by Shane Morgan
“So you just get up and go spontaneously?” Claudia pipes in. “What about your parents? They okay with that?”
“I don’t need anyone’s approval. I live my own life.”
As if my words have struck a chord, Reign tears away instantly and looks out the window.
Claudia connects her iPhone to the stereo and plays a dance song to fill the silence. Without a care in the world, she sings at the top of her lungs, drowning out the artist’s voice. It’s actually entertaining, especially since it makes Reign laugh. She has the sexiest laugh I’ve ever heard. It’s refreshing. It forces me to laugh as well.
I have to snap out of this. There is no way I’ll let some silly attraction overpower me.
In no time, Claudia turns down my street. The blue, three-story house comes into view. Slowing to a stop, she lowers the volume and observes the place.
“This is it?” she asks as I get out of the jeep and closed the door. I never considered how they’d perceive the house, if they were from wealth or whatever, like some of the people I came across in the three days I’ve been in Newport. I mean, on the outside it isn’t too bad, just that the paint is a tad worn. It’s affordable and it’s good enough for someone like me living on the line of temporary.
I point to the double-hung windows on the third floor and say, “Yeah, I’m up there.”
Following the direction of my finger, Claudia bobs her head. Her eyes are fixed on the exterior and her expression appears like that of pity.
“It looks cozy.” Reign’s sweet voice chimes in. “Must be nice living on your own.”
“It is,” I reply fast, thinking how it’d be even nicer if she spends the night. That’s why I have to get rid of the girls, now. “Well, thanks again for the ride. You ladies be careful.”
“You’re welcome,” Claudia winks. “See ya.”
“See you tomorrow,” Reign waves at me. I wait until they drive off to enter the house and scamper up the stairs.
When I unlock the door and step inside, a dark and empty feeling greets me before I flick the light on. I quickly place my keys and cell phone on the coffee table, turn on the TV, kick off my sneakers, and then head to the bathroom to take a shower. The second I start to linger and allow myself to feel lonely I’ll want to move again. And I need to give this place a chance, to meet people and learn to be happy again, at least for my grams sake. She’d want me to live my life without regrets. I just have to try.
Stepping out of the shower, I toss the wet towel over the door. I grab my shorts off the bed before pacing over to the kitchenette for a bottle of water.
My cell phone rings as I walk to the couch and plop down. It’s either one of two people: my counselor in juvie or Pete from Georgetown. However, the last time I spoke to Greg I told him I was fine and that he needed to layoff so that I can breathe easy. He hasn’t called me in a month so I’m guessing it’s Pete.
Sure enough, when I pick up the phone and look at the screen, it’s my buddy Pete. He’s the only real friend I left back in Georgetown.
“Pete my man, what’s up?” I answer, sinking back on the couch with my legs outstretched on the coffee table.
“Not a damn thing,” he says. “Man, I still can’t believe you left. Feels like my game completely died the moment you did ‘cause I can’t get any girl to chill with me now.”
I laugh. “Yeah, right, we both know who they were all chasing and it sure wasn’t me.”
“I guess I failed at trying to convince you to come back here, huh?”
“You did,” I snort. “I’m done with Georgetown. This place isn’t too bad.”
“If you say so.” He doesn’t sound convinced. “Anyways, listen, I wanted to let you know that Ashley’s been asking for you. She misses you, man. You just up and left her.”
Ashley is one of the girls I messed around with. It wasn’t serious. She’s well aware of that. So what’s Pete talking about?
“That’s surprising,” I say. “I thought she would’ve moved on by now.”
“Man,” he chuckles. I hear what sounds like traffic in the background so I figure he’s taking a cigarette break at work. “That girl’s been coming around here asking if you called,” he continues. “I told her you changed your number and that we don’t talk at all. I mean, I don’t like a clingy girl either, so I was only trying to help you out. Unless you want me to give her your num—”
“No,” I quickly stop him. “Don’t. Tell her I got engaged. Better yet, tell her I have twins on the way.”
“Oh, do you?” he confirms, jokingly.
“Of course not, bro. I’m only nineteen. No way a girl’s gonna tie me down this young.”
“I mean, you know you can keep it real with me, man. If you met someone you want to settle down with I won’t clown you or nothing,” he laughs. “It’s cool.”
“Pete, c’mon on, you know me. I’m not gonna commit.”
“Aight. I’ll stop messing with you. But like I said, Ashley’s missing you bad, and she doesn’t seem to be moving on anytime soon. So, that’s just one thing to consider if you want to come back.”
I pause for a beat before speaking again. “There was never anything serious between us, but who knows, I might decide to visit someday.”
“I hear you. Well, give me a shout out whenever, man. I’m here if you ever wanna talk.”
“Thanks, Pete. I’ll talk to you soon.” Pete’s a good friend. I still haven’t told him about what happened in Haxtun, though, and why I’m moving around like this.
SIX
Reign
THE ENTIRE drive to Claudia’s house, she rambles on about Micah and how hot he is. Then she switches the conversation to why I won’t go all the way with Nate.
“I think you should either drop him or just do it. I mean, he and I aren’t the best of friends but it does seem like he’s serious about you, Reign. He did stay behind for you instead of going to the Caribbean. No guy gives up the opportunity to drink, party, and screw random chicks over some conservative girl with strict parents,” she chortles, bumping my arm as she plops down on her bed.
A frustrated breath escapes my lips as I sink down beside her. “Funny you should say that when you stayed behind too. How come? It certainly wasn’t for me.”
“You know how I hate the bitches from our graduating class. Besides, they’ll be back this weekend. That trip isn’t long enough for all the stress we’ve had to endure in school.”
“Hmm. So true.”
We stay quiet for a while, staring at her star-covered ceiling until I mutter, “I’m just not ready.”
“Yeah, you’ve been saying that.” Claudia turns over on her side and eyes me intently. “I wonder…”
“Wonder what?” I sit up on my elbows.
“Maybe you don’t want to go all the way with him because you don’t think he’s the right one. You’ve always had this heavenly idea of what your first time should be like and who it should be with. And I don’t think Nate falls into that description. He’s nowhere near what you hope for.”
“That’s not true,” I refute. “He’s a great guy. He treats me really good and my parents like him.”
“That’s not what I mean,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“Well, what do you mean then?” I press.
“Even though he’s a sweetie, he’s too…I don’t know, perfect.”
“And that’s a bad thing because…?”
Claudia turns her head and looks at me like it’s clear but I’m just too naïve to see it.
“That’s why you haven’t told him your little issue.” The issue. Yep. The problem I have with going into the ocean, and my guilt over my sister’s death. “Because you’re afraid you don’t fall into his bubble of perfection and he’ll break up with you once he knows about that.”
I drive my eyes away from hers and pick at her sheets. “It’s not…exactly like that.”
“Whatever.”
We continue to stare up at the ceiling. Shortly after, she breaks the
silence. “Anyways, back to Micah. I want him to be my main squeeze for the rest of summer before our trip to Miami. You think he’ll go to Cooper’s party this Friday?”
Somehow her fascination with Micah makes me feel funny. “I don’t know, and maybe you shouldn’t do that,” I grumble. “I mean, I work with him and I don’t want it to be awkward after you use him up and toss him to the side when you get bored.”
She flies up and slaps my arm.
“Ow, what was that far?” I hiss, rubbing the area as I sit up as well.
Her eyes expand as she blurts out, “Okay, first of all, Saint Aldridge, I do not use guys up and discard them when I’m bored. I simply choose not to tie myself down and I date guys who feel the same way.”
I slide to the edge of the bed. “Well, maybe Micah isn’t one of those guys.”
“Puh-lease. He’s a guy, Reign. They all want the same thing.”
“So you think Nate will break up with me if I keep putting it off then?”
Sighing, Claudia reaches over to her bedside table for a scrunchie to put her hair up in a ponytail. “I doubt he’ll break up with you for not having sex with him, at least, not until he starts college. Besides, I bet his parents have already planned out your wedding, because Nate’s gonna need a goody two-shoes wife once he makes it into politics.”
“Shut up.” I take up one of her heart-covered pillows and toss it at her, jumping from the bed before she gets the chance to hit me back. “Anyhow, I’m feeling tired so I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah right,” She gets off the bed and slithers out of her jeans shorts and tank top, then climbs underneath the covers in her underwear. “As if you’re really going to bed now, queen of insomnia,” she teases as I open the door.
“You know me too well.” I smile and wave bye as I slip outside into the hallway.
Claudia’s right. I have a tendency to stay up into the wee hours unable to fall asleep. It’s been that way since my sister drowned, like seven years ago. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I hear her cries and see her panicked face, struggling to stay above the water. That’s something I don’t talk about though. No one mentions my sister around here, not even my parents.
Meandering downstairs, I briskly walk across the marble tiles and go out the kitchen door. Claudia’s father left for his annual summer vacation to Italy with her stepmom. It never includes Claudia because she and Eleanor don’t see eye to eye. So instead, he chooses to leave behind the headstrong daughter in the care of Ms. Nunez, the live-in housekeeper, and takes off with his materialistic, playboy bunny-looking wife.
As I stroll across the Cavallo’s lawn toward my house next door, the sound of treacherous waves crashing ashore draws my attention. I stop for a moment to take in the night sky, looking up at the full moon. Its silverish blue casts a limelight on the dark ocean below. Soon I’m filled with a feeling of loneliness that’s all too familiar. I can’t escape this, and I don’t believe I ever will.
Sighing, I glance down at the beach. Then I notice the light in the workshop is still on at this hour. Seconds later I hear the sound of saw cutting through wood. Dad’s burning the midnight oil to meet a deadline, I guess. Mary and I used to sneak out at night and watch him work, but after she died, I stopped.
I exhale deeply and continue off the lawn. I tread down the steps until I reach the side door of my house, entering the kitchen. Walking into the foyer, I stop and look out the window to see if Mom’s car is in the driveway before I go upstairs to my room. By the looks of it, she’s still at the restaurant.
I swivel and run upstairs. When I reach my room I sit down on the side of the bed and send Nate a text.
r u mad?
He didn’t reply to my text earlier when I told him I couldn’t make it to Lucas’ party. A few minutes pass and still no response. I place the phone on my bed and stand up to undress and take a quick shower. As I’m about to walk over to the bathroom, I hear the phone ring.
“No, I’m not mad, babe,” Nate says the instant I answer. “I forgot to charge my phone so it was dead the entire time I was at the party.”
“Oh,” I sink down on my bed. “Sorry again, my mom wouldn’t let me leave and I was beat by the time we closed.”
“It’s no biggie. Party sucked. But you can make it up by letting me come over now.”
“Now?” I slide off the bed and look out the window, checking for his car outside my house. My stomach settles when I see that it’s not.
“Yeah, now,” he laughs. “You can let me in through the side door and sneak me up to your room.”
He’s never done that before. The only time he’s been to my house is to have dinner with my parents. We’ve never been alone here and he’s never been in my room.
Um, my dad’s still up,” I tell him.
“Okay, then text me when he goes to bed.”
“My mom isn’t home yet. She’s still at the restaurant.”
“Same goes for her too,” he laughs. “C’mon on, Reign, I really want to see you tonight and kiss those lips of yours before I go to bed.”
I move my phone away from my ears and check the time. It’s already eleven thirty. I don’t know if I should say yes and risk either getting caught by my parents or end up sleeping with Nate when I don’t want to. Gosh he makes me feel so pressured sometimes. That must be the real reason why he wants to come over because he’s never mentioned sneaking in before.
“Babe?” he prods.
I know he’ll be mad, but I’m not comfortable with the idea. Biting my bottom lip, I mutter, “Sorry, Nate. I can’t.”
The phone goes silent for a moment, and then he says in a low and frustrated tone, “It’s okay maybe some other time when you’re cool with it.”
“Don’t be mad,” I say. Because I can’t stand the dread in my heart that I feel when someone’s mad at me. Yes, it’s pathetic, I know.
“I’m not. Look, I’m feeling tired after all. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
And without even waiting for me to say another word, he hangs up.
SEVEN
Micah
IT RAINED most of Tuesday morning. When the dark clouds move away and allow the sun to peek out again, I bring the chairs back out on the deck, wiping water off the tables. I glimpse Reign at the corner of my eye as I turn to head back inside. She’s leaning against the wall, staring into space. I stand there and study her. Like that day at the park, she appears lost in thought, troubled, as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders.
Damn it! I should walk away. Mind my own business. But I can’t. Something else takes over, making me move towards her. Before I can backtrack, I hear myself ask, “You okay?”
When she meets my gaze, light blares her face so much that she almost looks unreal. Her hazel eyes are brighter than ever, and at the same time they seem so sad. My stomach clenches. All I want to do now is make her laugh the way she did last night.
Reign catches her breath before she answers, “Yeah.” Still holding my gaze, it takes only a second for her to admit that she really isn’t. “No...”
“Wanna talk about it?” I offer without thinking.
She drops her eyes from me and looks over the wooden railing at the water below. I feel as if I’ve made her uncomfortable. After all, we don’t know each other.
“I’m sorry. I’ll leave you—”
“It’s just,” She stops me before I walk away. “I have this feeling like I should do so much more. Have you ever felt that way? Like, there are too many things holding you back?”
“Yeah,” I say, remembering when I thought doing more meant stepping out of my comfort zone. That feeling landed me in trouble.
I edge closer to her. “So, what is it you want to do? And what’s keeping you from doing it?” I swiftly retract. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have asked. I mean, we’ve been co-workers for just a day.”
“Where do you wanna go next?” she asks, ignoring what I said.
I stare into her eyes, like really loo
k into them and grin as I answer playfully, “Why? You wanna come with me?”
She lets out a nervous laugh and tucks her loose strands behind her ears, as if she’s shy all of a sudden. Collecting herself, she counters with, “You wish.”
I grin, taking a second to regard her beauty before I tell her, “I actually haven’t made up my mind where to go next.”
Narrowing her eyes, Reign starts to do that thing again where she’s studying me. “But, my mom only hired you for summer,” she says. “You should probably start looking for another job then, if you want to stick around after that.”
“Oh, I get it,” I say, folding my arms and winking at her. “You want me to stay in Newport. That’s why you were asking about where I’m going next.”
She scoffs and walks over to the railing, resting her elbows on the wood as she turns her back to the water to look at me, still smiling. “I was only curious. I think it’s cool how you’re so young, yet you’ve been travelling with no cares in the world.”
I loosen my arms, stick my hands inside my pockets, and then move over to the railing to stand next to her. “You sound jealous,” I continue to tease.
“Kind of,” she admits, never taking that gorgeous smile off her face. “How come you didn’t go to New York?”
“Why New York?” I’m curious now.
She shrugs as she replies, “Everyone I know goes to New York or California, or just leave the country altogether.”
I bob my head slowly, figuring her out. “Your mom told me you want to travel.”
She rotates to observe the sailboats in the distance. “I do, but…it’s hard.”
I’m beyond intrigued, and also becoming aware of the fact that I’m lessening the distance between us. I want us to keep talking, because I want to learn everything about this girl. I also want our hands to accidently brush somehow. I want to feel her touch again.
“Sounds like you’re looking for an adventure,” I enthuse, continuing the conversation.
Suddenly, her lips turn down and she stares at her fingers. Chipping at her already worn purple nail polish, she replies in a sigh, “Something like that.”
