I gave myself three days. Three days to cleanse my soul of any guilt and tell myself to man up and let it go. I would do anything for Wynter. If it meant shooting down every fucker who tries to harm her one by one, I would do it. I would fucking do it because I knew she would do the same for me. We had each other's backs. Always.
Wynter
7.
One morning that same week, I came out of the bathroom and thought maybe I had started hallucinating. On the other side of the wide glass doors of my bedroom, there was Jude, lounging out on the patio with Phillipa and Brent, having a laugh over drinks.
I stood there with my gaze pinned on the three of them and wished I had laser vision or something so it could sear through the glass and my point would be made. I didn't even care when he had arrived. All I knew was that he hadn't tried to see me first. How hard was it to hop inside the bathroom? Instead, he was out there with his friends having a good time while I stewed in my misery.
But then I paused and really looked at him.
He was having a good time with his friends.
When was the last time that had happened?
Brent had only visited us once every two months and never stayed long for fear of discovery. He had a family to think about. But now, everything felt normal. Jude was normal.
And maybe normal wasn't so bad, the voice inside me piped up.
I sniffed and flopped down on the bed before picking up a bottle of moisturizer, dabbing some on my legs and proceeding to smooth it over my skin.
"It is if he keeps ignoring me," I muttered as I continued with my task.
Every cell in my body screamed for me to go and haul myself at him now that he was here but I made myself stay put. I hero-worshipped this guy but right now, it felt as if he didn't deserve my desperation. Maybe my resentment arose from the fact that I had been the center of his attention for so long and now I wasn't.
After putting on a pair of shorts and a cotton t-shirt, I went downstairs and took the longer route to the beach below.
I honestly couldn't get enough of it. In my town in Wisconsin, I'd only gotten a chance to go to the beach a few times in my life and then never once in Alaska. Jude had told me we would travel the world once things quietened down but we had been so engrossed in each other and the sweet seclusion that we never ventured out of state.
So the beach was getting most of my attention now. Better than him. I wasn't going to throw myself at his feet either if the prospect of seeing me after our first separation in months didn't affect him at all.
Was he falling out of love with me? Was that it?
"I think you're the only girl in the world who actually manages to make sadness look almost appealing," a deep voice said from behind me as I stood at the edge of the water and stared out at the ocean.
A light snort escaped my throat. I didn't turn around to see who had spoken. I'd seen him a couple of times talking walks on the beach with his guitar and once he had sat at the foot of a tree on shore and sang in such a beautiful, haunting voice.
He was probably around my age, really good-looking with the body of an athlete, toned and bronzed. I couldn't place his origin. Middle Eastern? Italian? He looked like one and sounded like the other. I'd also noticed him watching me whenever I came out here but he had never approached me till now.
"That's a very strange compliment," I replied dryly as warm, subtle beach waves teased my feet. My heart was aching. Jude's behaviour was rotting up my insides and I hated the helplessness so much.
"An honest one though," the boy replied. I heard him strumming his guitar and when he sang several lines of a song I really liked, my eyes filled with tears.
"Who are you and what do you want from me?" I questioned the guy wearily, ready to send him on his way if he tried to make a pass. He was wasting his time.
"My name’s Ziad," he answered, moving closer to stand beside me. "But my friends call me Zi. Just travelling through and I couldn't help but notice how sad you look all the time. Want to talk about it?"
I glanced at his face then and couldn't even speak for a moment. He was…pretty hot. I didn't think I had ever looked at a guy apart from Jude and actually been this awed by his beauty.
"What's in it for you?" I asked suspiciously.
He laughed a little, running a free hand through his hair. "Wow. Why does everyone keep asking me that? Can't a guy just be nice to someone without having an ulterior motive?"
His question immediately made me think of Jude and I stifled the smile that threatened to curve my lips. No, damn it. I was mad at him!
"Please tell me that is your older brother or a very close relative," Ziad said to me ruefully and I followed his gaze to the balcony of my new home.
My chest squeezed painfully when I noticed Jude standing there, peering down at us. He was alone. Brent and Phillipa must have left. I forced myself to look away. So now he suddenly remembers I exist?
"That's um...that's not my brother," I mumbled, frowning down at my feet.
Ziad made a regretful noise. "Damn. Why are all the good ones always taken?" he moaned and even though he acted casual, I detected something more in his tone. Something like real hurt.
"I'm not good, trust me." My mouth twisted in a snarky smile. "You're better off."
Again, he laughed. A melodious sound. Everything about him was gorgeous. What was he doing coming up to a sad girl like me? I bet he had females falling all over him wherever he went.
"You do this professionally?" I asked, gesturing at his guitar.
He shrugged in response. "A few gigs here and there. I like to keep myself guessing. Be undecided about things. Adds more spice to life."
I smiled warmly then because I kind of agreed with him.
"Oh, shit," he muttered and I caught him glancing behind me a little warily. "He's coming down. Is he the jealous and aggressive type? I kind of like my face."
A sigh escaped me because apart from that one time when his friend William had touched me and Jude had lost his shit in public, he had never gotten jealous. Hell, even then his reaction had been less due to jealousy and more out of a sense of protectiveness he must have felt towards his young ‘assistant’.
"You're safe. He wouldn't hurt a fly," I told my unexpectedly charming companion.
After Noah's betrayal, I had never bothered to build any lasting friendships but talking to Ziad made me feel a little hopeful. Maybe he really was nice. Not everyone had to be a Noah. It was hard to get over my trust issues though. They'd all been nice to me in the beginning before turning around and stabbing me in the back.
"It was nice meeting you, Zi."
He gave me a surprised look. "Whoa. I'm being dismissed? He's that important?"
I didn't answer but he probably read it on my face and smiled kindly.
"Don't let him make you sad," the boy told me and started to back off. "Oh and I'll be around for a few more weeks in case you ever do feel like talking."
With a slight wave at me and another glance at Jude, he walked off, leaving me with a pleasant feeling in my heart. I wondered if he truly was just that sort of guy. Someone who simply wanted to make others feel better. That was some rare shit in this fucked up world.
"Wyn?"
I closed my eyes and refused to look at him. My instincts wanted me to clutch at him, feel him straining against me until there wasn't an inch of space between us anymore and hurt him a little to vent my frustration but I stubbornly remained silent. Even when he came up behind me and put his hands on my hips, squeezing a little and even when he dipped his head to suck on the side of my neck. Already he was growing hard against me, I felt it nudging my ass and then gasped a little when his hands moved under my t-shirt possessively and cupped my bare breasts, his thumbs brushing against my nipples.
"I'm mad at you," I managed to choke out as I began to grow wet and my body heated up from the way he was so blatantly feeling me up in public.
This wasn't a private beach. Anyone walking by could see
us. Zi was probably looking at us right now.
"Well can you be mad at me and fuck me at the same time because I can't wait?" Jude said to me in a rough voice and moved abruptly to drag me with him towards the water.
What in the world was he doing?
In the ocean?
"Did I tell you sex on the beach made it to my bucket list back when we were in Florida?" he asked me casually as I followed him into the water, mesmerized by his attitude. "Sex in the ocean however sounds much better."
Every time this man used the word 'sex', he made it sound so dirty and appealing, I grew breathless trying to figure out just how he managed to nail it.
Once we were about waist deep, he turned to face me. The sun's rays were behind him and I remained in his shadow as we watched each other. He'd taught me how to swim in the river back at the cabin and I was grateful because this was probably going to be a challenge.
I studied his face as his fingers went to my shorts and he worked on removing them. His eyes had dark circles underneath, the only indication that he hadn't slept well these past few nights either. I wondered if it was because he had missed me or because...
No. Jude wouldn't do that to me. He wouldn't cheat. Not on me.
But the man wouldn't meet my eyes properly and that bothered me. Warm water lapped at our bodies as I moved closer to him, feeling his heat and knowing that the ocean wasn't the only thing responsible for making me wet.
"Why didn't you call me? Why did you switch your phone off?" I asked and bit back a moan when his hand dipped inside the opening of my shorts and his fingers stroked my clit.
Despite the sounds of the ocean, I heard him drag in a breath through his teeth as his eyes grew hooded, the blue in them more pronounced than ever.
"Take my cock out," was his response and it wasn't even a question whether I obeyed him or not.
Of course I took it out. It felt so smooth and rock-hard, glistening as the water covered it. The thrill I experienced crashed all my doubts and questions for the time being. My pussy had missed being pounded by this thing and I just wanted it in me.
Jude dragged my shorts down and I eagerly helped him, feeling more than a little naughty.
"Can I show my boobs too?" I asked him, suddenly starting to enjoy this immensely.
His sexy mouth quirked a little and he winked at me. "Sure. Knock yourself out."
My answering smirk couldn't be helped. I loved this new, bolder side of him. He had always been bold in private but in public? This was hot.
So I didn't think twice before whipping my wet t-shirt off and tossing it in the water. It was his turn as he undressed and my eyes widened because I still couldn't quite believe Jude Knight was going to do this. It hadn't mattered in Alaska but we didn't have the luxury of isolation and privacy anymore. With Ella, I had tempted him into it. I'd tempted and seduced him into a lot of things.
This was a first.
When he was finally as naked as me and took me in his arms, I let myself moan out loud at the heavenly feel of his body against mine. At the sparse but sexy as fuck hair on his muscular chest which made him so much a man and the strength with which he held me, his wet, warm mouth latching on to a nipple and sucking gently.
I pulled his head up by the hair and kissed that mouth, stabbing my tongue in and grinding against him. Jude’s hands grabbed my ass as one leg of mine went around his hips while I balanced on the other.
"Mm-hm." He broke the kiss and shook his head, his erection poking at me. "Both legs. I want you wrapped around me."
I wanted that too. So much. So I did as he asked, the water helping to keep me afloat, making the added weight easier on him. My tits were crushed against his chest and we weren't hidden from the waist up so I instinctively looked around but he held my chin between his thumb and forefinger and made me focus on him.
"Look at me while I’m fucking you," he commanded in a deep voice and that first plunge of his cock inside me made me go crazy.
"Oh, god." I whined at the searing pleasure as he slid me up and down his shaft and my movements started to become frenzied. I missed this so fucking bad. I didn't want to go slow.
The water splashed lightly around us as I chased that orgasm and kept my eyes on his, the enjoyment and love visible in both our expressions.
"That boy," I gasped suddenly as he bounced me on his cock, gripping my ass hard. "When you saw me with him...you didn't feel jealous?"
Jude breathed out a laugh before groaning a little as I clenched around him. "Not even for a second," he replied lazily.
I frowned then, my pace slowing down a bit even as my body cried out for a release. "Why not?" I wanted to know, feeling more than a little disappointed with his answer.
I kind of wanted him to go alpha male on me and demand I never talk to another guy again. Every girl wanted that sometimes, right? But Jude never-
"Because I know you're obsessed with me," the son of a bitch answered and bit my neck as he thrusted inside me.
I clenched my jaw at that statement. He didn't sound arrogant or entitled to my affections otherwise I would have climbed off his unfairly hot body and left him to jerk off here in the ocean. He just sounded like it was a fact that was unchangeable. Like the sky was blue and the earth was round and the sun arose every day. Just like that, Wynter Cassidy was obsessed with J. R. Knight.
"Obsession fades, you know," I quipped smartly and turned my face away from his. I didn't have to look at him in order to enjoy his impressive cock.
That was when he did something that shocked the sass out of me. His hand came up to grip my throat while I clutched at his shoulders to stay upright. I was forced to meet his gaze then and I saw a madness there that I only ever found in myself. The look that didn't give a damn about what was right and normal and proper when it came to us.
"Yours won't," he told me in a cold voice.
No. Not told. He warned me. That was most definitely a cloaked warning. Like I better not give up on him or else... I swallowed and he must have felt it against his fingers because he relaxed his grip.
Damned if his dangerous attitude didn't make my pussy even more wet and make me want to ravish him. This was a side of him that I was fast starting to get attached to just like I had gotten attached to other sides of him. Something was different about him and I wasn't complaining.
"Fuck me harder," I told him urgently.
He did, making me moan deeply. I leaned in to bite him on the corner of his lips and started to laugh a little. I wished people could see us now. Just how we were with each other. Look at us. Envy us.
"I'm close," I breathed out, riding him for all he was worth and he growled in response.
We gasped and finished a few seconds later, the climax intense and satisfying. For now.
He didn't let me go straight away. The gentle lapping of the water and the aftermath of my orgasm was peaceful and comforting. I still wanted some answers but at that moment, I was content to stay in my lover's embrace.
It got chilly in the afternoon. Weirdly enough, this house was loosely modeled after Jude’s old apartment in Atlanta with hues of soft grey and black and splashes of white thrown in. I liked the ambience a lot. It was modern, sleek but somehow still cozy and comfortable. One wall was completely made up of glass and faced the ocean. The sky outside was gray now while I remained huddled in a sofa in my jeans and a sweater, with fuzzy slippers, cradling a cup of coffee in my hands as I watched Jude at the kitchen counter, typing something on his laptop.
He was shirtless, freshly showered and just in sweats with strands of his hair falling endearingly over his intelligent brow. Damn. Could he be any hotter? And so smart, mature and confident. It was like anyone could throw anything at this guy now and he wouldn’t bat an eye. He was starting to give off some serious mafia vibes. But with the nerdiness to go with it which just made him an even greater package.
Okay, Wynnie. Seriously. Stop fucking mooning over him and get to the tough part.
I sighe
d and took a small sip of the coffee before speaking up firmly.
“I have questions.”
He lifted his head from his task, paused for a moment to study my expression and then looked back at the screen.
“Go ahead and ask them. I really haven’t slept well these past few nights and I need to tonight. I know it’s going to keep you up and then you’ll keep me up as well so let’s get it over with.”
I should have written them down or something because he was right. We had fucked and I was calmer now but when night fell and he slept next to me, I’d be the restless one who tasted bad dreams and dealt with insecurities.
“When did you buy this house?”
I knew it hadn’t been a last minute purchase given the thought that had gone into its design.
“Last month,” he answered, the tap, tap, tap of the keyboard never ceasing as he talked. “I’d been wanting to have a back-up for some time but last month, I looked it up and decided on this one. Phillipa came and took a look at it for me, set things up. Never imagined we would have to move so quickly though but I’m glad I was prepared.”
I nodded at the explanation, feeling slightly resentful that he hadn’t told me but still understanding his reasoning. Jude hadn’t wanted me to worry. We’d been living such a good life there and mentions of moving away or being discovered would have soured up my mood and made me fret unnecessarily. As I digested that news, I realized I was actually pretty grateful that he had planned this in advance for both our future and safety. Something to be said about older guys though not all of them thought this way. I was fortunate, I guess.
“Fair enough,” I conceded and sipped some more coffee.
“Anything else?” he murmured, scratching his chin while frowning at the screen, probably documenting some ideas in case he never heard from them again.
“Oh, yes, there’s plenty more,” I replied and put my coffee aside. “I’m not done by a long shot, J. R. Knight.”
His lips quirked a little at my term of address before he resumed his serious typing. He loved that, didn’t he? He never really wanted to be parted from that identity. He just hadn’t wanted it to consume him.
Ride Or Die Page 6
