and Bryan would help in the real world. Or at least the world where people were alive and sometimes acted that way. For Eddie, the in-between was very real.
Watching Connie approach the house, Eddie knew that she was ready. If she could have cried actual tears, that was what she was doing. Sobbing. Yes, she was ready.
Let the fun begin, Eddie said sarcastically to himself.
Eighteen
Bryan and Rachel paused outside of Bryan’s house before going in. It was as if they had traveled back in a time machine.
For both of them, it was as if they were in high school again. They both half expected Bryan’s mom to open the door to let them in the way she always did. They would study together or drop off their books and head to the woods. They sighed in unison. Those days were long gone.
Finally, Bryan reached into his pocket and pulled out the key, unlocked the door, and waited for Rachel to step inside. He knew what she would see. A house that looked the same as the last time she had been there for his father’s wake. He hadn’t had the energy to do anything different.
Besides, if he changed things, he would have to admit that his parents were gone. But seeing the house through Rachel’s eyes, he knew that he needed to accept that nothing was the same. His parents had died. But if his mother was telling the truth, they were together. That meant something, didn’t it?
He had barely talked to Rachel on the day of his father’s funeral. A mumbled hello when she came to the door, and a hasty retreat to the kitchen, using the excuse that his mother needed help, saved him from saying more.
But eventually, he had to come out of the kitchen, still pretending to ignore her while looking at her every chance he got. His mother had urged him to talk to her, knowing how he felt, but he couldn’t. He was a failure. She was not. He felt old. She looked the same, at least to him. Rachel had spoken with his mother, hugged her, and left with a nod to Bryan.
Now he stood behind Rachel, wanting her to turn so he could touch her face and tell her how sorry he was for being such a jerk. He could almost hear his mother urging him on, but he still couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Instead, he walked past her into the kitchen to make them both a cup of coffee. Rachel headed into the living room and sat on the couch, where she had always sat when they studied together.
Instead of sitting beside her as he used to when they were in high school, Bryan chose the chair facing her, his back against the window knowing that the light behind him would keep her from seeing the emotions that he couldn’t keep from moving across his face.
Clearing his throat, he thanked her for helping him.
Rachel practically bounced on the couch in response, making him smile despite his misgivings. She was like a bright yellow canary in a black and white world. She always brought color to his life, to everyone’s life, really. It was one of the many reasons both his parents had loved her. They knew she brought him to life. Once again, regret washed over him.
“Are you kidding? This is the most exciting thing to happen to me ever. How will I know when Eddie and Connie get here? Do you think I will ever be able to see them? How did your mother ‘open the door’ for them? Wait, is your mother here? Can I talk to her?”
&nbs
p; Bryan couldn’t help laughing. Rachel’s enthusiasm always made life better.
“No, I think mom is gone. I only saw her a few times after she died. I miss her, though. It’s selfish of me to wish that she had stayed around to help me, but she told me my dad was waiting for her, and she had to go.
“How she opened the door, I don’t know. I didn’t see her for a few weeks after she died. Then one day, I was lying in bed, and she came in and told me to get up. She scared the crap out of me. I thought I was dreaming. She was real, but she wasn’t.
“She reached out to push me like she did when I was a kid, I guess I was always lazy, but it didn’t work. That’s when I knew that I was crazy or dreaming. I screamed, rolled over, pulled the covers over my head, hoping that whatever was happening would stop.
“When nothing else happened, I turned back to look, and she was gone. But she kept coming back, and I kept turning away until one day I decided to pretend that what was happening was real, and that I hadn’t imagined it.
“That’s when we started talking, and I accepted that it was my mother. We talked about you, Rachel, how much she liked you. And me, and my life, and what I hadn’t done with it. She told me I had a gift, and I needed to accept it.”
Bryan put his cup down and dropped his head into his hands. Rachel waited.
When he looked up, he asked, “How can this be a gift? I barely understand what’s happening, and I am frightened all the time that I will do it wrong.”
Rachel put her cup down, got up, and walked over to Bryan, kneeling, so she was directly in front of him.
“Bryan, you have always worried too much about getting it wrong. And I, for one, am tired of it.”
Rachel reached out, put both hands on the side of Bryan’s face, and leaned in and kissed him on the lips.
“Now. That’s done. It wasn’t wrong. You could have done that years ago, and it wouldn’t have been wrong.”
