by Natalie Ann
“I see my oncologist every six months. Aside from minor problems, I’ve got a clean bill of health. Why all the questions, Caleb?”
“Because I’m beginning to wonder why you haven’t been in a serious relationship. Why you’re still single. It doesn’t make sense to me. We know I’m an ass and have severe social issues, but not you. You’re Lake Placid’s sweetheart.”
She snorted. “Yeah, well Lake Placid’s sweetheart is tainted, that’s why.”
“I don’t believe it. You’ve said before it’s because of your job. Is that really it?”
“It’s a big part of it, yes. Some men don’t like that I spend more time at my job or career than I do on them. That I can’t walk away and shut my job off at five every night and devote time to them. It’s always been an issue.”
He got that, but it didn’t bother him. Maybe that was because he never worked traditional hours himself. He’d be the first one that a guilty finger was pointed at for spending too much time working.
“What’s the other issue? Does it really have to do with you having had cancer?”
“Yes. Boy, you’re bound and determined to make me confess everything today, aren’t you?”
He reached over and pulled her against his side and tucked her under his arm. “I just spilled my guts out to you, the least you can do is the same. Why not both feel like shit when we’re done?” he said, forcing out a laugh.
“Did you really feel bad telling me about Kasey?”
“No. Not like you think. It’s just I don’t talk about it much.”
Never, if he was honest. It was a part of his life he wanted to forget, but in order to do that, he’d have to forget about Adam, and he’d never do that. Never be able to and never wanted to.
“Okay. Well then, I’ll tell you some of my sad tale. I’ve found that some men, when they find out about my cancer, or they see the doctor’s appointments, panic. No one wants to think about taking care of a significant other in their twenties, even their thirties.”
“That’s a crock,” he said quickly.
“Is it? How many people do you know would do it? Could you do it? Would you get into a relationship with someone knowing that they could end up needing a caregiver? Knowing you might lose that person and never have a future with them? How many people would open their hearts up to that?”
Unfortunately, he knew plenty that might walk away when she put it that way. “Then they are poor excuses of men.”
“That they were. But it’s the truth.”
“I wouldn’t walk away,” he said. “Never.”
She turned her head and looked up at him. “We’ve already established you aren’t like other men.”
He ran his hand over her head. “So tell me about these minor issues you mentioned that you’ve had.”
“You mean besides the melanoma?”
“Yeah. What else? To the outside world, everything seems peachy keen in your life.”
She laughed. “Peachy keen, huh? Female issues. I have or have had female issues.” He tensed next to her and she paused. “Will this make you uncomfortable? Would you rather not know?”
“I want to know,” he said firmly.
“I’ve never been regular. I’ve had cysts removed from my ovaries and so on. Nothing completely serious, but more annoying than anything.” She took a deep breath. “There is a high risk of infertility.”
He closed his eyes, then opened them up and stared at the wall. This explained why she was so close to her business. She needed to mother someone, and her business became her child. “Do you know for sure?”
“No. I’ve never been in the position to even try, so I’m not positive, but it’s a high probability considering I don’t have a regular cycle and if or when I ovulate it results in cysts that have had to be removed, along with endometriosis. I’m not holding my breath, if you want to be honest.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t know. Sad, I guess. I try not to focus on it, because I don’t know if it’s an issue or not, it’s just this nagging thing in the back of my head that may happen. I’ve never had the courage to even have tests done. Why bother, you know?”
He did know. “There are other ways to have a family. Lots of children need homes.”
“I know that, and when or if the time is right, I’ll look into all possibilities. You’d want your own child, wouldn’t you?”
“There are ways around it. Around you having to carry a child or conceive yourself.”
“You’d be right. Lots of time and money.”
He nodded his head. Something he had plenty of and was surprised he almost said that. That he was even thinking along those lines.
After Adam, he wasn’t sure he could ever go through that again, but lately he was starting to wonder what he was missing in his life.
“I’m sorry if I’ve touched on a sensitive subject with you,” he said.
“You did. But I’m glad we had this talk. I guess it’s nice to have it now before things get too serious,” she said, laughing.
Too late in his mind. “Celeste, don’t let anyone hold you back. Don’t let anyone’s opinions or ideas stifle you from being who you are. From achieving your dreams.”
She sat back, her eyes all misty. “Boy, you are all full of wisdom today. Yeah, I’ve lived my life that way for a long time. I never expected when I came here today to have this deep of a conversation, but I’m glad we did.”
“Surprisingly, so am I. And to prove it, I’m going to do something I’ve never done before.”
“What’s that?” she asked, knuckling a tear away.
“Wait here.” He stood up and went to his room and came back with a picture frame in his hand. “This is my son, Adam. I’d like to think he would have liked you.”
She reached for the frame and looked at Adam’s picture. Adam was just a month old there, a tiny smile on his face. Caleb remembered flashing a stuffed monkey at Adam to get him to smile when he took the picture.
That stuffed animal was hidden away where this frame and Adam’s blanket were. He didn’t like to bring it out much, but today it felt right.
“He’s a beautiful child, Caleb.” She reached for him, stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“I’m sorry for yours,” he whispered.
Next Year
A week later, Celeste was in the house making caramel apples for trick or treating that night. It was a special treat she enjoyed doing. Last year she went through two dozen in thirty minutes with the kids. This year she was going to make three dozen. It seemed every year more and more kids came for them, racing to get them first.
She heard her front door open and close, then her name called by her mother.
“In the kitchen,” she said.
When her mother and Cole walked in, she quickly pulled her sleeves down, not wanting them to see any part of her bandage from the mole removal yesterday.
“Oh man, caramel apples,” Cole said, reaching for one.
She slapped his hand away. “Those are for the trick or treaters.”
“Are you going to make me come back and get one tonight?” he asked grinning.
“Are you going to be in a costume?”
“I’ve got to work. Does my uniform count?”
She’d missed him this last month. He hadn’t come around much and she was hoping he wasn’t distancing himself as he did their senior year before he left for the Air Force. Now she figured he was just busy, like he’d said.
“I guess. Maybe if you’re nice, I’ll give you one for the road. What brings you two over today?”
She knew, but always asked when they showed up on this day. It was a little game she played with them.
“Happy rebirth,” her mother said, giving her a little gift that she was holding behind her back.
She’d had her bone marrow transplant on Halloween all those years ago.
“Thank you. What did you get me?”
she asked, all excited. It was kind of fun having two birthdays a year.
“Open it and see,” her mother encouraged.
She reached in and pulled out two new products from the skin care line she used. “Oh, I’ve been eying this. How did you know?”
“Because you’ve mentioned it the last few times I’ve been here,” her mother said, grinning. “You can thank Amber for picking out the right ones. Really, Celeste, you don’t need all these products. Your skin is beautiful.”
She held back a wince, but said, “That’s because I use all of these products. What did you get me, Cole?” she asked, laughing like she did every year.
“I gave you back fifteen more years to tease me with treats and not let me have them,” he said back, walking over and kissing her cheek.
Every year he said something similar yet different. The amount of years he added to her life to pester him. Always funny, too. Yeah, she wanted a family of her own someday, but the one she had was pretty darn spectacular.
“I’m sending you home with a caramel apple. Doesn’t that count for something?”
She watched as he walked over to the cookie jar and lifted the lid. “Jumbos, damn, my lucky day.” He took one out and bit into it. “How’s Caleb?”
That was an odd question coming from Cole. “Fine.”
“I told Cole about my meeting him last week. Cole is coming around,” her mother said, eying him hard.
“I didn’t know anyone needed to come around to whether or not I had a boyfriend,” she said, staring at him equally as hard, then her mother.
“Don’t be stubborn, Celeste,” her mother said.
“I’m not being stubborn.”
“Where is he?” Cole asked.
“Working. We aren’t in each other’s pocket. Why do you care? Want to read him the riot act or something? Maybe take him up in the chopper and make him spill some crazy confessions?”
“Does he have anything to confess to that I have to worry about?” Cole asked, turning and lifting an eyebrow.
She thought of their conversation last week and everything Caleb had told her. And thought of how she had given them both some space. Not staying away completely, but not making much of an effort to see him like normal, either.
In her eyes, they both had some thinking to do. Sure, Sparky and Caleb had visited a few times in the last week, but not much more than that.
Although, Caleb did show up yesterday an hour after her appointment and asked how she was feeling and if there was anything he could do for her.
She’d laughed at him and explained a few stitches in her arm weren’t a big deal, but she was touched, nevertheless. Especially since he hadn’t brought it up until yesterday, remembering she said she hated the pestering. She’d kind of thought he’d forgotten about it.
“I doubt it. Even if he did, you’d be the last person he’d tell.”
“Most likely,” Cole said, grunting.
“How many guests on site today?” her mother asked, like she always did. She swore they kept tabs on the amount of work she did, which was getting tiresome.
“Four guests in the main house, just three rooms. I’ve got the rest of the rooms filling up tomorrow. Why, do you want to come over and clean the bathrooms for me?” she asked her mother.
“Hardly. I can barely tolerate cleaning my own bathroom. Please tell me you didn’t lose your cleaning person?” her mother asked, horrified.
“No. Jeanne is still cleaning the house and doing all the work on that end. I just do the little things, like normal. I wish you two would stop worrying so much. I deal with the guests and reservations and do the cooking for the most part. Not much at all.”
“Whatever you say,” Cole said, not believing her, she could see.
“How many in the cottage?” her mother asked of Max’s place next door.
“Just one for now. She’ll be there for another few days.”
“How much work has that ended up being?” Cole asked.
“Very little and well worth the profit. It’s really no different than my normal guests here. Matter of fact, it’s actually less. Dena and Amber come each morning and each night, the first few days a patient is there, depending on the procedure they had done. Quinn is bringing food often, too. I’m not doing much more than checking in to see if they have what they need and keeping them company at times.”
Celeste had to admit she was enjoying it. Enjoying that there wasn’t much more to do other than manage the reservations and answer some questions, bring some food, and so on. She hoped to get her B&B to that stage someday. Maybe have a manager if she was willing to give up a bit of control.
“As long as you aren’t overdoing it,” Cole said, annoying her again.
“Go,” she said, waving her hands at him. “I’ll give you two apples if you leave me alone and stop pestering me about how hard I work.”
“Sweet,” he said. “Glad that worked out so well.” He leaned over, grabbed one off the tray and bit into it. “I’ll take the other to go.”
“You’re impossible,” she said, laughing.
“You wouldn’t want him any other way,” her mother said.
She was right. For all their faults, her family had always been there for her and, after all, wasn’t that what family did?
***
Caleb finished up the last part of the project he was working on today. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t heard from Celeste much lately and hoped it wasn’t anything serious.
He suspected she needed some time and part of him was okay with that.
After everything they’d talked about last week, he had to decide how invested he was with her. What he discovered was that he was deeply invested. More so than with any other woman.
What she told him, how other men had walked away from her, had made him furious. He couldn’t imagine that. Couldn’t imagine anyone walking away from someone in need.
He picked his phone up and started to text her a message. Need help handing out candy tonight?
It took a few minutes for her to respond, but he laughed when he read her message. Only if you come in costume.
He typed back fast. I’ll see you after dinner.
A few hours later, he opened her front door. There were a few people sitting in her front living room with the TV on and a fire going. It was the first he’d seen it and it gave him pause. He was used to coming around when people were off the premises or in their rooms, not lounging in the common areas.
He walked to the back of the house toward the kitchen and grinned when he saw her dressed up as Little Bo Peep. “Hey. Sorry I just walked in, I probably shouldn’t have.”
She turned quickly. “Why not? You’re always welcome,” she said, smiling.
Her smile made him relax. He hadn’t really seen much of it in the last week and was trying to figure out what was going on. It seemed she was busy, just like she’d said.
“You’ve got guests in the front room. I sort of forgot. I mean I know they’re here, but not normally just sitting around like they would in their own house.”
“This time of year the guests hang around the house more. They wanted to see the kids dressed up, too. Some of them will go sit on the porch with me and watch the traffic.”
“Oh. I guess you didn’t need my help.”
“I didn’t say that. They sit there and watch. You offered to hand out candy. I’m not sure you’ve ever done it before. Have you?”
“Not as an adult, I haven’t.”
She smiled again. “Well then, I’m glad I can give you that experience. You better hurry up and change into your costume.”
“I’m in costume,” he said.
She leaned back and crossed her arms. “Really, what costume would that be? Don’t give me the whole thing about being a software developer. That’s old and lame.”
“I wouldn’t be that transparent.”
“Okay, then what are you?” she asked again.
“I’m a millionaire,” he said.
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“No. Sorry that isn’t going to fly, either.”
He hadn’t expected it to and just wanted to see what her reaction would be. He’d never thought he’d be the guy who wanted to see someone laugh, yet here he was doing just that.
“Okay. I’m a lumberjack.”
She snorted and shook her head.
“I’m in jeans and work boots,” he pointed out, then pulled at his shirt. “A red flannel shirt.” He ran his hand around his chin. “I even have a beard.”
“That’s weak,” she said.
“It is, but that is my costume. I’ve got my trusty hunting dog with me too. He’s outside right now. He’ll be good and stay on the porch if you’re okay with that.”
“I am. But where’s your ax? Without that, you can take your trusty hunting dog home with you and hand out candy at your own house.”
“The ax is in my truck. I didn’t want to bring it in and scare you.”
She walked over and kissed him lightly. He’d been waiting for that from the moment he walked in. “I guess if it’s the best I can get.”
“For tonight it is,” he said. “I’ll do better next year, I promise.”
She looked at him funny, but didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure where those words came from. He didn’t know where he was going to be living from one month to the next. This was the longest he’d stayed anywhere in the past five years, and here he was admitting he’d be here next year.
Down This Road
Five days later, Celeste was trying to quiet her heart. She knew the cleaner the results of a biopsy, the faster it came back. Now she found she was counting the days and watching the calendar whenever she had something removed.
One full week later, still no call. She always got called within a week from someone at Max’s office.
The next morning, she put together a care package of muffins and walked over to meet Amber coming out of the cottage.
“Hey, I’ve got treats for the office today,” she said, holding up a bakery box.
“You’re the best,” Amber said, walking over and giving her a hug. “What’s in there today?”
