by Rayna Morgan
The Chief took it on himself to teach Katie survival skills. She knows how to build a fire and a shelter, track wildlife, purify drinking water, and which berries are safe to eat. He even taught her which plants to use to heal illness.
I can't imagine a situation that young girl would be in she couldn't survive.” He paused, leaning over the rail of one of the stalls. “Of course, you can't convince her father of that. He sees his mission in life as protecting her, something he wasn't able to do for her mother."
They spent the next several moments enjoying the sight of the baby horse struggling on wobbly legs, then walked out of the barn and sat down on two wooden chairs in front of the holding pen.
She liked listening to Ralph. His voice was melodious, almost mesmerizing. He was as comfortable to be around as his grandson. She let her eyes drift over the landscape, enjoyed the fragrance of the new mown hay, and listened to ranch hands calling to each other in the distance. The warm rays of the sun on her face and arms made her feel drowsy and completely at peace.
"I can't imagine you and your grandson having been at loggerheads to the point where he wanted to leave this beautiful place."
He squinted at the sun, squeezing his white bushy eyebrows together. "I can no longer imagine it myself. We haven't had a harsh word since he returned. Between the hard work of running the Ranch and being wrapped up in that girl of his, his life is full and he seems to have finally found some sense of peace."
"I'm sure you were glad when he came home."
"I was glad for his sake more than mine he felt it was okay to come home."
"What do you mean?"
"Young people worry that if they stay too close to family, they'll turn out the same as their parents. They want their own identity, which is reasonable, but they make a mistake in thinking they have to run away from what they've grown up with to find it. They've seen their folks make mistakes. They're determined not to turn out the same way or to make those same mistakes. They feel there's more to life than what's surrounded them growing up."
"And you think it's not true."
"I think everything in life is right inside a person. It's not the surroundings that form a person; it's the way he lets himself experience life. It's believing in himself and finding his own truth, instead of depending on others and accepting their truth. It's going inward instead of going away. When a person wants to find himself, he doesn't need to change his environment or his relationships. He only needs to dig deeper, to trust himself more, to stop worrying about what he thinks people expect him to be."
"I understand what you're saying. I used to enjoy the life of a working girl in a big city. The condominium my husband and I lived in was bigger than the small house I lived in growing up. I didn't own a pair of jeans without a designer name stitched on the back pocket. And waking up to anything less than home brewed espresso was unthinkable.
The trade-offs were that we lived in the same building for eight years and only knew one neighbor by name, my co-workers knew everything about me except how I truly felt about anything, and my husband and I were like ships passing in the night leading busy lives but spending less and less time together. Knowing all that, the thought of going to live in a small town like the suburb I grew up in still terrified me. I don't know what scared me more: losing the things I surrounded myself with which had come to define me, or experiencing the intimacy of a small town again."
"What brought you to a point where you were ready to make changes?"
"Realizing the person I was being was not who I was meant to be."
"Did you know who you were meant to be?"
"Nope, but I knew I had to give myself a chance to find her, and that had less to do with where I lived than how I lived."
"How has the move worked out for you, Maddy?"
"Parts of me which aren't me have begun to fall away. What's left feels more authentic. I spend less time planning for the future and more time living in the present. I have fewer people in my life but cherish them more."
"I'm glad my grandson is one of those people, and I'm glad you're here today. It's good to see he's found a friend to spend some time with. I'm sure Katie's glad to see it, too. He's fairly tightly wrapped when it comes to his daughter. Keeps her on a pretty short tether. I'm sure she's hoping you'll distract her dad enough to give her some breathing room."
"I can understand his feelings."
"If anything ever happened to Katie, it would destroy Scott. She knows that. It's quite a burden for a young girl her age. Hopefully, her father will be able to cut the apron strings when the time comes."
Their conversation ended as they saw Scott approach holding the hand of a young girl with long brown hair parted in the middle, pulled back on the top with barrettes, and curling down either side of her face. A smattering of freckles dotted her nose. There was no introduction needed. The resemblance between father and daughter was striking with eyes the color of dark chocolate and a smile which broadened into dimples.
"Katie asked if she could take you to one of her favorite spots while Gramps and I go down and supervise setting up the tables and benches."
"Sure, I'd like that," Maddy responded, smiling at the girl.
"Take her to the Lodge when you're done, Katie," Scott told his daughter. "Mother will be helping with the food preparation. You can introduce them. I'll be there shortly."
"Can I help with the food?" Maddy asked.
"I'm sure Mom will be happy to put both of you to work. She's the queen when it comes to chore delegation. I saw that face, young lady," he added, turning toward his daughter. "Your friends won't be here until later. You won't be missing anything by helping in the kitchen."
"I'd rather go target shooting with the boys," Katie argued.
"See what I have to contend with?" he complained to Maddy, but pride shone on his face.
"Enjoyed our visit, Maddy," the older man said. He leaned over Katie, giving her a hug. "You two have fun. I'll see you at dinner."
• • •
Maddy followed Katie up a dirt path beside a bubbling stream bounded by trees on either side. The young girl's excitement was contagious. She displayed the easy-going nature of her father but spoke more words in a minute than he spoke in ten. Her smile flitted in and out like butterflies in a field of flowers.
As they climbed, she pointed out species of insects, berries, and trees indistinguishable to Maddy's untrained eye. Hearing certain bird calls, she would stop, scanning the trees until she could identify the bird and point it out to Maddy.
They turned away from the stream and walked through a meadow of knee-high flowers, reaching a plateau and an outcropping of rocks which provided a view of the entire valley.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Katie asked, dropping her backpack and sitting down on an enormous flat rock. "Look. You can see all the way to the ocean."
Maddy's breath was taken away. It wasn't only the overwhelming beauty but the total silence. There was none of the gray noise created by traffic rolling over freeways prevalent throughout the County. She sat beside the girl on the rock as Katie pulled things from her backpack, offering Maddy a bottle of water and a granola bar.
"You're the woman Dad saved from that bad man, aren't you?"
"Yep, that's me. He may have saved my life. You should be very proud of him."
"Are you his girlfriend?"
"No, we're just friends. But he's very special to me."
"Because he saved your life?"
"It counts for a lot, believe me. But more than that, he's a really good guy. You're lucky he's your father."
"Yeah, he's pretty great."
"Would it bother you if your dad had a girlfriend?"
"Not at all." She qualified her statement. "Of course, she'd have to meet with my approval."
"That sounds like something your father's been telling you about all the boys who will be flocking around you pretty soon," Maddy said, bringing a crimson glow to the girl's cheeks. "I'm impressed with all the
things you know about nature. Did your dad teach you that stuff?"
"Nope. Chief and Great-Gramps taught me. Do you know Chief?"
"I haven't met him, but I heard about him. He sounds like a very wise man."
"Chief teaches me how to take care of myself."
"That's important. If you know how to take care of yourself, you aren't afraid to try anything. You can set big goals feeling you’ll be able to achieve them."
"Were you scared when you got kidnapped?"
"It all happened so fast I hardly had time for scared to catch up to me." She thought a moment. "But there was something else in my life which scared me."
"What was it?"
"It happened shortly after my divorce before I moved to Buena Viaje. They found a lump in my breast. I was afraid I might die."
"What did you do?"
"I went through chemo treatments. I could have taken time off and stayed with my parents during therapy, but I wanted to keep my life as normal as possible. I didn't want anyone fussing over me or pitying me for what I was going through. Sometimes, people can't help but react that way to another person's bad news. They're sorry for the person and relieved it's not them at the same time. I wanted to handle it on my own."
"Were you afraid?"
"Sometimes, because I was dealing with something which was out of my control. The doctors were certain they caught it in time; the prognosis was good, but I was still at the mercy of other people. The only control I had was to take care of my body in the best way I knew how." She picked up a small rock and threw it over the edge of the cliff. "The important thing was I never doubted I'd get through it. People only give up when they can't see a way through something; when they stop believing things will change and get better."
"Do you ever feel sad?"
"My divorce made me feel sad. There were days I fell into a kind of abyss, a void where I didn't know exactly who I was or what I should be doing."
"I know that place. I've been there."
"I know you have. When your mom died, right?"
The girl was silent a moment, looking down at her hands.
"I was only five when it happened. We were living in Colorado. I didn't totally grasp that death is permanent; my mom would never be coming back. I couldn't understand what caused it. My dad explained to me about the car accident, how we were driving in a snowstorm when our car slid on an icy patch and hit a telephone pole. I kept asking why my mother died, and Dad and I didn't.
Dad was so sad. He did everything he could to make our life go back to normal. But sometimes when he didn't know I was watching, I'd see him just stare off into space. His shoulders would start shaking, and I'd know he was crying." She squeezed her eyes shut. When they opened, they glistened with tears. "It broke my heart to see him that way. That's when I found the place you're talking about."
"It's alright. Sometimes we need a place where only we can go, a place where our soul can heal and recharge." She reached for the girl's hand, covering it with her own. "Just don't let yourself get lost and stay there."
The girl smiled. "When I feel blue now, I come to this place."
"I understand why you love this spot; it's perfect."
"It's the only place that's all mine. Even Dad doesn't know about it."
"You and your father seem very close."
"He's the best. Sometimes he hovers over me, but I understand it's because of what happened to my mother."
"He doesn't want you ever to go through pain like that again."
"He couldn't go through any more pain either. If he lost me, it would break his heart. I can't let that happen."
"You can't protect your dad from pain, sweetie. It's part of living. A person whose afraid to experience pain is afraid to experience life to its fullest. Besides, he can't help but lose parts of you every year. He's already lost the baby learning to walk and talk, the five-year-old who ran by his side chasing butterflies, and the girl who'd kick any boy who tried to kiss her. You can't live your life trying not to let him down, or protecting him from pain.
That's how my sister grew up, trying to make up for the worry and pain I caused our parents by being as perfect as she could be. But it doesn't work. It didn't change me, and it didn't save them the worry, but it may have affected who she was or would have been."
They sat in silence a moment, watching hawks soaring over the hills. Katie looked at Maddy from the corner of her eye. "It's nice hanging out with you. Grams is super, but she's sort of old-fashioned about some things I ask her about."
"Call me anytime. I don't always have answers, but I always love to gab."
Katie glanced at her watch. "Yikes, we gotta go. The barbecue's starting in half an hour. We're supposed to help."
They ran down the path together, yelling and giggling. By the time they got to the main house, people had started arriving in trucks, on horseback, riding motorcycles, and walking. Within the hour, every seat at the picnic tables was taken.
• • •
The aroma of sweet wood smoke lingered in the air long after the ribs had been devoured. Dogs circled the tables hoping for a bone or a morsel of meat to be thrown their way. The Chief sat at one end of the table spinning tales of sun gods and boys who turned into geese. Boys threw horseshoes and swung on rubber tires while girls braided each other's hair. When the banjos, guitars, and fiddles started tuning up, everyone drifted over to the dance floor. Once the music started, no one stayed seated except the infirm. Adults and children alike crowded the dance floor, twirling and kicking up their heels until they were exhausted.
By the time the sun disappeared into the ocean, the last of the guests had departed and the family members had returned to their respective living areas. Maddy wandered through the Lodge while Scott took Katie and her girlfriends to his house to settle them in for their slumber party.
The interior of the Lodge was a combination of elegance and warmth. From the wine cellar to the gourmet kitchen and spacious living areas, the flow and attention to detail made every space tasteful and homey.
Scott had told her the building, as well as portions of the vast acreage, were popular sites for movie studios which booked shoots several months each year. Parts of the Lodge were rented out for weddings or receptions which was easy for Maddy to understand since she would have happily featured any of the rooms in her home furnishings publication.
• • •
When Scott returned, he stopped in the kitchen grabbing a bottle of wine from the rack and two glasses. "Let's go find that full moon."
They walked out to the patio. There was a large stone fireplace, a glass-topped wicker table with candles on it, a rocking chair, two sofas and several armchairs with colored cushions. Scott stacked logs in the fireplace and started a fire. Maddy uncorked the wine, filling a glass and carrying it to him. She filled the other glass and sat on the rocker gliding slowly back and forth. Scott used a flaming piece of kindling to light the candles, threw it back on the fire, and stepped back, looking at the sky.
"I don't know if I've ever seen so many stars," Maddy said.
"They show up better out here in the country, away from the city lights."
"It's beautiful." A small shiver ran up her spine. She leaned toward the fire rubbing her hands together.
He walked toward her, took off his jacket, and draped it over her shoulders. "It gets chilly fast once the sun goes down." He eased his lanky frame into an armchair and leaned back, letting his long legs stretch out in front of him.
"How are the girls doing?" Maddy asked.
"I settled them in with movies and popcorn. I swear I don't know what makes girls giggle so much. When they try to stop, it just gets worse."
"Katie's wonderful. Mature beyond her years in some ways; in other ways, she's still a sweet young girl filled with curiosity."
"I wish I could bottle that sweetness and hold on to it forever."
The fire hissed softly, and a log shifted with a little shower of sparks. Maddy hesitate
d, then said gently, "She's afraid you're going to try."
"Try what?"
"To hold on to her forever. If you do, she'll stay, to keep you from being hurt again."
"Like I was hurt over her mother?"
"Yes."
"I've tried to let Katie know I'll be alright when it's time for her to start a life of her own. Just like she's let me know I don't have to be both mother and father to her, but I can't help myself. I try to cover both sides of the parenting equation. In the same way, I know she'd stay forever if she thought her leaving would hurt me."
"Any kind of leaving's hard. I used to hate change until I learned the more we try to make things stay the same, the more things change on us. Now I live expecting change instead of trying to hold on to the way things are. Lea thinks I'm afraid of attachments. Paul calls it being flighty."
"Are you afraid of attachments?"
"It's not being afraid of attachments so much as understanding life is meant to be fluid; the status quo won't last. We're designed to keep going and growing; otherwise, what's the point?" She stared into the glowing embers. "So, no, I'm not afraid of attachments. The thing I'm afraid of is missing what I'm here to learn."
"What do you think will happen if you do?"
"I remember one time in middle school when I was screwing up pretty bad. Pop sat me down for one of those infamous father-daughter lectures."
"You mean about boys?"
"No, I mean about what was going to happen to me if I didn't shape up. He told me I was going to flunk out, and I'd have to do sixth grade all over again. I hated the thought of doing all the same stuff two years in a row while everyone else got to move on and do new stuff. I never let my grades slide that bad again. I quit cutting classes and made sure my marks were always good enough so I could move on to the next level."
"So you think if you miss what you're here to learn, you might have to come back and do it over again?"
"There are different schools of thought. I'm not sure how I feel about the big picture, but if the people who believe we come back in other lifetimes are right, I'd rather it be my choice and not because I screwed up so badly I need a do-over."
