“Sure.” God, would I ever be able to think about it and not feel like a human firework?
It didn’t help that Cal was gazing at me in a hungry, needful way. Things had changed between us. I liked it, but this was unchartered territory. So many things could go wrong.
We ate in companionable looked up toward the front of the restaurant. A pretty blonde girl with an ugly scowl was marching our way, heels click-click-clicking on the stone floor.
It took me a second to recognize her, and when I did, my insides dropped. “Uh. Don’t look now...” I started.
I didn’t have time to finish. She came upon our table like a hurricane and paused between us, arms folded over her cashmere sweater.
“What the hell is this, Cal?” she asked.
He closed his eyes and mouthed a curse. Then he opened them and smiled patiently at her. He pointed to the half-finished pan of pizza between us. “Dinner. You interested? You can take a slice to go.”
I admired that he wasn’t about to stoop to her level, but it didn’t do anything to calm her down.
“Like hell I will, you asshole,” she spat at him, so loudly that heads swung in our direction. People froze in mid-bite to watch the show.
Then she whipped her head around to glare at me. Her eyes traveled the length of me like I was some unlabeled bottle she’d found in her medicine cabinet. Her nostrils flared. I could almost feel the heat of the anger radiating off her.
I braced myself, knowing her wrath was going to sting, even before she unleashed it. I could tell Cal did, too, because he wasn’t looking at her, just at me. Something in his eyes was apologizing in advance.
She hooked a thumb at me. “Are you screwing her, Cal?” she snarled at him. “Her? This fat little nobody? Really?”
Oh god. Oh god. I so did not need this right now. Not in front of him. Not right after he’d seen me naked and I was so vulnerable and primed for pain.
My cheeks blazed and I pinned my gaze on the fork in front of me.
Cal’s snarl made me flinch.
“That’s enough, Renee.” He didn’t yell, but he didn’t need to. His tone would’ve turned a weaker woman to stone.
But not Renee.
“What? Do they give out prizes for plowing through every sorority sister in one semester or something?” She let out a short laugh.
Cal jumped to his feet.
“Renee.” His voice crackled with anger. For a second, I feared he might physically carry her out of the place and hurt his knee even worse. Then he took a deep breath, and blew it out slowly. “Look, you’re not thinking straight right now. Bee has nothing to do with us. You and I were through before I ever met her, and we’re never getting back together. Go home.”
Renee drew back like she’d been slapped and then blinked, a confused expression on her face. Then, her whole body seemed to collapse in on itself as his words hit home.
Before Cal could say anything else, she turned on her heel with a broken sob and ran away.
“Jesus, what a mess. I’m so sorry,” Cal said as he slumped back into the booth. “Don’t listen to anything she says. She’s a little unstable.”
I forced myself to keep the tone light and clasped my hands together to keep them from shaking.
“A little?”
He raked a hand through his hair, a grim expression on his face. “More than I realized, I guess. I may have one of her friends try to talk her into seeing a therapist or something.”
“Seems like a solid plan.”
The other diners had lost interest and had gone back to talking like nothing had happened, but there was no going back to normal for me. Not tonight. Renee had only reminded me of what I’d magically forgotten somehow over the past couple hours.
Cal Samskevitch was way out of my league, and everyone knew it. Including me.
I began gathering my things, suddenly wishing I’d stuck with Plan A, studying-until-I-fell-asleep-drooling. If I’d been floating on air before, this was the balloon popping and everything crashing to earth.
“You’re leaving?”
“Yeah. Remember? Test, nine fifty?”
“Right, right. Well, let me get the check and get you home at least.”
I shook my head and stood. “Nope. I need the fresh air. Plus it’s only a block away and your knee needs some rest.”
He seemed to hesitate, unsure of whether to press me or whether to let it slide. Eventually, he nodded hesitantly. “Okay. So when will I see you again?”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, but I could tell that he was trying to assess if I really was okay after Renee’s tongue lashing. I reminded myself that it didn’t matter what she thought and that her elevator didn’t go to the top floor, but it didn’t matter.
I couldn’t shake those words. This fat little nobody.
I forced a tight smile. “Don’t worry, Cal. We have a date for PT. I’m not ready to give up on you yet,” I told him, just to prove how fine I was.
But I wasn’t fine at all.
I barely made it out of the restaurant before the tears started to fall.
15
Cal
Once Bee left, I boxed up the leftovers and headed out, cursing Renee every step as I went.
Bee had looked like someone had punched her in the gut when she’d been spitting that venom, and it made me want to call Renee and bitch her out all over again.
Instead, I shoved her out of my mind with sheer force of will. Any contact would only encourage her. Instead, I focused on Bee.
I liked thinking about her. I liked that little wrinkle she got on the bridge of her nose every time she took a sip of beer. I liked the way she pulled every piece of pepperoni on her slice off and ate that first, before eating the rest of the pizza. I liked the way she came, slumped against me, her breath fast and hot in my ear.
I liked being her first.
And already I knew I didn’t want anyone else to have her.
Ever.
Was that crazy? Maybe. But I wasn’t sure I cared.
Thoughts of crazy brought me full circle to Renee. What the hell had that been about?
I thought of the way Bee had looked before I left her again and groaned. She’d gone from talking and happy to unsure, embarrassed and confused. Like the poison Renee was spewing was real to anyone but Renee herself. The truth was, I didn’t give a shit what anyone said anymore, least of all, her.
I spent the entire walk home trying to think of a way to prove that to Bee without pressuring her or scaring her away.
I was still coming up blank when I reached the front door to my apartment building and saw Renee huddled on the bench outside. When she saw me, her face contorted, and she started to cry.
“I’m sorry, Cal,” she sniffed into her scarf, pressing her chin into her chest.
I was torn between wanting to shake her and feeling sad for her miserable life. She clearly had issues, and I wasn’t the kind of guy to kick a person when they were down, but damn it, she’d hurt Bee, and I couldn’t abide that.
I sat down on the bench next to her and fished in the pockets of my hoodie for a tissue but came up empty.
It wasn’t the first time I’d had to break up with a girl. It wasn’t even the first time I’d had to break up with a girl again because she wasn’t able to get it through her head the first time. Bee’d never buy my cheesy lines, but I’d come to learn that with women like Renee, flattery would get you everywhere. Into their pants, and out of them, too.
“Look, Renee. You’re smart. You’re interesting. You’re beautiful. Right now you’re acting like I’m the only guy in the world for you. And you know that’s not true, because there are thousands of other guys who would kill to be with you.”
She sniffled but didn’t say anything.
“Take a step back and look at it from the outside. Come on.”
She started to sob loudly. “I have, Cal. And when I did, it all made sense. You and me. I made one mistake. One. You’re holding it ag
ainst me and refusing to see that we belong together. But you will. That’s why I’m not going anywhere. I believe in us, even if you don’t right now.”
I sucked in a breath, at a loss for where to go from there. Maybe Bee was right. Maybe Renee was more than a little unhinged.
“Sometimes we can look back at a thing and get so nostalgic remembering what was right that we ignore all the things that were wrong.” She was clinging for dear life to my sleeve, and I gently pried myself away. “Fact of the matter is that there was a lot wrong with us. What happened happened because we don’t fit.”
She turned and batted her eyelashes at me. Even with her mascara smeared, she didn’t look like shit on a brick, but what she did look like was the consummate actress, playing a part. Her voice got low and husky. “Take me inside with you, Cal, and I’ll show you how well we fit.”
I sighed. I’d been tempted in the past to screw girls I didn’t necessarily like. Usually after games or at parties, when the line of female groupies outside the locker room would’ve made some rock stars jealous. But this wasn’t even tempting.
It was just sad.
“I don’t know how many ways I can say no before you’ll hear me, Renee. It’s a no. Again. And will be every time. If you want to stay cool and maybe someday try to be friends again, apologize to Bee for what you did back there. But that’s the most that we will ever be, and the quicker you come to terms with that, the quicker you’ll be able to move on with your life and find a guy who can make you happy.” I stood up and fished the cord with my key card out of my pocket.
“I can’t stand to see anyone else with you,” she sobbed, her body trembling.
I pressed my lips together. “Then don’t. Don’t come by my apartment. Don’t come to my games. Don’t follow me and you won’t have to see anything.”
She lifted her chin and her eyes met mine. They were on fire with their intensity. “I’m not giving up on us, Cal. With a little time and space, you’ll see. And I’ll be there waiting when you do.”
I closed my eyes and tilted my face up to the night sky. Shit. I didn’t want to leave it like this. With Renee still thinking there was hope, but nothing I was going to say was going to change her mind.
I shook my head slowly and moved toward the door.
“I’m not saying this to be an asshole or because I want to hurt you. I’m saying it because you need to hear it.” I swiped my key in the door and pulled it open. “Leave me alone. It’s never going to happen. Never.”
Then I stepped inside and pulled the door closed behind me.
* * *
Bee
It didn’t matter that it was nearly eleven when I got back. Flora was just as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as if she’d just taken a relaxing spa vacation. I think she’d been waiting by the window, because she bounded to the door like a Labrador when I came in.
“I can’t believe you’ve left me hanging this long, but I’m going to let it slide because I can’t wait another second. Tell me everything,” she demanded, quivering with excitement.
I surveyed the first floor and noted a couple of the sisters reading magazines while pretending to ignore us. “Let’s talk in private,” I whispered.
“Wait, wait, wait,” she said, studying my face. “Why do you look like your dog just died?”
“No, I’m fine,” I told her. “I mean, like I told you, I’m great.”
“Yours is not the face of someone basking in post-coital bliss,” she noted in a whisper. “In fact, you look slightly constipated.”
Ugh. Funny thing was, I’d thought about Cal constantly on the way home. Cal kissing me. Cal’s skin, hot against mine. Cal inside me. But every single one of those delightful mental images had been accompanied by Renee’s shrill commentary.
Are you fucking this fat little nobody, Cal?
I knew Renee was jealous, off her rocker, or both. And yet somehow I couldn’t get her voice out of my head.
I opened my mouth to fill Flora in, but she cut me off. “I’ve got an idea. I’m making cocoa. Let’s go up to the tower.”
We each grabbed a mug of steamy hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows from the kitchen and I followed her upstairs. She was practically bouncing and sloshing it all over the place. She was so excited, and that excitement started to rub off on me. Despite what had happened with Renee, my time with Cal had been straight up magic, and the warmth of friendship, cocoa and memories of Cal began to do its work.
We grabbed our comforters off the bed and climbed the spiral staircase to the tower. Either the cold snap in the weather was finally breaking, or Cal had a miraculous touch that was still making me hot and bothered, because I welcomed the chilly night air. I’d barely sat my backside down on the stone bench by the bell tower when Flora said, “So, we’ll deal with the bad and the ugly before the good. Why is all not right in Cal-land? Did he blow you off for another girl?”
I shook my head. “No, it’s—”
“Did he make you pay for dinner?”
“No, but—”
“Did he act like a douche? What?”
I let out a breath. “If you stop talking, I’ll tell you.”
She held her mug in front of her and took a sip. “Oh. Right. Go ahead.”
I wrapped my hands around the mug to warm my chilly fingers. “Renee.”
“What about her?”
“She showed up at the pizza place. Made a big scene. Called me a fat nobody.”
Her jaw dropped and her eyes narrowed with rage. “And what did Cal do?”
“Oh, Cal was great. He was calm and collected, which was the right move because anything else would’ve made a scene and just fed her anger. He told her she needed to step away because she wasn’t thinking straight, and then apologized profusely to me when she left.”
“So, like, he defended you?”
I nodded.
She cocked her head and eyed me hard. “I’m failing to see how this is a bad thing, Bee. You can’t stop the Renees of the world, although if you want, we can go key her car. But at the end of the day, bitches gonna bitch. The takeaway here is that Cal defended you. And yeah—he’s a football player. But he’s not a douche. A douche would’ve had sex with you and said sayonara two seconds later, not taken you out to dinner and defended your honor.”
I let those words marinate as I took a scalding sip of my cocoa. “Your point?”
“The point is, he likes you. He sees how funny and awesome you are and he loves the way you look. So what if you’re not supermodel skinny or you don’t care about fashion. He likes you. And bitches like Renee can’t understand that because they’re shallow. So stop second-guessing yourself and take a chance on happiness.” She waggled an eyebrow at me and smiled. “Damn, I should write for Hallmark.”
He liked me.
Yeah. I knew that. I thought of the intense way he’d looked at me and shivered. If I just had that to go by, doubt never would’ve entered my mind. It was my own insecurities and Renee, deluded, insane Renee, who had me thinking otherwise.
“So. Enough of the ‘Am I good enough’ shit. The answer is yes. Moving on.” She smiled mischievously, wrapping her hands around her mug like she was settling in for a campfire ghost story. “Spill it. Details. Pictures. Graphs. Pie charts. Leave nothing out.”
I looked up at the underside of the giant brass bell above us. I could hear the doves cooing softly in the rafters, but other than the sound of us talking, it was so quiet. Hard to believe that this was the middle of a busy college campus. That was why Flora and I loved coming up here. I stood up and walked to the stone archway, then peeked out at the thousands of lights spread out before us. As I watched, I thought about Cal, and my knees nearly gave out underneath me.
“I thought first times were supposed to be terrible,” I said.
“It wasn’t?”
I turned back to her, shivering. “It was amazing,” I gushed.
She whooped. “So like, where did it happen? At his place?”
“In the Panthers locker room. The shower,” I said. “He was upset because his knee wasn’t doing so well. He stayed behind to lock up, and I went back to make sure he was okay, and it kind of just happened.”
She stared at me, jaw unhinged, mouth hanging open like a rusty mailbox. “The shower? That’s hot. Shower sex is so hot, all those wet body parts slapping together. Mmm.” For a second she must have been thinking about her own experience, because she spaced a little. When she came back to earth, she said, “And Cal. Did he pressure you?”
“Oh, no. It was mostly me pressuring him, I guess. But he was more than eager to comply.”
She grinned. “Oh my goodness. So the rumors are true? About him being hung like a water buffalo?”
I shrugged. “I have never actually met a water buffalo but it was…impressive. It didn’t drag on the ground, though.”
She laughed. “Okay. Probably a good thing. You wouldn’t want him damaging your internal organs.”
I filled her in on some of the finer details and finished my cocoa before I remembered my nine fifty with a start. Here I was, drinking cocoa and shooting the shit, when I had an exam to study for.
“I have a test tomorrow!” I reached down and picked up my comforter. “Maxwell. He still looks at me like I’m a criminal because I was late to that one class.”
She rolled her eyes and let out a snort. “Come on, Bee. You don’t need to study. You breathe that stuff. You could probably recite the test forwards and backwards in your sleep.”
I wasn’t so sure. One time with Cal, and my mind had suddenly become Swiss cheese. My sturdy legs had suddenly resorted to going weak at the most inopportune times. Yes, I’d been confident about Maxwell’s class before, but who knows how I’d do post-Cal, now that he had swooped in and altered everything—really everything—I thought I knew?
We went back downstairs, and I picked up my textbook and studied the cover, but that was about as far as I got. It was after midnight, and bed was calling to me. I brushed my teeth and climbed into bed, my mind still racing from the day. Was Cal thinking about me as much as I was thinking about him?
Score (Skin in the Game Book 1) Page 13
