And he was going to walk away from all of that, because his brothers had taken her into their circle of protection, and he didn't want to interfere in her ability to move forward.
Tears filled her eyes, and a gaping sense of loss seemed to crush down upon her. She was the one who didn't want a family. She was the one who didn't know how to relate to a whole bunch of people wanting to be close to her. And yet he was the one that was going to walk away from it all for her.
There was only one reason he would do that.
He loved her.
He loved her.
Dear God. He didn't just love her in some superficial, shallow way. He loved her so much that he was planning to walk away from what little goodness he had in his life, on the slight chance that it would make her happy.
Maddox.
She heard a car door slam outside, and she raced to the window. The inside light reflected on the window, making it impossible for her to see what was going on outside, so she ran back to the door, flipped the light switch off, and then hurried back to the window.
It was dark outside, but the spotlight above the front door cast a warm, yellowish glow on the driveway. Her heart seemed to stop as she saw Maddox jog down the stairs, wearing his parka, his cowboy hat, and his heavy gloves. He looked strong, confident, and dangerous. She couldn't take her eyes off him as he walked over to the men climbing out of a large, black pickup truck that had Stockton Ranch written on the side.
She realized that Maddox must have arranged for the truck to be waiting at the airport for the Harts when they arrived. She kept her gaze on Maddox, unwilling to look at the other men standing there, the men who had been boys the last time she'd seen them. Looking at them would make her think of a time when she was a victim, when she was lost, when she had a little sister to take care of, a sister she would never hug again.
Maddox shook hands with them, and she could hear the low rumble of their voices. What would they say when Maddox told them she wouldn't see them? God, she felt so stupid, hiding in that room while they talked outside.
The conversation went on for several minutes, and she kept her gaze riveted on Maddox, needing to see his face, knowing it would be the last time she would ever see him. God. To never see Maddox again? Somehow, after his declaration that he was giving her his family, she couldn't find the anger and betrayal that had gripped her so tightly when he had first said that he'd called the Harts.
There was a burst of laughter, and her heart catapulted at the sound of Brody's laugh. Instinctively, her gaze leapt to the man facing Maddox. The world seemed to stand still as her gaze settled on the face of the boy who'd been her salvation that night in that dark, rainy alley.
She gripped the windowsill, her face pressed against the glass as she stared at Brody. He was taller than he had once been. His shoulders were so much wider. He held himself with the fierce arrogance of a man who knew his strength and his power. There was nothing small or tentative about him. He was pure strength, pure man. But his face, God, his familiar face. She'd recognize him anywhere.
His jaw was more angular than it had once been. There were the heavy shadows of thick whiskers lining his jaw. He was pure man, but at the same time, he looked exactly as he had when he was seventeen. She couldn't see the color of his eyes from where she was, but she could picture the exact shade of green, like the color of moss on a rainy spring day. His nose was still slightly crooked, as it had been way back then, from some accident that he had never explained. His hair was even the same length, just long enough to curl over the back of his collar, that same light brown that had always reminded her of the puppy that she had tried to get her mom to let her keep when it had followed her home one day when she was ten.
She remembered the way he'd made Katie laugh, when her sister had been so scared that she couldn't stop crying. He had made Katie smile, and for that, Hannah had always loved him.
But now Katie was dead, and she was the one crying.
"Brody." She whispered his name, unable to keep the tears from drifting down her cheeks. Her gaze slipped from him to the others, all of whom had become men, but who were the same as the boys she had once known.
Keegan, with his dark hair and dark eyes. Jacob, who had made her laugh so many times. And Lucas, who had fought the hardest to convince her not to leave. God, Lucas. She'd been so close to him. They'd sat up for hours under the bridge, talking when everyone else had gone to bed.
She pressed her hand to the windowpane, as if she could reach out and touch them...but she had no idea how. She hadn't known how to connect with them when she'd lived with them. And now? They were strangers.
Strangers who had dropped everything to fly to Wyoming to help her. Why? Why had they done that? Why were the Stocktons gathered in the living room to protect her and Ava? Why was Maddox willing to give up his family for her? She didn't understand why everyone had come together to help her and Ava. Why would they do that?
The Harts turned back to the truck and got in. Hannah gripped the windowsill tighter, her heart pounding as the men who had once saved her life disappeared from sight.
Maddox swung into the passenger seat, and a small cry of protest escaped from her throat. "No! Don't leave!"
Maddox paused, staring straight at the window, and she realized he had known the whole time that she was there. He stared at her for a long moment. Her fingers pressed into the glass, as if she could reach through it and touch him.
He gave her a brief nod, then climbed inside and shut the door. The sound of the door closing made her jump, and she stayed glued to the window as she watched the pickup truck do a three-point turn, and then head back down the snowy driveway, carrying five men she loved away from her.
Forever.
To face a murderer on her behalf.
While she stood in that room by herself, shutting out everyone who was trying to help her.
Silently, she leaned her forehead against the glass, unable to stop the tears from sliding down her cheeks. What was wrong with her? Why was she so unable to reach out to all these people who wanted to help her? What was so broken inside her that she chose to stand alone in the darkness, instead of in the light with the Harts, with the Stocktons...with Maddox.
He loved her.
He loved her, and she'd told him that he'd betrayed her by doing whatever it took to keep her safe?
Dear God. She'd treated him just like Beth had, seeing his love as a sign of something being wrong with him, exactly as he saw himself.
She closed her eyes, suddenly feeling more alone than she had in her whole life. Katie gone. Her mom gone. Ava in the other room, lighting up in a way that Hannah hadn't been able to do herself. The Harts, so close and already gone. Maddox, gone. All she'd had to do was open her hands and reach out and they all would have taken her hand...but her hands were fisted in tight balls by her sides, trapping her.
So, here she stood. Alone in the darkness. Hiding while everyone else took care of her problems. Maddox and the Harts facing a man who wanted to kill her. The Stocktons making Ava feel safe. She stood there alone, just as she'd stood there alone when Katie had gone off to meet Rick, just as she'd stood there alone when her mom had gone off in the car with her drunk boyfriend. She'd run from Boston. She'd run from her job, from the memories, from the past, from her own guilt...
She'd spent her life on the outside, trying to protect her heart by staying isolated and alone, and yet, despite all of that, her heart hurt more than it ever had in her life.
Chapter 23
Several hours later, Hannah sat at the end of the couch, her arms wrapped around her belly, a soft blanket over her lap. It was after midnight, and all the kids were in sleeping bags, watching a Disney movie she had seen way too many times.
Everyone was camping out in the family room for the night. Chase had decided that he could protect everyone best if they were in the same room, and no one had argued. The mood was tense, because Dane's contact from the airport hadn't been able to locate
Rick or his brother. They'd been on board when the plane had landed, but no one had been able to track them since.
Where was he? On his way? Passed out drunk in the airplane bathroom?
Nausea churned in Hannah's belly as she thought of Maddox and the Harts sitting in her house, holding themselves out as bait to the man who had already murdered her sister. She saw Ava glance her way, and she managed to smile. Ava smiled back, then returned her focus to Bridgette, Lissa's daughter, who was lying next to her, and had instantly become Ava's idol.
The couch moved as Lissa sat down next to her. "They look like they're best friends already."
Hannah shifted uncomfortably, but there was no way to move away from Lissa without making it obvious. "Ava needs a friend. It's beautiful to see them together."
"Seems like her mom needs one as well."
Hannah's cheeks heated up, and she suddenly felt like the pathetic loser she'd been as a kid, the one she had fought so hard not to be anymore. "I'm fine, thanks."
Lissa sighed. "Hannah. It's not a crime to need help. It's not a crime to need friends. It's also not a crime to admit that you're barely hanging on by a thread."
Hannah stiffened, and didn't take her eyes off the children. "I know it's not a crime."
"Do you? Do you really?"
There was something in Lissa's voice that drew Hannah's attention. Slowly, almost painfully, she pulled her gaze off the kids and looked over at the woman sitting beside her. Lissa smiled right away, a warm, kind smile that made Hannah's heart tighten. "You remind me of Katie," Hannah whispered. "She was always so nice to everybody. She had more friends than anyone I had ever met in my life."
Lissa raised her brows. "Remember how I told you that I got pregnant when I was seventeen? My boyfriend ditched me, my sister had already died in a drunk driving accident, and my mom had had such a miserable life. No one even wanted me in the same room as them for fear that I would contaminate them and ruin their lives forever."
Hannah's eyebrows shot up, because she heard the ring of truth in Lissa's words. "Really?"
Lissa nodded. "I left town when I was seventeen and pregnant, because the town basically exiled me. I had absolutely nobody, and I was about to become a mom. It was the absolute lowest time in my life, so I know what it's like to feel alone, lost, and have no idea how to ask for help. I know what it's like not to believe that anyone would actually hold out a hand to me, and that it would be offered in genuine kindness, with the honest hope that I would reach out and take it."
Tears suddenly flooded Hannah's eyes, and she pulled her gaze away, fixing her attention on a blank spot on the wall across the room. "I'm sorry you had to go through that," she said softly. "It sucks."
"Yes, it does."
Lissa didn't say anything else as silence settled between them. Hannah shifted restlessly, uncomfortable with the silence, needing to fill it. "Are you happy now?" As she asked the question, she snuck a sidelong glance at Lissa. She knew that Lissa had seemed happy, but somehow, she needed to hear it from her. She needed to hear that somebody who had once been completely alone, without any family, had truly found her way out of that darkness into light.
Lissa's face lit up. "Every single day I wake up with a smile in my heart. I'm engaged to the most amazing man, who loves me and my daughter with every last bit of his soul. I'm part of his extended family, who would do absolutely anything for me or my daughter, no matter what the cost to them. It is the most beautiful thing to be part of this community. I didn't even know what it meant to have a family, until I met Travis and became part of the Stockton clan."
Envy flickered through Hannah, a deep, painful yearning, not only for the family that Lissa had, but for the ability to embrace it and let it into her heart. That envy was quickly followed by a slash of guilt, because she knew that Maddox wasn't coming back, and his family would be deprived of him because of her. "I have to tell you something."
Lissa's eyebrows went up, and she nodded. "You're in love with Maddox, right? I knew it."
Hannah's mouth dropped open. "What? I didn't say—"
"You didn't have to say anything." Lissa beamed at her. "He so needs you in his life. I never thought he would let himself fall in love, but when I saw the way he kissed you when you guys were sitting on the couch, I knew that it had happened. I'm so happy for you both. I love watching him with Ava. He loves your little girl the same way Travis loves mine. I'll tell you, the Stocktons make the best dads—"
"Stop it!" Longing shot through Hannah, a longing so intense she could barely breathe. She'd seen Maddox with Ava as well, and she knew exactly what kind of a dad he would be. "He doesn't believe in himself," she said. "And I made it worse. He called the Harts, and I got mad. He's not coming back, Lissa. He wants to give his family to me, and he's not coming back."
Lissa frowned, and sat up. "Slow down. Explain to me exactly what happened."
The story quickly poured out of Hannah, faster than she would've expected. She wasn't used to confiding in anyone, but this woman who was so kind, who had come from such a dark place, who somehow understood where she was, asked just the right questions, with no judgment, only caring. Sentence after sentence tumbled out, until Hannah was crying, barely able to explain everything that had happened over the last few days between her and Maddox. By the time she finished, Lissa was hugging her, holding her as tightly as she used to hold Katie when they were little.
"Hey, hey, hey." Lissa's voice was gentle, not judging. "It's not your fault, sweetie. It takes a lot to get one of these Stockton men over their past enough for them to be willing to take a chance on a woman. The fact he was willing to walk away from his brothers tells me exactly how much he loves you."
Hannah nodded, exhausted from crying. "I know he does, and I thought that I could get him to give me a chance, but I blew it when I got mad at him. I said things that I can never fix."
Lissa laughed softly. "Of course you can fix them. But, I agree, that it's not going to be easy to make Maddox come around. I don't know what to tell you."
"I do." They both looked up to find Chase standing over them. He was frowning, his brow furrowed.
Lissa glared at him. "How long have you been listening?"
"As soon as Hannah started crying, I came over." Chase looked at her, empathy on his face. "It's not easy to love a Stockton. Maddox is especially difficult. He's got a lot of baggage."
Hannah shrugged. "I know that. And I made it worse." She looked at Chase. "He's not coming back to the ranch. It's my fault. I know you just want your brother around, and I drove him away."
Chase sighed and sat down on the coffee table, bracing his forearms on his quads. "You didn't drive him away. He just used you as an excuse to do what he's been planning to do for a long time. He told me how you've shut out the Harts. It's the exact same thing he's done to us."
The couch on the other side of Lissa shifted, and Mira sat down. She smiled at Lissa. "Chase has worked hard to get Maddox more involved with the family for years, but he won't do it. He only comes back into town for brief visits, and he only stays as long as he needs to get something done. I don't think he was just giving his family to you. I think he was giving you to us. I think he figured by giving us something he loved, that it was almost the same thing as if he stayed with us."
Hannah looked around at the three people gazing at her, their faces full of kindness, warmth, and understanding. There was a complete lack of judgment on their faces. They weren't blaming her for Maddox's decision, and they also weren't blaming Maddox either. "But I drove him away."
"Because he was falling in love with you," Chase said. "That's scary as hell to all of us." He grinned at Mira. "Scared the hell out of me when I fell in love with you."
She smiled. "I remember." She looked at Hannah. "The only reason Chase stayed was because he had made a promise he couldn't break. Otherwise, he would have left." She leaned forward. "Maddox believes he's a monster, Hannah. You're the only one who can prove to him he's not."
Hannah looked around at the small gathering. "How? I told him I loved him—" Her throat tightened, and she had to pause to gather herself. "And he was still going to leave. And then, I told him..." She didn't even want to say the words again. "I was hurt and scared to see the Harts," she whispered. "I struck out at him because I was terrified."
"And the bastard used that as an excuse to walk away." Chase sighed, his voice understanding. He pulled out his phone and handed it to Hannah. "Call him. Tell him that you love him. Tell him to stop the bullshit and come back here."
Hannah stared at the phone, her heart pounding. Could she really do that? Could she really just call Maddox and tell him that she loved him? What about the Harts? What about them?
Chase's phone suddenly rang, startling her. She jumped when she saw Maddox's name flash across the screen. Frozen, she stared at the screen, afraid to answer it. Lissa grabbed the phone, answered it, and then held it out to her. "Talk to him. He won't ever come back on his own. You have to reach across the chasm to get him."
Hannah closed her eyes and took a deep breath. What was she supposed to say to him? Give him the same speech she'd already given him so many times, about how she believed in him? How many more times was she supposed to say the same thing, and get rejected? She shook her head. Her heart ached, but she knew she couldn't do it. "No. I can't."
Lissa sighed in frustration, and hit the speaker on the phone. "Hey, Maddox. What's going on over there?"
There was a long silence, too long. Chills suddenly crept down Hannah's spine, and she looked sharply at Lissa, who was frowning.
Then a voice came on the line, a voice that made fear grip her chest. "Put Hannah on the phone."
Rick. Fear gripped her so tightly she couldn't breathe. God, she remembered that voice, that chilling voice as he'd threatened her when he'd passed her in the courtroom after her testimony. Why did he have Maddox's phone? Maddox. Her heart thundering in terror, she snatched the phone from Lissa. "Rick?"
A Real Cowboy Loves Forever (Wyoming Rebels Book 5) Page 18
