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Nina squeezed my arm as I stood there speechless. From the town hall lawn, loud singing was still going on. Someone had started banging on an upturned garbage can; the sound pounded at my skull.
Finally Nina cleared her throat. “Do you want to go join the party? You deserve it, Willow. ”
I’d never cared less about celebrating. I shook my head dully. “No. Maybe later. ”
Nina looked as if she was racking her brains to think of something to cheer me up. “Okay, well…I’ll just go get us some Cokes or something. There’s a whole stash we’ve been saving. ”
I managed a smile. “Thanks. That would be nice. ”
As Nina headed off towards the square, Jonah stayed beside me, propping himself against the truck. “Is Seb okay?” he asked.
I nodded. “He’ll be fine. ”
We stood watching the party. A few people had started a snowball fight, laughing and shouting. “So…what will you do now?” Jonah said, glancing at me.
I had no idea. Remembering that serene moment when I’d gazed over the Wyoming plains, I knew that I didn’t need Alex…but I wanted him so badly it hurt.
Even if I love you, I might as well hate you, because that’s what it feels like! I shut my eyes, wincing at the memory. I might be fine on my own, but I wouldn’t find peace again. How could I, when Alex thought I hated him?
And someday, I guessed he’d fall in love with someone else.
The thought brought so much pain that the celebratory scene in front of me seemed to dim at the edges. “I don’t know,” I answered Jonah finally. “I, um – I guess I’ll stay in Pawntucket, for a while at least. It’ll take a lot of work to get things back the way they were. What about you?”
Jonah’s eyes were on Nina as she returned. “Yeah, I’m staying too,” he said quietly. “This is my home now. ”
Even through my sadness, I thought how strange it was: the way the threads of life can weave destinies together like a spider’s web. My brief meeting with Jonah two years ago had brought him here, to my best friend.
“Here, fresh from the snow,” Nina said when she reached us, pressing an icy can into my hand.
A whoop of laughter; Scott Mason lurched past with Rachel on his shoulders. “Hey, Willow!” he cried, reversing quickly. He and Rachel both went silent; Scott held out his hand to me, suddenly serious and inarticulate. “Thank you so much,” he said fervently. “You are a hero, you know that?”
Suddenly I knew that, no matter whatever else happened to me, I did not want a lifetime of people looking at me the way the two of them were.
“That’s okay,” I said as I shook his hand. “But it wasn’t me, actually. ”
Scott blinked. “It wasn’t?”
“No. I was just there when it happened. Maybe I was a catalyst or something, but…the angels’ time here was just finished, I guess. ”
“Oh,” he said, looking bewildered.
“Well, at least they’re gone,” Rachel put in. After a pause, she added, “Too bad Alex couldn’t stay for the party. He was incredible during the fight. ”
Scott glared up at her, jiggling her legs. “Yeah, could you have been any more obvious?” He put on a falsetto voice. “‘Ooh, Alex, are you sure you can’t stay?’”
I’d been leaning against the truck; now I jerked upright. “Wait – you saw Alex?”
Scott shrugged. “Yeah, on his way out of town. He asked us for directions. ”
Suddenly my heart was racing. “Where to?”
He looked taken aback by the urgency in my voice. “Route 16. ”
I caught my breath; my gaze met Nina’s.
“Go!” she cried, grabbing the Coke from me and shoving me towards the truck. Because she knew as well as I did what was down that road.
I must have set new speed records as I drove out of Pawntucket; two years earlier I’d have been pulled over before I even reached the town limits. On Route 16, winter-bare trees flashed past.
Please, I thought. Please.
I slowed down at the brown-and-white sign: MURRAY PARK. My heart pounded as I took the turn.
At first glance the parking lot was empty, and my soul withered inside me. And then I saw it: a blue 4 × 4 sitting in the far corner. Suddenly I was trembling almost too hard to park. I rested my forehead against my fists on the steering wheel for a second. When I looked up, the truck was still there.
It was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen.
I got out and walked quickly up the hiking trail. When I got to the clearing, I could see the willow tree – and a boy standing beside it. His hands were in his back pockets, his dark hair rumpled by the wind as he looked up at the tree’s branches.
As I approached, Alex turned at the sound of my footsteps. His eyes widened in a flash of blue-grey. I stopped short as our gazes met, my mouth dry.
I saw him swallow. “I just…wanted to see it,” he said finally, nodding at the tree.
“I’m glad,” I said as I started to cry. “I mean, I really, really cannot tell you how glad I am. ”
I took another step towards him, and then I was running. Alex met me halfway and caught me up hard in his arms.
For a long time we just held each other. I clung to him, my face tight against his neck as I drank in his familiar scent – the feel of his arms around me. Finally he stroked my hair back with both hands. Without speaking, he started pressing slow kisses over my face, brushing away the tears.
His warm mouth caressed its way over my cheeks, my lips. “I thought I’d never see you again,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “That years would pass – that you’d fall in love with someone else…”
Alex stopped and stared at me. “Are you crazy?” He sounded almost angry. “There will never be anyone else for me, Willow. Never. If you hadn’t come after me, I’d have come back here in a few weeks – I’d have begged you on my knees. ”
I reached up and gripped both his hands. He rested his forehead against mine; we stood with our heads bowed. The willow tree stirred as the wind whispered around us.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Alex, I was just so angry and confused…”
“I know,” he said. “I deserved it. Don’t apologize. ”
And somehow that was all that needed to be said.
We drew apart a little, gazing at each other. I slowly felt a smile spread across my face. I just stood there, smiling. I couldn’t stop.
Finally I cleared my throat. “You know, there’s something I have to do,” I told him gravely – and I took his head in my hands and kissed him, gliding my fingers through his dark hair.
By the fourth kiss, he was grinning. “Wait, are you sure you definitely want me back? You seem kind of indecisive. ”
I could feel myself grinning too. “Don’t talk,” I said. “Just kiss. ”
MY MOTHER’S BURIAL TOOK PLACE five days later. It was the day after we’d buried the Pawntucket fighters, in the same old cemetery outside of town. I’d always liked it there – it was so quiet. Some of the headstones in the cemetery had mellowed with age, and in the summer the oak trees cast a dappled shade.
There weren’t many of us present. Alex and me. Nina and Jonah. A few others. Seb wasn’t: he’d left to go after Meghan. We’d spoken to the Idaho AKs on the shortwave by then – Meghan was heading to Tulsa to see her family. Seb hadn’t been in contact with her yet. He said you couldn’t tell a girl you loved her over the radio. I closed my eyes briefly, wishing him luck as hard as I could.
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