by Lund, S. E.
He was right. I always felt guilt for wanting sex. I always felt bad when I fantasized about sex with men I'd just met or seen – like it was wrong for me to just feel horny. When I did have a boyfriend, even then, I couldn't really let go. Orgasms were so hard and took so long because I always felt insecure, unsure if my noises and movements and preferences would turn my lover off. Like how I was feeling – my body's arousal – was somehow unsightly and offensive.
He made me feel as if my body and my desire were intoxicating to him. As if he knew what to do when it came time for sex. I wouldn't have to worry.
All I had to do was kiss him and he'd take over. If I didn't kiss him, we'd just talk and then, when it came time to leave, he'd go.
"Why do your subs need a safe word if the first time is just vanilla sex?"
"It's always good to have a safe word. Things get passionate. Heavy. Hard. Fast. If I overwhelm the sub and she can't handle it, I need to know. But Kate," he said and turned my face to his. "Using red as a safe word isn't a request just to slow things down a bit or to adjust things. It's a signal for a full-stop. Once they use it, it's over. So I warn my subs not to use red unless they really are unable to go on."
"What exactly do you mean by heavy? Hard?"
"Kate…" He smiled indulgently, as if I were a child. "Have you never had really passionate sex with a man before? A little desperate? He's pounding into you from behind, grabbing your hips, thrusting hard and fast?"
Oh, God… Those words and the thought of how big he was made me clench.
I swallowed, my throat dry. I looked in his eyes, and I could tell he was a bit amused at my inexperience, but even his cheeks were flushed. I took him in all at once as he leaned back against the couch – his face so symmetrical, his jaw square with a day's growth of whiskers, his eyes so blue and fringed with thick dark lashes. His mouth was soft, his lips parted. His black hair a bit mussed, collar open, shirt undone just enough to see his chest.
He was the most desirable man I'd ever seen.
"Red is a stoplight," he said. "You say red, everything stops."
"How do I know you won't run a red light?"
He closed his eyes and smiled. "Unlike flyboy, I'm not into rape, Kate. Not even mock rape. If I do it, it's because my sub needs it and asked for it." He opened his eyes again and now they were so intense, his brows furrowed. "I can only get off with a woman who wants it. Who wants me."
I stared at him. Everything inside of me, my body, my emotions, my heart, was pushing me towards him. The only thing holding me back was that annoying sense of propriety that my father and the nuns created in me.
Damn them…
"I want you."
He just waited, watching me with those eyes. He was so calm, patient. I didn't know what held me back. Why was it so hard for me to just lean over and kiss him?
Finally, he exhaled as if he'd been holding his breath.
"Then kiss me."
I closed my eyes, feeling utterly frozen in place. "I can't."
"Oh, Kate…"
Then he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me on top of him as he lay down on the couch, his head against the armrest. I couldn't help but straddle his hips, my thighs on either side of his, my hands holding me up, my face poised directly above his. He pushed my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear, then he slipped his arms around my waist, pulling my hips against him so that I could feel his erection. It actually made me tremble.
I closed my eyes and leaned my head down, my cheek pressed against his.
"Oh, God." I practically panted in his ear but I just couldn’t force myself to kiss him. If I did, it would be game over. This would really happen and it scared me so much.
"Jesus, Kate, are you that repressed that you can't even kiss me?"
"You said it yourself," I managed to say. "If I kiss you, you're going to fuck me."
"You said you want me, so just do it."
"Why are you making me?" I said, emotion filling me. "You already kissed me three times tonight. Why do I have to be the one now?"
"You have to be the one."
"Why?"
"You have to say yes. I have to know that you want me to fuck you. That this is what you really want. What you really need. I don't want any doubt."
"Then, yes, for Christ's sake, yes," I blurted out, tears of frustration actually springing to my eyes. "I want you to fuck me. I need you to fu—"
Before I could say the words, he pulled me down to him and forced me to kiss him, and I did. I kissed him back and when I did, I felt him relax completely beneath me. With the exception of his erection, his body was yielding instead of hard, his arms no longer tense, no longer pulling me against him. He let me kiss him. I cupped his cheek, my fingers threading through his hair while my mouth moved against his, my tongue searching and finding his.
The kiss went on and on, all the while my body grew more aroused, if that was even possible. I ground my groin on his erection, needing to feel it against me, my heart pounding in my ears, a delicious stab of lust racing through my body at the thought of him entering me, pounding me from behind like he'd described.
Finally, I pulled away, confused at his lack of – well, of anything.
"I thought," I said, gasping as our lips parted. "I thought you were going to take control after I kissed you."
He smiled slowly, his eyes half-hooded. "Who's to say I haven't?"
"I don't understand. You said—"
"Stop talking."
Then he did take control, rising up, forcing me to sit up as well. Instead of me lying on top of him, he pushed me down on the couch and now he lay on top of me, his body heavy on mine. He didn't kiss me. He watched me as he pressed against me. Resting on one elbow so that his body was poised above me, his eyes never left mine. He trailed his fingers over my cheek, over my bottom lip, then down the side of my neck to my throat. His fingers traced the upper curve of my breasts, making me shiver, then he squeezed one breast through the silky fabric of my dress, his finger and thumb unerringly finding my nipple and tweaking it, making me gasp, my back arching.
He smiled and spread my thighs open with a rough knee, hiking up my dress around my hips, his hand grabbing my mound, his finger searching for my clit through my pantyhose and panties. Then he pulled his hand away and ground his erection against me until I groaned, my eyes closing.
"Keep your eyes open."
I opened my eyes to find myself staring into his determined ones.
Then, he rose up between my thighs and reached for my pantyhose, grasping the waistband and removing them, pulling them down and off me.
"From now on, you're only wearing garters and nylons when you're with me. No underwear."
When he reached for my panties and pulled at them, I took in a deep breath, my heart racing, knowing this was it. He pulled them off me and I was bare from the waist down. Instinctively, I drew my knees together, but he deliberately spread them again with his hands until my thighs were wide open, exposing myself to him, the air cool on my heated flesh.
"Oh, you’re so nice and wet."
At that, I tried to cover myself up, embarrassed that I was so wet. I wanted to run to the bathroom and wash myself.
"I should take a bath…"
He made a face. "What? No. Kate, you're supposed to be wet. Your scent makes me rock hard. I can't wait to taste you."
Then he stood and pulled me up as well so that we were standing by the couch. I felt dizzy, my head spinning just a bit at the abrupt transition. He turned me around and undid my zipper, pulling the shoulders of my dress down from behind. He pushed my hair out of the way, his mouth on my neck. He bit my shoulder but not hard enough to hurt. My dress slipped off and down my arms so that I was standing in my bra and nothing else. While still behind me, he ran his hands over my hips and around to my belly, then up until he cupped each breast briefly, squeezing them through the lacy black fabric. I leaned back against him, my eyes closing as he touched me so gently, his
erection still pressed against me from behind. His fingers pulled the lacy cups of my bra down so that my breasts jutted out over top of the fabric, my nipples puckering in the cool air. The palms of his hands grazed my nipples and I couldn't help but gasp.
He embraced me from behind, one hand below my breast, the other sliding down my skin over my belly and then lower to my mound, barely touching me, then down to my thighs.
"Spread your legs," he said, his tone authoritative, but his voice still warm.
I complied and his hand moved back to my labia very lightly without touching my inner lips or clit. All the while, he licked my neck, sucked the skin on my shoulder, biting me softly.
Then he pulled me around to face him and removed my bra, unclasping the hook in front so that my breasts spilled out. He threw the bra on the floor, and just stared at me, his gaze moving over my body from my face to my thighs and then back.
I couldn't help but move to cover up, but he stopped me, his hands holding my arms.
"Don't cover yourself," he said, his voice firm. "You look so delicious, I want to lick you. I want to run my tongue over every inch of you."
He did nothing, just stood there staring at my naked body, letting that sink in and the thought of his mouth on me, of him licking me, sent a stab of lust through me.
He'd barely touched me, but I was more aroused than I had ever been before.
"Undress me."
I swallowed and stepped closer, reaching for his shirt. His eyes never left my face as I pulled his shirt out of his pants and then unbuttoned it. I took each hand and unbuttoned the cuffs, then pulled the shirt off him, leaving him bare-chested. His abs were well-developed, a washboard six pack, his pecs large but not overly, a trail of dark hair leading from his navel to beneath his trouser waistband. His erection pressed against the fabric of his trousers, and when I started to unbuckle his belt, my fingers grazed it and he made this sound in the back of his throat. I unzipped him, his pants dropping and he stepped out of them. He wore boxer briefs in black, and I almost gasped when I saw how large he really was.
I hesitated when it came to removing his briefs, but took in a breath and pulled them down so that his erection sprung out, heavy and thick and long, the head smooth and wet with fluid that had leaked out, leaving a spot on his briefs. He stepped out of them and now all that remained were his socks. I rolled each one off his foot, my face next to his cock, unable to avoid looking at it.
He was so beautiful, his skin pale. His cock was beautiful, long and thick and pink, a prominent vein running up the shaft.
"See how ready I am for you?"
I glanced up into his eyes, which were dark, no trace of humor in them now. I quickly stood and waited for his next command.
"Touch me. Feel how hard I am because of you."
I did, grasping him, stroking up his length to the head. He was hard and my body responded to the feel of him in my hand. I imagined how he'd feel inside of me, filling me up, the pressure intense.
He was almost as big as Big.
"Kneel down and lick me. Taste me," he said. I did, kneeling as he instructed, and with one hand, I grasped him and directed the head to my lips, licking the head all around, his fluid salty.
"Suck me."
I took the head into my mouth with soft lips, my tongue rolling around the head, stroking the underside and he gasped. At the sound of his pleasure, my body responded, a thrill racing through me.
I felt his cock jump in my mouth and I sucked the head in further, moving my wet lips over him slowly. He let me do this for a few moments, then reached down and guided my head, increasing the speed, pushing inside my mouth a little deeper. His breathing became more intense and he thrust his hips just a bit each time, pushing deeper into my mouth but not so deep that I gagged.
I glanced up at him with his cock in my mouth.
"That's so good, Kate."
Then he pulled me off him and kissed me, dragging me with him back towards my bedroom.
"Do you have any condoms?"
I shook my head. "No," I said, embarrassed. "I haven't had sex for a long time. I wasn’t planning… "
"That's all right," he said, stopping by the coat tree, reaching into a pocket inside his lapel. "I honestly didn't really think we'd end up here, but I brought a couple just in case lady luck smiled down on me." He pulled out a couple of condoms in foil packs and smiled. "I prefer bareback and we will once we're both tested and clear. Are you on the birth control pill?"
"Yes," I said. " I'm on the pill and I was tested a few months ago. There's been no one for a year."
He ran his hand through his hair. "Look, Kate, I get tested regularly and I make sure all my partners are tested. I'm clean." He shook his head. "But until we both get the all clear? We have to use these."
I nodded. "You’re the doctor."
"Doctors still get HIV."
"I trust you."
He took my hand and led me to the bed. Sitting on the edge, he directed me between his spread thighs, burying his face between my breasts. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him, then his mouth claimed first one then the other nipple, his tongue wet and warm against them, the tugging as he sucked sending a delicious thrill through my body, making me gasp. He squeezed my breasts while he sucked, working me up even more, my body feeling so swollen and aching.
He turned me around, pushing me onto the bed so that I lay back, closing my eyes, letting him have his way with me. He lifted my thighs so that they were spread wide, then he opened one of the packs and held the condom out to me.
"Put it on."
I sat up and held the condom, unsure how to do it. "I've never…"
"You've never put a condom on a man?"
"They always did it."
"Hold the top between your finger and thumb and then place it over the head. Unroll it over the head and down as far as it will go."
I followed his instructions, amazed at how big he was, my breath shallow from arousal. Then he pushed me back against the bed again and kissed me as he slid his cock against me, rubbing the head against my clit while he held my hands firmly in one of his above my head. My heart was beating so fast, my face hot, my thighs trembling.
"You're so nice and wet, Kate," he said, sliding the head of his cock up and down against my clit and it felt so good I groaned out loud, unable to stop myself. "Oh, you like that do you?"
He kept rubbing me like that, the pleasure building inside of me. Then he pressed the head against the entrance to my body, sliding it just an inch inside me, then back up and around my clit, repeating that over and over again, entering a bit deeper each time.
"It's been a while, hasn't it, since you had a cock inside of you."
I didn't say anything. I wasn't going to mention Big, although I'd never managed to get Big more than a couple inches inside. With that, he shoved himself a little deeper into me, the pressure intense. He was bigger than anyone I'd been with before.
"You're so nice and big." I gasped, the pleasure building as he entered me just a couple of inches and then withdrew, teasing my clit with the head before plunging back inside me again.
"You're so nice and tight." He closed his eyes and thrust deeper. He remained inside me this time, his thumb against my clit, stroking all around it while he just kept still. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to feel him move inside of me, a little deeper, and I thrust my hips up, trying to increase the sensations.
"Feels good, doesn’t it? So sweet…"
He thrust a bit, still only a couple of inches inside of me, his thumb rubbing my clit. Straight fucking with other men had never felt that good before and I'd always only come through oral sex. Now, with all the workup, with everything that happened since the concert hall, all the nerve ending inside of me seemed to be on fire, and every time he thrust, I felt closer and closer to going over the edge.
"I feel," I said, my eyes closing as the sweetness built, " that feels so…"
I watched him from under my eyel
ashes and his eyes were closed as he thrust slowly inside of me, still so much of him outside of my body he was so big. This was just teasing me with his cock. He wasn't really thrusting deep or fast. Just slow, pulling out every couple of thrusts, stroking over my labia to my clit and then back inside. But it was enough and my body started to tense as my orgasm started.
"Ohhh." Waves of pleasure spread out from my center, up into my belly and down my thighs. "Oh, God…" I gritted my teeth, my eyes closing from the intensity.
"Don't come yet," he said, stopping his movements. "This is too fast. Breathe, Kate. Wait and it will be even better."
I couldn’t speak, caught in the waves of pleasure, gasping when his movement stopped, depriving me of the stimulation just when my orgasm started.
"Oh, baby, you're already gone," he said, and began thrusting harder, faster, entering me deeply, pushing me back over the edge once more.
CHAPTER TEN
I came hard.
When he realized I was already gone, he entered me completely, right to the hilt and my eyes rolled back in my head. He leaned over me while he thrust, watching my face. Then, when I was done, when the last waves of my pleasure retreated, he just stopped all motion.
"What are you doing?" I gasped, wondering why he stopped.
"I like feeling you clench around me." He was grinning as if he couldn't hold back his laughter.
"Why are you laughing at me?" I covered my face with my hands.
"Oh, Kate," he said, and tried to pull my hands away from my face. "I'm not laughing at you," but even as he said it, I could hear the mirth in his voice.
"Don't," I said and turned my face away, mortified, my eyes filling. He pried my hands away from my face and forced me to look in his eyes.
"No modesty allowed with me." He moved slowly inside of me and it made me clench again. "That was just so fast," he said, amusement in his voice. "You really needed a hard cock in you."
I struggled with him, trying to turn away, cover my eyes again, my cheeks hot.
