“Why do you call it turned on?”
“Are you serious?”
Turning around to face him so he can see for himself just how serious I am, I nod once my eyes make contact.
“What would you call it?”
“Aroused.”
“Okay, so aroused it is. Whenever we’re together Belle, I’m aroused by you.”
“Because of the way I look?”
“Yes, kind of, but it’s more than that.”
Where it’s been me blushing since we got here, the tables have turned and now he’s doing it, which just like always, makes my heart flip and stop at the same time.
“It’s the way you look, the way you smell, the way your body melts so easily into mine every single time I hold you. The way you make me feel in here.” He stops, placing my hand on his heart. “It’s all of these things moving together, making me lose track of space and time until all I can sense with all of my senses is you and the need I have to be with you. Does that help explain it?”
I understand everything he’s saying, but he’s completely numbed my ability to answer him again, so I just nod, hoping it’s enough until I can kick start my brain.
“The look you see in my eyes, I’ve seen it in yours before, but I’ve never said anything because I didn’t want to call attention to it or make you feel like it was wrong. What you felt back there when it happened, I was trying to prevent that. I told you, it’s impossible for you to do anything wrong here, Belle. Not when it feels so fucking right.”
“Kay?”
“Hmm?” he murmurs, his head now leaning over and resting on my shoulder, his face buried in my hair again. A place I’m starting to see is one of his favorite to be with the amount of times I’ve caught him doing it.
“Will you kiss me again?”
He lifts his head out of my hair and off my shoulder before running his hand across my face, shifting his body as he does until he’s practically on top of me with how close his body is to mine.
“If you have to ask me that, then I’m not as good at this as I thought.”
“What do you mean?” I whisper as he leans in even closer, my head and heart colliding as the anticipation of his lips on mine grows.
“In a perfect world, all I would ever do is kiss you, Isabelle Reagan.”
Bridging the hairs breath of distance between us, I don’t even attempt to come up with a response. I just press my lips to his, this time taking the lead away from him, enjoying the way it feels the minute we connect again. The rush of love, desire and arousal that rises and floods its way through me until it’s exactly like he said to me a few minutes before. All I can experience with every sense is him.
Loving Kayden, showing it in ways like this when we’re pressed so intimately into each other, it’s like being constantly in motion. Every nerve is alive, every breath is labored yet quickened at the same time, every sound dulled and we’re just moving toward each other. We’re pure kinetic energy, which is much more powerful than the word love can ever be.
There’s an electricity between us that can’t be duplicated with any other person on the planet and it’s so strong that if I were to open my eyes and look at the two of us together, I’m sure I would see the bright light of the energy flow between us. The spark that can only be created by being with him the way we are now.
We’re alive, we’re electric. Energy in motion and when he finally breaks the kiss, it’s exactly what I tell him.
I don’t just love Kayden Walker, I energy him.
“Kay?” I ask and when his eyes lift, I don’t waste another second. “I energy you.”
Kayden
I energy you.
I’m not a complete moron. I know what she’s getting at with what she said, but the story behind it, I don’t have a sweet clue about.
This is her way of telling me how she feels about me and I’ll be damned if those three words don’t mean more than I love you ever could. It’s almost as if she said welcome home again.
If this was anyone else, wanting to hear the explanation behind the words wouldn’t even happen, but because it’s Belle and I’m so damn blinded with energy for her, I’m almost giddy from the urgent need to know.
“Why did you choose the word energy?”
She smiles that devastating smile of hers, the one designed the throw my equilibrium out of whack and clear as day, even though its night, she blushes again. Seeing her this way, reminds me of what sparked us to be sitting here right now and in typical guy fashion any reminder of the way I made her body feel leads straight to my pants.
I’m right back in our living room again, needing to focus, desperate for her to start some long and drawn out explanation so that the evidence of the road my thoughts are taking doesn’t pop up between us.
Bringing her here tonight isn’t supposed to be about that. Sure, I wanted to lay out on a blanket with her pulled as close as possible, but that’s as deep as I went when I planned this out. Even if this moment right now would be the epitome of perfection in terms of our first time together, I’m not going to be stupid and rush it because I can’t keep my dick in my pants.
“When I kissed you, I started thinking about the way it feels when we’re together. How it feels like I’m still yet moving at the same time. I remembered what I learned in physics class about kinetic energy and well, it just made perfect sense for us. We’re energy Kayden. The way I love you, it’s energy.”
“You energy me.” I repeat, liking the sound of them even more now that she’s explained. The way it feels for her, constant movement, it really is perfect for us. The way I feel about Belle, it makes the world go round.
“I energy you, Kayden Walker.”
“Well, I energy you more, Isabelle Reagan.”
“No fair.” She says before sticking her lower lip out and full on pouting at me, which the minute it happens throws me right back into my earlier thought process. God even when she pouts she’s sexy. “You’re using my own word against me.”
Forgoing any answer I might have come up with, I lean in closer again, this time grabbing onto her lip before she has a chance to pull it back and nibbling on it, massaging it gently with my tongue the minute I feel her body tense.
“You really shouldn’t pout, Belle. Bad things happen when you pout.”
I regret the word the minute it falls, but the reaction I’m expecting, the one where her eyes fall and my chest physically hurts because I know I’ve fucked up doesn’t happen. She just smiles before sticking her tongue out at me.
Expect the unexpected. This girl is a freaking enigma.
“It’s even worse when you do anything with your tongue.” I moan and this time I’m ready for her. Her reaction isn’t one I expect, but it’s definitely one that I want.
Her body leans in closer and not only does she stick her tongue out again quickly before pulling it back in, but she sticks her bottom lip out, all the while struggling to maintain a straight face. My girl might be an enigma, but she’s also a cheeky one.
All traces of her earlier uncertainty are gone and in its place is the confidence I’ve watched her gain over the last year of us being together. The confidence that I used to think was because of me but I came to learn pretty quick was all her.
“Are you enjoying teasing me, Isabelle?”
“Are you enjoying me teasing you, Kayden?” She smirks before leaning in again and just like before, pressing her parted and ready lips to mine, the sensation of drowning in the feel of her softness almost instantaneous.
I bring her into me, breaking my hands away just long enough to make sure her legs are securely around me before bringing her comfortably into my lap, our lips continuing to move together in unison, connected and complete.
Feeling my body beginning to lean back, remembering in the moment where we are and what leaning back this way is going to lead to, I break the kiss long enough to reach for the other blanket that I laid out on the other side of us, pulling it up closer before sw
inging it around her while doing my best to keep her position on my body the same.
Content that we’re covered, I lay myself back onto the blanket and pull her to me again, crashing my lips onto hers, this time being driven with a need so strong that it’s hard as hell to keep in check. When I hear her familiar moan against my mouth, the walls surrounding my carefully constructed self-control break wide open and I’m lost.
Succumbing. That’s what I’m doing. I’m succumbing to her.
Every move her hands make, they’re leaving a trail of fire behind. It started when she rested them on my face, but now, as I feel them travelling, it’s becoming more pronounced. Her fingers stroke my ear, her movements repetitive, almost as if she enjoys the feel of them under her. As she moves her fingers up into my hair, I feel the pull the minute our kiss deepens, our hunger for each other no longer able to be suppressed. Her heart beating just as rapidly as mine. Our bodies sinking into the sand from the pressure of her knees digging into it from her position above me.
I’m walking a thin line right now, only this time, I don’t know if I have enough will to fight against it. I just want to fall.
“God—Belle.” I moan, my voice hoarse, breathless, and completely taken over by need. “We need—to stop.”
“Kay...”
Holy shit. The way she sounds when I’ve taken her breath away, I’ve heard it before but never like this. There’s a heavier note when normally she sounds higher pitched. I’m not the only one who’s changed in the moment. She has too. In the best way possible.
I wanna experience her like this every single day for the rest of my fucking life. She sounds beautiful.
“Belle,” I repeat, this time pulling my body up from our place in the sand. “I didn’t bring you here for that.”
“I know, but I want this.”
“You what?”
Did I just hear her right or is my dick finally overriding my common sense and doing all the thinking for me?
“You said you wanted it to be perfect.” She pauses, reminding me of our earlier conversation the last time we were close like this. “This is perfect for me. For us. You gave me your gifts earlier today. Now I want to give you mine.”
Holy fuck. Her idea of an anniversary present for me is her virginity? I really can’t be reading this right. My head’s gotta be clouded or something. Shit. What the hell am I supposed to say to that?
God, my head is overflowing with things I want to say, but they’re all bundled up and twisted so tight I don’t think any of it will come out making the sense I need it to make.
So instead of answering her the way my heart wants, I try a different approach. One that centers me the minute I do it, proving to me in the moment that I’m doing the right thing.
I kiss her, but differently. The need and desire I have, it’s all still there, but this kiss, I’m determined for it to be less about hunger and more about the damn near intoxicating level of love—no energy I feel for her. It’s what she deserves, especially after what she just admitted she wants.
True to form, she meets me in the middle, her lips soft against mine, every movement they make slow and methodical, yet tender all at the same time. Our hands are even moving slower, each caress lingering far longer than the ones before it, leaving behind a trail of electricity.
This moment right now, each touch, the tenderness in our kiss, we’re marking each other. As her hands find their way to my chest, sliding over my heart before moving down to the edges of my shirt, our bodies lifting as one until she’s completely raised my shirt up and over my head onto the sand beside us, I realize what’s happening to me.
The minute her hand found its spot above where my heart rests, she marked it. I knew it before, but there can be no doubt about it now. Isabelle has left her mark on my heart and no matter where we go from here, it’s only going to belong to her.
She may want to give me her body, believing it to be the gift I want, but she doesn’t have a clue. Belle has given me something even more powerful than the feel of her body connecting to mine. Something that transcends the way it’s going to feel in a few minutes when we make love for the first time.
Isabelle Reagan has given me the very best part of her.
Her soul.
Chapter Twenty
Belle
After the week I’ve had, I don’t think there’s anything that can ruin it.
I thought the happiest I had ever been was the night Kayden asked me to be his girlfriend, or maybe even the day in the gym where he told me loved me for the first time, but those pale in comparison to what I’ve been experiencing this week.
Kayden and I have always had this connection between us. It started when we were kids until it was broken at age ten, only to be renewed even stronger almost eight years later. I didn’t think that connection could get any stronger.
And then it did.
We shared something that night and the bond we have was magnified. It’s become so deep for me now that even spending a few more days apart from him hurts. I ache for him when he’s not here and it’s even more pronounced when we’re on the phone or texting. I want to reach through the phone a million times during our calls and pull him to me. Recreate that night on the beach and never separate again.
It’s like we’re one person instead of two. A singular being. Strong yet weak, hard yet soft. A combination of opposites that come together to create one complete person. We’re better together. We’re everything.
I used to think there was an invisible thread keeping us together, but in one night, that thread became a rope and we’re forever tied to each other in a way that we never could have been before. It makes me happier than I’ve ever been.
Until I leave class and see the reason why Isaac wasn’t there.
The buildup of happiness fades away as I see what’s been done to him. What I hadn’t been able to prevent even though I’d been spending every waking minute of my time here attempting to do just that.
Randy and Bryan did this to him. They got him alone and hurt him. I can see round marks on his face. The kind that a fist would make only these look worse because I know one of those guys wears a ring, and his face is scratched up because of it.
He’s damaged. Isaac is broken.
I slam my backpack down on the ground and pull out my notebook and a pen, touching his shoulder gently before passing it over. I know it’s a long shot, but I’ve got to get answers, find out what happened so I can help him.
When this happened to me, I never wanted to talk about it. I always blew it off, making it seem like it was less than it was, but the truth is, it’s so much more. He didn’t deserve what happened to him any more than I did and the time for being quiet about it is over. Eric was right about that. We’re only doing more harm than good staying silent.
I can’t let Isaac do what I did. We need to fight this and end it once and for all.
Randy and Bryan need to pay for what they did and not the way the kids used to when we were younger. No. This time they need to pay in a criminal way. If they won’t stop doing this on their own then I’m gonna force the world to step up and stop them. No one deserves to be treated like this just for being different.
Normal, plain, being like everyone else, it’s like a setting on a washing machine. Differences should be celebrated, not looked on the way they are.
“What happened?” I ask, shutting off my brain and focusing my attention solely on him.
Was late for class. They cornered me before I could get into the building.
“What did they say to you? What did they do?”
His hands move across the paper, shaking so forcefully his words come out sloppy, but the basic gist is there. They cornered him because of me. Even after all these weeks they still haven’t figured out that I’m different and are so screwed up in their heads that they wanna make Isaac pay for it.
It also doesn’t help that I stood up to one of them. I’m pretty sure he paid for that too, which hurts
me in a way I never thought I’d feel again.
They punched me in the stomach then the face a couple times. The ring scratched me up pretty bad. They said they did it because you deserve better than a deaf mute. Said I was pathetic and I should do the world a favor and stop breathing. I think they’re right.
Isaac got hurt because of me.
I never should have talked to him that first day. I brought all of this on.
The most important thing right now is getting out of here. People are walking around us. I can feel their eyes staring, wondering what’s going on and it’s only going to take a few more minutes before they start whispering about it, judging and making up their own names for the way we are right now.
“Can you move?”
He scribbles across the page again and the minute the words start taking form, my stomach ties up in knots. He’s not answering my question. Instead he’s giving me more information.
I fought back, Isabelle. I hit them and kept hitting until one of them was bleeding. I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to hurt them. I was so angry I couldn’t even see. I was scared too. I started crying and my eyes got blurry and that’s when they finished me off. Left me here.
I want to go home. I never should have come here. I wanted to be like everyone else, but I’m never gonna be like them. I’m always gonna be the freak. The mute kid that should’ve never been born.
You should go. Leave me alone. You don’t want to be seen with someone like me. It will only make your time here harder. I wanted a friend so bad I was selfish. I’m sorry.
My heart breaks seeing his words. He has nothing to be sorry for. I wanted to be his friend. I wanted to give him something the same way Eric gave it to me when I had no one. I wanted to be there for him. He’s saying sorry for things that I should be sorry for.
Trying to do the right thing by him made all of this happen.
“I’m not going anywhere, Isaac. You’ve been alone long enough. Now come on, I’m getting you out of here.”
Gripping the notebook with one hand and putting his other one in mine, we lift each other off the ground and I wrap my arm around his shoulder. Right now, the moment we’re in, it’s like I’ve gone back in time. Only this time, I’m Kayden and I’m going to get this guy that I care about out of here before we become even more of a circus act then we already are.
All My Heart (Count On Me Book 4) Page 20
