A cup of coffee warmed in the microwave failed to touch her exhaustion. She felt too tense to sleep. She carried the coffee into the family room and turned on the TV. The flickering images failed to draw her from the influx of memories.
“You want to force me into a mold where I don’t fit.” Chuck’s angry words thundered in her thoughts.
The phone rang and she grasped the receiver. For several seconds, she wasn’t sure if she existed in the present or the past. “Hello.” Her voice quivered with tension. Then she identified the speaker and her body relaxed. “The Ice Cream Parlor...I’ll pass. See you in the morning.”
With a sigh, she turned off the TV and headed down the hall to the bedroom that had been hers since the first summer at Shadow Lake, the summer she’d met Chuck and Megan.
She pulled on a tee shirt and slid beneath the sheets. A breeze stirred the curtains. Crickets and frogs filled the night with sound. The tears she hid from everyone slid down her cheeks.
*****
A band of sunlight inched across Jenessa’s face. She yawned and stretched and glanced at the clock. Laughter quickly hushed, rode the breeze through the open window.
“What do you mean she’s sleeping?” Megan asked.
“Mom said if we woke her, we wouldn’t get lunch,” one of Jenessa’s brothers said.
She leaned her elbows on the windowsill. “You’re in luck. I’m awake.” She watched Megan’s nephew try to catch the gray cat that sat on the wall. She had promised her friend she’d help watch him while his father played golf. Jenessa didn’t mind. She enjoyed playing games with the motherless child.
“About time,” Megan said. “Have you ever tried to entertain a four year old who wants sand and water? I’ve sprouted nine gray hairs.”
Jenessa laughed. “Good thing you’re a blonde. Be with you in a few.”
She hurried to the bathroom, showered and emerged wearing a deep blue maillot. On her way through the kitchen, she stopped to drink a glass of orange juice and eat a doughnut. She filled a thermos with lemonade and put doughnuts in a plastic bag.
Her mother shook her head. “What kind of breakfast is that?”
“Megan has sandwiches. I’ll eat healthy tonight.” She blew a kiss. “I’ll be back to help with our contribution to the barbecue.”
“Corn and strawberries tonight. Chicken tomorrow and potato salad Monday.”
The screen banged behind her. She ran down the walk and paused at the top of the steps leading to the beach. “Megan, Johnny, what’s keeping you?”
“You up for volley ball this afternoon?” Danny asked.
“You bet,” Jenessa said. “Us against the rest.”
“Not fair,” Megan said. “You guys are too good.”
Jenessa shrugged. Four against six or seven sounds fair to me.”
Johnny ran down the steps and across the sand to the lake. “Watch me swim.”
Jenessa reached for the bulging bag of toys. “Are you staying for a month?”
“He kept stuffing things in.” Megan followed Jenessa down the steps. “Johnny, wait. Jen, keep an eye on him. Dad said he tried to swim to the raft yesterday.”
For an hour, Jenessa romped on the sand and in the water with the four-year-old. Megan lay on a towel and watched. Finally, Jenessa grabbed Johnny’s hand. “I’m starved. Race you to Aunt Megan?”
“Okay.” He ran ahead of her.
Jenessa collapsed on a towel. The sadness she’d forgotten during the active play returned. Could she maintain a calm exterior for the rest of the long weekend? She didn’t want to ruin the holiday for her friends and family. She opened the cooler and took a sandwich for Johnny and one for herself.
“Want a doughnut.”
“After you eat your sandwich and some melon.” Megan glared at Jenessa. “Doughnuts.”
Jenessa poured three glasses of lemonade and took a second sandwich. “Mom made them.”
“Brimming with fat and calories.” Megan reached for a glass. “Are you all right?”
“Sort of.”
Johnny finished his lunch. “Swim.”
“Not yet.” Jenessa spilled the sand toys on the ground. “Let’s build a castle. You too, Megan.”
For a half-hour, they collaborated on a huge sandcastle. When Johnny yawned, Megan lifted him to her hip. “Nap time.” She turned to Jenessa. “You coming?”
Jenessa collected toys and shoved them in the string bag. “I think I’ll swim to the raft.”
“You shouldn’t go alone.”
“I’ve done it a hundred times. Volley ball at three. I’ll leave the toys and other paraphernalia on the patio.”
“Thanks.” Megan headed down the beach toward her father’s cottage.
Jenessa folded the umbrella and the towels and dropped everything near the steps. She gazed down the beach. Her friend had stopped to talk to a tall man. Sunlight turned his hair to gold.
Eric, Jenessa thought. Can’t be. I’m hallucinating.
She ran to the shore and waded into the water. After pushing off, she swam to the wooden raft.
When she reached the platform that bobbed in the swell from a passing motorboat, she pulled herself onto the raft. She sat with her arms curled around her legs. Why had she thought she’d seen Eric? Since their first encounter, his presence had invaded her thoughts. Still, did she have to see him in every distant man with golden hair?
She lay on her stomach and trailed one hand in the water. Heat from the sun warmed her skin and dried her suit.
Shadow Lake fulfilled its name. Memories of her husband lurked on the beach, in the water and at the cottage. Recollections of his laughter, teasing, love- making and accusations were as numerous as the grains of sand on the beach.
The float tilted. She slid along the painted surface. She rolled over and a gasp escaped. Convinced she was seeing an apparition, she blinked. Why was Eric here?
“Hello, Jenessa.”
His voice caressed each syllable of her name. Shivers flashed along nerves. “What are you doing here?”
“Sam offered me his cabin for the weekend. He and Simone will arrive Sunday afternoon.”
She clasped her knees and stared at her toes. If she looked at him, he’d read her expression and learn things she hoped to hide. “Are you coming to the barbecue?”
He pulled himself onto the raft. To avoid staring at his green swim trunks and his taut abdomen, she studied the scars on his shoulder. Surgery, but why?
“Megan told me, but could I persuade you to have dinner with me?”
She shook her head. “The barbecues are traditions. They’re fun.” More fun than fighting the desires he stirred.
“Tradition?”
“Don’t you have any?”
“Someday, I’ll tell you.” He studied her. Her eyes were shielded and her voice bland. What had caused the change from her usual animation? For a week, he’d fought the attraction. Had he imagined her response to him?
No matter, he thought. Being in her presence made him feel he’d jumped into a deeper hole than he wanted.
She rose. His eyes narrowed in appreciation of the way her suit molded her curves. Heat rushed to his groin. She turned and flashed a smile. “The barbecue…you’ll come?”
“I think I will.”
She stood on the edge of the raft. “There’s a volley ball game this afternoon. The other team needs players. Race you to the beach.” Without giving him a chance to answer, she dove into the water. He followed and tried to match her strokes. She reached the beach and wrapped a towel sarong fashion about herself. Then she threw him a towel.
When he saw the bag of toys, a cooler and a large thermos, he laughed. “Were you planning to stay a week?”
“The toys belong to Megan’s nephew. We had brunch down here. He’s the only beach kid this year.”
He picked up the string bag and the cooler. “Where should I put these?”
“On the patio.” She dashed up the steps.
Simple, direct,
honest. The seeds of suspicion his administrative staff had planted about her character shriveled. He couldn’t believe she had a secret agenda.
She waved at three young men. “Ben, Larry, Danny, come meet my boss. Eric, these are my brothers. He’s on for volleyball. Let Alex know he has another player.” She ran to the cottage. “See you all at three. I’ve KP duty.”
“Don’t eat all the strawberries.”
Eric laughed at the chorus. As he helped set up the net, he listened to Jenessa’s brothers. They joked about her bossiness and her desire to be the best. He recalled her intensity during the softball game. Was every activity a competition to her? Did she know how to just enjoy?
An hour later, Eric stood on the other side of the net between two teenage girls. Megan and Alex Carter and a pair of identical twins made up the rest of the team.
Jenessa prepared to serve. A pair of denim shorts fit her like an extension of her skin. He shook his head to dislodge thoughts of covering her in a similar fashion. Streaks of dirt stained her white shirt.
“This one’s for game,” she shouted. “Danny, please. Ben, no preening. Larry get your mind on the game. We’re here to win, not to strut.”
Eric laughed. Never before had he met a woman who relished competition the way she did. No wonder Bishop thought she was dangerous. Did the Board president realize she wasn’t ruthless. Though she reveled in winning, when her team had lost the first game, she had laughed and played harder.
The ball soared toward him. He tapped it to the front line. Alex hit it across the net. Larry hit the sphere into the air. From the back line, Jenessa charged and spiked the ball over the net.
“Game,” she called. “Ready for a tie-breaker?”
A chorus of groans rose from both sides of the net. Eric collapsed on the grass and folded his arms under his head.
“Eric.”
She stood beside him. He eyed her legs and sat up before his reaction to her became obvious. “What about tomorrow?”
“Where’s your sense of competition?”
“Left on the football field when I graduated from college.” The challenge in her blue eyes sent his thoughts racing in a different direction. What would happen if he
kissed her?
Ben draped his arm around his sister’s shoulders. “You’re the only iron man around here. Tomorrow’s fine.”
She ducked under his arm. “I wanted to join Dad for golf.”
“After the way you trounced him last time?”
“You’re right.” She ran to the house. “See you later.”
Eric vaulted the wall and strode down the beach. The thought of kissing Jenessa refused to go away. He groaned. Why had a member of his staff been the one to capture his interest and promise to fill the empty spaces in his life?
*****
Jenessa sat at the picnic table between Alex and Megan. Eric sat on the other side. She caught his eye. “So what do you think about Shadow Lake barbecues?”
“Great food. Good company. And I’m learning things I need to know.”
His enigmatic smile puzzled her. What did he mean?
Megan waved her father over. “Dad, what do you know about the hospital being sold? All the nurses are talking about it.”
Dr. Carter shrugged. “Old rumors. Bishop mentioned the possibility several years ago. The majority of the Board knew he never did anything where he wouldn’t profit. We told him no. Why would he try again?”
Eric leaned forward. “How would he profit?”
“Ask him.”
Jenessa laughed. “And he’ll tell all. I don’t think so.” She ate several strawberries and finished a slice of melon.
Megan rose. “Who’s riding to the Road House with me?”
People rose and cleared off the tables. Jenessa shoved her plate in the trash barrel. She headed across the beach. Saturday and dancing at the Road House was a tradition she would avoid. The last time she had been there had been the first time she and Chuck had quarreled about him taking a steady job, about having a baby and about every facet of their life.
The moon dipped in and out of the clouds. She walked along the water’s edge and wished she’d stayed in Eastlake. Why did we quarrel? Why did he want me to be like Penelope and wait by the fire while he rode off on his bike? For the first time since his death, she saw the flaw in the perfection she had invested him with the night he’d died.
She rounded a jutting earth bank and perched on a rock that had tumbled down the hillside. With a stick, she dug stones from the dirt and piled them beside her. One by one, she skipped them across the lake.
A sound, foreign to the night, startled her. She turned and saw Eric at the entrance to the secluded cove.
*****
Eric watched Jenessa. He saw anger in the way she pitched the stones and sadness in her posture. “Are you all right?”
“I thought you’d go with the others.”
He could have, but concern for her had kept him here. “I thought we could talk.”
She rose. “About the contract? About the reason the Board’s not cooperating?”
The sweet aroma of her perfume wafted toward him. “About us.”
“There’s no us.”
“We haven’t tried.”
She shifted away from him. “I’m not sure I can.” She turned to face him.
He touched her arm with his fingers. “You aren’t the only one carrying garbage from the past.” Heat radiated from her. He resisted the urge to sweep her into his arms and devour her with kisses. He couldn’t rush her.
“Why did you become a nurse?”
“Because I couldn’t be a cop.” When she turned to look at him, her cheek brushed his arm.
“I don’t understand.”
“You asked me if I had traditions. Being a cop is a Bradshaw one. Since the days of the Bow Street Runners and including my dad, my brother and me. After college. I joined the force. A year later I resigned.”
“What happened?”
“A strike. Newspaper delivery drivers. Got rough when the scabs arrived. Someone smashed my shoulder and suddenly I had no career.”
Jenessa put her hand over his. “All unions aren’t like that. We won’t strike unless Bishop and the Board refuse to talk.”
He shook his head. “Nurses strike. They swear they’re concerned for the patients and then they walk. They’re too concerned about the wants of a few to care about the needs of the many.”
She strode to the edge of the lake. “My husband died in a dangerously understaffed ICU. Six months later, the nurses had a union and a contract guaranteeing safe nurse/patient ratios.”
He knew about that union. “No hospital can promise adequate staffing if there aren’t nurses to fill vacancies.”
She turned. “They could make a place --”
He groaned. He hadn’t come to the lake to discuss the hospital, the union or the contract. “Nice try. Let’s talk about us.”
She bolted. “See you.”
“Jenessa.” In two strides, he reached her. He put his hands on her shoulders. His thumbs massaged the sides of her throat. “I’ve never dated a member of my staff.”
“Once. We went out once. We needn’t repeat the mistake.”
“Was it one?” He turned her and cupped her face. His lips brushed hers. Currents flowed along his nerves. He pulled her into an embrace. Her body pressed against him. He deepened the kiss.
Jenessa shivered, not from cold, but because fear and expectation coiled around each other. His tongue traced her lips. She opened her mouth and welcomed his invasion.
For an instant or an eternity, she allowed the storm of sensations to carry her from the past to the present. Then, knowing she couldn’t promise a future, she stepped back. His fingers touched her face like a blind person seeking to learn an identity.
She drew into herself. The kiss promised things she had no right to want. Suddenly, she couldn’t face his touch or his gaze without being in his arms. She turned and ran.
Being alone with him was inviting disaster. She recognized the attraction, but was there more than loneliness at the core?
*****
Eric watched her go. Acceptance and rejection had melded like two pieces of soldered metal. Had she remembered who he was and how he’d failed her?
Tomorrow, he decided. The single taste of her had brought a craving for more. He slumped on the rock where she had sat and stared at the moon’s reflection on the dark waters of the lake.
*****
By the time she reached the cottage, her runaway emotions had been reined. She sat at the window in her bedroom and stared at the star-lit sky. Tired. Troubled. Sleep came hard and late.
Before dawn, she dressed in jeans and a cotton shirt. For three years, even in a crowd, she had felt lonely. The time for change had come, but she didn’t know how. She slipped from the house and backed her car into the road.
An hour later, she parked at the top of Cemetery Hill. In the distance, outlines of the city’s buildings showed against the lightening sky, the city where Chuck had been born and where they had lived. The iron gates at the entrance to the cemetery stood open. She left the car and strode along the gravel path to the Robertson family plot.
As she knelt beside her husband’s grave, his face shimmered in her thoughts. The once clear picture blurred. She sank back on her heels and stared at the marker.
“Where are you when I need you?”
She rose and moved to the weathered bench across from the grave. “I’ve met a man. I don’t know what to do.” The breeze carried the whisper of rustling leaves.
Her foot moved in slow circles. Anger seeped into her thoughts.
“You didn’t have to die. For three years, I’ve lived with guilt. You could have stayed and talked.” She bit her lip. “Selfish, you were selfish. We were friends. We were lovers, but you never made a commitment to us as a family.”
On Opposite Sides Page 4
