An Amish Homecoming

by Amy Clipston

  “So, where have you been?” Veronica reached for a pacifier on the coffee table and handed it to the child, who quickly put it in her mouth. “She’s too old for it, and we’re trying to wean her off, but . . .” She smiled. “So, go on.”

  “I was pregnant, and back then I was terrified to face my parents.”

  Veronica pressed her lips together as lines formed across her forehead. “Did you, uh . . . keep the baby?”

  Sarah brought a hand to her chest. “Yes, of course. Yes. Her name is Miriam.”

  Then Sarah gave Veronica a brief rundown of the past six years. “I lost everything when Hurricane Harvey hit. I could have stayed with friends, but it seemed like an opportunity to come home, to test the waters. I’m not the same as I was then. I’d like to think I’m stronger now.”

  “Wow.” Veronica breathed a clear sigh of relief. “I’m so glad you’re here now, but you should have written me or called or something.”

  “I know. And I’m sorry. There were weird circumstances.” Sarah was fumbling and wondering if she should even tell her friend what happened. But Veronica was her only link to Jayden, and he might even be long gone.

  “You know, I’m not the same as I was back then.” Veronica lowered her head. “After you left, I was partying way too hard. And I started dating this horrible guy.” She cringed. “I mean, he was really bad news. He had a horrible temper, and every time I tried to break it off, he got violent.” A slow smile filled her face. “But then a knight in shining armor rode into my life and swept me off my feet. He was handsome, chivalrous, and we fell in love. That was over three years ago, and not a day goes by that I don’t thank the Lord for him. He is a wonderful provider, a great father, and I’m blessed to have snagged such a man.”

  Sarah smiled at her friend. “You deserve all of this, Veronica, and I am so happy for you.”

  Veronica kissed Haley on the cheek when she lifted her head. “I don’t know about deserving, but we’re blissfully happy.” She smiled. “You might even know my husband. He was around back in the day. His name is Jayden Meyers.”

  Sarah felt the color leave her face.

  CHAPTER 10

  Abram discreetly pulled his cell phone from his pocket and checked the time, then quickly stowed it when two Englisch women walked into Dienner’s Country Restaurant. Non-Amish folks were always shocked to see an Amish person with a phone, even though it was allowed for business purposes and emergencies. And when you were in your rumschpringe and hadn’t been baptized. He’d even had an Englisch woman reprimand him once, reminding him that cell phones were not allowed among his people. The tourists sometimes expected anyone Amish to act a certain way, like they weren’t getting their money’s worth for the experience if Abram’s people didn’t act the part.

  He finally sat on the bench in the waiting area. Sarah said to meet him here at three, that it was important that she talk to him. Hopefully she’d decided to give them another chance and to admit that Miriam was his daughter. At first, he was sure Miriam was his. But now he was beginning to wonder if it had just been wishful thinking. She was a precious little girl, and Abram had always wanted children—children with Sarah. They couldn’t go backward, but with love in their hearts, anything was possible. Abram had to consider the possibility that the resemblance between him and Miriam was coincidence, which would mean Sarah had been with someone else within a week or two of being with Abram. That part was hard to come to terms with.

  Glancing around, he checked his phone again. The restaurant only had a few patrons this time of day. Abram had taken Sarah here for their first date, so he was hopeful there was a connection in her wanting to meet here.

  He stood when he saw her and rushed toward her. “What’s wrong?” His heart pounded, and he wondered if she knew how red her eyes were. “What’s wrong, Sarah?” he asked again.

  “Can we go somewhere?” Her desperate eyes and shaky voice caused Abram’s stomach to churn. “Please, can we just go somewhere more private?”

  He instinctively put an arm around her and led her toward the door, but paused at the booth to leave three dollars for his soda. He pulled her to him the moment they were in the parking lot. “Whatever it is, I’m still here for you, Sarah.”

  She eased away from him, shaking from head to toe as she stared into his eyes for a long time.

  Abram glanced at the car she’d purchased recently, then looked back at her. “I don’t think you should drive being this upset. I can’t leave the horse here anyway, so I can take us somewhere nearby and private.”

  Sarah nodded, and after Abram readied the animal for travel, he climbed into the buggy beside Sarah, who was struggling to catch her breath. “Is it about your parents? Are you and your mudder fighting?” Abram remembered how much Sarah and Barbara had fought, but Sarah shook her head.

  “Nee, it’s not about mei mudder.”

  Abram wondered if she even realized she was using Deutsch. Then his adrenaline spiked. “Is it Miriam? Is she okay?”

  Sarah nodded. “Ya, she’s fine.”

  Abram crossed Lincoln Highway and headed down a less traveled gravel road. Up the way was an abandoned sawmill. He could pull in there and hopefully find out what was troubling Sarah. He still couldn’t believe how much he’d wanted to hurt her when she first arrived. Now he wished he could take all her pain away and chided himself for the terrible thoughts he’d had about her over the years. He remembered at times squeezing his eyes together and trying to will her to come home. He hadn’t understood why God allowed this to happen. But Sarah was home now. It had to be God’s perfect timing, but why was this the plan? Maybe Abram would never know.

  He turned into the dirt driveway that led to the sawmill, then wound around to the back of the building so they were out of sight. Facing her, he was selfishly scared to hear what she had to say. Was she leaving again? Was she taking Miriam with her?

  Sarah was surely too young to have a heart attack, but her chest was so tight that she considered the possibility. She didn’t look at Abram once as she relived what had happened six years ago. She left out the part about Veronica being married to Jayden. Squeezing her eyes closed, she couldn’t hold back her tears. But she couldn’t hear Abram breathing, so she slowly lifted her gaze. His face was as red as a barn and his nostrils flared.

  “It sounds like this guy drugged you with alcohol and pills.”

  “It must have been my fault, though, right?” Sarah was wise enough to know better, but that was part of the nightmare, always questioning what she could have done to prevent whatever happened.

  Abram latched onto both her arms and looked in her eyes. “Nee. It was not your fault. I want to kill that guy.”

  Sarah gasped through her tears. “Don’t say that.” Not only was it not their way, but Jayden was a husband and father now. Sarah wondered if he ever thought about that night, if he felt remorse. But his feelings were not her burden to carry. She had enough shouldering her own.

  Abram let go of her arms, faced forward, and leaned his head back. “You should have told me.” He turned his head toward her. “Did you think I would leave you? If something did happen that night, you were not a willing participant because I know you never would have cheated on me.”

  Sarah blinked her eyes a few times, sniffling. “Nee, I wouldn’t have. But I still don’t know who the father of my child is.” The statement came out louder than she meant it to, but it was the truth.

  Abram ran a hand through his hair and clenched his jaw. She’d seen him angry before, but not like this. Sarah was glad she didn’t tell him she knew where the monster lived.

  Monster. A far cry from the knight in shining armor Veronica had described. In her heart, Sarah knew she had to face Jayden before she could truly move on, but what would that do to Veronica? Would it ruin her friend’s life? Would Veronica even believe her? What about Haley and the baby on the way? All worries for another day, she decided. Right now, she was going to try to keep the focus on Abram and his
emotions.

  “I’m sorry,” she said through more tears. “I’ve decided to have a DNA test.” It was a terrifying thought, considering Miriam could be Haley’s half sister. What then? Would Sarah tell Veronica and Jayden?

  Abram lifted an eyebrow.

  “It’s a test to see who the father is.”

  Abram narrowed his eyebrows. “But you don’t know where the other . . . guy . . . is.” He spewed venom as he said “guy.”

  “It doesn’t matter. The test will show if you are the father, and I know how badly you want to believe you are.” Sarah wanted to believe that, too, and she was terrified to learn the truth. If Abram wasn’t Miriam’s father, she would lose the ability to even fantasize that he was.

  “She’s my daughter.” Abram said it with such conviction that Sarah was sure he’d be devastated if she wasn’t.

  “We won’t know without the test.”

  Abram faced forward and was quiet for a few minutes before he turned back to her. “If you and I are being gifted a second chance at happiness, I will raise Miriam as my own, no matter what any test reveals.” He paused. “Don’t even have the test, Sarah. A home and a family are built on love, not DNA.”

  “I have to know.” She sniffled and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. “I must look a mess.”

  “You look beautiful.”

  “Danki for saying so.” She paused as she worked the tissue below her eyes. “I’ll have to save the money. I think it’s around five hundred dollars, but I’m not sure.”

  Abram shook his head. “Nee, I will pay for the test if you are sure this is something you have to do.” Before Sarah could argue, he looked her way again. “Do your parents know?”

  Sarah thought about the letters she’d left her mother. “They do now.” She explained and Abram’s face turned red again.

  “We would have had answers if your mother had just opened the letters.”

  Sarah wondered what her mother’s reaction had been, and she regretted tossing the letters at her. In hindsight it seemed like a mean thing to do, especially after her mother said she had written to Sarah. “Mamm did what she thought was best at the time. She thought if they shunned me I’d return home.” When Abram didn’t say anything, she said, “What’s done is done.”

  If things had played out any differently, it could have altered the Lord’s plan for all of them. If Sarah had told Veronica what happened that night, she probably wouldn’t have had anything to do with Jayden or married him. There wouldn’t be a Haley or another baby on the way. What if Haley was meant to grow up and cure cancer or do some other amazing thing that wouldn’t come to pass if things had gone any differently?

  But what about me? She wished she could put that night behind her and never think about it again. But that was never going to happen. She’d spent six years wondering exactly what had happened that night and who the father of her child was. It was a chapter she wanted to close, and when Miriam was old enough, she deserved to know her biological father, even if it wasn’t Abram.

  “Are you hungry? Do you want to go back to the restaurant and eat?” Abram asked after a lengthy silence. It was after the supper hour now, so they’d both likely missed a meal at home.

  Sarah shook her head. “Nee. I’m not hungry, and I should go home.” She was suddenly very worried about her mother, and even though her stomach growled, she didn’t think she could eat a bite of food.

  “What will I need to do for this DNA test?”

  “I think they just swab the inside of your mouth, but I’ll find out for sure.”

  They agreed they would make arrangements to pick up Sarah’s car from the restaurant when she wasn’t so upset. When they arrived at her parents’ house, Sarah opened the door to get out of the buggy but instead just sat there for a few seconds. Somehow her hand found Abram’s. “I’m not the same, you know.”

  “I’m not either.”

  Sarah hung her head for a few seconds before she locked eyes with Abram. “I know we’ve both grown up, but I lived a very different life in Texas. I wore Englisch clothes. I worked. I owned a car. I had electricity, and Miriam grew up watching television. We went to movies and did a lot of other things that aren’t acceptable here.”

  Abram stared at her for a while. “I know. But if you held on to the most important thing of all, your faith, then nothing is impossible.”

  Sarah nodded. “I took my faith with me when I left. I was mad at God for a while, but I worked through it knowing He would stay close to me.” She longed for a way for she, Abram, and Miriam to be a family.

  She squeezed his hand, but when she made a move to get out of the buggy, Abram pulled her back in, gently cupped her cheeks with both hands, and kissed her. “I might not be the same. But I love you today as much as I did back then.”

  She gazed into his eyes, kissed him back, and said, “But is love enough?”

  Abram smiled. “I believe it is.”

  CHAPTER 11

  Barbara had shown John the letters when he and Miriam returned from their ride. His expression might as well have screamed, “See what you did!” but he remained calm and was quick to offer Miriam another buggy ride, so they hopefully wouldn’t be home when Sarah returned. Barbara waited until they left before allowing herself another good cry.

  When Abram’s buggy turned in the driveway, Barbara dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, the letters in her other hand, as she wondered if Sarah’s car had already broken down. She’d tried to plan what to say to her daughter, but her thoughts were jumbled. How would Sarah ever forgive her if she couldn’t forgive herself?

  Sarah walked in with swollen eyes and red cheeks. Barbara ran to her and embraced her. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” She was yelling and shaking and so sad she wanted to go to sleep to ease the pain. She eased out of the hug.

  “I’m the monster in the dream, aren’t I?” Barbara covered her face as shame wrapped around her like a cocoon of regret.

  Sarah shook her head. “Nee, Mamm, you aren’t the monster. My monster wears a cowboy hat.”

  Barbara sat on the couch, fearful she might fall otherwise. She looked up. “Lord, what did I do?” Then she turned to Sarah, who was still standing just inside the doorway. “What have I done?” Grief pounded against her temples and her stomach roiled.

  Sarah sat beside her. “Mamm, it’s okay.”

  Barbara shook her head and loose strands of hair spilled across her face from underneath her kapp. “You needed me, and I wasn’t there.”

  Sarah’s eyes darted around the room. “Where is Miriam?”

  “With your daed.” Barbara sniffed. “She loves riding in the buggy. She’s her mother’s daughter. Remember how much you loved to ride in the buggy?”

  Sarah smiled a little. “I still do.”

  “Where is your car?”

  “It’s at Dienner’s. Abram met me there, and we decided to leave it there for now.”

  “I’m sorry,” Barbara said again. “I will be sorry for the rest of my life.”

  A tear rolled down her daughter’s cheek. “Mamm. It’s okay. I wasn’t the easiest person to get along with when I was a teenager. And I know you were only trying to force me to come home. I forgive you, so please don’t be sorry for the rest of your life.”

  She took Barbara’s hand in hers, which only made Barbara cry harder. Her heart was shattered seeing her daughter like this, knowing what she’d had to endure alone.

  “I want to get a DNA test to determine who Miriam’s father is.”

  Barbara nodded and tried to still her shaking hands by folding them in her lap. “I suppose Abram and his folks have a right to know if she is their grandchild. I’ll give you whatever you need to have the test.”

  “I don’t want you to do that. Abram wants to pay for it.”

  Barbara sighed. “Child, I’d give you my soul if I thought it would make things right.”

  Sarah tucked her chin as tears spilled into her lap. Barbara had been so caught up in her own emo
tions that she hadn’t even asked why her daughter was so upset when she first came in.

  “Sarah, what’s wrong? Has something else happened?” She raised a finger. “I’m not prying. You don’t have to tell me.” She remembered all the times Sarah had told her that she was meddling in her business.

  Sarah lifted her eyes to Barbara’s. “A lot has happened. And I need time to process some things. I had a long talk with Abram, and I’m just very emotional right now.”

  Barbara stood when Sarah did. “Of course. I understand.” She bit her bottom lip, hoping to gain control of her emotions. Sarah had enough on her plate and didn’t need to be consoling Barbara.

  Sarah wrapped her arms around her. “I love you, Mamm.”

  “I love you, too, sweet maedel of mine.”

  They stood in the middle of the living room holding each other for a long time. It would never be long enough for Barbara.

  Sarah waited until the following Saturday before she went back to Veronica’s house. The house she lived in with the man who had possibly drugged and impregnated Sarah. The more Sarah thought about it, the more she knew the monster would stay in her nightmares unless she faced Jayden.

  Her father had taken her in his buggy to pick up her car the day after she’d left it at Dienner’s, so she could continue to look for work. She’d landed a job that she would start on Monday as the receptionist at the Stoltzfus Clinic, and the DNA test results should be ready by the end of the week. She wanted this behind her as she rebuilt her life. But to do that, she needed to know what actually happened. Perhaps she could have already done so, if Miriam’s paternity hadn’t hinged on that night.