by S. M. Shade
The room falls quiet as he professes his love and asks her to marry him. Pure joy shines in her eyes as she accepts, and he slides the ring on her finger. Everyone hugs her, and the guys slap Landon on the back, congratulating him.
Watching them all, it hits me how much I’ve been missing out on. The guys torment and tease each other, but there’s a wealth of love in this room. The easy way they talk and relate to each other, I haven’t had that with anyone but Sadie since I was a teenager. There are some things I’ve accepted I can’t have. My scarred body ruins any chance of a sex life which kills the possibility of love and marriage, but maybe I can have more than I do now. More friends, closer ties, real relationships that aren’t romantic. I feel something I haven’t felt for a long time. Hope.
It’s dark out when Dare and I say our goodbyes and head home. With all the leftovers Zoe insisted I take, I won’t have to cook for a week. When I unlock my apartment door, Dare follows me in as if he lives there, kicking off his shoes and getting comfortable on my couch. After putting the leftovers in the fridge, I sit in the chair across from him. “Thanks for inviting me tonight. I had fun. Your friends are great.”
His gaze rolls over me. “You’re welcome. Now, get your cute little ass over here.”
“It’s late. I should probably go to bed,” I mumble.
He scoffs and scoops me out of my seat, putting me on his lap.
How am I going to get out of this? I know he wants to fuck me and damn do I want to let him, but he won’t feel the same after he sees me naked. The last guy could overlook the facial scars too, but one glance at the rest of me, and he was done. All I can see is the look of disgust on his face as he fucked me while trying not to look or touch the affected areas. I don’t want to see that look on Dare’s face.
Dare is one persistent man and I know he won’t give up. Worse, I know I can’t resist him. Maybe it’s better to just lay the truth out on the table right now and get it over with. I get to my feet before he can stop me and pace the room. “You don’t want to fuck me, Dare.”
“Darlin’ I’ve never wanted anything so bad, and I know you feel the same way. So tell me what’s got you so twisted up.”
A million excuses run through my mind.
We’re too different.
I’m gay.
You sleep around too much.
He’ll never believe I’m a lesbian, and as for him sleeping around, it occurs to me I haven’t heard one woman in his apartment since we started talking. I settle for the truth. “The scars on my face are only a fraction of the damage. The right side of my body is covered. It isn’t pretty, and tends to make men run for the hills. Trust me, it’s an instant turn off.”
Anger heats his eyes and he stalks over to me, grabbing my shoulders and staring into my eyes. “Anyone who ran from you because of a few scars isn’t a man. He’s a dick.”
“It’s ugly,” I murmur.
Ignoring me, he continues, “There isn’t a damn thing about you that’s ugly.” He leans in and presses his hard body to mine. His voice is soft and raspy in my ear. “You have no idea how many times I’ve watched you by the pool, laid out in that bikini.”
My jaw drops. I was always careful to sunbathe at off hours, when most people are at work. The tan helps cover some of the scars. I didn’t think he had seen me. He takes advantage of my speechless shock, and presses his lips to mine. And damn, the man can kiss.
He makes me feel like I’ve never been kissed before, and the way he takes my mouth with such passion and force, like he can’t help himself, wipes away the memories of long ago kisses that could never measure up. All the self-conscious thoughts that run through my head during moments like this are absent, lost in the sensation of his tongue stroking mine, his hands undressing me as we make our way down the hall.
Suddenly, I’m staring at my bedroom ceiling. “The light,” I mumble, watching him strip.
“Stays on.” He’s back in bossy mode. Before I can protest, I’m yanked to the end of the bed and his face is between my legs.
A low chuckle is followed by a wicked smile when I gasp and instinctively twist away. His arms lock around my legs, holding them open and leaving me vulnerable to his talented mouth. Just the sight of his dark head between my legs, his large hands on my thighs, is almost enough to make me come. I’ve never been with someone so ruggedly handsome, so strong…so male.
I’m so close, right on the edge when he stops, drawing a frustrated cry from my throat. “Not yet, baby. Not until I’m inside you.” He delivers little kisses up my stomach and plants his hot mouth over my nipple, drawing it in, licking and sucking, before moving to show the other the same attention until I’m half out of my mind.
It’s not until he pauses to roll on a condom that my brain clears enough to really notice what’s coming at me. I don’t know whether to weep with joy or run away screaming at the size of him. “It’s been a while,” I confess, licking my lips.
“I’ll go easy…this time,” he says, trapping my body under his. Never has a threat sounded so promising. He’s careful not to put his full weight on me—he’d squash me like a bug—and I wrap my legs around him.
His face is a mask of concentration as he works his way into me with short, slow strokes. He’s barely halfway in and I feel like he could split me in half, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting more. I spread my legs wider and he slides in another inch. “That’s it, you can take me.”
His next thrust is harder, more determined, and my nails dig into his firm ass as he buries himself completely. His eyes are intense when they lock with mine. “Are you okay?”
Nodding frantically, I squeeze his ass, trying to get him to move again. “Please.”
“Please what, Ayda?” He’s not teasing me. There’s not an ounce of humor in his voice.
“Fuck me.” I move my hips beneath him, trying to take what I want and his wicked smile returns.
He pulls out slowly, then eases back in, making me moan as the pain turns to mind numbing pleasure. “Fuck, I knew you’d feel good,” he groans, increasing his pace. The sensations bombarding me make me want to close my eyes, but I don’t want to miss a second of the display of sweaty flexing muscles above me.
His thick finger slips between my legs, and I lose all control, crying out as I’m struck by the strongest orgasm of my life. He never slows, dragging out the pleasure until I feel like I could die of it.
He pulls out of me, rolls me onto my side, and pulls my leg back over his, entering me from behind in one swift thrust. “Oh god!”
His mouth is on my nape, sucking on the sensitive skin, sending tingles cascading down my body before his hot breath fills my ear. “You like that?”
I push back against him, urging him on, and he catches both of my hands in his, pinning them to my stomach. I’m completely restrained and at his mercy when he starts pounding into me. The man is going to fuck me half to death, but I’m sure as hell not complaining. Another orgasm rolls through me in slow pulsing waves, and my name leaves his lips in a low growl as he finishes deep inside me.
We lie still, catching our breath for a few moments before he gets up to dispose of the condom. A few seconds later, he’s back in my bed, pulling me into his arms. Isn’t it supposed to be the guy who falls asleep right after sex? I can hardly hold my eyes open. My last thought before I succumb to the warmth and comfort of his body wrapped around mine is that I never once worried about him seeing or touching the scars.
* * * *
I wake with Dare still holding me, his large palm cupping one of my breasts. He grins down at me when I peek up at him. “If you’re a boob man, you’re out of luck,” I tease.
“The hell I am.” He tweaks my nipple. “They’re perfect. But if you must know, I’m a leg man, and your legs are gorgeous.”
I’m facing him with my head on his chest and he pulls my leg over his hip, caressing it. Years of dancing have given me lean, solid thighs and sculpted calves. It’s one part of my body I’m no
t self-conscious about. His hand wanders up over my stomach and across the scars on my ribs, making me tense up. I was too distracted by what he was making me feel last night to worry about it, but now I’m lying naked in a pool of sunlight, exposing every marred inch.
“Relax, darlin’.” Rolling onto his side, and propping his head on his hand, he continues to caress and stroke my skin, his fingers trailing lightly over the scars on my arm and shoulder. Sympathetic eyes meet mine and I have to swallow the lump in my throat. No one has ever touched me like this, with reverence instead of disgust or morbid curiosity.
“Will you tell me what happened?” he asks softly.
Against my better judgement, I find myself explaining. “They’re chemical burns. When I was eighteen, I got a dancing scholarship that one of the other students wanted. She and her boyfriend tried to find a way to sabotage me and they did. He waited for me after class. I was always the last one to leave the studio and I usually parked in the alley out back. I didn’t see it coming, didn’t even know who threw it on me until later when the cops saw the video. There was a security camera that picked up the whole thing.”
He tries to keep his voice soft, but I can hear the anger in it when he asks, “Is the asshole still locked up?”
Sitting up, I grab my shirt and pull it on. “He never went to jail. He’s a senator’s son. He got probation.”
“You’re fucking kidding me.” His expression is fierce. “What about the girl?”
“She got the scholarship and dances for a company in Chicago last I heard.” I try not to sound bitter, but it’s hard. After all they took away from me, they got what they wanted, their happy ending, while I’ll spend the rest of my life scarred and probably alone.
“What’s his name?” Dare demands.
“What?” I get out of bed and slide on a pair of panties.
“The senator’s son. What’s his name?” He’s sitting up in my bed, the sheet covering his waist, looking like he could tear someone in two.
“It doesn’t matter,” I sigh. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore, okay?”
He gets to his feet and stalks over to me, stark naked. “Tell me who he is, Ayda. I’ll fucking kill him.”
I believe him, too. Maybe I should be scared of the barely restrained violence I see in his eyes, but he’s pissed on my behalf, because someone hurt me. Approaching him slowly, I press my forehead to his wide chest. “I don’t want to talk about him.”
With a sigh, I feel him relax a little, and his hand cups the back of my head, stroking my hair. He slides a finger under my chin, tilting my head until I’m looking him in those blue eyes. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you. I protect what’s mine.”
“I’m yours?” I whisper.
“Mine,” he replies, placing a firm kiss on my lips. The ring of his phone breaks the moment.
“Answer your phone.” I grin up at him. “I’m going to grab that pie out of the fridge for breakfast.”
Smiling, he smacks my ass before scooping his phone out of his jeans.
He’s sitting in my bed wearing only his jeans, and leaning back against the wall when I return with the apple pie and two forks. It’s exactly how I pictured him on his own bed so many nights while we talked through the wall.
I sit cross legged beside him and we dig into the pie, laughing and talking until he gets a text message that makes him frown. After he replies to it, he sighs and reaches for his shirt. “I have to go.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. I owe a friend of mine a favor and he needs me to work for him the next few days.”
“On Thanksgiving weekend? That sucks.” I pull on a pair of shorts. “Maybe we could meet for dinner tomorrow night?”
“The job is in Ohio. I should be back by Monday afternoon.” He gives me a heart stopping smile. “I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Sure.” A quick kiss lands on my lips and he’s out the door. I’m full of questions, but I didn’t want to be too demanding or clingy. He doesn’t owe me any explanations.
Grabbing some clean clothes, I head for the shower where I spend the next few minutes dwelling on what just happened. What kind of work is he doing for his friend? He works in internet security, so I assume it’s related, but why would that take him to Ohio over a holiday weekend?
My typical self-doubt creeps in. Maybe it was just an out. An excuse to get away now that he got what he wanted. He certainly wouldn’t be the first not to want it again. Then I remember the way he looked at me and touched me, without an ounce of disgust or pity, only heat and lust in his eyes.
I’m doing what I always do, overthinking and assuming the worst. He had to work, and I’ll see him in a few days. It’s no big deal.
Sadie shows up at my door as soon as I’m dressed. “Hey, you’re back early. How did it go?” I ask. Sadie wasn’t looking forward to spending Thanksgiving at her father’s house, especially since he just got remarried.
“It was tense and uncomfortable, as usual.” She flops onto my couch. “Now tell me all about your date with sexy tats.”
“It wasn’t a date,” I insist.
“Fine, whatever, how did it go?”
“We had a good time. His friends are nice.”
Sadie gives me an exasperated look. “And?”
“And he fucked my brains out.”
Her eyes bug out. “I knew it! Okay, tell me about it and don’t skimp on the details. A guy that big, I’ll bet he’s hung like a horse, isn’t he?”
Sitting beside her, I hold my hands out in front of me, showing her how long he was. “Damn near split me in two.”
“So, when are you going to see him again?”
“He’s out of town for a few days for work, so probably Monday.”
She flings her arms around me. “I’m so happy for you!”
“Okay, woman, calm down. It was one night,” I laugh.
“You don’t invite a woman to meet your friends if all you want is a one night stand. Did he ask to see you again?”
“Not exactly, but he said he’d call later and…” I hesitate before adding. “He said I’m his.”
Her eyebrows jump. “You’re his?”
“He said, ‘You’re mine and I protect what’s mine.’”
Sadie’s eyes roll back and she groans. “It’s not enough he’s a damn mountain of inked up muscle, he’s an alpha male too. If you screw this up, I will kill you.”
“Alpha male?” I scoff. “You read too many romance books.”
“Ayda, the man fucked your brains out, then claimed you and swore to protect you. He’s an alpha. Christ, tell me he has a brother or something,” she pleads.
“He has some hot friends. You’d love his friend Justus. Lean and muscled with blond curls. He works at a strip club.”
“I’m going to need the name of that club.”
Sadie hangs out for a few hours before heading off to visit a patient.
I spend the rest of the day catching up on work and after only getting a few hours of sleep the night before, I’m exhausted. I fall into bed, making sure my phone is on charge beside me in case Dare calls.
It’s not the phone that wakes me, though. The steady banging on the other side of the bedroom wall invades my dreams and it takes me a few seconds to realize it’s real. What the hell? Dare isn’t supposed to be back for a few days. What is he doing over there?
A long moan followed by a high pitched giggle answers my question, and I sink back into my pillows, trying to find any other explanation for what I’m hearing. It’s no use. I know sex sounds when I hear them. The bed slams against the wall and whatever skank he’s brought home cries out with every bang.
I can’t hear him, only an occasional grunt or moan, and there’s still a small chance it’s not him. He said he’d be out of town. Maybe he has a roommate? I know it’s unlikely. He’s never mentioned a roommate, and the next thing I hear destroys any hope.
“Yes! God, yes, Dare! Don’t stop!”
&
nbsp; Disappointment floods through me. I should have known all that “you’re mine” talk was bullshit. And being called out of town for work. I can’t lie here and listen to them any longer, so I grab my pillow and blanket and move to the couch.
Like there’s any chance in hell I can sleep now. Staring at the ceiling, I blink back the tears trying to form. It’s not like I’m in love with the guy, so I shouldn’t be so upset, but I am. Against my better judgement, I trusted him and told him what happened to me, and that’s something only my closest friend knew. His reaction to seeing me naked was so different that I let my guard down and actually let myself believe he was attracted to me, scars and all.
Was it the scars that scared him away, or is he just another asshole who fucks as many women as possible? What really hurts is that he knows I can hear him. That I know he didn’t go out of town and only used that as a way to escape. He’s showing me exactly how little last night meant by making me listen to him fuck another woman while I’m still sore from him. Fuck it. Lesson learned. I won’t fall for any of his bullshit again, although I doubt that’ll be an issue since I never plan to speak to him again.
Sunlight beams in through the living room curtains and I give up trying to sleep, deciding instead to focus on work. Thankfully, Lisa calls a few hours later to ask if I can meet with Ryan to work on his routine, and I jump at the opportunity. Sitting in my apartment and picturing him next door wrapped around some woman is torture.
When I check my phone, I see a missed call and a voice mail from Dare. “Hey, beautiful. Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you. Talk to you later.”
Is he serious? I guess he thinks I’m desperate enough to take what I can get, but does he really expect me to be okay with being lied to? That he can tell me he’s going out of town and I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear him banging someone else?
I knew there was a reason I gave up men. Sighing, I delete the message. Asshole or not, I know I’ll miss him.
Ryan is waiting at the dance studio when I arrive and we get right to work. I throw myself into the choreography, dancing alongside him until we get it perfect. There are a few moves that I change, things he can do that my limited range-of-motion won’t allow. When the music ends again, we drop to the floor to catch our breath. The sound of applause from behind us alerts me to the fact there is a group of dancers and parents from the advanced class watching. We used the main studio this time and I didn’t even notice them come in.
