A Beautiful Disaster

by Marguerite Labbe

  “That’s better,” Brenden said grudgingly.

  “But I meant what I said when I left you that message. You weren’t another conquest. I knew that the moment we kissed. It was important. It was incredible… beyond the hotness factor.” Dakota retrieved his beer and took a long swallow. “But these last torturous weeks of celibacy have forced me to come to some realizations.”

  Granted, the realizations scared the absolute fuck out of Dakota, but the idea of losing Brenden to some jerk scared him even more. He loved Brenden. He just didn’t know if he was in love with him. He didn’t know how people made the distinction, and because he’d never been in that state before, he didn’t know how to characterize this. But he was determined to figure it out.

  “You’ve been celibate?” Disbelief colored Brenden’s voice, and he looked skeptical when Dakota nodded. His reputation was biting him in the ass. “What are you looking for? A weekend of sex, no conditions or strings? Is that what this is about?”

  It was a good damned thing Dakota had already determined that was a bad idea because the thought of Brenden offering sex taxed his willpower. Bad, bad idea, Nye. Keep it the fuck together. He’d never felt so nervous with a guy before. Never cared so much for a favorable response.

  “No, Bren. I set up this weekend so we could figure out our next steps for the con and for us.” Dakota took a deep breath. It was now or never. He had to go for it. “And I’ve been thinking about us, meaning me and you, as a long-term couple, not just partners and brothers. I mean romantically.”

  Brenden’s mouth dropped open and then worked like he wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out. He killed the rest of the wine in his glass, and Dakota’s heart twisted. He rarely saw Brenden so vulnerable. What if he was too burned to take a chance?

  “I never planned on committing to anyone. I always figured I was as selfish as Momma and would be a disaster, so it was smarter to keep it relaxed and fun.” Dakota stopped pacing and turned to face Brenden as he straightened in indignation.

  “You are not like your momma.” Despite the edge in Brenden’s eyes, his voice was gentle. “She’s selfish, Dakota. It’s always about her needs. Some people might peg you that way, but they’re wrong. You don’t let people too close. You keep them safely away, but you don’t completely disregard their feelings. You can be blind to them, true, but not deliberately hurtful. Hell, your momma and my dad would be perfect for each other. Perfect in misery.”

  “Yeah, well, that blind side led to you getting hurt, and I’m so fucking sorry, Bren.” Dakota crouched down and took Brenden’s hands. “I want a chance for you and me. A real chance, not a half-assed one.”

  Brenden stared at him with wide and wary eyes. “Dakota, I’m not getting our family all riled and upset on a chance.”

  “I’m ready to tell them today you’re the one I want,” Dakota said. “But I get it if you want to hold back.” He figured when Brenden was willing to come out with the news, that would mean he trusted in them. “We’ll wait until you’re ready.”

  “You want to be with me exclusively?” Brenden said unsteadily. “No running off when you get bored or meet someone more interesting?”

  There was no one more interesting than Brenden. He’d kept Dakota amused, challenged, and irritated for more years than he wanted to consider. Hell, they were practically married if he looked at it the right way. Except for the exclusive sex part. Which was scary and encouraging at the same time. They hadn’t killed each other yet. That had to bode well for their future.

  “What? You don’t think I’m capable of committing to the right man?” Dakota teased, his heart beating faster because Brenden looked so damned serious and he wanted to see him smile.

  Brenden bit his lip, his head cocking to the side. “You haven’t shown much evidence of that so far. Writing a name down on your fuck list does not equal commitment.”

  “Maybe that’s because I was screwing around everywhere else when the right man was beside me the whole time,” Dakota insisted. “I have tried looking at others in the last month, and no one compares to you, Bren. No one ever has.”

  Brenden closed his eyes and Dakota’s heart sank. He was going to say no and retreat into the shell of his that was so fucking hard to crack. “I swear. I didn’t bring you here to seduce you. Even though it is killing me, I have no plans to jump you again until you realize I’m serious. I’ve been trying to romance you, but either I suck or you’re clueless.”

  Brenden choked on a laugh. “I don’t know what’s funnier, you taking a vow of abstinence or trying to be romantic. I thought you were coming down with something.” He studied Dakota a moment longer and shook his head. Dakota’s heart tumbled even lower. He wasn’t even going to try, and he didn’t know how to convince him. “That self-preservation instinct you claim I have is screaming at me to shut this down, but I can’t. I don’t know how to say no to you anymore, Dakota. I’ve used up all my denials for life.”

  It took a moment for that to sink in, and then Dakota grinned in triumph. He squeezed Brenden’s hands and resisted the urge to kiss him breathless. That would convey the wrong message. Brenden didn’t doubt Dakota wanted him. His mind spun as he tried to think of something romantic he could do. “Just stay right here a moment.”

  Brenden stared after him with a perplexed expression as Dakota headed for the record player and the small pile of vinyls he’d brought. He picked up the first one with a sense of satisfaction. Perfect.

  The music wafted out to the sun porch as Dakota returned and took Brenden’s hand, tugging him to his feet. “What are you doing?” Brenden asked.

  “Dancing with you.” Dakota slipped his arm around Brenden’s waist and drew him closer. He’d been longing to have him in his arms for so long that it felt like a dream to have him there now.

  “Why?” Brenden moved stiffly, his steps as uncertain as the look in his eyes.

  “Because it’s impossible to resist Terrence Trent D’Arby’s music.” Dakota moved them in a slow circle around the room, encouraged as Brenden moved more in tune with him. “Because I’ve had many thoughts of twirling you around our kitchen over the years and I’ve never indulged them.”

  A smile lit up Brenden’s eyes, and he slid his arm around Dakota in return. “I guess I should be on the lookout, then.”

  “Yes, you should.” Dakota laid his cheek against Brenden’s and half closed his eyes as he listened to the music. Bit by bit Brenden relaxed his wary stance, and Dakota considered this night a major victory. They’d talked, really talked for the first time in what felt like forever. Dakota hadn’t realized how much he’d missed that. Right now Brenden was in his arms as if there was no place he’d rather be and there was a tender ache in Dakota’s throat that he didn’t know how to express, so he held on and moved them through the steps.

  “Hello?” Aden’s voice called from the front of the house. Brenden jerked out of Dakota’s embrace, his eyes widening with alarm as the sweet moment slipped away. “Brenden? Are you here?”

  “Fuck me,” Dakota swore under his breath as Brenden hurried toward the front door. He yanked out his phone and texted his cousin. What the fuck are you doing here? Whatever it took, he was getting Aden out of there before he ruined all of Dakota’s plans. It would take Brenden forever to relax now.

  He followed Brenden to the foyer, where he greeted Aden with a hug and took Julie’s overnight bag. Dakota eyed it sourly. Apparently he wasn’t the only one with this idea. He doubted he would get Aden and Julie out.

  On a bad note, they weren’t going to be alone anymore and he wouldn’t be able to lure Brenden into any more dances. On the good side, they’d have to share a bed if Julie and Aden opted to stay. That would be torture, but it would be a pleasant torture. Brenden would be scandalized at the thought of having sex with Aden down the hall. So even if Dakota was tempted to start something, he wouldn’t be able to. He glanced at his phone as it vibrated.

  I was trying to get in a romantic
weekend w/Julie since it’s supposed to be so pretty. Won’t be able to do this when school starts. What the fuck are you doing here?

  Dakota could sympathize with that, but only to an extent. His own romantic plans were in shambles. War meeting. Sorry.

  Dakota’s phone buzzed again, and he glanced down at the incoming text message. You hurt Brenden again & I will end you. I’m going to be learning the skills to do it & get away with it.

  Dakota lifted his head to meet Aden’s easy smile, though there was a hardness in his eyes Dakota had never seen before. His cousin was serious. There were so many responses that he could make. Like how he hadn’t meant to. Or for Aden to mind his own fucking business. He must’ve seen them dancing through the screened porch, and Aden wasn’t stupid.

  I wouldn’t fight you cuz I’d deserve it. Don’t ever want to hurt him. Don’t say anything. Bren’s not ready for the fam to know.

  Dakota glanced at Julie, but she didn’t act like she’d seen anything. Brenden would be relieved to know not everyone in their family would freak out. Dakota wasn’t sure if he should tell him that yet, though. Better to spring one surprise on him at a time. Brenden was still adjusting to the idea Dakota wanted a relationship. That might take some time to sink in.

  Not a word. But I’m for you two, unless you hurt him. Then you’re dead.

  Damn, okay, message received.

  Chapter Twenty

  BRENDEN STARED up at the ceiling, clutching the blankets to him like a medieval bride waiting for her lord to be delivered to the door. Later on in life, he might find his reaction funny; right now, he was borderline panicking. Dakota would walk in any minute, and Brenden had no idea what would happen next or even what he wanted to happen. Aden and Julie slept right down the hallway.

  Though if Dakota were to be believed, he didn’t plan on sex, which had to be the most ridiculous idea Brenden ever heard of. Then again, he hadn’t tried to make any moves on him. And the way he’d pulled Brenden into that dance, it had been so sweet and genuine. Dakota might have a history of wandering eyes and hands, but he didn’t play mind games.

  Which meant he was serious. And that was a little terrifying because he’d give it his all. Brenden didn’t know what to think or to trust. He wanted it. He wanted it so damn bad, he almost couldn’t think past the want. At the same time, there was that little voice telling him it wouldn’t last. They would screw up their lives and upset their family because of hormones.

  He should’ve taken the couch. What if Aden and Julie questioned why they were sharing a room? Even if they’d shared a room before.

  The bedroom door opened and Dakota slipped in. He kicked off his sneakers and tossed his shirt over the chair, where it slithered onto the floor. Ignoring it, Dakota made his way over to the bed, keeping his pants on. “This weekend is not going as I planned. I’m pretty sure sleeping with clothes on is unhealthy.” He sat on the edge of the bed with a grumpy expression.

  “I am surprised and disappointed you are showing this much restraint.” Which drove home to Brenden how sincere Dakota was. He hadn’t even kissed Brenden. Of course, there wasn’t a chance once Aden and Julie had shown up.

  “I have to.” Dakota stretched out on his side facing him, and an impish light appeared in his eyes. “If I lay down naked next to you, I’ll probably try to bone you in my sleep. The frustration of having pants on should wake me up enough to come to my senses.”

  The response was so totally Dakota that Brenden chuckled, and then he sobered. “I’m still not sure I understand. You want to be together, a committed couple, but you want to be celibate. How’s that supposed to work?”

  “I want you to believe I’m serious, and if I come after you like I did before, you’re not going to believe me. You might say you will, but you’ll always have doubts.” Dakota brushed his fingers over Brenden’s jaw. “But in case you don’t think I want you too….”

  Those words were the only warning Brenden had before Dakota kissed him.

  His heart leaped just like every other damn time Dakota had surprised him with this. He threaded his hands in Dakota’s hair and kissed him back, hungry for more, aching with the contact and what it meant. Dakota wanted to be with him, not just screw around. It was sweet, so damn sweet, and when Dakota pulled back, Brenden had to stop himself from reaching for Dakota again.

  Dakota gave him a rueful smile. “I was afraid we’d spontaneously combust like the first time we kissed. Though it was a close thing.”

  “You remember our first kiss?” Brenden asked, dazed, and then his brain cleared as Dakota gave him an odd look. Fuck. He had to remember not to attempt a conversation after Dakota kissed him.

  “I’m not likely to forget it ever.” Dakota’s mouth lifted in a naughty smile, though his gaze remained searching. “We almost set the hotel room on fire.” Brenden glanced away and Dakota continued, “Unless there’s something you’re not telling me.”

  Keeping a secret from Dakota was one thing. Deliberately dodging a direct question was too close to lying, and Brenden couldn’t do that to him.

  “That wasn’t our first kiss.” Brenden met his gaze in acute embarrassment. He couldn’t believe he was having this surreal conversation or that they’d never talked about it before, but that was on him.

  “What do you mean that wasn’t our first kiss? I was there. I think I’d remember.” Dakota’s eyes narrowed.

  “You were there for the first one too.” Brenden also rolled on his side to face Dakota. In a crazy way, this reminded him of those times when they traded confidences in their shared room. Only Dakota would be whispering from his own bed against the other wall and not lying down inches from him, half-naked and distracting.

  “When did this first kiss take place?” Dakota sat up, bracing himself on his palms. “Please tell me you’re fucking with me. Because I’m thinking back over all the years we’ve known each other and I’m getting nothing.”

  “That spring when I was seventeen and you were sixteen. After we decided we made better best friends than enemies. You’d called me to pick you up from some stupid party. Trev had taken your driver’s license from you for that escapade you’d pulled when you took the car without permission. And then you were grounded because of mouthing off to Evelyn after getting the report card when your grades tanked.”

  Dakota grimaced and held up his hand. “Ugh, don’t remind me of those dark days. If I ever had a kid like me, I’d strangle him.”

  Brenden caught his hand. “You had reasons. Maybe that wasn’t the best way of handling them, but dammit, you were carrying a shitload of justified angst.”

  “So were you, but I didn’t see you turning into a hellion,” Dakota said with a sour look. “But the fact you understand my head wasn’t in the right place… hell, you always understood. I loved you for that, even when I couldn’t say so.”

  “I loved you too, even though I couldn’t say it either.” Brenden wished he had. Saying the words wouldn’t have broken his promise. There were many different kinds of love. He’d had several toward Dakota, the love of good friends, the love of family, as well as the secret love he’d carried for years. “And I rebelled in my own ways. Like sneaking out and stealing the car myself so I could pick you up so you wouldn’t get into trouble again. Me and my enabling ass.”

  “Up to a point. You were also the one who narced to Trev and Evelyn when I was in serious danger of hurting myself. God, I was so fucking pissed. I didn’t speak to you until you got tired of it and punched me. When was that? Right before you left for college, right?” Dakota rubbed his jaw in memory. “Who would’ve thought a nerd like you could hit like that?”

  That cutting out had hurt. Brenden had understood why to an extent. He’d only told because he loved the jerk and was scared for him. Besides, Evelyn had looked him straight in the eyes and asked him how much Dakota was using. He couldn’t lie to her face, especially when she already knew. “Months of pent-up mad will do that. You apologized, though. Took a little whi
le longer. You eventually thanked me for narcing.”

  “Yeah, well, I was extra stupid and stubborn then. Now it’s just occasional weed and a beer.” Dakota eyed Brenden with a solemn and unblinking gaze. “But you haven’t mentioned this first kiss yet. I was lit up, wasn’t I?”

  Brenden sighed because he knew Dakota was going to be pissed at himself. The incident was something he could keep as a secret when they were friends, but if they were taking this a step further, Dakota deserved the whole story. “When I found you, you were drunk and high. And you became a blubbering mess on the way home.”

  “I kinda wish you didn’t have those memories of me.” Dakota scrubbed his hands together and regarded Brenden with a grimace. “Please tell me I didn’t try to screw you when you were rescuing me. I was one huge ball of frustrated hormones back then.”

  “No, it wasn’t like that.” Though Brenden was ashamed of his own actions. Sometimes he wondered how much of his desire to keep silent was because of his response. “I pulled over so you could get yourself together before we went home. I knew we’d both be busted if we showed up when you were like that. So I stopped by a gas station that was still open. Got you some water and napkins to clean up with and took you to the park so we could talk. You were in a talkative mood. Kept apologizing and hugging me.”

  “And I kissed you.” Dakota shook his head in disgust. “Don’t get me wrong, Bren, I had been giving serious thought to kissing you ever since we’d come out to each other. You were my first friend that I felt I could be completely honest with in years. Who wouldn’t have thoughts like that? Which are completely separate from the kind of thoughts I’m having about you these days. I wish it hadn’t happened that way ’cause I’d like to remember. I’d like to have kissed you again when I wasn’t a slobbering fool. It must’ve disgusted you. I’m a mess when I’m drunk.”

  “Are you crazy? I was a closeted nerd who never had any hope of getting kissed by anyone. Tears and slobber aside, it rocked my world.” And here was the part that made Brenden squirm in shame. “And I kissed you back, even knowing you weren’t thinking straight. And that was wrong of me.”