Once I’m in my car, my eyes move to the second floor and what I’m guessing is the window of her bedroom. The light I had turned on is already off.
That could be good, a sign that she’s pissed and already falling back to sleep. It could also be bad, a sign that she’d rather stew in the dark and is currently plotting my death.
Any other woman who’s caught my attention recently would not have me this twisted up inside. She intrigued me and still does. I never would have taken the step to go public if she hadn’t. To have already fucked it up this royally, this soon is a record, even for me.
What pisses me off most of all is I was excited to see what would happen between us. Now there’s a decent chance that nothing will, and it’s my entire fault. I punished her for someone else’s crime.
She shared something with me, and I turned around and attacked her for it. Flipping on my lights, I back out onto her street.
The place I’m moving into is only a couple of streets over from her house. Not ready to go back to an empty room and a cold bed at the inn, I decide to drive past it.
The previous tenants are still there, or I would have already started moving in. I don’t plan to leave it empty long. My new landlord has okayed me moving in as soon as they’re out. He’s going to have a service clean the place, but I don’t mind being there when they do. It’ll save me a couple of nights paying at the inn and will avoid leaving the house empty for anyone up to no good.
My thoughts shift from Reilly to the vacant house vandals. How they have remained undetected this long bothers me. People talk, and in a community this size word travels fast. By now, it’s no secret these parties are happening, and the damage they’ve caused.
Reilly even reported on it, the serious topic a departure from the normal happy fluff she covers. It might have been because it was her story she saved, the damage to her house the viewers saw.
How could people in this town watch that report and not tell anyone if they heard any unusual sounds coming from a vacant house? We could be wrong in assuming they are, but the amount of beer cans and drug paraphernalia left behind leads us to believe there’s a social element to them. How they can party and cause the damage they do without anyone hearing them is a mystery.
My new place is dark. The people who still live there are either out or asleep. Shifting my car into park, I make excuses against leaving this street, this neighborhood.
The vandals distracted my attention, but not as long as I had hoped. My thoughts wander back to Reilly. I can’t go back. Her light is off and she made it clear she doesn’t want me there.
I was an idiot. She had every right to kick me out. Pulling out my phone, I decide against waiting to reach out to her. I don’t call, she might be asleep already. I text her.
I was an ass. Can I buy you a coffee and apologize in person to make it up to you?
Not expecting a reply, I toss my phone into one of the cup holders and shift into drive. I’ve done enough damage for one night; it’d be best if I found my bed. Maybe tomorrow I can clean up the mess I made.
Ferncliff is quiet as I drive through it. A car follows mine but turns off onto a side street long before I reach my destination. I seem to be the only one up in this quiet small town.
There’s a full moon out tonight. Its glow combined with my headlights illuminate my way back to the inn. Once I’m back in my room, I fill an empty bottle with water. Force of habit has me opening my window to set it on the sill.
After he left, I flipped off my light. Hot angry tears rolled down my cheeks. Screw him. He was an asshole, a complete and total asshole.
So what if I had a crush on him in high school. So what if he was the sexiest guy I’ve ever met and the sex was awesome. So what if for a few hours it seemed like he wanted to date me.
I wipe my face and reach over the side of my bed for a shirt. There’s a pile of only semi-dirty clothes, a tee shirt on top. I’ve never been comfortable sleeping naked.
Stupid Trip and his stupid wearing me out made me too tired to care tonight. Now I want to be covered.
Now I want to forget I ever met Officer Trip Lowell. My life is fine without him. He hurt my feelings by reacting the way he did, but he probably did me a favor.
I want kids, not tomorrow or anything, but it would be pointless to get attached to a guy who has no interest in ever having any. Better it be over and done with now before either of us got attached. This is a good thing. It is.
My phone lights up with an incoming text. Curiosity mixed with annoyance has me reaching for it. My eyes roll after I read his message. The only thing I need from him now is his absence.
With my phone still in my hand, it lights up with another incoming text. This one from Tad. I only see the first line. The last thing I want is for him to see I read it.
All I can see is “When can I ta,” the rest is cut off.
The time display at the top of my cell reads 3:42. What on earth is he doing texting me this late? God, this guy. When is he going to take a hint?
He hasn’t called or texted me in a long time. I gave him my number ages ago, back when I liked him. If I change my number, I can kill two birds with one stone.
New number, no way for either of them to get to me. Giving up on sleep, I drop my phone face down onto my bed.
One perk to living with Kacey was she kept our living room and kitchen tidy and got on my case to clean. If we were working together, it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Without her nagging, I’ve let my new place turn into a wreck.
It’s one thing to be cluttered, it’s another to let my place turn into a disaster. I will never be as neat as Kacey. Even when we lived together, I’d nap in her room from time to time to escape the mess in mine.
I’m sick of my life being a mess, literally and figuratively. I start in my kitchen. I don’t have a dishwasher, so I have to hand wash everything.
Once my drying rack is full, I hand dry what doesn’t fit. Next, I grab a trash bag and start dumping the piles of takeout containers into it. I fill that bag quickly and start on a second.
A knock interrupts me. It isn’t from the front door, but the door to my place.
“Who is it?” I call, moving down the stairs.
“It’s Julie.”
I unlock the door and push it open, ignoring the fact that it was thoughtful of Trip to lock it behind him. “Hey Julie. Everything okay?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing.”
“I heard you walking around. You’re never up this early unless it’s for work.”
“Crap. Was I being loud?”
“A bit, but that isn’t why I’m checking on you,” she replies.
“Oh,” is all the response I can muster.
“Are you okay?”
There’s no point in lying to her. Julie is too good at telling when I’m full of shit.
I sink down and sit on the step in front of her. “I’ve been seeing this guy. He seemed great and I really liked him, but he turned out to be a giant asshole.”
Her face softens. “I hate it when that happens.”
Her ex, Dylan’s dad, was a major asshole. He hasn’t paid child support in over a year, and for some reason or another always acts like it’s Julie’s fault.
“I had a crush on him in high school,” I admit.
She leans up against the doorjamb. “Ahh, I slept with a former crush once. His dick was the size of my pinkie. The sex was so terrible it killed any lingering feelings I had for him so fast.”
I grimace, partly for her and partly for myself.
She doesn’t miss this. “Uh oh. Was the sex good?”
“Best I’ve ever had,” I confess.
“So why not give him a second chance? If not for a relationship, just for the sex.”
I lean my head against the wall. “I get what you’re saying, I do. I don’t want to get attached to a guy I have no hope of a future with. It was just sex until he made a move that made it not, but when I
share something about myself, my hopes for the future, he freaks. There is nothing but heartbreak in my future with a guy like that.”
“I’m sorry hon,” she murmurs sympathetically.
“Dating sucks. I don’t understand why everything has to be so complicated.”
“You can say that again.”
My eyes move over her face. Julie is only a couple of years older than me. Since I’ve known her she hasn’t gone out on one date. That’s not from lack of interest. There are a few guys in town who have asked. She’s turned them all down.
With Dylan being so young, she’s nervous about introducing a man to him. Her ex is such a dick it makes sense for her to not want to deal with a relationship ever again. For me, it’s rare that a guy will ask me out at all.
It could be my being on TV intimidates them. That doesn’t mean I haven’t dated. As long as I make the first move, it’s not hard to find a guy to go out with.
I liked that Trip was the one who instigated things between us. I didn’t have to question or not if he wanted me.
I could be overreacting about what happened last night. Still, my feelings were hurt and it seems pointless to pursue anything further with him.
We both want different things. I want a family. Both my mom and my dad passed away when I was little. Outside of photographs I’m not sure if my memories of them are real. Then Jake and I lost our grandparents.
My big brother is all I have left. He has Kacey now and since she’s my best friend I do too but that doesn’t mean I don’t want a family of my own.
I want a husband who believes in till death us do part and I want a houseful of children.
“Do you want any help up there?” Julie asks.
I shrug. “Is it cool if I do a bunch of laundry?”
The washer and dryer are technically in her part of the house. She’s cool about letting me use them so I don’t have to schlep my stuff to the Laundromat.
She nods. “I’ll leave my door unlocked.”
Before she walks away she leans down and gives me a hug. “I’m always here for you.”
“Thanks babe,” I murmur.
Then we hear, “mama.”
She straightens. “It sounds like my little monster is awake.”
She pauses to give me a sad smile and then is gone. I push up and make my way back upstairs.
Since both Julie and Dylan are up, I might as well start the first of what will be many loads of laundry. Even with all of the piles of dirty and semi dirty clothes in my room vying for first load, I strip my bed instead.
The last thing I need is to be reminded of his scent. Sheets in hand, I make my way down to the laundry room. Once they’re going, I get back to work.
It isn’t until mid day that my phone bings again. Seeing Kacey’s name on the display I answer it.
“Hey babe.”
“Tell me everything and I hope you know I’m still slightly ticked I found out about you and Trip at the same time as Jake. Best friends are supposed to have dibs on stuff like this.”
I flop onto my now free of clutter sofa. “We’re already over so there won’t be much to tell.”
“Already? But, what happened? You looked so cute together last night.”
We did I mentally agree, we did look cute together.
It’s hard to isolate one emotion out of all of the ones that swirl around me. I’m more annoyed than pissed at his reaction at this point but still embarrassed that my wanting kids made him act that way. I’m also sad because I was excited and it hurts to have that excitement killed the way it was.
“He made it clear that he never wants kids and then acted like a jerk when I said I did,” I reply.
“Wow. You guys already had the kids conversation? That’s kind of insanely fast.”
“Right,” I agree. “He’s the one that pushed it. Dylan was crying and it woke him so he said he never wanted kids. I guess I stiffened or something because that’s the opposite of what I want.”
“Then what happened?” She asks.
“I tried to let it go because it was late and I wasn’t sure if he actually meant what he said or not but he wouldn’t stop asking why I went still or whatever I did.”
“That doesn’t sound good,” she murmurs.
“Yeah, and it gets worse,” I reply. “When I said that I did want kids he freaked, like got out of bed and started getting dressed freaked.”
She gasps. “He did not.”
I shake my head, willing the memory from it. “It was mortifying.”
“What did you do?”
I stand, looking around for something else to do or clean.
My voice is shaky when I reply, “I called him out on it and he started to act like he wanted to stay but I made him leave.”
“Reilly, I’m getting in my car. I’m coming over.”
Crap.
“You don’t have to,” I argue.
“Hush. I’ll be there in five,” she replies not even waiting for me to answer before ending the call.
I use the five minutes it takes for her to get here to switch out another load of laundry. As I move past the front door, I unlock it for her.
I’m back up in my place, remaking my bed. She crosses my room to the other side of my bed and starts working on that side.
She doesn’t say anything after the bed is done. Moving toward me, she pulls me into a hug.
“I wasn’t even seeing him that long,” I sniffle, annoyed that it hurts as much as it does.
She holds me tighter. “Not true. You’ve liked him for a long time even if he’s only been back in town a short while.”
“I feel silly.”
She pulls back and we both sit on the edge of my bed. “Don’t. It didn’t even happen to me and I’m pissed for you.”
I sniffle again but this time with a grin. “Are you going to beat him up for me?”
She folds her arms across her chest. “I won’t but Jake hears how he acted and he might.”
I cringe. “I’ll handle Jake. Last thing I need is for him to get arrested or something stupid trying to go after Trip.”
Kacey reaches out and takes one of my hands. “He’s over protective and making up for lost time.”
“I can take care of myself,” I argue.
She shrugs. “You have us so you don’t have to.”
“Please make sure Jake doesn’t go all macho crazy big brother on him. Sure Trip reacted badly but him not wanting kids isn’t a crime.”
“Alright, but that doesn’t mean I have to like him.”
I laugh. “Deal.”
She stands. “I haven’t seen your place this clean since I helped you unpack.”
“Did you see my kitchenette?” I ask, standing.
Her mouth falls open in mock horror. “I’ve got to see this.”
I lead her to the main room. “Want something to drink? I think I have some tea.”
Kacey is a tea drinker and I bought a box of her favorite to keep around for when she visited.
“That sounds great. I’ll make it while you shower.”
Frowning, I glance down at the shirt I pulled on after Trip left. “Yeah, that’d probably be a good idea.”
In my haste to clean up my life, I hadn’t even changed. It’s a good thing it’s only Jules and Kacey who have seen me. There’s a decent chance I look as crappy as I feel.
I can hear her fiddling with stuff as I turn on the water.
Pulling the shirt off over my head, I step into the warm spray. While a shower normally invigorates me, this one leaves me drained. Climbing out of the shower, I wrap one towel around myself and another around my hair.
By the time I’m dressed, Kacey is sitting on my sofa with her tea.
“I made you some cocoa,” she says gesturing to a mug on my coffee table as I walk toward her.
I sit beside her and reach for the mug. “Thanks.”
She sips her tea as I do the same with my cocoa, even though I wish it were something stronger.
“So are you going to talk to him again?” She asks.
I shrug. “I guess, but that’s it. It’ll be awkward, but I’m getting used to uncomfortable run-ins with guys I used to like.”
“What does that mean?” she asks, a crease lining her forehead.
“Tad is still bugging me at work. He even texted me after Trip left last night,” I reply.
The crease that lines her forehead deepens. “What is he doing texting you in the middle of the night?”
“I didn’t read it. I think I’m going to get my number changed.”
She nods. “That’s not a bad idea.”
When I don’t say anything, she asks, “Is he still being creepy at work?”
I roll my eyes. “What did I ever see in him?”
She shakes her head, strands of her auburn hair falling free from her bun. “Don’t ask me. I never got why you liked him.”
“Ugh,” I groan. “I was new at the station, and he was the cool anchor. Maybe it started out as hero worship or something.”
She tilts her head to the side. “There are so many other newscasters you could have crushed on.”
I set my cocoa down and lift my hand to count off on my fingers. “There was that cute sportscaster from San Diego, a morning anchor in LA, another sports caster from La Jolla and a weatherman from Tuscan. All of them were crush-worthy, but none of them worked with me.”
“Two sportscasters,” she remarks.
I nod, my eyebrows rising. “They’re all so fit.”
She reaches out to squeeze my arm. “Crushing on someone you see a lot makes sense. Geez, look at me with Jake.”
When I finish my drink, I take our empty mugs to my sink.
She follows me. “It’s good to see that other than being annoyed, you don’t seem heartbroken.”
I squeeze some soap onto my sponge. “Maybe heart-hurt but no, we weren’t together long enough for me to be heartbroken.”
She reaches up to rest her hand on my shoulder. “You’re going to be okay.”
I don’t reply. It’s easy for her to say that. She has Jake. She doesn’t have to worry about ending up alone.
Next year I’ll be thirty. I thought I’d be married with a couple of kids by now.
Why Not? (Love Riddles Book 3) Page 5
