Him saying what he did in the text would have set me off huge then, but Eric and her, they aren’t like that and with the way he is with his actual girlfriend, it’s just something I know I’ll never have to worry about. He’ll take care of Belle the way he says because she’s his best friend. Period.
Thank God for Amelia Evans. One less thing I need to worry about.
Despite my every attempt to not freak the fuck out when another guy even glances in her direction, it’s happened a lot and it’s another reason I didn’t want to take off and leave her alone to come here. She’s not like everyone else, but that’s what makes her so fucking perfect. People; guys in particular would be blind not to see that and with me so far away, I won’t be able to stop it if it happens.
I may trust her, but that doesn’t mean I trust anyone else. Which means I’m not all that different than I was before I even got with her.
I’m still an insecure jerk.
“Cadence said she’s cool with going to check on Belle when her mom picks her up. She still staying at your place?”
“Yeah. It’s the only way she could get me to leave.”
“You’ve really got it bad, you know that?”
“This from the guy that went to get beat on because the girl he loves rejected him to do something nice.”
“Shut up. It’s different.”
“No Dill, it’s exactly the same. We’ve both got it bad and if this was happening to you, I know for a fact you wouldn’t be standing here right now.”
“You’re right. So why are you?”
“It’s where she needs me to be.”
Belle
When I picked my courses, the ones that would lead me to be able to work with Special Needs kids, I went a bit overboard.
Where a lot of the people I graduated with didn’t know what path they were going to take, I knew mine down to the letter. It had to be that way because it’s the way I am. It’s one of my issues. Planning, having a set routine, it’s exactly the same as it was in high school.
The location may change and so might the people but the end result is identical. In order to succeed, my being comfortable with the routine is essential.
There was only one class that I wanted to take that had nothing to do with where I see myself in the future. It was a class strictly for me because I enjoy doing it and it’s that class I’m about to go into now.
So far today, I’ve managed to make it through three classes without completely melting down, even though the lighting almost drove me to it a few times. Over the last year, I’ve managed to get even better with redirecting myself, so the minute it started to be a problem, I did everything I could to stop it.
Getting acquainted with all of the bathrooms this early may seem weird to anyone else, but it’s something that soothed me. I needed to know that should I need it, I had a safety place where I could collect myself away from the prying and judgmental eyes of others.
Sure, this isn’t high school anymore and I don’t have to fear Amy, Charlotte and the others, but this might be even more nerve racking because everything is so unknown.
Walking into the class and finding a seat in a back row closest to the door, I settle in and give myself a mental pat on the back for making it this far without an incident. It’s in that moment when I finally start believing this might be easier than I thought, everything changes.
I feel the breeze from the door being swung open first and turning toward it, a guy comes through, about my height and thinner than the other guys I’ve seen today. His buzzed head is lowered so far to the floor that it’s blocking me from getting a full view of his face, but there’s no mistaking the way he’s hunched over when he’s walking.
The same way Eric used to walk the halls last year. The very same walk I had for my first three years there.
It’s obvious that whoever this guy is, he’s been on the receiving end of the same taunting, bullying and pain I have and even though I don’t know him, I immediately feel bad.
Before he can even make it to a seat, the door swings open again and three girls enter, two blondes and one with a mixture of red and brown hair. They’re followed by two really tall guys that remind me of Kayden and Dillon. All of them laughing and pointing at the guy as he moves down the stairs.
It’s the words they say next that get to me most. The ones that slam the point home that college really is no better than high school. The only difference is that the bullies are a little older and the one’s being bullied are a little more broken down.
Haunted.
“I didn’t realize retards were eligible to go here.” The one meathead says which just makes my blood boil. That word really bugs me, but before I can react to it in some way, not wanting to sit and take it even if it’s not directed at me, I hear the girls giggle and more information falls into my lap about the boy slumping his way to the front of the room.
“Isaac is just screwing with everyone. I bet he’s not mute and he does it to get sympathy.”
Isaac. Mute.
Blocking out their laughter and hurtful words, I focus my attention back on the guy I now know is Isaac and watch as he finally settles on a seat right in the very first row. Seeing the empty seats and taking the chance, I slide myself out of the seat and I make my way out of the aisle, but not before I hear the jerks speak again.
“What do we have here?”
“That one is way out of your league, bro.”
“Sounds like a challenge, Bry.”
The other guy laughs and where my blood was boiling a few minutes ago with the name calling, its frozen now. Taking the steps as quickly as I can until I’m directly at the end of the aisle that Isaac is sitting in, I slow myself down until I’m standing to his right. Placing my backpack down onto the floor, I slide into the seat and when he turns and acknowledges me, I smile weakly.
His head dips down, his eyes locked hard on the floor in front of him and that’s when I decide to take another chance.
Sliding my notebook out of my bag, I lay it across my leg and scribble out a quick note before ripping the paper out, closing it and handing it over.
Once he’s run his eyes down the page, I see him reach down into his own bag and when he pulls a pen out, I’m happier than I’ve been since I got here this morning.
Hello Isabelle.
It’s only two words but considering how hard it used to be for me to write two simple words like that, they mean everything to me. I’m not sure why it matters since I don’t know him and I’m struggling with my own set of issues being here, but knowing that me reaching out, writing him and saying hello got through, I feel accomplished.
Like I’ve done something great.
For the first time today, I’m in a class that I’m going to love and sitting beside someone that might just get what it’s like to be me. I’ve hit the jackpot.
Maybe I can get through this after all.
Chapter Two
Kayden
After a week full of grueling practices and the torture that was our first pre-season game, I’m more than ready to get behind the wheel of my car and on the open road that will take me back home.
Hearing back from both Eric and Cadence that Belle seemed off, but more or less okay, it settled me enough to be able to do what I needed to here, but it didn’t lessen the need to see her.
The more time that passed, I missed her more; even with our conversations every night. I called her again that first night, but sensing she wasn’t up for talking, reverted back to the way things were when we first started hanging out.
Texting has always been her comfort zone and with everything she’s having to face on her own, I was more than willing to give it to her. Even if hearing her voice is still one of my favorite things. Second only to her smile.
There was a time not all that long ago when going home used to screw with me. It wasn’t a home then. It was a torture chamber. A place filled with so much hate and sickness that staying out all night, screwing ar
ound with Dillon and the other guys was preferable.
It’s all different now. Isabelle and her mom made it that way. My house, the place of horrors that I used to hate, it’s not just a house anymore. It’s a home and it’s all because of her and the gift she gave me right after graduation.
~*~*~
Making it through the ceremony, meeting up with Grace and being congratulated, not only for graduating but also for the scholarship I earned, I see my chance to get some time alone with Belle and taking her hand in mine, pull her away from the group of adults surrounding us.
When I’ve finally gotten her outside under the tree that somehow over the last few months became ours, I can see that me pulling her away from everyone has confused her.
As much as we enjoy our time alone together, today was the one day where neither one of us expected to have it. We knew going in that we would be surrounded by adults and accepted it, at least we did until about halfway through the ceremony when the idea came to me.
Releasing her hand, I push her against the trunk of the tree and move in closer, stroking her face before placing my lips to hers.
I didn’t think it was possible, but with Belle, the more time we spend together, the more we kiss, it always seems to get better. Each kiss, touch and embrace are all better than the one before it and this is no exception. The way her soft lips feel under my dry ones awakens so many different things in me, things I’ll never be able to adequately explain.
It’s like when we’re kissing this way, I know how she feels about me, how much she loves me and it makes me never want the kiss to end.
But end it does. Pulling back, doing what I always do after we kiss, running my fingers across my lips, reveling in the sensation that remains even after we’re apart, I smile.
“You pulled me away just to kiss me?”
“Are you complaining?”
She blushes and my heart soars.
“No.”
“Good, because that would suck.” I laugh. “There’s actually another reason I wanted to pull you away. I need to talk to you about something.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t leave for Toronto for a couple of months and I want to spend as much time as possible with you before I go.”
I pause, letting her take in everything I’ve said and seeing how her eyes are brightened, the blue even lighter than they were right before I kissed her, I keep going.
“Will you move in with me?” Realizing almost instantly how heavy that’s going to sound, I try another route. “I just thought that since I’ve got the two rooms, you could stay with me. I want you closer.”
I’m still not sure they’re the right words, but considering she hasn’t freaked out or backed away scared, I take a deep breath and wait for her response, hoping that I’m reading her right and it’s not going to be a total rejection.
“You want us to live together?”
“Kinda. I want you to stay with me.”
“Kay—”
“Belle, I know it’s huge, but it’s not coming out the way I mean it at all. I want you to stay in my room and I’ll stay in Dean’s old room. No pressure. I’m not asking you to move in with me forever. I just want to have you as close as I can for the next few weeks.”
“Yes.”
“What?”
“I said yes, Kayden.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I thought with the way she said my name before I cut her off that what I was asking was too much and here she is proving me wrong. The way she always does.
“You’re serious?”
“No. I’m lying.” She grins and moves forward, resting her arms underneath mine, which just makes me pull her even closer. “I want to spend as much time as I can with you too.”
“There’s more.” I say softly.
“Like what?”
“After I leave for Toronto, I want you to stay there. I don’t want you to go back home to your mom’s.”
“Why not?” she asks, pulling back just slightly.
“With me coming home on the weekends, I don’t want to come home to an empty place. I want to come home to you, Belle.”
Her body, which until now had been soft but solid at the same time, weakens and it sends me into overdrive. She’s so affected by what I’ve said she’s melting into my arms.
Just when I think I can’t love this girl and the way she reacts to me anymore then I already do, she has to go and do something like that.
“Can I come home to you, Belle?”
Her face is buried in my graduation cloak, but just like the day in the gym when she said she loved me and I heard her loud and clear, I hear her again. Proving just how in tune with each other we really are.
“Yes.”
~*~*~
It’s that home I’m going back to now. The one I want to break speed limits in order to get to because I can’t imagine going another day, let alone a few hours having her separated from me.
The way I used to think about her after we got together last year, its amplified now and where I expect it to scare the shit out of me, it doesn’t. It’s fast and definitely not something either of us have ever done before, but I like the idea of her being in my house waiting for me.
Our house.
I want to spend every day for the rest of my life coming home to Belle. I want her to be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I see before I close my eyes at night.
My life connecting to hers, combining until it’s not two separate ones, but one unique one. Ours.
I’ve known since before the football game last year that every step I took in my life I wanted her to be there for. I wanted to experience life with her, even if right now it’s not the way I imagined it at the time. We might not be at the same school and able to experience things together that way, but we could in other ways.
Gunning the engine, pushing myself forward until I finally pull on to the highway that will take me away from the city of lights and back to the small town where I left my heart a few weeks ago, I can’t keep the stupid grin off my face.
In a couple of hours I’m going to pull into my driveway, exit the car and scoop that beautifully simple girl up into my arms and never let her go.
Dillon was right. I do have it bad and it’s never felt so fucking good.
Belle
I can’t believe it’s been a week already.
With the way it just seemed to fly by, it’s like the movie nights with Eric where we watched Superman and the Flash.
It really has moved faster than the speed of light.
No sooner did I walk through the door than my phone started going off and I was flooded with a bunch of messages. All of them from the same person. The only person I ever want to have messages like this from.
I miss you :(
God, I’ve never wanted to get back to Wexfield so bad in my life.
I love you <3
This car doesn’t move fast enough. I need a teleporter.
You owe me a dance.
“The Distance” by Hot Chelle Rae
Am I there yet?
It’s not the first time he’s done this. Messaged me a bunch when he’s excited. It’s also not the first time he’s sent me a song.
A year ago when he asked me what my favorite song was, it started this thing with us where we seemed to always find songs to explain what we were feeling for each other. It’s the reason he found out about Parachute so easily and how much they meant to me, especially in terms of us.
The song he’s given me this time, I’ve had on repeat a lot since he left. It’s another band that I got him into and even though it’s an older song, it seems like he found the perfect way to describe the way things are between us right now.
The distance. It’s obvious I’m not the only one that hates it, even though I know it’s necessary.
I miss you too, Kay. How far away are you now? I can’t wait to see you.
I love you. <3
&nb
sp; “Wish You Were Here” by Avril Lavigne
Drive safely.
One of his texts, I want to say something back to it, because it’s a reference to when we got back together. Hearing him as he says he loves me, telling me about things he remembered from when we were kids. The way it felt being held in his arms and the dance we shared. His lips pressed to mine that final time after our dance. I’m flooded with the memories and they warm me.
What I share with Kayden, I didn’t even believe was possible for someone like me but here I am, living proof that it can.
I never want it to end.
“Everything Has Changed” by Taylor Swift.
It’s the only thing left that I can think of to say now. Remembering everything from last fall so easily, the emotions it brings up in me, it would be too complicated to explain it to him so I’m going to let the music do it for me again.
Do you have that song?
He texts back and I can’t help the smile that forms with how quickly he responded.
Yes.
Good. Get it ready for when I get there. We’re dancing to it.
The idea of dancing with Kayden again, it being the first time since that day in the gym does funny things to me. It’s an experience I never want to lose. One that I want to happen over and over again because it won’t ever get old.
When I see my life, the way things are in the future, he’s in every vision and it’s amazing and scary at the same time. A year ago, I never expected to have a boyfriend, much less be living in his house while he’s away at school. I just never felt that someone like me, with the issues I have would ever be worthy of having something like that.
I wanted it. I think everyone wants to experience love at least once in a lifetime, but with the way the world seemed to treat me, it just didn’t seem like something I would be lucky enough to have.
Seeing him so easily in my future, making a life complete with marriage and maybe even kids, that’s what’s so scary because it’s quick. There’s no telling where we’re gonna be from one day to the next or if he’ll eventually grow bored and want out, so thinking of the future and picturing it seems wrong.
All My Heart (Count On Me Book 4) Page 2
