by Ryan Casey
She didn’t stop fucking walking, even when she reached the gates.
Chapter Three
Max watched Aoife disappear down the street, and he knew something was wrong. Right away.
It was frosty. Cold. The kind of day he might’ve moaned about a while ago. But truth be told, these colder mornings were beginning to grow on him. He enjoyed waking up, going downstairs, and feeding Rex. Enjoyed sitting on his doorstep and watching the sun rise. Might be getting soft in his old age, but he was really starting to feel grateful for every damned moment.
Okay. Definitely getting soft in his old age.
“What’s up with her?”
He looked around. Hailey stood by his side. She was nice. Good looking woman. And she seemed to like spending time with him. She was good company. They had a laugh together.
But he could see from the way she was scowling towards Aoife that there was some kind of antagonism there.
“I’m sure she’s fine.”
“Do you think she has a problem?”
“A problem with what?”
“With… well. With us?”
Oh shit. Max looked away. Because as much as he liked Hailey, as much as he appreciated her friendship and her company… he definitely wasn’t looking for anything like that. Anything serious.
There was no way he was ever going to settle down like that after Kathryn. Not in a “it’d be a betrayal” way or anything like that. Or because he feared connection—because he didn’t. Not anymore. He’d made a bunch of friends this last year. Some real good friendships.
He was just happy the way things were. For the first time in years, he actually felt… comfortable. At peace.
“Hailey…” Max said, preparing for the most awkward damned conversation he’d had in a while. “Don’t get me wrong. You’re nice, and I like you.”
“Well, that’s convenient,” she said, placing a hand on his chest. “I like you too.”
Shit. Ambushed. “I like you. But I’m… I’m really not looking for taking things any further. Like, things are good as they are. For me, anyway. I’m sorry.”
He saw the way her eyes narrowed. That scowl that was reserved for Aoife just moments ago was directed at him now, just for a second.
She pulled her hand away. Looked at the icy pavement between them. “Oh.”
Shit. She sounded upset. Was he a dick? Hell, he’d not gone in for that kiss. She’d just sort of… well, planted it on his lips.
Should he have backed away?
Hell, how old was he again? A teenager?
“I’m sorry,” Max said. “The gift is great. Really. You went to a lot of effort.”
Hailey nodded. Shrugged. “I’m glad you like it.”
He could detect sarcasm in her voice. It irked him a bit. He knew taking the moral high ground probably wasn’t the smartest move right now. But if she’d given him this gift with conditions… it felt a little off.
“Look,” Max said. “You’re a great friend. And I’d like it to stay that way.”
“You kissed me.”
“I… I think you kissed me. To be fair.”
Hailey sighed, shook her head. “It’s her, isn’t it?”
Well. That was unexpected. “Who?”
“Oh, don’t give me that crap. Who do you think?”
He knew who she meant. And that made it all the more awkward. Because by admitting he knew who Hailey meant… it sort of signalled she was right.
He glanced up the street. He couldn’t see Aoife anymore. Just a couple of folks carrying an artificial Christmas tree towards their house, little kid with a red woolly Santa hat running between them.
“I get it,” Hailey said. “I’m not as young as her. Not as pretty as her.”
“No,” Max said. “It’s… it’s really not about that.”
“Then what is it?”
That stubborn old part inside Max who reigned supreme before the blackout might’ve told Hailey to keep her nose out once upon a time.
But she was sweet. He kind of felt he owed her an explanation.
“When my wife died. Kathryn. I… It took me a long, long time to get over her.”
“I’m sorry,” Hailey said.
“No need to apologise. But it’s just… I think I convinced myself I’d never meet anyone again. And I was pretty set on that. And then… and then Aoife wandered into my life, and something just felt different. Not in a romantic way. Still pretty dead set on that. But she… Well. She made me realise a few things. About people. About letting people in, not pushing them away.”
“Then if that’s the case,” Hailey said. “If you really took a leap of faith because of what she told you. Why not take another?”
Max looked at Hailey, and he had to admit she was gorgeous. Slim. Beautiful glowing skin. And she was the kind of person he could have a laugh with. That he could enjoy the company of. Way too good-looking for him, anyway.
He wanted to kiss her. To return her kiss and throw himself into the deep end.
But then just the thought of that made him feel guilty.
And it wasn’t because of Kathryn.
It was because of Aoife.
He put a hand on Hailey’s shoulder. Squeezed it, tight.
“Thanks for the present,” he said. “Really, I love it. I’ll let you know Rex’s feedback as soon as I get it. I’d better, um…”
Hailey opened her mouth like she was going to say something else.
Then she nodded and very visibly sighed, cold air steaming before her. “Happy birthday, Max. You have a good one.”
She turned around, shoulders slumped, walked off down the icy street.
Max watched her walk away.
Take a leap of faith. Take…
Then he sighed.
Turned around and followed in Aoife’s footsteps.
Chapter Four
Three months earlier…
Grace waded down the street that looked like every other and knew it was almost time.
The roads were all the same. Cars stuck in the middle of the road. Windows smashed, glass covering the concrete. The buildings around her looked familiar, too. Little independent coffee shops. Betting shops. Takeaway after takeaway.
All the same.
Shutters down.
If the shutters weren’t down, the windows were smashed.
Some of them were boarded up. Some of them had graffiti scrawled across the front. I have a child. Help.
And seeing them now… it pained Grace to think how desensitised she felt to it all.
This graffiti.
All the signs that this had been a bustling little community, once upon a time.
Gone.
Up ahead, she saw crows swooping down. Heard a few of them cawing in the distance. And that gave her hope. Usually, where there were birds, there was food.
And where there was food, there were people.
What she’d give to find someone right now.
She walked up this street. There was a slight incline to it. She would’ve had no trouble with it once upon a time. She was only twenty-three, after all, and she wasn’t exactly unfit. Not the healthiest person in the world, sure. Definitely not spent enough time at the gym back in the day, and far too much money on takeaways.
She got a sudden taste of McDonald’s in her mouth. The juicy burger. The salty tang of the chips. All washed down with a nice creamy helping of banana milkshake…
What she’d give for that now.
She felt weak. Her knees ached. Her feet were sore. Well, somewhere between sore and numb. The frost was so intense it felt like it was biting her toes. Her fingers weren’t much better. Neither was the rest of her body.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt truly warm.
She stopped.
Butterflies fluttered around her stomach and chest.
She could feel her heart racing.
Her breathing getting harder, more effortful.
Keep your cool, Grace.
Don’t let it take you away. You’ve got this. You’re okay.
But that memory.
The warmth.
The…
She shook her head. “No. No need to go there. Just keep walking. Just… just keep going.”
She started walking again. The cracked concrete was so icy, so slippery, that she wasn’t making as much progress as she wanted to. She needed to find food. She needed to find shelter.
And she needed to find people.
But not just any old people…
The memory crept up on her again.
The warmth.
The shouting.
She needed to find them.
She walked further up this icy slope when she felt a twinge across her face. Something sharp, something painful.
She reached her fingers to her skin when she felt it.
The ridges.
The scaliness…
She pulled her hand away, right away.
She didn’t want to feel her face.
Touch her skin.
She didn’t want to remember.
She stopped. Leaned against an old silver BMW. Sat there as the icy wind blew right down the length of this street. It was peaceful here. A nice little market town. She looked down to the bottom of the hill of the main street and pictured how bustling it might’ve been, once upon a time. Pictured the kids running out of school. The sound of them playing in the playground. The bars, crammed with people at night. The taste of beer on her lips.
She thought of it all, and then she let it go.
She couldn’t dwell on the past.
The past was gone.
She got up off the car and headed further up the slope when she noticed something.
Crows. Two of them. Right by the side of the road, on a grassy verge up ahead.
She slowed down. They were scrapping over something.
And the only things crows tended to scrap about?
Food.
She moved faster. Couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten. Days ago, it had to be.
But she knew when she began this journey that sacrifices would have to be made.
She knew when she began this journey that it wasn’t going to be easy. It might just kill her.
But it was worth it.
In the end, it would be worth it to find a community.
She climbed the steps leading up to the library grounds, where the crows were congregated, and she chased them away.
The crows flew off, and Grace saw what they were eating.
It was a dog. Dead dog. Looked like a border terrier. Small. Tongue dangling out. Flies buzzing around it. Smelled bad. Sour.
Grace sighed. A few hours earlier, and she could’ve salvaged something from this. But it smelled bad, and the flies were off-putting.
Hell. She’d eaten worse.
But this was beyond hope.
She’d have to keep on going. Have to keep on hoping.
There would be some kind of shelter nearby soon.
And hopefully, one very particular kind of shelter nearby soon.
The exact one she was looking for.
She looked down at that border terrier, and she saw a crow land a few feet away. Approach nervously, then back off.
“It’s okay,” Grace said. “It’s all yours.”
She turned around and walked away.
When she looked back, the crows from before were back, jostling over the purple flesh. The wormlike intestines. The eyes.
“Poor dog,” Grace said.
She looked back down the street, back in the direction she’d come from. Over at the hills in the distance. And as much as she didn’t exactly live a life of luxury, she knew she should probably just go back there. Because she had shelter there. And she knew where the best places to hunt were.
But then the memory hit her again.
And she knew she was on the right path.
She took a deep breath, the crows’ caws echoing down the street, and she turned to the other side of the road to continue her journey.
That’s when she heard movement.
Turned around and saw her.
She wasn’t alone.
She saw who it was, and she could barely believe her luck.
She resisted the urge to go running towards her. To go after her.
She had to keep her composure.
Keep her calm.
She had to follow her.
She had to watch her closely.
And she knew exactly what she had to do next.
Chapter Five
Aoife walked aimlessly down the narrow country lane.
She didn’t know why she was out here, really. Figured she’d just stretch her legs and get some fresh air. She liked walking beyond the community gates. Enjoyed being alone in the world outside. As much as things were good at the estate, she felt more comfortable when she was alone with her thoughts sometimes.
Either that, or she was just irrationally pissed at Max.
Acting like a jealous bitch.
She stopped. Thought back to the way Hailey reached up and kissed him on the lips. How watching that gross display had made her feel, deep inside.
Angry?
Bitter?
Jealous?
Fuck if she knew. But one thing was for sure: no matter how she dressed it up, she didn’t feel good.
She kicked at a patch of ice on the road. Grabbed branches from the tall hedges beside her. She knew she was acting like a child. A jealous little teenage girl. What was she actually gaining by being out here, moping away?
At the end of the day, Max was a grown man. Older than her. Hailey was probably more in the old bastard’s age category, anyway.
And even so… Aoife had forgotten his birthday. So it wasn’t exactly a great endorsement of her character, was it?
She stopped. Sighed. Listened to the crows making that annoying sound in the sky above her. Felt the icy cold breeze against her face. Took deep breaths of it, tried to calm herself down. Mindfulness was a trick she’d learned years ago, but it was Max who’d helped her out with it recently. Who’d really awoken her to its full potential and limitless possibilities in the months she’d been coming off the booze.
Watch the breath.
Just watch the breath.
Everything else that appears is just an object, just an appearance in consciousness.
It isn’t you.
It doesn’t define you.
She kept on focusing on those breaths, letting thoughts and feelings pass like clouds in the sky, and before she knew it, she felt that inner place of calm. That place of peace, beyond everything else.
She knew a way to put being out here to good use.
She walked down the road, then took a left into the fields. The grass was crisp with frost. Icy. So cold her ears felt like they were sitting in blocks of ice. Her plan was simple: she’d forgotten Max’s birthday, so she’d go into the nearest town of Longridge and get him a gift from there.
She had no idea what. But she was sure she’d find something sentimental, something that sparked a memory between them.
She walked right across the fields until eventually she saw the old Sainsbury’s in the distance. And beyond that, the terraced houses of the small town. She needed to be careful. She was pretty sure there was nobody around here—their regular scouting missions confirmed that—but you could never be too certain.
Besides, stray dogs were a big problem these days. Not the fluffy friends they used to be. The ones who’d made it this far had fully reverted to their wolflike, pack instinct.
Much the same as people, really.
Only the strong and the ruthless survived.
She approached the town from higher ground, slowly. Made her way down the least residential ways possible. Through an old caravan park, filled with static caravans. It was eerie. Seeing the caravans, mostly abandoned because nobody was here at New Year when the power went out. The empty playground, a swing dangling to the wooden frame b
y just one metal chain. Overgrown grass.
She kept going until she reached the town of Longridge. It was always a quiet town, right in Ribble Valley about five miles from Preston, the nearest city. She’d been a few times to the little independent cinema here, which was always super nice.
Now, it was boarded up. Empty. Abandoned. Just like everywhere else.
She walked down the street, broken glass cracking underfoot. The sound of empty fizzy drinks cans rolling across the icy concrete. Abandoned cars, mostly with smashed windows.
No sign of life.
No sign of anything.
She decided to make a beeline for a card and gift shop at the bottom of the street. But the place was completely boarded up. It’d be hard to break into.
She walked further down. Saw an old record store. She knew Max liked his records. But they didn’t have any record players or power back at the community, so that would be lost on him. But hey, maybe as a token gesture, it might be nice enough.
She stood there, lost. Felt like a real dick. She’d forgotten his birthday, and now she had no idea what to buy him.
She walked down the street, towards that record shop, when she noticed something.
In the window of this model shop, she saw a boat. A large boat model, like the one he’d made for her, only much bigger and more detailed. She knew he had this weird fascination with boats, and he’d made her a wooden one all that time ago, so really it was perfect.
She smiled. Looked for a brick on the road, then smashed the window, the sound echoing right the way down the empty street.
She reached in, being careful not to catch herself on any of the broken glass. Grabbed the boat, which was actually bigger and heavier than she first imagined.
She pulled it out of that gap in the window and stood there, smile on her face.
“You’re better than Hailey’s stupid fucking drawing,” she said. Feeling a little guilty for it.
She went to turn around when she saw something in the middle of the street.
Or someone.
She got the strange feeling she wasn’t alone.
Chapter Six
Max wasn’t sure how long he’d been walking after Aoife when he started to worry he’d lost her.
