by Dee J. Stone
If I was on land, I’d be a human water fountain.
Damarian’s hand grips mine so hard he’s cutting off my blood flow. I’m sure mine grips his just as hard. He swallows a few times, and I can feel him trying to muster everything he has to paste a smile on his face. He’s not exactly succeeding because his lower lip trembles.
Zarya must sense people in the room because she lifts her head. I’m worried she might yell at us to leave, and I prepare myself to stand my ground. But her whole face lights up. “Dammy? Cassie?”
That’s all it takes for Damarian and me to rush to her side and gather her in our arms. Damarian is squeezing her so tight and my arms are fastened securely around the two of them. Damarian kisses her cheek and says, “Zarya. Zarya.”
“The war is over?” she asks, her voice muffled because her face is pressed in Damarian’s chest.
“Yes,” I tell her. “It’s all over.”
Damarian loosens his hold on her and pushes back, forcing me back, too. Now that she’s free, I grab her and give her my own hug. So much goes into this, the love I have for her, the guilt, my promise that I will do anything for her and try to make her life the best it could be.
“Humans and their show of affection,” she grumbles. “I cannot breathe.”
That only makes me hug her tighter. Because she’s just given us a glimpse of the little girl she used to be. The one I know she desperately wants to be again.
“I love you, Zarya,” I say, reluctantly pulling back. I play with a few strands of her hair.
“You still love me?” She frowns as she looks down at her tail. Even though the last thing I want to do is look at it, I know I have to. Because Zarya is going to have to accept this about herself, and it’s up to me and the rest of her family to help her deal with it.
“Of course I do,” I tell her.
“We all love you,” Damarian says, stroking the top of her head. “No less than we had in the past.”
Her eyebrows furrow. “Even though I behaved in a foolish manner? Even though…” Her voice cracks. “Even though I am no longer whole?”
“You’re whole, sweetie,” I say softly. “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
She’s still wearing the same frown. “Can you not regrow it?” The hope in her eyes can practically knock me over.
My eyes meet Damarian’s. We have the ability to heal, but to actually regrow a tail? Of course I’ll try, but I’m afraid to get Zarya’s hopes up. Damarian must be thinking the same thing, because he takes her hand. “We will attempt, but I do not wish for you to grow too hopeful, for it may not yield results.”
She nods vehemently. “Yes, I understand! But there is hope, is there not?”
Damarian and I look at each other again. I give him a reassuring nod. Even if this doesn’t work, we’ll get through this. Together.
Zarya throws out her hands, a wide grin on her face. I slide one of mine into hers and the other in Damarian’s, with him taking her other hand. I silently chant, Please let this work. Please let this work. Zarya bites down on her bottom lip, her eyebrows furrowed, her eyes shut tight. I close my eyes as well and muster every last bit of strength I have. The truth is, I feel quite spent after everything I’ve just been through, but I need to do this for Zarya. I want to do this for her.
Damarian’s energy rushes into me. I feel it mix with mine and wrap around the three of us. I imagine Zarya’s broken tail, the pain and devastation I feel for her, the guilt, the undying love I have for her. I envision her beautiful, sapphire tail whole again, the smile on her face, the shine in her eyes. Warmth enters my heart, spreading to the rest of my body, all the way to my fingertips and fin. I feel Zarya shiver. When the warmness is gone, I slowly open my eyes. My gaze immediately drops to Zarya’s tail. My shoulders heave and a part of my heart breaks off. Half her fin is still gone.
Her eyes pop open and dart to her fin. I see the way the hope seeps out of her like a deflated balloon. The shine in her face washes away. When I raise my eyes to Damarian, I find it filled with nothing but pain. He gathers his little sister to his chest and lets her cry on him, murmuring words of comfort. I rub her back.
“You will be all right, Zarya,” he says softly. “Do not fret.”
I fit my hand in hers. “Come. Let’s swim.”
She lifts her head off Damarian’s chest. “Swim? But I cannot.”
“Of course you can!”
Her eyebrows shoot to her hairline.
“How do you know what you can do if you don’t try?” I ruffle her hair.
“But I have only half a fin. It is not possible!”
“Damarian, do you see a child of the sea in here with only half a fin?”
“Pardon?”
I give him a face.
His expression holds nothing but confusion. I eye-signal toward Zarya. He still doesn’t get it. I close my eyes and try to send him a telepathic message. When I open them, I realize he finally gets what I’m trying to do.
“No, Cassie, I do not see a child of the sea with only half a fin. What I see is a beautiful female child of the sea who loves to swim and explore the sea. But she cannot do so if she refuses to swim.”
Zarya folds her arms over her chest. “Why do you discuss me in such a manner?”
I can’t help but laugh and ruffle her hair again. “You, young lady, are too smart for us. Come.” I grab her hands as I rise a few inches off the stone. “Let’s swim.”
She pulls her hands back. “But I am frightened.”
“What frightens you?” Damarian asks.
Her gaze drops to the floor. “Failure.”
I tuck my hand underneath her chin and raise her head so I can look into her eyes. “There’s no such thing as failure, Zarya. It’s like I told my students who were too scared to surf: you try and try until you succeed.”
Her face turns blank. “What is surf? Is that the human activity you informed me about, Dammy?”
I tap her nose. “Yes, it is.” I take her hands again. “And just like I refused to let my students give up, I refuse to let you give up, too.”
Damarian reaches for one of her hands, and I free my hold on it so he can take it. “We shall do it together, Zarya. The three of us.”
Her eyes hold fear, but determination as well. She lets us help her off the stone and toward an empty area in the room. I catch sight of Kiandra peeking inside. She gives me a thankful smile before disappearing from sight.
Zarya kicks her little tail as she tries to swim. It feels like every cell in my body is being pricked with a million needles when I see the damage I caused her. But I tell myself I need to forget about my guilt and forgive myself because there’s no going back to how it used to be. This is Zarya’s life now, and we need to embrace it.
“Yes, Zarya!” Damarian says. “You are doing magnificently.”
“It…” Her eyes snap shut before flying open. “It is difficult.”
“Does it hurt, sweetie?” I ask.
“No, but it is difficult.”
“Try as much as you can, okay? You can stop at any time.”
She nods, though her lips are pressed together in determination. Her cheeks puff up as she continues to pump her tail. Damarian and I still clutch her hands, and from the way she’s gripping mine, I can tell how hard this is for her. I’m so proud of her for doing this. She’s one brave little girl.
“You’re doing great,” I tell her. “Do you want to rest?”
She shakes her head as she continues to pump. Damarian and I guide her to the other end of the room. Most of the movement is coming from us because we don’t want her to strain herself. It’s like we’re parents teaching our kid to learn how to ride a bike. Soon, she’ll be ready for us to let go.
I look at Damarian and smile. He returns it.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Mother! Father!” Zarya calls.
Kiandra, followed by the twins and Doria, rushes into the room. Each one of them does a double take as they
watch Zarya swim. She’s still holding onto Damarian and my hands because she doesn’t feel ready to go on her own.
Kiandra’s face washes with relief and love. “My darling.”
“I am able to swim with only half a fin!” Zarya says.
Syd and Syndin surround her and watch in awe. I see pride in their eyes, though they try to hide it. Doria’s expression mirrors her mother.
“Where is Father?” Zarya asks.
“He has not yet returned,” Kiandra tells her.
“I wish to swim on my own,” Zarya says.
“Are you certain you are ready?” Damarian asks.
She nods eagerly.
Damarian nods to me. We count to three and let go. Zarya plummets toward the floor. We quickly take hold of her hands.
“No!” She kicks her tail hard. “I wish to accomplish this on my own.”
“Okay, we’ll count to three again,” I tell her.
Once again, she drops toward the floor as soon as we let go. But this time, we don’t grab hold of her. I hear both Kiandra and Doria intake a sharp breath as they watch the little mermaid desperately pumping her tail. But the more she tries, the harder it appears to be. Since the ocean floor is not that far below, it doesn’t take long for her to hit it. Her tail curls around her as her shoulders sag, her head lowered. We just float here watching her, none of us seeming to know what to do.
Finally, Kiandra moves. She dives down to her daughter and touches her shoulder. “Fret not, my darling. You may not have been able to accomplish this on your first attempt, but you shall succeed on your next one.”
“Or the one after that.” Damarian swims closer. “Or after that. Do not lose hope, Zarya.”
She slowly lifts her head. “I have not lost hope, but I...” Her eyes start to droop.
Kiandra scoops her into her arms. “Zarya requires rest.”
She raises a weak arm. “Good night.” Her head slumps against Kiandra’s shoulder.
Damarian kisses the top of her head. “Sleep well, Zarya.”
I kiss her, too. “You’re one strong girl.”
Doria and the twins wish her good night as well, and Kiandra swims out of the room.
Damarian rubs the back of his head. “She will require our aid,” he tells his siblings.
“We are aware of that,” Syndin nearly snaps.
Syd has a mix of anger, frustration, and pain in his eyes.
Damarian swims closer to them and touches both their shoulders. “I understand you are upset. We are all upset.”
Doria says in a low voice, “She will not reach the level of her peers.”
“No, Doria,” Damarian says. “She shall surpass her peers.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“She will be ridiculed,” Syd whispers. “By the other fry.”
“Not if we have anything to do with it,” I say. “You guys need to act as her bodyguards now.” I turn to Damarian. “I didn’t realize kids in the ocean can be just as cruel as kids on land.”
“Usually, they are not. But there are always the few that will ridicule those they feel lesser than them.” His eyes flash to his brothers. “But we are to protect her.”
“You guys can’t baby her all the time, though,” I say. “She needs to be strong and independent.”
“She is strong,” Doria says. “Far stronger than I.”
“Or I,” Syd says.
“Then she’ll be okay,” I say. “She will be.”
They all nod.
I hear a commotion outside. Damarian, Doria and I swim out, followed by the twins. Syren, Callen, King Kiander, Queen Flora and many other members of the Guard are gathered around. Syren seems to be arguing with Ryter.
Kiandra exits one of the rooms and heads to her husband and father. “What has happened?”
“Perhaps you can convince your father to take residence in the Sapphire colony,” he says.
Kiandra looks at her dad with shocked, hurt, and betrayed eyes. “After all that has occurred, it is still your wish to live as a recluse?”
Ryter, who appears to be trying really hard to hide any ounce of emotion, nods to his shark. “I shall be okay with him at my side.”
Callen folds his arms. “The sharks serve the five clans. If you leave the colony, you cannot have a shark.” He glances at Kiander and Flora, who reluctantly nod.
Ryter’s face shows no emotion. “Very well. I shall take my leave.” He turns to go.
Kiandra dashes to him and grabs his arm. “Father, I beg you to reconsider.”
He shrugs her off. “The manner in which I choose to live my life is not your concern.”
“How dare you claim it is not my concern?!”
I feel my jaw hang open. I’ve never heard Kiandra raise her voice before. It seems like most of the merpeople here haven’t either, because their eyes and mouths are wide. Syren makes a move to take her hand, but she waves him off.
“Father, I am not in the habit of telling others what to do, but in this case I will not yield.”
Ryter, who’s facing his back to her, slowly turns around.
“Mother died many moons ago.” Kiandra’s voice is filled with raw emotion. If she was on land, I know she’d be crying. “I understand how difficult it is.” She glances at Syren. “No, I do not understand how difficult it is. But I can certainly imagine. Do you believe Mother would have wished you to live in this manner? In solitude, not with your family?” She gestures to her kids. “You do not know your grandchildren! And they do not know you.”
Ryter’s eyes flick between Damarian and his siblings. Regret flashes in them for a second before disappearing. He squares his shoulders. “My daughter, it is imperative that you accept my decision.”
“I will not.”
“Kiandra—”
“It would not have been Mother’s wish,” she says, her voice choked with tears. “She would have wanted your last years here to be spent with your family.”
He tears his gaze from her. “Do not talk of your mother.”
“Why not?” she demands. “Since her death, you did not wish to discuss her. Does it not cause more pain to bury her memories? To forget her?”
He whirls around. “I have not forgotten her. I never shall.”
“I may,” she whispers. “My older fry were too young to remember her. Syd, Syndin, and Zarya were not yet born. They will never learn of what a magnificent child of the sea she was.”
Ryter breaks away from her again, facing his back to her. Kiandra’s chest is expanding and contracting rapidly, her eyes animated. It’s obvious this has been building up inside her for a very long time. Every single person in this room, other than Damarian’s family, looks a bit embarrassed, like we’re crashing a private family matter. But no one dares to move, because we’re still waiting for Ryter’s reaction, and none of us wants to rock the boat.
Since his back faces me as well, I can’t see the expression on his face. His hands curl and uncurl at his sides, but not from anger—from pain. The way his shoulders heave makes me realize that he’s trying really hard not to break down.
Damarian swims forward and rests a hand on his shoulder. “Grandfather,” he says gently. “It is our wish that you come home. I have seen the manner in which you live. Do not lie and tell me you are content with that life.”
“You may have lost Grandmother,” Doria says. “But you have not lost your family.”
Ryter slowly turns around. His gaze moves from Kiandra, to Damarian, to Doria, to Kiander and then the twins. It looks like he’s seeing them for the first time—really seeing them. He slowly shakes his head. “All I have known for the past hundred moons is heartache and solitude.” He swims over to Kiandra and hesitantly touches her cheek. “I understand it causes you pain to see me live in such a manner, and I apologize. But I am not certain I can live happily, not without my mate.” He touches his chest. “My love’s death is an ache I carry every day.” He glances at the twins. “I cannot be the grandfather you wish m
e to be.”
The anguish he’s feeling is so intense that it causes a large lump to form in my throat. All I want to do is gather Damarian in my arms and hold him tight and kiss him and never let go. I can’t imagine what Ryter is going through. The bond between two merpeople is so strong, and many die after the deaths of their mates. That was what Ryter wanted since his wife’s death. But he’s stronger than he thinks he is.
“You may attempt to behave as our grandfather,” Syd says.
Syndin nods. “Yes, I would like that.”
“As would I,” Doria says.
“I as well.” Damarian lowers his head slightly.
A whole lot of emotions cloud Ryter’s features. Joy, regret, fear, relief. It looks like he doesn’t know how to make sense of them all. He glances around at the merpeople around him, as though he only now realizes they’ve been here all this time, watching the show. “Perhaps we shall discuss this in private,” he says to Kiandra.
“In our home,” she says. It’s not a question.
He nods. “In our home.”
***
Damarian carries a sleeping Zarya in his arms as he, I, and the rest of the family, including Ryter, travel back to the Sapphire colony. We’re all beyond exhausted. Shoney, Fiske, and the sharks serving Syren and Ryter swim at our sides.
The water around us is no longer cloudy with blood, and the dead bodies have either been taken away or are on the bottom of the ocean, but all I smell is death and destruction. Even though I know it’s useless, my eyes scan around for Bobby and Ruthie. Syren told me earlier that it’s Callen’s top priority to locate them and it’s only a matter of time. My hope is that they’re so scared and confused that they want to be found. I have to believe that their human sides are still in there and are not dormant. I’m worried that as more time passes, the stronger their sea serpent sides will grow, but I can’t bear to think like that.
The Sapphire colony is semi-deserted. Most of the Sapphires fled and sought refuge in the Diamond colony when they learned what happened to the Ruby colony. Since the Sapphires are the closest to the exit of the entire merpeople colony after the Rubies, their home would have been next. Slowly and slowly, they are starting to return.
