by Ford, Rinna
He was practically yelling at that point. His chest was heaving and his eyes full of anger and hurt. This was what he had kept in, what he was keeping from me. I knew it was there, but I didn’t realize how hard it was for him. But then again, I was keeping my true feelings about it from him too.
My dragon nudged against me, urging me to make peace with our mate. She didn’t like fighting with him any more than I did, but some conflicts were unavoidable, no matter how much we tried to avoid them.
I took a deep breath and walked further into the bathroom, shedding the tank top and panties I slept in before reaching inside the shower and turning it on. I stuck my hand under the spray and waited for the water to get warm.
“That won’t distract me, ya know,” he grunted. But even so, he still walked further into the room and slipped off his boxer shorts.
“I wasn’t trying to distract you, but I’m glad to see you aren’t easily swayed.”
I stepped into the walk-in shower and let the spray wash away the anxiety I woke up with. A screaming match wouldn’t help the situation. I needed to talk to my dragon mate calmly because I needed him with me and on my side. Not just so I could survive, but because I couldn’t breathe without him. Even if he wasn’t my fated mate, I’d still choose him. But the fact that there was someone else out there who made me feel what I felt for Xan and I didn’t even know the guy, was enough to make me question things. Add in the fact my father told me I needed my mates, as in more than one, reinforced that.
The door shut and I felt my mate’s warmth behind me. He made no attempt to touch me, letting me know he was determined to have the conversation we had started. I sighed and brushed the hair out of my face as I turned to face him. It was time to get it all out in the open.
“Do I want Ronan even after everything he’s done? I wish I could say no, but I can’t. I think about him constantly and I know it’s more than just because our situation is unresolved. The need to be with him is crippling, Xan, and I hate it. I wish I didn’t feel it, but I do.”
Xan leaned against the back wall and looked down at the ground. I could see his cheeks move as he clenched his jaw in an attempt to hold in his anger.
“Honey, I know it’s unfair. I’ve felt it. I’ve seen it in the way you tense up whenever he gets mentioned or when you catch me quietly thinking. If the situation was reversed and you were the one with another mate, it would be excruciating, so I get it and I’m so sorry. I hate it, but I can’t change it and neither can you. I don’t know if it’ll ever be possible for me to have you both, but do I want it? Forgive me, but I do because I need you both, and not just because my father told me so in a dream. I don’t feel whole without both of you.”
My hand drifted to my chest as I felt the hole Irna described the day before. It was there and I hated it. I hated I needed someone else to make me feel complete.
I turned back around and grabbed the shampoo, flipping the lid open. Before I could pour the gel into my hand, the bottle was taken away from me and Xan was rubbing it into my hair. He handled me with such gentleness, even when he was angry. I knew he’d never hurt me and it killed me I was the one hurting him. Traitorous tears sprung to my eyes and I angrily closed my eyes to will them away. But I wasn’t crying for myself. I promised I would never do that again. I was crying for what I was doing to my mate. My dragon, my love. I was hurting him and there was nothing I could do about it.
Silently, he let me cry as he washed and conditioned my hair. When he was finished, he reached for the body wash and squeezed some of it into his hand. I cracked a smile when he rubbed his hands together before putting them on my body.
“I told you, Emi. Nothing will ever come between us. Even when we’re fighting. Even when we don’t see eye to eye. I will always be yours and you will always be mine. Understand?”
My grin slipped and I swallowed, feeling his deeper meaning. He was with me. He was mine.
I nodded my head, giving him permission to continue washing me with his hands on my body and nothing between them.
Chapter Nine
We were late getting down to breakfast, but we managed to snag two seats at the table as some others got up. I ended up having to wash dishes like the first morning since I wasn’t there to claim other chores. Xan, now being in the strategy group, was magically excused from day to day chores since he was contributing in other ways. But he still decided to stick around and help me dry the dishes.
Man, I loved my dragon.
Once the last dish was washed, dried, and put away, I decided to go in search of Camille since she wanted to help me refine my potion-making skills. The casting circle met in a large conservatory on the third floor, so I kissed Xander and began to make my way toward the stairs since I knew that was where she would be.
“Emelia!” Di’s haughty voice carried through the hallway before I had my chance to make it to the bottom step and I cringed at the sound of it. “Emelia, darling! There’s someone I want you to meet!”
I turned on the spot and came face to chest with a giant of a man. Startled at the sudden closeness of someone I didn’t know, I tried to back up a step and fell backwards toward the stairs. A large hand shot forward, catching me before my back hit and pulled be back up to standing.
“I am sorry about that,” a deep baritone voice attached to the hand told me.
I looked up, way up and blinked my eyes several times. He looked so familiar and yet, I knew that I had never met him. But it was more than that. There was a connection there too. It wasn’t sexual, just familiar. Blinking my eyes, I tried to place it but I came up short.
That was until I sensed his dragon.
Then I realized why he looked so familiar. He looked like my father, almost a spitting-image of the man in my dreamscapes.
Never once did I think of other family outside of my parents and Devlin. I should have, I mean they had to come from somewhere. But the thought of other family members never even occurred to me. If this man, who was still holding onto my arm as if I would fall over again, wasn’t related to my father in some way, then I would question my very own sanity.
“Emelia,” Di said, clearing her throat. I whipped my head over to her to see a knowing smirk on her smug face. “Meet Amos Von Brandt. Amos is in charge of another cell of our little group. He’s come to help me with a project.”
Von Brandt? There was no denying it then.
I swallowed and tried to give the dragon shifter a friendly smile, but I could only manage a nervous one. I mean, what were the odds? Unless it wasn’t a coincidence that this man, dragon, who was more than likely a relative of mine, would show up right after I had that conversation with my dad. Was he the one that he meant to say ‘hi’ to?
“Emi, baby, I thought you were going to your circle.”
Xander was eyeing the place where Amos’ hand was still attached to my arm with malice. I snatched my arm out of the other man’s grasp and took a step toward my mate.
“Xan, meet Amos Von Brandt. He’s here to help Di with something.”
My eyes got really wide as I spoke, trying to silently communicate to him to pay attention. His eyes widened then relaxed as he looked around me toward the newcomer.
“Amos, nice to meet you,” Xan said and stuck out his hand for the other man to shake.
Amos took it and paused. He eyed my mate then smiled. “Di, you didn’t tell me there were two dragon shifters here.”
“Did I forget to mention that?” She slid next to Amos and put her hand on his arm, her smile becoming more smarmy. “Xander is one of our newest recruits! I think you’ll find him very useful! I know I do.”
I tilted my head to the side and narrowed my eyes toward Xan. What did she mean by that? He closed his eyes in annoyance and lightly shook his head, then opened them and smiled back at Amos.
“Yeah, I want to learn all about this group so I’ve offered my services.”
“Oh really? Well I’d like to hear how you’re contributing to the rebellion
, my friend.” Amos moved to Xander’s side and clasped him on the shoulder.
Yeah. Me too. It felt like I needed to have a talk with my mate about what was going on during ‘strategy meetings’. I was curious up to that point but I didn’t feel like he was purposefully leaving me out of it. That was, until Di opened her annoying mouth.
“Emelia, it was nice to meet you.” Amos turned his head to look at me, his eyes growing paternal which immediately calmed my attitude.
“You too,” I replied.
Xan, Amos, and Di were starting to walk away, when I called out to them. I needed to know. I just had to. All three of them looked back at me with questioning looks.
“Amos, are you by chance related to Eric Von Brandt?” I shifted from one foot to the other as I waited for his answer.
His smile faltered and his eyes became angry as his gaze shifted down. “Why do you want to know?”
Okay. He was obviously not happy about the question.
“It’s just, you look like him and you share the same last name. I just wanted to know if you’re related to him.”
His eyes snapped up to mine and I could see the hurt and anger that radiated behind them. “Eric was my son. Are you satisfied?” He spat the words at me and I flinched. His son? That meant Amos was my grandfather.
I didn’t respond right away as his words sunk in. He spun on his heels and began marching away. My grandfather.
He was halfway down the hall when I realized he was leaving.
“Meathead says hi!” I blurted out. I didn’t even realize I said it until Amos was back right in front of me full of desperation and confusion instead of the anger he marched away with.
“What did you say?”
“Meathead says hi? I don’t even know if he meant for me to say it to you, but it felt right. Do you know a ‘Meathead’?”
Silence hung heavy between us as the question hung in the air.
“Yeah, I knew someone called Meathead.” Amos took a step back and relaxed his pose. “It was what I called my son when he was a boy. How, though, do you know about it?”
My eyes darted toward Xander for help. He gave me a nod of encouragement but otherwise stayed silent. He was letting me stand on my own two feet, letting me meet my grandfather without anyone getting in the way.
“My dad,” I said. “My dad told me to say it when he visited me in my dreams last night.” There was a pregnant pause as Amos held his breath. “My dad was Eric, your son.”
“That’s impossible.” The words came out almost a whisper. “Eric’s daughter died. They said he killed her. I knew it was a lie because Eric would never… I didn’t even know she existed until he was gone. My own granddaughter. My son. They both died.”
“My dad meets me in a field of flowers,” I told him. “He has a tattoo that wraps all the way around his left forearm. It’s a pattern of swirls that looks a lot like the marks on my back.” I didn’t even realize it, but it was true. His tattoo was almost identical to my mark and I wondered if my mom did it on purpose when she gave me the curse. “He looks just like you, except his hair is darker, almost black and he smells of spices that I can’t quite place, but I love nonetheless. He gives the best hugs and calls me ‘sweetheart’.”
I held up my hand and a picture appeared in it. It was a picture I found in my backpack on our trip to California. It was the only picture I found of both of my parents and me together. I handed to Amos’ shaky hands.
“That’s my family.”
Amos, looked at the picture for several minutes, his eyes scanning every detail then handed it back to me and cleared his throat.
“Diane told me you were special, but she didn’t tell me how special.”
“That was because I didn’t know! Honest!”
Di held her hands up and I wanted to smack her in the face. I was the only halfbreed in history and she was not a dumb vampire. I knew she did her research, or rather, had someone do research for her. She had to know Eric Von Brandt sired a halfbreed daughter. She knew exactly what she was doing and I wanted to know why. But I kept my mouth shut and ignored her because I didn’t want her to ruin this precious moment.
“I wouldn’t say I’m special. Just unique, I guess,” I replied.
Amos eyes roamed over my face, taking in my features and I became nervous again. When he had his fill, he cleared his throat again and looked away.
“Emelia, I’d like to talk to you at dinner if that’s okay,” he told me, dismissing our conversation.
I thought for sure I’d at least get a hug from my newly-found grandfather, but he seemed to want to turn off the emotions. He became stoic once again and I couldn’t hide the disappointment.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you at dinner.” I lowered my eyes and walked around Amos toward the stairs.
Xander grabbed my wrist, making me stop and look at him. With his eyes, he asked me if I was okay, but he didn’t dare ask aloud.
“You want me to walk you?”
I took a step down and kissed him on the lips. Man, I loved him.
“Nah, I’m okay,” I told him and gave him another kiss.
“Ahhh. Young love!”
Di clapped her hands in front of her face and I looked back to the other two people in the room. She looked like everything was going according to plan, whatever it was and Amos looked like he was pretending not to be interested. It was uncomfortable to say the least.
“I’ll see you in a bit,” I told Xander and gave him one last kiss before nodding to Amos and making my way up the stairs.
Dad said he was not as bad as he seemed. I hoped he was right.
Chapter Ten
“Earth to Emelia.”
I looked up to see Camille’s snarky expression and I realized I had walked all the way up to the third floor conservatory in a distracted fog. I didn’t know how long I had been standing there, but by the caster’s confused smile, it was longer than it should have been.
I blinked a couple of times and smiled. “Sorry. Just have a lot on my mind.”
“Oh yeah? Wanna elaborate?” She raised a pierced eyebrow in question.
I walked over to the table where a couple of pots sat and called for my spellbook. It appeared in my hand almost instantly. I sat it down and began leafing through it to find the potion we would be working on.
“Um, not really,” I finally responded. “It’s just family stuff.”
There was a beat of silence, then I heard Camille’s footsteps come toward me and stop.
“You’re a real bitch sometimes, you know that?”
I looked up with furrowed brows and took in her defensive pose. I mean, she wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t understand why she would say that in this circumstance.
“Excuse me?”
“I’m trying to talk to you here and you shut me down, telling me that it’s ‘family stuff’. I don’t know how much plainer I can spell it out for you, Emelia, but I want to be your friend. And not just a friend you hang out with sometimes! I don’t know why, but something tells me you’re meant to be my ride or die, and you can’t be if you don’t tell me when shit is bothering you. I get it. You have a lot going on. A lot more than all of the rest of us combined, which is saying something. But I want to help! So let me fucking help you, woman!”
She threw her hands up in the air, her chest heaving, and I couldn’t help but crack a grin.
“Your ride or die, huh?” I lightly chuckled. I wasn’t laughing at her, but she didn’t seem to realize that. Camille’s arms fell to her side and she narrowed her eyes. I covered my mouth and tried to relax my face. “I swear I’m not laughing at you, it’s just a lot to take in right now and I don’t know how to respond. I didn’t know you liked me that much and I kind of cracked. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well I didn’t know I liked you that much either.” She crossed her arms over her chest and looked up at the glass ceiling.
I could tell it was hard for her to admit, and the fact she did spoke volumes. We’d c
ome a long way from the first night I was here and the two of us were ready to kill each other over the dining room table, and it had only been a week.
When she learned I was much more different than even she was, it was like she allowed herself to relax around me. In that time, we somehow became friends, and good friends too. I enjoyed spending time with her beyond just working on my casting abilities. I never had friends who were girls growing up, especially in foster care. I couldn’t let myself be vulnerable to have any friends, actually. I knew a lot of kids have amazing experiences in foster care, but I was not one of the lucky ones and that mentality has stuck with me. I didn’t realize it until that very moment when Camille was all but asking me to be her best friend.
Then I remembered what my dad said. “Family and friends who will become like family…” Could Camille really fill that role? It was different, easier, with Xan because he had my heart from my earliest memories, and Dev and Ainsley, it was hard not to open up to them. Camille was a little pricklier than my uncles, but that was probably because she was hiding something even more vulnerable.
“I met my grandfather today,” I said softly. “It never even occurred to me he was out there.” Camille lowered her arms and her body relaxed as her face filled with something close to compassion. “He’s my father’s father, a dragon shifter, and apparently, he is a part of the rebellion too.” I huffed out a laugh and began flipping through the spellbook pages again.
“It didn’t go well?”
“Not really. I mean, he didn’t try to hurt me or anything, but he honestly didn’t know what to think. He didn’t even know I was alive, so I get it, but it still stung when he dismissed me, ya know?”
“Wait. I don’t understand. He didn’t know you were alive?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “He was told my father killed me before killing himself, but he knew it wasn’t true. But even so, there was no sign of me, so he thought the Council killed me for what I was. Amos, my grandfather, didn’t even know I existed until he was told about my dad’s death.”
