“I should be so old then, because my sins are more than two lifetimes’ worth.”
Norma chuckled. “I doubt that, but if they were that many, you are reducing that debt quickly with your good deeds. How many billionaires do you know who would take in an old lady and treat her like a queen?”
“None that I know of.” Then I realized what she was talking about me and I blushed. “Oh, uh, I guess that would be me.”
Her smile was beaming with pride, and I realized, that was for me. Wow, once I got off the sauce everyone is saying they’re proud of me. I love it!
Konani came in carrying Chris’s tray, which was untouched. She was followed by Chris, who poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down beside me. Still in her pajamas, wearing a robe and slippers, she slumped over her coffee, completely worn out. Her face was flushed, bags under her eyes, and her hair had not been brushed. I was going to put my arm around her shoulder, but thought better of it considering her mood, and put my hand on her leg instead.
She took a sip from her cup and looked at me. “Melinda, why are you still here? Shouldn’t you and George be out searching for Richard by now?”
“I wanted to be here, in case, uh, in case you needed anything.”
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be all right,” she replied, her voice becoming angry. “And we’ve got a whole damn house full of people here if I need anything.”
“Uh, sure. I’m sorry.” I wasn’t sure what I was apologizing for, it just felt like the right thing to say. I was wrong.
“I don’t need your pity, and I certainly don’t need you hovering over me. I can take care of myself. Just leave me the hell alone!” She slammed her cup down, sloshing coffee across the table, and got up. “I’m sorry, Norma,” she said, and then she went back up stairs.
With my mouth hanging open, my face flushed and my hands shaking, I looked at Norma. “What the hell did I say?”
Norma patted my hand. “It wasn’t you, dear. You said nothing wrong, she’s just angry at herself. Anger is a cruel taskmaster, demanding to be spewed on those we love the most, and then deserting us to face the guilt alone.”
“I should go to her then.” I stood up to leave, but Norma caught my hand and stopped me.
“I don’t think that’s a wise idea right now. I think perhaps you would do her more good if you did as she asked and looked for Richard. I’ll go up in a little while and make sure she’s all right. Maybe she’ll feel like talking by then.”
“Are you sure, Norma? I’m afraid she…” What I couldn’t say was that I was afraid she hated me now.
“Melinda.” Norma pointed at my chair and I sat back down. “When you love someone completely, you must completely love them.”
“I’m sorry, Norma, I don’t understand.”
“Love is not just about the good times. It’s about the hard times, too. Chris is going through a very hard time, and you, for all intents and purposes, must grin and bear it. You must love the dark corners of her soul that she won’t reveal to you, as much as you love the light corners that invite you in. True and lasting love will eventually expose the dark places to the healing light and illuminate the shadows, releasing their grip on her heart. I never achieved true love in that sense. It’s one of my greatest regrets. Don’t be like me, Melinda.”
I could see the wash of remorse in Norma’s eyes and my heart went out to her. “All right, Norma, I promise. I won’t be like you. But only concerning true love. Everything else about you is still what I want to be when I grow up.”
She laughed at me and the remorse was gone from her eyes. “And I hope that you never grow up. Now, go on with you.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
And if as on cue, George walked in. I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him toward the garage before he could even pour himself a cup of coffee.
Do You Want to Talk? — Chris Livingston and Norma Shelby
I can’t believe I was so angry with Melinda. I don’t know what got into me. She was just trying to be helpful, and I bit her head off. How could I have been such a bitch to her?
I got up off the bed and began pacing around the room again in my bare feet. What’s next, I start snapping at Norma? I shook my head at the thought. For the umpteenth zillionth time, I asked myself what the hell was wrong with me. I had no answer, and I desperately needed answers. But first, I needed to apologize to Melinda.
I slipped my feet into my slippers and pulled on my robe, but when I reached for the door knob, someone knocked. Norma. I must have looked disappointed at seeing her, because she said she would come back later.
“No, please, stay. I was hoping it was Melinda so I could apologize for being so harsh with her.”
I showed Norma into the room and offered her a chair in our sitting room.
“I don’t mean to intrude, dear. I just wanted to check and see how you were feeling?”
“Can I get you anything, Norma?”
“I’d love some chamomile tea, if you don’t mind,” Norma replied.
“Of course, let me get that for you.” I stood to leave, but Norma looked at me questioningly. Sometimes I forget that I’m not a waitress anymore. I sat back down and clicked on the intercom sitting on the coffee table. Charlotte answered almost instantly. She carries the receiver with her and answers all the calls. I asked if she would mind having some chamomile tea brought up. She said, “Of course, ma’am,” and I hung up. That simple act of requesting someone to wait on me in my own home, seemed so surreal to me. Even as a rich teenager, I never asked anyone to do anything for me, other than maybe my mother, because she was my mother, and that’s what kids do. And then of course my mother told me to just do it myself, so it kind of went in circles. I stopped, realizing that I was babbling in my own mind.
Norma, bless her heart, filled the empty silence with a humorous tale of love unrequited.
“I have always had cats,” she began, “since I was a child still tugging on my mother’s skirt. I would even take my pet to the set while I was making a movie. Well, that is until I had my daughter, Rebecca, and then I left him at home. Anyway, this particular cat was my first male cat. Back then they didn’t have a neuter clinic, not until the late sixties, so I kept my cat indoors to prevent his prowling around for females. I was starring in another Sci-Fi B-movie, and my cat was in my dressing room, which was a tent set up in the valley we were shooting at. I was filming a particularly dramatic scene, where my alien lover dies in my arms. The actor lifted his hand to my cheek, said his line, and then died. Now it was my turn. I said my line, and then I was supposed to become hysterical with grief. I opened my mouth to let out my well-rehearsed scream and heard the most horrendous yowling coming from behind me. I sat frozen in place, my mouth hanging open, fake tears running down my face, a sweaty actor in my lap, while the howling continued. Finally, I turned around and found my cat was having carnal relations with a stray cat that had wondered onto the set.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh my, that must have been embarrassing?”
“That’s not the worst part of it, dear. They kept the cat’s yowling in the movie. Later people would tell me how much I sounded just like a cat in heat when I screamed in that movie.”
I laughed so hard tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. “That is just too funny, Norma.”
“It’s good to see you smile, my dear.”
“I’m sorry about this morning, Norma, I wasn’t myself.”
“I don’t understand. If you weren’t yourself, then who were you, dear?”
Her question shocked me. I wondered if she were being critical of me, which was not like Norma at all. No, I think she was trying to tell me something, but what? My answer came from my sullen heart.
“I was a bitch, that’s who I was. A self-centered, uncaring bitch.”
“You’re right, that wasn’t you,” Norma replied evenly.
“It… it wasn’t?” Was it the cobwebs in my brain or was Norma being intentionally cryptic? Befo
re I got my answer, there was a knock at the door.
Charlotte brought in a tray with a pitcher of tea and two glasses with ice. There was some kind of pastry also, and when I asked, Charlotte said the cook thought I might like some malasadas, which are Hawaiian donuts. Covered in sugar and filled with chocolate and coconut cream, these donuts didn’t have holes in them, which meant that there was more of it to eat. That put another smile on my face. I’ve always had a fondness for donuts.
But What If She Hates Me Now? — Melinda Blackstone and George Kirk
“Are you that insecure, Blackie?” George asked condescendingly after I told him I was afraid I had really blown it with Chris. Although I wasn’t quite sure how a few innocent words could do that.
“Yes, I am that insecure when it comes to Chris, damn it. I’ve never been so passionately in love like this before and meant it. And after my last breakup, I never wanted to be in love again, and then bam, out of nowhere falls that damn sledgehammer of love.”
“I heard it was a bad breakup. Wait? Sledgehammer of love?”
“I read it somewhere, you know, in a book or something. Seemed fitting. Hold on a minute. Who did you hear about my breakup from, George?”
“You, Blackie. Don’t you remember? You called me on the phone, drunker than drunk, and cussing up a storm about some twat who broke your heart.”
I blushed, not because I was drunk and cussing, but because I told him something deeply personal. Of course, being drunk is the only way I would have done it back then. “George, you didn’t by any chance record that, did you?” With him being my parents’ biographer, and by extension, mine also, I have no doubt that he would try to persuade me to include it in whatever book he was writing next.
“No, more’s the pity. I didn’t think about it until after we hung up.”
“Thank you, sweet Jesus.”
“You know you don’t have to worry about things like that, Blackie. It’s in my contract that nothing I write about the Blackstones be published until your parents have read it first. So you could confess your worst sins to me, and all I could do is listen and absolve you of them, for whatever good that would do you.”
“Sort of like my own priest, is that what you’re saying, George?”
“Exactly right,” he replied and crossed himself.
“Well, I’m not Catholic, so it would render your priesthood as null and void, now wouldn’t it?”
He laughed. “Not if I’m just your friend, Blackie. Which I am.”
“Okay, you got me on that one.”
“So, what’s going on with Chris?” George asked with genuine concern. “Why do you think she snapped at you this morning? And don’t say it’s because she hates you, because you know that she doesn’t.”
“She hasn’t been the same since we were in that alley downtown yesterday. That’s where I’m heading now, because with the way she was acting, I think that was the alley she sobered up in. If it is, that means she probably remembered something yesterday, and it scared her so much that now she can’t sleep at night.”
“She did seem really shaken up yesterday when she realized where she was. But what do you expect to find after all this time, Blackie?”
“I expect to find answers. And Chris told me a while back that Meg had been in the alley watching over her. After we’re done with the alley, I want to go to Meg’s office. I can drop you off someplace, or you can wait for me in the front lobby. Your call.”
“I somehow missed breakfast,” he winked at me, “so if you would drop me off at BB King’s Restaurant that would be great.”
“You got it. Okay, here’s the alley, let’s see what’s back there.”
I parked the van and we got out and began looking around. I remembered to ask people if they had seen Richard, even as I poked around behind garbage bins and empty crates and boxes. I didn’t find anything of interest, except for the graffiti on the wall, which impressed me with its colorful use of spray paint.
Forty-five minutes later, after searching for clues and for Richard, I finally gave up. I dropped George off and told him I’d be back in an hour to pick him up. Then I steered the van toward Meg’s office.
So Where Were We? — Chris Livingston and Norma Shelby
Norma and I were quiet while Charlotte poured the tea, set out two plates and put a donut on each. Then she unfurled a napkin and put it on Norma’s lap and placed a folded napkin beside my plate. That lightened my mood also. I could feel the turmoil inside of me loosen its grip just a bit, and I took a cleansing breath.
“So, where were we?” I asked Norma after Charlotte had left.
“I believe we were trying to determine who you were when you snapped at Melinda earlier.” If Norma had not been smiling when she said that, I would have thought her hurtful. What the hell is wrong with me? Of course she’s not intentionally trying to hurt my feelings. Shake it off already, damn it.
“What does it matter, Norma? I’m a horrible person, end of story.”
“Why would you say that, Christine?” Norma asked as she dropped a sugar cube into her tea cup and stirred slowly.
“Because of the things I’ve done,” I murmured.
“You’re not just talking about the car accident, are you?”
My voice quivered, “No, I’m not.”
“We’ve all done things that we regret. Who’s to say that yours is worse than mine? I don’t mean this as a competition. I’m saying that I have faced my demons and lived to tell about it, and I know that you can too, Chris.”
“I’m… I’m afraid, Norma.”
“You just took your first step. Now take your second one.”
Confused, I asked, “What was my first step?”
“Admitting that you are afraid, dear.”
“Oh, yeah, of course. But I’m not ready for my second step, not even if it’s you I talk to, Norma.”
Norma shook her head. “Oh no, dear. That’s not your second step.”
She piqued my interest. “Then what is the second step?”
“You must determine what you are afraid of. You’ve talked openly about the accident. You’ve even asked your friend to find the victim for you so that you can apologize to him. Does this new fear stem from that possible meeting?”
Blackie, our kitten, rubbed on my leg, wanting attention, so I picked her up and began scratching her chin, and she rewarded me with a soothing purr. Finally I looked at Norma, calmer than I had been all morning, and said, “I am absolutely petrified to meet him, Norma. It was easy to ask Meg to help me. Easy to set things in motion so I can find him. But now…”
“But now that your mind has satisfied those things, all that is left are the questions.”
“Yes, exactly.”
Norma’s eyes softened. “Are you ready to complete step two?”
I thought that maybe I was ready. Ready to salve the pain in my heart from the stabbing questions I kept asking myself, but could not answer. I nodded and rubbed the kitten’s cheek with mine before I walked over and sat her on the bed. I took a deep, cleansing breath and turned back to Norma.
“I’m afraid he might be angry, maybe he’ll scream obscenities at me, or maybe he’ll spit at me. I’m afraid he might hit me, that he might hurt me. What if he has a gun and wants revenge? I wouldn’t blame him, but I don’t want to be shot either.”
I began pacing, flailing my hands in the air. “Or maybe he won’t be angry at all, maybe he’ll cry, or laugh, or mock me. Oh God, what if he has a family and they’re with him? How can I face his children? Or what if he refuses to listen to me at all, or refuses to accept my apology? Do I keep trying? Maybe that’s my punishment, to apologize to the man for the rest of my life. Considering what I did to him, I would gladly accept such a punishment.”
I finally slumped back into my chair and clasped my hands together on the table. Panic surged through my body, fear gripped my heart, and fatigue clouded my mind. “I can’t do this, Norma. I just can’t.” Tears that had edged their
way to the brim now spilled over.
Norma picked up the pitcher of tea and refreshed my cup, then she poured herself another cup as well. I knew what she was doing; she was giving me time to calm down. And as I sipped my soothing, warm tea, I did calm down, just a little.
“May I suggest something that might help with this?”
“Oh, yes, I wish you would, Norma.”
“You should analyze these questions that have you so afraid. Take each one and visualize how it would unfold. You mentioned his anger. Most likely, he will be angry with you. Wouldn’t you be if it were you? His verbal anger can’t hurt you, but it will help him to release it, and that’s what you wanted to do anyway, was to help him.”
I could visualize what she was saying so clearly in my mind. Allowing him to vent his anger at me would be uncomfortable, but Norma was right, it wouldn’t hurt me, and I could see how it would benefit him. I nodded my head, not to Norma, but to the understanding that was slowly pushing the fear aside. I needed more. I looked to Norma, and she smiled back at me.
“Carry a tissue with you, dear, in case he spits at you, as you fear. Spittle never harmed anyone, it’s just unnerving. Keep your nerves intact, and your tissues handy.”
“I can do that, Norma. Please, keep going.”
“May I suggest that you don’t go alone, and that you don’t take Melinda with you?”
I wasn’t expecting that. Why wouldn’t I take Melinda? I needed her strength, her presence, her love, by my side. “I do not want to go alone, but why shouldn’t Melinda come with me?”
“She’s in love with you, dear.”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand. That’s exactly why I need her there.”
“Melinda would protect you in any way she could. You would have to divide your attention between the two of them to keep her calm. That would make things twice as hard for you.”
“Oh, I hadn’t thought about that.” Remembering how upset Melinda got with the tenant at the apartments, I could see how she would react to someone angry with me.
Combining Riches (Riches to Rags Book 2) Page 10
