by C J Benjamin
We stood silently apart for a moment, each gazing into the forest lost in our own thoughts. I was quietly grieving the life I’d dreamt of for Nova and me as runaways. I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I knew it couldn’t be good because when I looked at his face, he was grinding his jaw muscles. Something he only did when he was wrestling his own inner demons.
“Thank you for telling me what happened, Nova. I really do feel better now. I don’t know what happened last night, but one thing I do know, is that you didn’t cause it. I know you’d never hurt me and I don’t accept that we need to stay apart. We’re doing just fine right now. Besides, I’ll need your help if we’re going to find the other Pillars.”
He looked at me without any emotion and nodded. “If you need my help, you’ll have it.”
Everyone was in a somber mood after the events of the past week, but today was a new day and I was determined to do something productive with it. Jemma recovered from our power sharing. She was in surprisingly good spirits, even around me. I guess since she’d gotten what she wanted, she wasn’t holding my brutal methods against me.
I was just happy that I wasn’t having anymore crazy fainting spells or visions or nose bleeds. We’d all had time to process what the chief told us about the Ponte deorum, Striga Carta, and the legend about the four realms. It was still a lot to take in, but like all things, time made it easier to digest somehow.
I asked Eja to get everyone together for the first time since we’d learned I was the Ponte deorum. We gathered inside his tent. The floor was littered with papers and journals, all strewn about in a wide radius encircling the Book of Secrets.
“So, I know a lot has happened and it’s a lot more complicated than we first thought now that we know I’m the Ponte deorum. But I think if we all work together, we can still accomplish our goals,” I said hopefully.
I looked around at the faces of my friends, but none of them shared my optimism. Remi looked pained and I could tell he was trying to keep it together for my sake. Sparrow was sitting alone, her ever-present shadow Journey hadn’t returned from scouting yet. She was fragilely folded next to Remi, with her worry written clearly across her delicate face. She unwound an arm that she had wrapped tightly around her long fawnlike legs to swipe at her loose strands of hair. A single tear escaped her glassy amber eyes. She was rocking back and forth, her fears and anxieties mirroring my own manifestations. Even after sharing my powers with Jemma, I could feel the worry in the room. I was thankful that they were dulled to half power in moments like these. I hated having to feel everyone else’s pain and fears on top of my own.
I was grateful to Remi when he put his arm around Sparrow’s slender shoulders. It instantly dimmed her pain, allowing me a comforting reprieve from her emotions. Without Sparrow’s fears overpowering my mind, I was able to feel the mood of the rest of the room and I was surprised to find joy mixed in among the worry and sympathy my friends were emoting on my behalf.
Of course, once I traced it back to its source, I should have known Jemma would have been reacting that way. I was amazed she was actually able to contain her delight. She was making a great show of acting sad so that she could cry on Nova’s shoulder, but I could read her like an open book. Maybe it was sisterly intuition. Maybe it was because we were even more connected after sharing powers. I could see the slight curve of her heart shaped lips, lift into a grin every so often, while she pretended to weep for me. It was obvious to me that she was rejoicing inside about how I probably wouldn’t be around long enough to compete for Nova’s affection, now that I had the added danger of being the Ponte deorum to shoulder.
She is not my competition, I scolded myself. I can’t be with Nova. Not right now anyway.
I shook my head and cleared my mind, refocusing before addressing the group again.
“I’ve spoken to the chief and he’s agreed to allow us to stay behind. I know packing up and moving each day has made it hard to get much accomplished. Not to mention that it’s exhausting now that we’re not able to use our powers to travel by morfing. I think it makes more sense for us to stay in one spot. Especially with the tribe moving further and further away from the Troian Center, which would only make our inevitable trek back even harder.”
“We’re going to be alone?” Sparrow asked sounding frightened.
“No, we’ll have protection,” I replied. “And it’s only for a day. I want to return to the Troian Center the day after next.”
“Two days?” Remi asked, sounding leery.
“Yes, I know it’s soon, and we have a lot of work to do, but we can’t use powers and we’re just wasting time here if we can’t train. Journey said he and the scouts have mapped out a safe route back. They’re doing the final check now,” I said, trying to reassure everyone.
“The chief has agreed to let us stay as long as Mali and Talon stay with us. He said they volunteered to offer us protection and guidance should we need it. Vida and her family will stay behind as well, to cook and care for us,” Eja informed the group.
As if on cue, Jovi came in with our dinner. It was a welcomed interruption. My stomach growled as the air filled with the wonderful aroma of the meal; corn cakes with figs and tree frog stew.
Even though I’d had a few rocky moments with Vida, I was very grateful that she offered to stay with us. She was an incredible healer, even without using powers and she was an even better cook, I thought as I dug into the stew Jovi brought me. I let Niv gobble up the remaining crumbs from my meal, while Eja recapped our strategy for finding the Pillars. I knew I should be paying attention, but my mind wandered. We’d been over the Book of Secrets a million times. We knew who was looking for who. Going over it again was taxing. Besides, Jaka said I’d feel it when the Pillars were near. I was basically a one woman Pillar-tracker.
All I could think about as Eja reiterated the characteristics of each Pillar’s elements, was how miserable it made me to watch my elated sister flirting with Nova. It reignited the flame for him that I’d barely snuffed out and I couldn’t stop thinking that there had to be some way to get Nova back. Perhaps if I saved the Pillars and defeated the Ravinori, that would be it. I would have fulfilled my destiny as the Eva and would be free to live the rest of my days as I saw fit. I knew I was grasping at straws, but it was the only glimmer of hope I had right now and I was clinging to it with all of my might.
45
I stroked Niv’s silky fur while I lay in my hammock. I’d retreated to my tent immediately after our group meeting. Taking in everyone’s emotions had exhausted me. Plus, I couldn’t bear to be in the same room with Jemma and Nova. I needed some time to gather my thoughts. I pulled my journal from my tattered shoulder bag. It had been my solace in times like these. I repeated the charm that would only reveal its contents to me and opened my journal, finding comfort in its pages once more.
I reread some of my previous entries from the last year. Looking back now, my worries back then seemed so simple and trivial. I would give anything to have my biggest worries be, Will I ever learn my real name? Or Will I learn to sing? Or Will I make more friends? It was crazy how much my life had changed in a year. I’d accomplished a lot. At the time all the new things I was dealing with, like learning I had powers and trying to control them, to finding the Book of Secrets, all seemed like insurmountable tasks, yet I’d done them. This gave me hope for the future. If I could just get past this next step, maybe I could figure the rest out along the way.
I opened the journal to a blank page and started writing. It was the first time I’d written since learning I was the Ponte deorum. It felt like it was the first entry to the rest of my life.
Dear Journal
I don’t even know where to begin. So much has happened since I’ve last written. My life continues to change beyond my wildest dreams. Sadly, I don’t know if this change is for the better. I guess the saying is true, “be careful what you wish for.” I wished I knew my name and that I had a family and friends and maybe even a boyfr
iend. Well I got all of those things, but just like a devious genie in a lamp might grant your wishes, there was no guarantee they’d be executed the way you had hoped. This realization makes me feel even more of a kinship to Zophia, whom I’m supposedly a reincarnation of. I bet she never imagined that her true love would be murdered by a jealous suitor and she would be tricked into becoming the portal to the four realms of the universe.
I don’t know who had it worse, me or her? I’m sadly hopeful it’s her. After all, I’m the Eva, the chosen one, meant to restore peace and equality to all on Hullabee Island. I can’t be doomed to fail with a destiny like that, can I? There is so much responsibility in this role, so much I’m unprepared for. I feel grateful to know who I am, but I also feel like I’ve given up the carefree childhood I’d hoped to have. Learning my true identity seemed to let the veil of naivety slip from my life and now I can see things for how they truly are; dark and depressing.
Like the fact that I can’t even enjoy that I do have a family. My mother is a ghost, a dead goddess to be exact, but I can see her and talk to her, which apparently means I’m the Bridge of the Gods or Ponte deorum as the Betos call it.
Things between Jemma and I don’t seem to be going too well either. It feels so strange to have a sister here in the flesh and blood. But she’s not what I expected. It seems she doesn’t believe in “blood being thicker than water.” Before finding out Jemma was my sister, she had been my nemesis, making my life at the Troian Center a living hell. Then, after she found out the truth from the Book of Secrets, there had been a time when I really believed that maybe she wanted to start over and really be my sister and I had almost been gullible enough to buy it. But with everything she’s put me through since, I should have trusted my gut. She’s done nothing but hurt me.
Jemma is the same rotten Jane #31 I knew from the Troian Center. She only looks out for herself and it seems that she truly does get everything she wants. I had to share my powers with her since they were becoming too much for me, so now Jemma is as powerful as I am, yet without the bounty of the Eva and Ponte deorum looming over her head. And now, she’s set her sights on Nova. I’m not even sure if she actually has feelings for him or if she just wants to hurt me. The one thing I do know, is that Jemma always gets what she wants.
I still don’t know what actually happened between the two of them in the hammock. Nova seems unwilling to admit he and Jemma are anything but friends. Sparrow tells me I’ve got it all wrong, and maybe she’s right. I know the tendency of a jealous heart to see its deepest fears. It’s what Nova thinks every time Remi and I are near each other. Whatever I thought I saw, it’s nothing compared to the excruciating pain I feel now, as I sit by and watch Jemma take over the life I want; my friends, my powers, my Nova.
But since I’ve found out that I’m the Ponte deorum, I have to remind myself that perhaps this is all happening the way it’s meant to. Maybe it’s better to let Jemma have it all. That way I can distance myself from everyone, because these days I feel like I can sense the end. The dangers I feel and see in my visions are so real that I have almost accepted that I’m marching to my death. And that terrifies me. I don’t want to die, but I think I’ve always known that being the Eva would call for the ultimate sacrifice and cost me my life. But, if in the end, it protects the people I love, then I will have served a purpose. And what more can you ask for in life?
However, I do know, that no matter how it all goes down, I’m not going without a fight.
46
The sunlight streamed in through the seams in the tent, casting beautiful displays of floating dust, suspended in a slow motion waltz, as if under some spell cast by the sun. My pale eyelashes fluttered lazily awake as I rubbed the sleep from them. I swung out of my hammock and stretched, inhaling the sweet scents of the forest’s early morning dew. For a split second I felt normal, hopeful even, but then the heavy sinking feeling in my chest slammed me back to my harsh reality.
Today was our last day in the forest. We were planning to head back to the Troian Center tomorrow at dawn. Journey reported that he and the scouts mapped out a secure path for us to take. They had spent a lot of time finding the safest route, where there didn’t seem to be any activity from hunters, predators or Grifts. Even Mali and Talon were convinced we were finally ready.
I was a bundle of tingling nerves as I got dressed and prepared to meet my friends one last time to go over our plan.
“Morning,” yawned Remi, slinging an arm over my shoulder as soon as I emerged from my tent. “Have you had breakfast yet? I heard Vida made fresh sugar cane cakes!”
“Oh really?”
“Come on, let’s go get ‘em while they’re hot!” he said prodding me along.
Remi had always been much more of a morning person than me. I yawned and protested half-heartedly as he pushed me toward the sweet smell of freshly baked bread while he chattered on and on. As we passed by the other tents, I saw Nova push open his tent flap and gawk at Remi and I as we walked past him arm in arm. I don’t think Remi noticed him staring at us, but I was secretly smiling inside when I saw the look of shock and possibly jealousy on his face. In a shameful place, I tried to keep buried deep inside, it was good to know Nova still cared about me enough to look envious.
Remi was right, the sugar cane cakes were delicious. Jovi’s mom was a genius when it came to cooking. I think we had all put on some much needed weight since she’d been cooking for us and we were grateful for every meal. I would sure miss her cooking when we were back at the Troian Center. Luckily she made extra cakes for us to take on our trek back.
I sat cross-legged on the floor as Remi chatted with Eja and Sparrow. I watched Niv forage for crumbs while Journey and Jovi continued eating. They were deep in conversation about the best ways to train a wex. Jovi obviously wasn’t revolted by Journey’s horrible tendency to talk with his mouth full. Nova was being standoffish and Jemma hadn’t emerged from her tent yet, which was fine by me.
When she finally did, I heard her and Nova arguing with each other.
“You said you were going to wait for me,” Jemma pouted.
“Yeah, well you were taking forever,” Nova grumbled.
“I’m still getting used to these powers. They make me feel strange. You said you were going to help me with them, Nova,” she whined.
“And I will,” he said softening his tone.
“Well, you could have started by walking me to breakfast . . .” Jemma huffed, testing Nova’s patience.
“Jemma! That has nothing to do with your powers. You can make it twenty feet from your own tent to breakfast,” he scolded. And then he added under his breath, “Besides, something came up.”
My ego soared. Maybe I was that something. Maybe seeing me with Remi made him realize he didn’t want to give up on us. Besides, he and Jemma didn’t seem very cozy this morning. I tried to suppress my smile and focus on the task at hand as Eja called us all over to the Book of Secrets.
We poured over the Book of Secrets for hours. Since we’d already thoroughly researched the Pillars and we knew we’d be relying on my built in Pillar tracking skills, for the most part anyway, we decided to go back to exploring some of the names we’d come across in the Book of Secrets.
We were going over the names it listed for others with powers and trying to match them up with who we thought they might be describing from the Troian Center. It was a daunting task. It’s not like the book came with photos of who they were describing. They only came with a name and that was really no use to us because each orphan at the Center had been stripped of their names and identities. Instead, they were known only as John or Jane and the number they were tattooed with.
Also making the task more difficult, was the fact that there were so many orphans at the Center and we really didn’t know any of the Johns or Janes outside of our own year. At least Nova knew some of the older orphans since he was a year older than the rest of us. Jemma made herself useful by reminding us that she was so popular th
at she knew some of the older orphans too. Even Sparrow and Journey had some insight on others in our year that they knew, but Remi and I seemed to be utterly useless. I guess years of being shy, unpopular outcasts was really hurting our chances of finding the other Truiets.
“What about Jane #16? Do you think she could be Kaylen?” Journey offered.
“No way. I think she sounds more like Jane #53,” Nova argued.
“I was thinking #53 sounded like Staley,” Journey said pointing to a translated passage in the book.
“Oh, I was thinking Staley was a guy’s name.”
“What do you think, Eva?” Eja asked as the arguing continued.
He still didn’t seem to catch onto my feeling of helplessness after I shrugged for what felt like the hundredth time someone asked for my opinion on who so-and-so could be.
Remi gave me an encouraging nudge with his shoulder. I was relieved that at least one person here understood me. It gave me enough confidence to interrupt the lively debate between Nova and Journey about who they each insisted had magical powers.
