At least someone wanted his company. Elizabeth had made it perfectly clear she did not. He would never forget her reproof, so well applied: In Meryton we were obliged to spend time together. That is different from friendship. It rang in his mind until it had practically driven him out of his wits. He had imagined so much more than friendship between them, even if it had been impossible to act upon it.
He could not bear even to look at her. All the magic had gone from the bluebell wood – and his life.
This journey to St. Paul’s in her company was going to be torture.
But on their arrival at the cathedral, the torture took a different form than he had expected, because the only thing worse than being with Elizabeth and knowing she disliked him was watching her walk away from him with Kit.
Kit had cheerfully announced that he and Elizabeth had an errand nearby and would find their own way back to Darcy House later. Darcy could have killed him happily, especially since Elizabeth seemed unsurprised by this plan. He tried not to grind his teeth when the two of them walked away, in earnest conversation with one another.
His aunt touched his arm. “I feel the need to sit in a pew for some private prayer. Perhaps you could show Georgiana around the cathedral.”
Lady Matlock making a public display of piety when it was not a Sunday? Something was definitely afoot.
“Of course.”
Georgiana seemed subdued, but it was difficult to tell since she was looking down. “Do you know where Kit and Elizabeth are going?” She sounded unhappy. Was she feeling as abandoned as he was?
He tried to sound calm, or at least not despairing. “They did not tell me, although I would guess they may be headed to Frederica’s house. Leadenhall Street is not far from here.”
“But why would they not take us with them? And why not tell us where they were going?”
If he had an answer to that question, perhaps his chest would stop hurting. He had not seen Kit flirting with Elizabeth much since their arrival at Darcy House, but he could not know what happened during the times he was away. His stomach churned. “I cannot say, but no doubt they will have an explanation later.”
Georgiana sighed. “I suppose either they were going somewhere they could not take me, or perhaps someplace Kit thought you would forbid them to go.”
He tasted bile. “Kit is a grown man and does not need my permission for anything he does. He has opposed me often enough that I cannot imagine he would hesitate to do so now.”
The girl’s shoulders slumped. “I wish my presence had not come between the two of you. Until I met Kit, I did not realize how much pain it caused both of you. I should have known, I suppose, but I did not understand.”
“It was not your fault. I made the decision, and it was worth it to keep you safe.” And every time Kit turned wounded eyes on him, he wondered if there might not have been some other way. “I do rather wish my aunt had seen fit to reunite us sooner than she did, though.” He had not meant to say that.
Georgiana glanced back over her shoulder at the pew where Lady Matlock sat, as if she might somehow have overheard their whispers. “How odd. Someone is talking to her.”
The fear that was never far from the surface when Darcy was in public with Georgiana made him swing around, reaching towards his pocket. As if he could draw a pistol in church! But it was just a woman with a shawl over her hair. No, wait – the figure was familiar. It was Frederica, dressed as an older lady.
He willed his pulses to slow. At least that explained why his aunt had been so eager for this outing. “That looks like Frederica. They must have arranged this meeting.” Frederica had told her mother it would be safer if she did not return to the house on Leadenhall Street.
But that did not explain the odd disappearance of Kit and Elizabeth. And here he was, under the soaring nave, surrounded by the majesty of Sir Christopher Wren’s masterwork, and all he could find in his soul was black jealousy of his own brother. It was wrong. If he himself could not find happiness in marriage, he should be happy if Kit did. But not with Elizabeth. Dear God, not with Elizabeth.
***
Elizabeth examined her hands in the Darcy House entry hall. “Perhaps I should leave my gloves on,” she said with a laugh. “I do not wish to cause any difficulties.”
Kit handed his own gloves to the butler. “My hands are even worse, so we might as well admit to it.”
“I suppose so. But thank you for arranging it. I do feel better now.”
“As do I.”
A figure loomed ahead of them. Elizabeth caught her breath. Was Mr. Darcy angry at them? It had perhaps been improper for her to be out near dusk with Kit, but it hardly compared to some of the other improper things she had done since leaving Longbourn.
“Where have you been?” Darcy’s voice rumbled.
Oh, yes. He was angry.
Elizabeth swallowed hard. She had no intention of allowing him to browbeat her. “We were folding copies of The Loyalist,” she said defiantly, stripping off her gloves and displaying her ink stained fingers.
“Folding newspapers?” His voice was disbelieving.
“Yes. And writing an article for the next edition.”
“Alone together all these hours?”
Kit drawled, “Hardly alone, but you are not my chaperone, William.”
The corners of Darcy’s mouth turned down. “No, but our aunt is responsible for Miss Elizabeth, and you may be certain you will be hearing about it from her.”
“Fine,” snapped Kit. “But it is still no business of yours.” He brushed past Darcy and hurried up the stairs.
Darcy studied Elizabeth with a long, serious look, then turned away without a word, returning to his study.
Elizabeth followed him. Foolhardy, perhaps, given his unwillingness to speak to her in the last few days, but she did not want to be the cause of yet another rift between the brothers.
He was already seated behind his desk, pouring himself a generous helping of brandy, but he rose again on noticing her presence. His expression was unreadable.
She spoke in a low voice. “Kit was attempting to do me a kindness. I had told him how useless I felt since I could do nothing for the cause apart from sitting in a drawing room with Georgiana. He went out of his way to find a task I could do, and indeed I feel better for having accomplished something, even if it was something any child could do.”
He frowned ferociously. “You told him that you feel useless.”
“Yes, I told him that. Is there some reason I should not have?”
Darcy’s lips tightened. “What is going on between you and Kit?”
She took a step backwards. “Is that what this is all about? Nothing. Not a thing. I have no desire to be anything but a surrogate sister to Kit, and his interests are firmly lodged elsewhere.”
He frowned. “He has said nothing to me of another woman.”
No doubt Kit assumed his brother was not blind, but if Darcy was oblivious to the growing tension between Kit and Georgiana, Elizabeth had no desire to be the one to tell him. With a brittle laugh, she said, “Nonetheless, you need not worry about Kit forming an unequal alliance with me.” No, Kit’s unequal alliance was quite different and even more hopeless. How would Kit react when he discovered who Georgiana would most likely marry? What a tangle this was!
He closed his eyes briefly and turned to face the fireplace, his elbow leaning on the mantle. “Inequality was not my concern.” His voice was low.
Her heart was already aching. She could not afford to think of what his concerns might be. “In any case, now you know the truth and that your brother did not intend to annoy you. That is all I wished to tell you. If you are dining out tonight, I will see you in the morning.” Assuming he was not out half the night and sleeping in till the afternoon.
He swiveled his head to look at her, his eyes haunted. “If I could... But it does not matter. I do not wish to quarrel with you. Georgiana has been in tears all afternoon, and I have been worried for your safet
y.”
“Why was Georgiana upset?” Or was that his way of saying he was upset?
His chin dropped. “Because she saw her only two friends abandon her without a second glance to go off on a secret errand together. Because you are telling Kit your frustrations, and he is telling you about another woman.”
Ridiculous! She and Kit had gone for walks before, but it had never seemed to bother Georgiana. And Georgiana did not even know what the two of them had discussed. Only Darcy knew that. He was the one who was troubled because she had confided in his brother.
But if Georgiana was jealous of Kit choosing to spend time with Elizabeth when he could have been with her, that might cause difficulties. Were her feelings for him even more engaged than Elizabeth had suspected? That was ill tidings.
Suddenly weary, she said, “It was not meant to exclude her. Kit did not invite Georgiana because he thought she would be safer with you. I will explain that to her.” She curtsied and turned to leave. With her back to him, she finally forced the words out. “And I did not mean it that day when I said we were not friends. I was upset.” After a moment of silence, she started out of the study.
“Please do not go.”
Elizabeth stopped in her tracks.
“I never have the opportunity to speak to you these days. You are always with Georgiana and Kit.”
She turned slowly to face him. “And you are always off carousing with the French.” She had not wanted it to sound bitter, but she feared it had.
“Carousing? Hardly. And you know it is not my choice.”
“What am I to think when you do not return home until the middle of the night, even on evenings when there are no balls? The theatres are not open that late.” Oh, why had she said that? She had not wanted him to know she had noticed when he returned. Her cheeks began to burn.
“I do not go to balls or to the theatre. I have had to do so in the past, but not now.” He paused to pour two glasses of wine from a decanter, ignoring the already poured brandy. Holding one out to her, he said, “Now I dine every night at the same place, often with the same people in attendance. There are many who seek an invitation to this exclusive group, but if they received it, they would find it excruciatingly dull. Conversation is the main entertainment. The general likes nothing better than a good argument, or perhaps I should say a spirited disagreement. Sometimes he talks until the early hours. I find it more tolerable than the early days when I needed to haunt social events to maintain connections, but I would rather be here with you. And Georgiana and Kit, of course.”
A sip of wine did little to ease the dryness of her mouth. “Then why do you go so often?”
He made a face, as if he had found the wine to be sour. “Because the general’s regard for me is powerful protection for all of us. It saved me when I was arrested. It saved your sister Jane from Captain Reynard. Someday it could make a difference for Georgiana. And it depends on me showing my regard for him. Therefore I do so, even when it means that I return home and feel as if...”
Elizabeth did not need words to understand his meaning. When he returned home, he found Georgiana, Kit, and Elizabeth forming a bond that did not include him – or so he thought. And then Elizabeth had taken Kit’s side against him.
Impulsively she held her hand out to him. “Thank you for being so careful to keep us safe. I have done my best to distract Georgiana when you have been out, and Kit has helped with that. But it is not the same as when you are here.”
His fingers grasped hers. “And what of you?” he asked hoarsely. “Have you missed me?”
She ought to say something light and teasing. No, what she ought to do was to leave the room. But how could she tear herself away when he was finally looking at her, truly looking at her, again?
“I...” She moistened her suddenly dry lips. “What is it you want from me? Apart from a companion to your sister, of course. Or is that my only value?”
“You know it is not.” His voice was low and strained. “I cannot have what I want.”
How could his words simultaneously relieve her and tear her apart? She had to stop this. “If you have made up your mind to sacrifice your future for Georgiana, you must let me go. No longing looks, no surreptitious touches, no standing closer to me than you ought. You cannot have it both ways.”
“It is not something I chose, but something I cannot avoid. If it were left to me—”
“But it is your choice,” she said furiously, the words she had been thinking for weeks spilling out of her. “If someday there is talk about you and her, then yes, it might be easiest if you married. But what would happen if you did not? She would still be queen. A few suitors might be frightened off by the gossip, but there are very few men who would turn down a kingdom even if she openly took a different lover every night. You have made it your duty to save her life, but why is it also your duty to give up your own hopes in order to save her from a little gossip?”
Darcy shook his head. “It is not that simple. Her position may not be secure.”
“Not secure?” Elizabeth gave a disbelieving laugh. “With every man in England drinking daily toasts to her? Do not be ridiculous. It is your right to decide to sacrifice yourself for her sake, but do not expect me to agree that you have no choice. And because of the difference between her situation and mine, I am the one who will suffer for your choice. If anyone discovers I have been staying with you, I will have no reputation left, and, unlike Georgiana, I will not have most of the princes in Europe at my door. I will be ruined and without prospects. Do not expect me to feel sorry for poor Georgiana facing a bit of scandal.” She had been longing to say this for days, but it gave her no relief.
“I never forget the price you have paid. Never.”
She pulled her hand away from his. The contact had become unbearable. “And yet you do nothing about it. Perhaps that is another difference between Georgiana and me. Marrying her would elevate your status. Your children would be royalty. Even if Georgiana had not come into your life, you would not have considered marrying a penniless girl with no connections. It would be a degradation. I understand that. But pray be honest with me and admit it.”
“No! Your circumstances have nothing to do with it. When I took Georgiana in, I accepted whatever consequences might come of my actions. I have a responsibility towards her. But I would like at least to be your friend, and for you to be content with your life here.”
“Content?” She pushed herself to her feet. “Being forced to watch you and Georgiana every day, knowing the future you have chosen? How much would you enjoy sharing a house with me and my future husband? Yes, let us suppose I planned to marry Kit. Imagine how you would feel, faced with both of us every single day. Would you be content?”
He shook his head slowly but said nothing.
She had gone too far to stop now. “What will you do if nothing changes? If Frederica is right, it could be years before we get our freedom. Will you simply wait and do nothing forever? Will you still be caring for Georgiana when she is five-and-twenty? Thirty? Forty?”
“Elizabeth, my dear.” Lady Matlock’s elegant tones made Elizabeth feel like a thief caught in the act. “Forgive me for interrupting. Georgiana is quite distraught, and I wonder if you might have more success calming her than I have had.”
Elizabeth flushed. Although Lady Matlock had made no acknowledgement of the compromising position she had discovered the two of them in, she was too perceptive to have missed the tension between them, but there was nothing to be done for it now. Elizabeth smoothed her skirts, more to hide her expression than because they needed it, then regretted it, wondering if the ink on her hands had transferred to her clothes. She would have to check later. “Of course. Where is Georgiana?”
“In her rooms. She will be pleased to see you.” Lady Matlock’s tone was not condemning, but it did not show particular warmth either.
“I will go to her straight away. Pray excuse me, Mr. Darcy.”
He said nothing, only watch
ed her as she left.
***
Frederica smiled warmly at Darcy when she opened the door at the house on Leadenhall Street the next morning. “William, how lovely to see you again. I hope you are well.”
Darcy had never felt less well in his life. “We are all in good health at Darcy House. You look lovely today.”
It was true. Her hair was up in an elegant twist with a few curls loose around her face and her simple sky blue dress was trimmed with ribbon, unlike the purely utilitarian dresses she had worn during his earlier visit. She also seemed more at ease.
Before allowing him to enter, she called back over her shoulder, “Doors closed, if you please.” Then she turned back to him. “Forgive me. There are people here whom you should not see. But I assume there is a purpose for your call.”
More secrets. He despised secrets. “I wished to speak to Richard if he is here.”
“Yes, of course. I will bring him to you if you will wait here.”
A minute later Richard limped into the front hall. “Darcy, this is an unexpected pleasure! Our public rooms are in use, and Freddie insists you should be kept apart from our current guests, but you are welcome to join me in my humble garret.”
“Lead the way, cousin. Freddie is keeping secrets, I take it.”
Richard waved away the comment. “Freddie is always keeping secrets. Did I tell you I took a trip to Milford Haven and followed up on that lead from Tomlin you passed along? It paid off handsomely, though I am not permitted to tell you how. But we are more optimistic than before.”
“Freddie looks happier, I must say.”
Richard paused half way up the second flight of stairs and turned towards him. “Love will do that to a woman,” he said with a wink.
Frederica in love? “Do I know the fortunate gentleman? I assume he must be a gentleman since you apparently have not killed him yet.”
“I wish I could tell you, but it is another secret. You will not disapprove, though. Even my mother would approve.” He held open the door to a small room furnished with a simple bed, two chairs, and a desk. “But you look as if you have not slept for days.”
Conceit & Concealment: A Pride & Prejudice Variation Page 20
