An Imperfect Affair

by Natalie Fox

  ‘Verity, Rupert Scott has been in the office and practically blew a gasket when I told him you weren’t here but at home.’

  Oh, God. Verity flopped down on a chair and held her head in her free hand. She should have left a note, something to prepare him for this. But why? He didn’t deserve any consideration for anything!

  ‘What did he want?’ she uttered weakly, considering that it was a rather stupid question.

  ‘I might ask you the same thing. He didn’t say, but he was livid. What the hell is going on? Did you walk out of El Molino with his Snoopy toothbrush?’

  Oh, more than that!

  ‘I have to go, Alan. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.’ She put the phone down and her hand was shaking as she did it. And she probably would tell him all about it. She had no one else to turn to and over the next few months she would need his support.

  Rupert would come here, she knew that for certain. You couldn’t just walk out on Rupert Scott. She was prepared, or thought she was, when she heard him leaning on the doorbell.

  She opened the door and in that second lost her nerve completely, and all she had practised in her head went out of it like a puff of wind.

  He stepped into the hallway, half-bull, half-man, grasped her arm and pushed her into the small sitting-room. When they got there he swivelled her to face him. His eyes were black and thunderous and his facial muscles were contorted with fury.

  ‘This is a kick where it hurts, Verity Brooks!’ His hand waved around the room. ‘Why, Verity, why keep this place on? You had no damned intention of making a life with me, did you? Oh, no, milk me for what I could offer and—’

  ‘Rupert!’ Verity cried so harshly that he stopped mid-sentence. ‘Stop this, it’s doing no good—’

  ‘It’s a bloody release,’ Rupert blazed, ‘because I could kill you for this!’

  ‘Go ahead!’ she cried. ‘Worse things could happen!’

  His eyes locked with hers in a painful look that tore at Verity’s heart. There was sorrow there in his eyes with the fury but she wasn’t going to be fooled by that. She thought of Sarah, and an image of her and their child rose so vividly within her that she wasn’t afraid any more.

  ‘Why?’ Rupert pleaded, his voice hoarse. ‘Why are you here and not waiting at home for me?’

  ‘What home?’ she questioned defensively, her eyes wide and clear. ‘Your home maybe, but certainly not mine. This is my home.’

  ‘My home is yours; I never thought of offering you anything less, but when you agreed to come and live with me I didn’t dream for a minute you’d be so chillingly deceptive. How could you have kept this place on, and why?’

  Now she was the guilty party. Where was the justice in this world?

  ‘I kept it on because...’ She faltered. She had been wrong to do it. She should have loved and trusted him more and had faith enough that it would work out, but she hadn’t, and on reflection it was one of her better decisions; otherwise, where could she have gone after Sarah’s revelations?

  ‘Because what? You were so unsure of my feelings for you?’ he questioned dully.

  She forced the answer through her burning lips. ‘Yes, Rupert,’ she whispered truthfully. ‘I was so unsure of your feelings. You’ve never given me reason to think there were any.’

  He stepped back from her as if she had shot him. He turned away and stood by the window and stared out at the small green opposite, raking his fingers through his hair.

  ‘You didn’t look hard enough, Verity.’ He sighed raggedly. ‘And you couldn’t have had any intention of looking because you kept this place on. So why are you here now, why now, of all times?’ he asked quietly, his anger seeming to have evaporated.

  ‘Because...because it didn’t work out.’

  ‘I thought it was working out,’ he grated, half turning towards her. ‘I understood your insecurities at first. Didn’t I do enough to make you feel happy and secure?’

  She nodded bleakly. ‘Yes, but... but it wasn’t enough.’

  ‘Living a life of luxury isn’t enough? You had everything with me. I could give you everything.’

  Love was all I wanted, Verity whispered inwardly.

  He suddenly reached into his pocket and drew out the diamond pendant and held it up. ‘Wasn’t this enough?’

  The pain was indescribable as she stared at the beautiful jewel. Rupert Scott bought people and paid them off when he’d finished with them, just as he had done with Sarah.

  Her eyes were iceberg-cold as she glared at him. ‘I’m not to be bought, Rupert.’

  ‘Bought!’ he raged. ‘What the hell did you think I was buying, your bloody body?’

  She shook her head miserably. She felt so weak and insignificant against his anger. And the pain in her heart prevented her from spilling out what she should. That he was a liar and a bastard for what he’d done to Sarah, and what hope had she with him when she was in the same position as his unfortunate ex-mistress had been? Carrying his child, a child he wouldn’t want?

  When she didn’t fight back he suddenly came to her, gently took her upper arms and pressed his thumbs into her sensitive flesh. ‘Is that why you took flight, because you thought the gift was...was some sort of payment for your services?’

  ‘Oh, God, no!’ she breathed hotly, her eyes filling with tears. ‘I didn’t think that, not that... and you shouldn’t have suggested it, Rupert, you shouldn’t have.’

  His grip tightened. ‘What am I to think, then? I get home and find your clothes gone, none of the staff knowing where you are, the pendant discarded on the floor of the study. I drove to your office, only to learn you are here. What the hell have I done to deserve this?’

  Verity hung her head. Why did he make her feel so guilty when he was the one who was wicked and evil?

  ‘I...I had to come here. I didn’t...I didn’t want to be with you any more.’ She looked up at him then and it was the bravest thing she had ever done. She held his eyes. ‘It wasn’t working, Rupert—’

  He shook her. ‘It was, you know damned well it was. When I phoned you from New York it was good. I felt that something had changed and when I got back you would care as much for me as I care for you.’

  The tears spilled from Verity’s eyes then and Rupert smeared them away with the backs of his fingers.

  ‘You do care, don’t you, Verity? I know it. I feel it, but something has happened; tell me what?’

  At last he had made an admittance of his deep feeling for her but it was too late, and she couldn’t tell him why because it had all happened in his life before and no good had come out of it. She could imagine this very scenario happening between him and Sarah, and Sarah’s saying that there was a baby and his going cold and thrusting her away...

  Verity tore herself from his grasp and stood in front of the fireplace, staring down at the unlit fire. She felt as cold and dismal as the dormant coals.

  ‘I’m... I’m sorry I left in such a hurry, without a proper explanation,’ she murmured. ‘But put it down to cowardice. I didn’t want to face you.’ She stared bleakly at the mantelpiece and couldn’t face him now. ‘I want it to end, this affair. I don’t want to live with you any more. I want my own life, not yours. I’m sorry if I hurt you by keeping this flat on, but I suppose I must have known all the time that it wouldn’t work.’ She swallowed hard and wondered how she had ever got that out without completely breaking down.

  She flinched as he came up behind her and touched her neck. ‘I don’t want it to finish this way, darling. I want you to come back with me now and we’ll talk it over—’

  ‘There’s nothing to talk over,’ she husked, wishing he wouldn’t stroke the back of her neck like that. ‘I won’t change my mind. I want to stay here and live my life, not yours.’

  Dear God, she prayed he wouldn’t feel the tremor of despair that threaded through her and the tremor of reluctant desire that rose as he caressed her neck. She couldn’t hate him. She could hate what he did, but he was still the m
an she loved and the father of the child within her.

  She felt something cold around her neck, and her hand came up and she felt the beautiful single diamond in the hollow of her throat. Rupert was fastening the clasp at the back of her neck. Verity’s fingers closed over the pendant and she closed her eyes in pain. The necklace seemed to sear her flesh. She wanted to tear it away but couldn’t. Her whole body seemed to be paralysed in agony.

  Slowly Rupert turned her to him. ‘Wear this, Verity. I want you to have it, and please don’t think of it as some sort of payment. I bought it because I love you...’

  Verity’s heart stopped and her legs melted. Oh, God, why was life so cruel and why was he? He loved her and she loved him, but he had done something so unforgivable to Sarah and he’d do the same to her if she allowed it.

  He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her lips so tenderly that she nearly allowed herself to clasp him to her and tell him all she had always wanted to say to him. That she loved him and only wanted him in her life. The kiss intensified and his body was pressed so hard to hers that she felt every beat of his heart twinned with hers. This was all she had ever wanted, his admission of love, but it was impossible now, impossible because of what Sarah had told her. He might love her but he wouldn’t love another child forced upon him. He didn’t want the one he had.

  ‘A promise,’ he murmured, ‘it was a promise, Verity. To love, honour and obey—’

  ‘Oh, no!’ She tore herself away then and faced him bitterly. ‘Don’t say things like that!’ she cried painfully. ‘Don’t say things you don’t mean.’

  He grasped her again, tightly. ‘I do mean it!’ he grated. ‘I love you and I want to marry you—’

  ‘You’d make any sort of promise to save your face, wouldn’t you?’ she flamed, her anger spurred by the pain within her breast. ‘You say you love me but it’s just a sham and nothing more. You just can’t bear the thought that I chose to walk out on you. You didn’t throw me out the way you threw Sarah out, and that’s really got to your insufferable pride, hasn’t it?’

  ‘I have no damned pride where you’re concerned,’ he grated through his clenched teeth, ‘but my God I had some where she was concerned. That’s why she’s out and you were in—’

  ‘Like trading in a car for a more up-to-date model!’ Verity cried back. ‘You haven’t any feelings, Rupert. If you had you would have been more compassionate to Sarah, you would...’ Her voice trailed away and the silence that stepped into its place was heavy and ponderous.

  Seconds later Rupert spoke heavily. ‘I didn’t come here to discuss Sarah, and you had no right to bring something up that is no concern of yours. I came here to take you back home with me—’

  ‘No!’ Verity cried.

  It was the most final no in the world, and Rupert recognised it as such.

  ‘Is that your last word?’ he breathed heavily.

  She nodded, because she couldn’t speak.

  His expressionless grey eyes lingered for only another fleeting second, and then he turned on his heel and walked out.

  * * *

  Verity stretched out her hand and turned the alarm clock to face her. Only midnight; she’d thought it was much later. She lay back on her pillows. This was how life was going to be in future—one long drag.

  She sat up suddenly as the doorbell went, persistently. She’d know that ring anywhere.

  ‘I’ve nothing more to say to you,’ she called through the door. ‘Go away and leave me alone.’

  ‘Don’t make me angry, Verity; open this door before I kick it in.’

  She did because she had neighbours. Rupert brushed past her and went straight to the bedroom.

  ‘Where is it?’

  ‘What? My new trade-in?’

  She leaned in the doorway, surprisingly calm as she watched him, surprisingly uncalm, searching her wardrobe.

  ‘Your sense of humour is sick. I’m the only man in your life and you’d better believe it.’

  Verity’s stomach tightened. ‘That’s what you think.’

  ‘It’s what I know.’ He hauled an overnight bag from the wardrobe and tossed it on the bed. ‘Take what you need for your immediate needs and I’ll send someone over for the rest of your stuff tomorrow.’

  ‘Is this a kidnap?’ she drawled sarcastically.

  ‘No, this is reclamation of what is rightly mine— you!’

  ‘I belong to myself—’

  ‘Quit it, Verity,’ he snapped, ‘and don’t give me all that “I’m my own person” rubbish. You’re coming back with me because it’s where you belong.’ He wrenched open a drawer of her dressing-table and started pulling out her underwear.

  Verity lurched across the room and her hand tightened over his.

  ‘How dare you dominate me this way, bursting in here and being so bloody bolshie? Leave my knickers alone!’

  ‘Would that I could!’ His eyes softened and glinted with humour, and if her heart weren’t tearing so badly she would have laughed with him.

  ‘Why are you doing this?’ she blurted, pulling her hand away from his.

  ‘Because now I know what’s driving you so crazy.’

  Her pulses accelerated. He couldn’t know. Nobody knew.

  ‘What?’ she uttered huskily.

  ‘Sarah. When I came here earlier I didn’t know she had paid you a visit. When I got back to Kew Greta told me she’d called.’

  ‘So?’

  ‘So now I understand.’

  ‘You understand nothing, Rupert!’

  ‘I understand jealousy when I’m faced with it.’

  ‘Jealousy?’ Verity screeched.

  ‘Yes, jealousy, and don’t try to deny it. You left because—’

  ‘Because she’s still a very important part of your life—’

  ‘A part of my past, and not so very important,’ he corrected, resuming what he was doing, stuffing her underwear into the hold-all.

  ‘Past, present, future!’ Verity stormed. ‘And always will be. She still rings you up—’

  He straightened himself up and glared at her. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘Oh, don’t deny it. I overheard you talking to her one day and... and then you rushed out to meet her and no doubt you made love to her and—’

  He gripped her arms. ‘Dear God, but I wish I had half as much fun in real life as I have in your imagination!’

  ‘My imagination? I haven’t any. It’s all fact! I picked up the phone at the same time you did and heard her voice, so don’t you even think about denying it.’

  ‘I’m not,’ he grated harshly. ‘A day doesn’t pass when she doesn’t call me, making more demands.’

  ‘And you meet them, don’t you? You couldn’t wait to rush out to her. You tore down the stairs and went tearing out to meet her.’

  He looked bemused for a second, as if dredging his memory, and then his face cleared. ‘I dashed out to the jewellers to pick up the pendant I was having made for you. I’d called them after speaking with Sarah and it was ready, and I couldn’t wait to collect it.’

  Paling with shock, Verity gazed up at him and knew by the openness of his eyes that he was telling the truth. But she wasn’t elated; somehow to her tortured senses it was worse than ever. Poor Sarah, calling him in another desperate attempt to win back his love for her and her child, and him preoccupied with a gift for the next lady in line.

  Verity couldn’t bear it and turned away.

  ‘Where are you going?’

  She didn’t know, just as far from him as was possible. But, while she was clad only in a satin nightie and robe, out into the night wasn’t a proposition. She flew to the kitchen and shakily poured a glass of water. She turned when he followed her into the small room.

  ‘Believe me, Verity, I know what you’re going through—’

  ‘You don’t!’ she cried. ‘You couldn’t possibly know.’

  ‘But I do,’ he insisted. ‘I understand it all, why you kept this flat on, why you felt so
insecure with me. My relationship with Sarah was hanging over you like the sword of Damocles, ever a threat to our love.’

  ‘Our love?’ she spat. ‘Aren’t you taking a bit too much for granted? As always!’

  He smiled, and that shocked her. ‘Are you going to deny you love me? Because forget it if you are. You can only be jealous if you care, Verity, and you care, and that’s why you ran away from me. You thought I was still involved with Sarah.’

  ‘And you are and always will be.’

  ‘Only in your mind, certainly not mine.’

  How could he be so cruelly dismissive? She shook her head in dismay.

  ‘You bastard,’ she breathed raggedly. ‘You’re the biggest bastard I’ve ever met.’

  He looked shocked at her statement and she was glad. He’d come here tonight to force her back into his home with promises of love and marriage that he couldn’t hope to tempt her with because she knew him, knew exactly how hard and cruel he was.

  ‘You’d better go,’ she said quietly. ‘Because if you don’t I might be sorely tempted to kill you.’

  He stepped towards her and her body stiffened in defence. He stopped in front of her and lifted her chin.

  ‘Kiss or kill; I wonder which you mean.’

  A reminder like that cut painfully into her heart. She tried to step back out of his way but her back was already hard up against the work-surface.

  ‘Don’t... don’t touch me.’ It was then that she wanted to cry, for all the past and the dreadful future that lay ahead of her. To love a man like this was a punishment for her sins surely?

  He lowered his mouth and his lips skimmed hers, lightly, lovingly and far too late.

  She moved her head aside as he threatened to kiss her properly. It angered him and he gripped her by the shoulders.

  ‘What games now, Verity? I love you and want to marry you; what else do you want from me?’

  It was all she had ever wanted, but it was all out of sync and too much had happened for her to trust him.

  ‘I... can’t trust you.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘And I can’t give my love... my love to a man who...’ She couldn’t finish. The tears choked her nose and her throat.