by Claire Cook
“Okay, Dollface, I better keep the lines open. I’ve got big plans to make. Those coppers will never get away with this. Over and out.”
I replayed my father’s side, which was basically the only side, of our phone conversation a few times. Then I called my mother. The answering machine picked up. “Hi, Mom,” I said. “Dad is acting really strange. Even for him. He’s at my apartment now if you’re still looking for him. Love you. Bye.”
One of the nice things about having a mother was that once you passed something off to her, you could pretty much stop worrying about it.
RILEY, GERI, AND I were killing time before the party. They didn’t know it, so the pressure was all on me again. Fortunately, Geri hadn’t managed to sneak out to get her own copy of Allison Flagg’s book because she was too busy watching Riley, so our first stop was to go buy one for her. Riley picked out another joke book while we were at it, and I finally managed to choose one jewelry-making book, even though I wanted them all. One thing about Cape Cod, you could always find a great bookstore.
“You know,” I said, once we got out to the car again, “we really need a name for those sand bottles. And we also need a name for our company.”
“Life’s a Beach,” Geri said.
“Isn’t that the truth. Is that for the bottles or the company?”
“Both. It’s called branding.”
“Don’t you think we should discuss it for a while? What about Sisters by the Sea? Or Sisters of Synchronicity?”
“Ha,” Geri said.
“Or Ginger’s Gewelry, or even Gingerly, though I suppose those two are a little bit more about me than you. You know, I think we should take some time right now, and each come up with a list of ten names. Maybe twenty.”
“Come on,” Geri said. “Let’s go back to the hotel. This is my last day to hang out at the pool as a younger woman. And Riley’s probably dying to go swimming.”
“He’s been on the beach all day,” I said. “Water’s probably the last thing on his mind.” I looked in the rearview mirror and tried to catch his eye. Maybe I could send him a signal.
“The beach and the pool are two entirely different things,” my nephew said from the backseat. “That’s a yes,” he added.
I drove down the road and pulled into the parking lot of CVS. Geri was flipping through her new book. “How about ‘Botox, Beverly Hills’ for my birthday? It says if you can teach yourself not to overexpress, it actually lasts longer.”
“We’ll never make it back in time for dinner. And anyway, you probably need an appointment.”
“Okay, how about ‘Blow Dry, Boston’? That’s not very far.”
“Boring. And it’ll be gone the minute you wash your hair. I thought you wanted something that’s more of a memorial.”
“Thank you so much for making me sound dead.” Geri looked up. “What are we doing here?”
“I’m just concentrating on your birthday possibilities. Okay, give me something else.”
Geri nodded. “Ooh, listen to this. Polymer Hair Extensions. In four to six hours, 100 percent European hair will be bonded with strands of your existing hair very close to the scalp, resulting in much improved volume, length, and flexibility over traditional hair extension techniques. You know, I think I read somewhere that polymer hair extensions are the new Botox.”
“Even so, you lost me at four to six hours.” I twisted the steering wheel back and forth a few times. “I couldn’t sit still that long for a full body transplant. How do they get all those Europeans to give up their hair, I wonder.”
“Oh, wow, there’s even a listing for tiaras.”
“Perfect. You could wear it to a PTA meeting.”
Riley leaned over between the two front seats with his book. “Okay, my turn,” he said. “Which fish is the most musical?”
“I don’t know,” Geri and I said together. “Which fish is the most musical?”
Riley giggled. “A tune-afish.”
“That’s a good one,” Geri said. She flipped through a few more pages. “How about ‘Teeth Whitening, New York City’? That would be faster. And it must last for a while.”
“You know,” I said, “I’ve always wanted to do that. Okay, it’ll be my treat for your birthday.” I opened my car door. “Wait right here. I’ll make the arrangements.”
I walked slowly up and down the aisles of CVS just to kill some more time before the party.
Eventually, I opened the car door and threw Geri a package of Crest Whitestrips. “Here you go. Happy fifty. We can split the box. I even sprang for the Supreme.”
It’s hard to laugh and wear Whitestrips at the same time. They kept slipping, and we had to nudge them back over our teeth with our fingernails.
“It seems,” Geri mumbled, “that the trick is not to overexpress while you’re wearing them.” This cracked us both up again.
“Shh,” I mumbled. “You’re not supposed to talk.” That made us laugh even harder.
“Can I try some?” Riley asked.
“Why not?” Geri mumbled. “Just don’t tell your sisters. Or your father. Not that you should ever keep secrets from your family . . .”
“I get it, Mom. Rachel and Becca would want some, too, and Dad’s just not a Whitestrips kind of guy.”
While Geri was getting Riley’s strips all set up, I looked at my watch. I still had at least half an hour to kill. I gave my lower Whitestrip a little tug and pretended to look for my keys.
“Uh-oh,” I said carefully. “Did anybody see where I put the car keys?”
The three of us split up and wandered the aisles of CVS. Twenty-five minutes later, I took the keys out of my shoulder bag and kicked them under a counter. “Oh, look,” I yelled. “I found them!”
I could feel Geri wanting to strangle me all the way from the other side of the store. “The good news is,” I said when we’d climbed back into the car, “our thirty minutes are up. We can take off our Whitestrips now.”
“WHY DID WE PARK in the front?” Geri asked as we walked up to the main entrance of the Fisherman’s Lodge. “And I still don’t understand why you wouldn’t stop for takeout.”
“Thanks,” she added when the lumberjack held the door open for us. Today he had a fishing pole over his shoulder instead of a rifle, which reminded me I still hadn’t asked about those fishing swivels so I could try making bracelets with them. Maybe I could sneak back out here later.
I cut in front of my sister and started across the lobby in the direction of the pool. “I told you, I’ll go back out for food. It’s my fault I lost the keys. Riley shouldn’t have to wait any longer to get into the pool. Your teeth look great, by the way.”
Geri took a couple of long steps to catch up with me. “Don’t try to change the subject. We were already in the car. It’s completely inefficient to do it this way.”
I ignored her. “Hey, Riley, let’s go see how crowded the pool is, then we can go upstairs and you can throw on your suit.”
We rounded the corner to the pool entrance, and a great big white cardboard sign sitting on a rough timber stand blocked our way. PRIVATE PARTY, it said in pink letters. A flock of white puffy paper lovebirds perched on top of the sign. They were anchored to the stand with crisscrosses of clear tape.
“Wouldn’t you know it,” Geri said. “There’s a wedding here tonight.” She shook her head. “If you hadn’t lost the keys, we could have been in and out of the pool by now.” She turned and started to walk away.
“That’s okay, Aunt Ginger,” Riley said.
“Thanks,” I said. “Wait,” I yelled to my sister.
She turned around.
“I know,” I said. “Let’s peek inside. I love weddings.”
“You hate weddings,” she said.
“Well, maybe they’re not using the whole pool area,” I said. “Come on, Riley, let’s go check it out.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him past the sign.
“You can’t go in there,” my sister yelled. “It’s a private party
.”
I pulled Riley around the corner and put my fingers to my lips. “She’s coming,” I whispered.
Allison Flagg started waving her arms around like an air traffic controller.
“I’ll meet you upstairs,” we heard my sister yell.
“Do something,” Allison Flagg hissed.
Riley and I looked at each other. I shrugged. He screamed. It was a brilliant and bloodcurdling scream, guaranteed to bring a mother running.
“Surprise!” everybody shouted when my sister rounded the corner.
Geri stood there with her mouth open for a moment or two, then gave me a big hug. “Thank you. I can’t believe you did this for me,” she whispered.
“Well, Allison Flagg helped a little,” I whispered back.
There was a long table set up at one end of the pool area. It was covered with things like shrimp cocktail and roll-up sandwiches, and sitting in the center of the table was a big pink cake with just the right understated number of candles.
Riley ran off to join the other kids. Geri was completely surrounded by people, so I looked around for someone to talk to. A bartender wearing a GONE FISHING T-shirt stood behind the outcropping of rocks that formed the bar. She was pouring some champagne for the gaffer.
He turned around and saw me before I could look away. I smiled. He smiled back. He picked up the glasses and started walking in my direction.
He walked right past me and handed a glass of champagne to my sister. “There you go, birthday girl,” he said. “By the way, what are you doing for the next fifty years?”
My sister giggled and flipped her hair around. “Oh, thank you, Timmy. Find a date for my husband and a babysitter who drives, and I’m all yours, big guy.”
“Cheers,” he said as he clicked his champagne glass to hers.
“Timmy?” I said to no one in particular. When had my sister learned to flirt like that, and why hadn’t I been taking notes? The gaffer was actually being kind of sweet. What a nice birthday present to give to a fifty-year-old married mother of three. You almost couldn’t tell it was basically a sympathy flirt.
I turned around to go get my own drink.
Since it was my sister, I figured I really had to stay around for the cake, but I couldn’t wait to get back to my room. I hung out with the bartender for a few minutes, and talked her into saving me some of the interesting bottles. They were serving sparkling water in these great cobalt blue bottles, and I was dying to get my hands on some.
“There you are,” Geri said. She stood beside me at the bar, and the gaffer walked around to stand on her other side. “I can’t believe Manny sent all this stuff over. That was so nice of him.”
I ignored the gaffer, not that he seemed to notice. “Where’s your friend Allison?” I asked Geri.
“Oh, she’s got some more balloons to blow up. And she wants to wait on the cake so everyone has enough time to enjoy looking at it before we cut into it.”
I yawned.
“More champagne, gorgeous?” the gaffer asked.
I held up my full glass before I realized he was talking to my sister. I put it down fast, but possibly not fast enough. He smirked.
“Thanks, handsome,” she said. “But I think I’ll switch to water. Ginger’s probably dying to get her hands on some of those blue bottles.”
Chapter 28
“IS IT ALMOST TIME FOR THE CAKE?” I ASKED.
Allison Flagg looked at her watch. “Let’s just give it a few more minutes.” She slid the cake a quarter of an inch to the right and straightened one of the candles. “I think the dance people are here. I told them to bring a boom box and some party music. Is there anything you want me to request?”
I looked over at the gaffer and smiled. “ ‘Just a Gigolo’?” I suggested.
He smiled back. “How about ‘Hey Jealousy’?”
“Oh, I know, how about ‘YMCA’?” Geri said. “It’s Riley’s favorite.”
“Just shoot me now,” I said.
Allison Flagg took off to find the dance people, and I tried to think of an exit line. “So,” Geri said. “Isn’t this the best party?”
“Mmm,” I said. “I’m really happy for you.”
“Which one of you is older anyway?” the gaffer asked.
“Oh, you,” Geri said. She gave her hair another flip.
“Dad!” Riley yelled from across the room.
“Ohmigod!” Geri said. “Seth! And the girls! And Mom and Dad!” She detached herself from the gaffer and handed me her empty blue water bottle.
“Sorry about your girlfriend,” I said to the gaffer, even though I knew it was childish. The first notes of “YMCA” blasted out.
MY MOTHER AND FATHER were dancing up a storm. Rachel and Rebecca tried to resist. “This is so dorky,” Rachel said.
“Totally,” Becca said.
“Okay, just this one song,” Rachel said.
Seth and Geri were dancing away, too, and even though Seth kept messing up the letters on “YMCA” and he really should have changed out of his suit and into something more casual, I could almost imagine living next door to him.
“Wanna dance?” the gaffer asked.
“I don’t think so,” I answered.
He smiled.
I walked into the middle of the dance floor, which was actually the patio area next to the pool. Riley and the two Macks had a pretty good conga line going, so I jumped onto the end of that, right behind Manny’s mother. Every time we’d hear the four beats that signaled the YMCA part was coming, we’d all drop our arms and face the middle.
As soon as the song was over, I found my parents. They were holding hands and actually swinging them back and forth.
“Toots!” my father said when he saw me.
“Hey,” I said. I gave them each a hug, then pulled back to read my mother’s T-shirt. BODY PIERCING SAVED MY LIFE it said in discreet purple glitter letters.
“You’re kidding, right?” I asked.
My mother held the hem of her T-shirt and stretched it down so I could get a better look. “Like I always say, keep ’em guessing.” She winked at my father and wiggled her hips a little.
My father grabbed her and they tangoed a few steps, even though Kool & the Gang was singing “Celebration” now. When he dipped her, her head almost touched the ground. She was amazingly flexible for a woman her age. All that yoga was really paying off.
“Hey, Dollface,” he said, after they remembered me and tangoed back. “What about mine? I made it all by myself.” My father let go of my mother and stretched out the fabric on his worn white T-shirt. In wobbly black marker, he’d written, I KNOW MY RIGHTS.
“Your father,” my mother said, “got himself into a little pickle.” She leaned over and gave my father a kiss on the lips.
“It was a big pickle, Toots,” my father said. “They arrested me and everything. I loved every minute of it. Do you know they don’t have handles in the backseat of those copper cars? You’re in there till they get good and ready to let you out, I kid you not.”
“It was like being back in the sixties,” my mother said. She leaned over and kissed him again.
“Excuse me,” I said. “But do you think you could stop being disgusting long enough to tell me what happened? Either that, or you might want to consider getting a room.”
My mother and father actually giggled. “We already have a room,” my mother said.
“For the whole night,” my father added. “Hot diggitty.”
I couldn’t believe it. “What about Boyfriend and the kittens? You said you’d watch them.”
“Relax,” my mother said. “One of our friends is stopping by to give them fresh food and water.”
“She’s not my friend,” my father said. “Not until she starts keeping her hands to herself, anyway.”
“Oh, you,” my mother said. She kissed him again.
“I hate to interrupt,” I said. “But you still haven’t told me what happened.”
My parents tore them
selves away from each other. “Okay,” my mother said. “The way it happened was that there’s a thirty-minute antiloitering rule in the Take It or Leave It section of the dump.”
“No, Toots, it’s more than a rule. It’s a genuine Town of Marshbury law I broke. But I know my constitutional rights. I can gather in a public place anytime I damn well feel like it.”
“My hero,” my mother said. “So, to make a long story short, they kept giving him tickets for staying too long, and he ignored them.”
My father wiggled his bushy white eyebrows. “I mean, I was already at the dump, so how hard could it be to dispose of the evidence?”
“And then, the other day,” my mother said, “they decided to give him a police escort home.”
“And we’re taking this all the way to the Supreme Court if we have to,” my father said. “You can bet on it, Toots.” He put his arm around my mother’s shoulders. “Your mother and Champ and the babies and I have been all holed up at your place, planning our strategy.”
My mother put her arm around my father’s waist. “It’s more than a little bit romantic,” she said. “It reminds me of our first apartment, right after we got married. We’ve even been talking about selling the house to Geri and Seth and moving in there for good.”
“Excuse me?” I said. “What about the townhouse? What about me?”
“After you get yourself settled, of course, Dollface,” my father said.
“Sure, not a problem,” I said. “I’ll just go sleep on the street.”
My father elbowed my mother and pointed to Manny’s mother. “Don’t look now, but I think I see that Ann-Margret over there. Not that I’m interested or anything, but I know you’re a big fan of hers, Toots.”
WE ALL GATHERED AROUND the cake while Allison Flagg lit the candles. She started at one end and worked her way slowly from left to right, stopping after every second candle to blow out the match and carefully add it to the fan shape she was creating on a pink napkin with the other blown-out matches.
“Holy crap,” I said mostly to myself. “If she keeps this up, we’ll be here all night.”
“Now, now,” the gaffer said. I looked over at him. He smiled. I took a big step away.
