by Lonnie Doris
Broken Forever
Lonnie Doris
Copyright © Lonnie Doris 2021
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of Lonnie Doris and Terri Anne Browning, except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976.
Broken Forever
Part of The Rocker…Series Universe by Terri Anne Browning
Written by Lonnie Doris
All Rights Reserved ©Lonnie Doris 2021
Cover Design by Cassy Roop of Pink Ink Designs
Edited by Lisa Hollett of Silently Correcting Your Grammar
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Broken Forever is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
No part of this book can be reproduced in any form by electronic or mechanical means, including storage or retrieval systems, without the express permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer who may quote short excerpts in a review.
Contents
A Note from the Author
Prologue
1. Tommy
2. Samantha
3. Tommy
4. Lydia
5. Tommy
6. Tommy
7. Tommy
8. Tommy
9. Tommy
10. Tommy
11. Tommy
12. Robyn
13. Robyn
14. Tommy
15. Robyn
16. Tommy
Epilogue
Tommy’s Letter to Layla
Playlist
A Note from the Author
When I first started connecting with and writing Tommy Kirkman’s story, I didn’t know where he was going to lead me. Writing Tommy was a lot different from writing Helena. With Helena, I provided her POV through what had already been written from other characters’ perspectives in a lot of her book. With Tommy, most of his story was driven by him, with the exception of his two confrontations with Layla and, subsequently, Jesse.
I hope you enjoy the story Tommy is about to tell you. He is one complex man.
Loves, kisses, and all that rocks in between.
LD
Prologue
TOMMY
What an incredible night. I feel like my whole life is set on a path of excellence. I’m a rocker—officially. I just signed a contract with Rich Branson, one of the rock world’s best up-and-coming managers. I have the love of my life standing by my side every step of the way. What more could I possibly want? All of my dreams are coming true right in front of me.
I take the stage of the local pub in my hometown of San Antonio, Florida. A quarter of the town is packed into this place like sardines. I immediately begin searching for her. My girl, my Maddie. I’m instantly drawn to her. She is the other half that completes me.
Our eyes lock. Her deep-blue orbs strip me bare, for only her to see. She has tears streaming down her face. And a smile that makes my knees go weak. But it’s not my smile. I haven’t seen my smile in days. She’s scared that I’m going to go away and leave her behind without an afterthought.
I jump down from the stage and push through the crowd. The pain in my chest feels like my next breath won’t come unless she is in my arms. I manage my way to her and wrap her up into me. Taking in her scent like it’s the last time I will ever have her in my embrace.
I cup her face in my hands. “I love you with every breath I take.” I kiss Maddie deeply, letting my tongue caress hers, pouring all my love into her. To calm her. The crowd around me is cheering, but I barely hear them. I take Maddie by the hand and lead her back to the stage with me.
Tonight, the best night of my life, I will ask my girl to marry me. Onstage. In front of the majority of our friends and family. I asked her daddy over two weeks ago. He didn’t hesitate to give me his approval. I’ve known Mr. West my whole life. He and his wife are my parents’ best friends. Maddie and I were destined to be a couple. I knew from a very young age she was my other half; I can’t breathe without her. And she can’t breathe without me.
Hopefully, I can fully ease her mind by the time we walk out of this bar. I assist her onto the stage to stand by my side during the celebratory concert. I kiss her one more time then remove the mic from the stand.
“Thank y’all for coming out tonight to celebrate with Maddie and me.” I turn and face her. “I’m here because of you, because you believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. You pushed me and never let me give up.” I lean down and kiss her forehead.
Then I whisper in her ear, “Take my hand. We do this together.” I lower to one knee, pulling the ring box from my pocket and opening it up to her. “Madelyn Raina West, will you marry me?”
Our eyes lock, and she drops down onto me. “Yes.” She breathes into my mouth as she kisses me. This is definitely the best night of my life. I got the contract; I got the girl.
I stand up, bringing her with me, turning back to the crowd. “She said yes, y’all!” I exclaim into the mic. The entire bar erupts in cheers and applause.
“The first song I’d like to sing tonight is one I just wrote—” I turn to Maddie “—for you.” Her smile lights up the stage area. There’s my smile. The smile that sets my whole body on fire.
After I finish my last song, I stand there looking out into the crowd of people I have known my whole life or close to it. I’m going to miss this small town. We’ll come back as often as we can. I assured Maddie of this a few nights ago when I got the call from Rich saying he wanted to sign me after watching a concert of mine a few weeks back.
“On behalf of Maddie and myself, we want to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of our hearts. Mom, Dad, Mr. and Mrs. West, we love you so much. There aren’t enough words to express that to you.” Mom and Mrs. West blow us kisses. Dad and Mr. West are patting each other on the back. “For those who don’t know, today I signed a contract with Rich Branson for a five-year deal with a promise of a record label contract. Maddie and I will be moving to California next weekend.”
The crowd erupts again with more cheers and applause. I pull Maddie into me and whisper in her ear, “I can’t wait to get you home.” I feel her melt into my chest.
“I love you, Tommy Kirkman.”
I pick her up into my arms and carry her to the back-office area. Not long after shutting the door behind us, just long enough for me to place Maddie on the couch, a rap comes at the door.
“Damn it. I just wanted five minutes with you.” I huff, and she giggles. I walk over and open the door, to find our parents standing there with big smiles on their faces.
“We are so proud of you, son,” my dad says, patting my back. I turn around and head back to the couch where Maddie is now sitting up with her ankles crossed.
“We’ll have a barbecue Friday night. Invite your friends,” my mother chimes in.
“Mom, let’s talk about that later. We may want just a small dinner.” Who am I fooling? My mom has no idea how to make a small dinner. For as long as I can remember, she has been finding any occasion to put on a dinner party. She loves to prepare a meal and feed people. Katherine Kirkman is definitely an amazing cook.
The parents talk us into meeting them at Denny’s for a late dinner. It’s the biggest sit-down restaurant our small town has. All I want to do is take my fiancée home and make love to her to round out the best night of my life. Maddie convinces me it is the right thing to do, considering we will be leaving in a week to head to the other side of the country.
> We sit in our normal corner booth in the back. Our moms go on and on about planning our wedding. We both tell them a quick trip to Vegas is all we need. I can see the defeat in both their faces. Maddie and I are both only children, so they just lost their one chance at the milestone of hosting a wedding.
The parents leave, and we stay just a little bit longer, reminiscing about all of our nights here. This is where I told her I loved her for the first time. We were twelve years old. Our parents brought us here for dinner every Friday night. They let us sit in our own booth. So, we would pretend we were grown-ups, married with kids, a dog, and a cat.
As we walk out the door, Trevor Levinson is walking in. “I hear you think you’re a big shot rock star now.”
“Something like that,” I mutter as we walk by. I can’t stand Trevor. He thinks everyone but him gets handed what they want. He doesn’t understand the concept of working hard to make your dreams come true.
“What’d you say, smartass?” He turns around and follows behind me.
I stop and turn to face him, putting Maddie behind me to shield her.
“What’s your problem now, Trevor? Someone else in this small town make it out, while you sit here and suffer?”
“Yeah, made it out. I’m sure it cost you a lot to get out. Whoring out your girl to get you what you want?”
“The fuck you say?” I bellow as I draw my arm back and punch him directly in his mouth. “You ever let those words come out of your mouth again, I’ll kick your ass from here to California and back.” I turn around to find Maddie standing there, frozen. I quickly walk over to her. “C’mon, Maddie. Let’s go home.”
Maddie tends to take what people say about her to heart. She will dwell on it for days, sometimes weeks. It’s like she’s processing every angle of the person’s comments about her, working it out, and then suddenly she is over whatever it was they said. So, I know she is going to process the shit out of this one. We both know what that asshole Trevor said was pure lies. But nonetheless, she will take it personally.
I stop her as we reach the passenger side of my truck. “Maddie, look at me.” She lifts up her head to meet my gaze. “Don’t even think about what he said.” I kiss her forehead.
“Easy for you to say. You didn’t get accused of being a whore. I was the one who was accused of sleeping around to get you a contract.” She sighs.
I open the truck door for her and help her up into the black Chevy. I kiss her hand, shut the door, and make my way to the driver’s side.
We haven’t driven a mile heading to our house when I hear Maddie’s sobs.
“Maddie, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“I’m not sure I can live in the rocker world.”
“I’m sorry, what? What do you mean?”
“What Trevor said—” she breaks off on a sob. “That won’t be the last time someone says something disgusting about me…”
“Baby girl, you have to toughen up a little bit. There are pricks in the world. They’re going to say shit. Let it roll.”
“I can’t.” She sobs louder. “I’m not cut out for this. Trevor’s words just brought it to the surface and made me realize it.”
“Stop talking like that right now!” I demand. I’m not going to let her talk herself into believing she doesn’t belong next to me. “Toughen your skin. It’s me and you. Everyone else can kiss our asses.”
“I don’t want to bring you down. This was supposed to be a great night for you.” She turns her head to gaze out the window.
“Maddie.” I stroke my hand down her cheek. “Baby girl, you’re talking nonsense. I love you. Look at me,” I plead
She turns her head to look at me, and I take my eyes off the road to look at her.
In that small moment of time, I see my beautiful girl smile at me…
Then I hear the loudest crash, and I watch in slow motion as Maddie’s side of the truck suddenly caves in. Immediately, the truck is spinning around and around. With a last hard bump of the truck against something solid, my world goes dark.
I come to, disoriented, to find several medics and police officers tending to me. “Maddie,” I breathe. It is almost magical; as soon as I say her name, she is next to me. I look into her beautiful face. Something is missing. I don’t feel her presence. I only see her.
I try to reach for her.
“Take it easy, sir.” I hear someone say as I try to move. “He’s getting agitated.” The same person continues on, but I can’t take my eyes off Maddie. She looks like an angel sitting next to me.
Then it hits me like a ton of bricks, and something inside of me withers and dies right there.
“Maddie! Maddie!” I scream out.
“Sedate him,” is the last thing I hear before everything goes black again.
Three days later, I stand next to Maddie’s casket at the funeral. I won’t leave its side, no matter how hard my mom and dad try to pull me away.
I don’t feel whole anymore. The other half of my being is lying lifeless in a pine box beside me.
One
Tommy
I couldn’t get out of that small town fast enough. I even convinced Rich to change my flight. I left the day after Maddie’s funeral. Not only did my life turn on its axis, so did our parents’ lives. Mr. and Mrs. West lost their daughter, their only child.
And my parents lost me.
I’m a shell of the man I once was. I always knew I loved Maddie with every ounce of my soul, but I never thought about what would happen if one of us was gone. We had our whole lives mapped out, and nowhere in the plans was me without her.
She comes to me, though. Maddie visits. Not for long periods of time—mostly when I’m drunk or asleep. I’ve been in LA for a month now, and I’ve been drunk every night. She just sits and looks at me. I see a lot of pity in her eyes.
I wake up, go to the studio, lay tracks, come home, and drink myself into oblivion. That’s my nightly routine. I don’t want to visit anyone, not that I really know anyone other than Rich. He’s introduced me to people, but I’m just not in the mood to be social.
My mom and dad have called daily. And each time, I let it go to voice mail. I don’t want to talk to them either. I’m going to lay down this album and walk away. It hurts to sing. I had to scrap a few of the songs that I’d written about Maddie. I will never sing those again; she was just so fucking special that the world doesn’t deserve to know her through my music.
I finish a swig from my bottle of bourbon when someone starts pounding on the door of my one-bedroom condo.
“What?” I yell across the room.
“Let me in, man,” Rich says from the other side of the door.
I walk over and open the door for him.
“What do you want, Rich?”
“Come out with me.” He says it more as a statement than a question.
“I’m good right here.” I turn to head back to the kitchen area.
“Tommy, getting out and meeting people will help you get over that chick.”
I spin around, charging at Rich until I have him pinned against the wall, my large hand wrapped around his throat while I hold my arm across his chest so he can’t move.
“Maddie was not ‘some chick’!” I roar in his face, spittle flying from my mouth. “Maddie was my entire life. Don’t ever disrespect her again.”
“Calm down, man. Calm down,” he rasps, his face turning a shade of purple from the lack of oxygen.
It’s probably not a good idea to punch my manager in the face, or choke him to death, so I step back from him. I turn away, walk over to grab my bottle of liquor off the counter, and plop down on my couch.
Rich comes over and sits next to me. He’s pretty ballsy for a man who nearly got choked out only moments before.
“I wasn’t trying to disrespect Maddie. I’m worried about you. Your parents are worried about you. I just want you not to shut off the world.” Rich pats my shoulder.
“I will deal with the world when I’
m ready.” I take another swig of bourbon.
“Listen, kid. You have the world at your feet. You have a talent like I’ve never seen before. You have record labels fighting over you. The sky is the limit. Get your head out of your ass, and let’s go.”
Before I can protest, Rich continues with his tiresome rant.
“Tommy Kirkman, you won’t make it in this business if you aren’t out meeting people and mingling. Get your fucking ass up, and let’s go,” he demands. “Trust your manager.”
“Fine,” I huff. “You’re lucky you’re my manager, or I’d knock your ass out.” I get up from the couch and head out the door behind him.
We arrive at the largest mansion I have ever seen in my life. At least, in person. This is the type of place you see in one of those fancy rich-people TV shows. There are people everywhere. Rich walks me around, introducing me to record execs, other musicians; I think I even met a senator. But what catches my eye is all the young women—scantily clad females.
These women are beautiful—not Maddie beautiful—but that’s a good thing. I don’t think I could last two seconds in this place if I had to see her everywhere I look.
“Was I right?” Rich asks as he pats me on the back, bringing me out of my stupor.
“Rich, the women—” I break off, looking around the room again. Trying to find the right words.
“Hot little bitches, aren’t they?”
Those words, they are so disrespectful. I stand there, dumbfounded. I thought my cock stopped working when I lost the love of my life. Seeing all these women running around in nothing more than bikinis—some of them in even less—has proven me wrong.
