by K. A. Tucker
I shrug and trail Tyler who leads me across the lot toward the shadows of a snow-laden spruce. The cold air is a welcome relief.
“Hatchett asked you to come back, didn’t he?”
“Yeah. I told him I’d think about it.” The last thing I want to talk about is Harry Hatchett. “Tyler, I—”
“Is it serious?” He faces me. “This guy. Is it serious between you and him?”
I falter at his pained stare and the stress in his tone. “We’ve been on a few dates. He’s nice. I like him.”
“But you don’t want to be with him.”
“I don’t?”
“You stiffened when he put his hand on your back.”
He noticed that. Of course he did. “That was because you’re here,” I admit.
His mouth twitches with a tiny smirk of satisfaction before he smooths his expression. “Is it serious?” he asks again, slowly this time.
I hesitate. Why is it so hard to give him an answer? “You know it’s not.”
He exhales heavily. “Then end it.”
“What?” My laugh is hollow.
“I know it’s not fair for me to ask, after everything.” Tyler steps closer, his throat bobbing with a hard swallow. “But I need you to end it. You can’t be with someone else.”
“Tyler—”
“No, just listen for a minute. Please.” He hangs his head, as if trying to gather his thoughts. “My old life is gone. I’ve always known that, but I’m finally starting to see it, if that makes any sense. I can run that team across Alaska a hundred times, and it won’t change a thing. She won’t ever be there at the finish line.” He collects my face in his hands. “But you will be. I want you to be. I can’t lose you, too.”
A rush of warmth radiates throughout my body. “I don’t know what you want from me.” My voice sounds weak, helpless. He’s saying all the right things, everything I want to hear, but that has never been his problem.
His thumb strokes my cheek. “Give me another chance.”
“So you can hurt me again?”
“I promise, it won’t happen again. I won’t do that again. Ever.” Sincerity shines in his bright gaze as he shakes his head firmly. “I wasn’t ready before.”
My pulse races. “Are you saying you’re ready now?” For what, exactly?
“I will be. It just might take me some time, but I want you here with me while I get to that place. I need you with me. I want to give you everything you want. I’m in love with you.” He leans in to press his forehead against mine, his mouth inches away. “Please don’t give up on me yet.”
His words are an echo of what Roy just said inside, and coupled with his declaration, they pierce through all doubts and reservations.
“Marie?”
I startle and break away from Tyler, my guilt surging.
Steve stands over on the cleared path, twenty feet away. Maybe too far to hear what was said but surely close enough to see that this is far more than a platonic chat. The look on his face says as much.
Reed has ventured outside and is at the firepit next to Jonah, who watches us intently, looking ready to involve himself if needed.
Tyler smooths his palm over his beard. He has the decency to offer Steve a murmured sorry before he turns back to me. The question in his stare is clear, even within the shadows.
I swallow. “I need time to think.” Time away from this heady vacuum I always get sucked into when I’m around Tyler, where nothing else matters.
His chest lifts with a deep inhale. “Reed and I are going to head home now.” His eyes touch my lips. I know that look well. He wants to kiss me. If Steve weren’t standing right here, I would let him. “You know where to find me, if you decide you want to.” With that, he nods at Reed and then moves deeper into the parking lot for their truck.
And I slowly walk toward the man who doesn’t deserve any of this. “I’m so sorry.”
“Oliver mentioned that there was another guy.” Steve watches Tyler’s truck pull onto the road. “I take it that’s him?”
“Yeah. I guess we still have some unresolved issues to work through.” Namely, that I’m madly in love with him, and it sounds like the feeling is mutual. I allow that reality sink in for just a moment and a rush of adrenaline washes over me. “You’re a great guy. Under different circumstances …” I let the words drift because I know firsthand how much it doesn’t help to hear them.
And if I’d never met Tyler, I wouldn’t hesitate to invite Steve to Sunday dinner. Maybe I would’ve already invited him into my home, into my bed.
Maybe I’d be thinking about a future with him.
But the only future I’m able to see anymore has a hazel-eyed man with a crooked smirk in it.
“Well, if you guys decide you can’t resolve your issues, give me a call.” He smiles, but it lacks its usual warmth, and I can’t say I blame him. He looks to the Ale House, to where his friends are. “I guess I’ll give you a ride home, unless you wanted to stay longer?”
The last thing I want to do is go back into the Ale House, especially now that Tyler is gone. But the fifteen-minute ride home with Steve after this sounds even less appealing.
“I’ve got ya, Lehr,” Jonah hollers, keys dangling from his fingers.
And my shoulders slump with relief.
Steve hesitates.
“It’s okay. Go back and see your friends.”
After another moment’s hesitation and a lingering look—I’m sure this is not how he saw the night ending—Steve casts a wave and heads back inside.
Five minutes later, once Jonah’s told Calla that he’s driving me home, I’m climbing into the passenger’s seat of his truck.
“Marie …” He shakes his head as he cranks the engine and throws the truck into gear.
I chuckle. “Let me guess. I’m too much drama.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“I don’t know.” I curl my arms around myself for comfort. “I know what I want to do.”
“But you’re scared of getting hurt.”
“I’m scared of getting hurt again.”
And again.
And again.
What does Tyler even expect? He said he will be ready. Does that mean I’m supposed to sit home alone and wait for his call?
The truck’s powerful engine roars along the dark highway toward my house. Jonah’s only ever had one speed for as long as I’ve known him: fast. “Remember after Calla flew back to Toronto? She told me she couldn’t stay, and I accepted it, and I was fucking miserable. For months. And then you sent me the flight information to Toronto and told me to get on the plane already?”
I smile. “Yeah. I remember.” The hardest—and best—thing I could have done for him both as his friend and someone who loved him dearly.
“If you hadn’t given me that kick in the ass that I needed …” He grimaces as he watches the road ahead.
“You would have gone, eventually.” Jonah has never been afraid of taking a chance.
“Maybe.” He drums the steering wheel with his thumbs—a tell that means he’s in deep thought. “I don’t know what all happened with you two because you haven’t been talking to me—” He shoots a glare my way. “But it’s pretty damn obvious you both want this to work, and you just don’t know how. Don’t waste your time with guys like Steve. I know you, Mare. I know what you want, and he ain’t it.”
“I guess not.” Steve was convenient and easy, but he wasn’t it. I want it all. Consuming passion and camaraderie, laughter and strength, hope and comfort.
It exists. I’ve seen it every time I look at Jonah and Calla.
And maybe I can have it for myself, too.
My heart flutters with the thought.
“Okay, so, this is me now, telling you to grow a spine and get on the fucking plane already. Because what I saw back there? That was a guy who meant whatever he was saying to you. And if he dicks you around again?” He gives me a serious look. “I know all the best spots to drop a body whe
re it’ll never be found.”
I study Jonah’s profile within the shadows of the truck, and my heart aches, not with longing for what I wish I’d had with him, but with pure gratitude for what I do have—loyal and uncompromising friendship. “I am so happy for you.”
“I know you are.” His eyes dart from the road for a split second, long enough to meet mine. He reaches across the console to squeeze my hand. “Now, do something that will make me happy for you. Go and get your dog man.”
Our deep laughter fills his truck.
* * *
My fists curl tightly around my steering wheel, not because the road ahead is pitch-black beyond my headlights, and not because my tires catch the odd icy patch.
And definitely not because I’m doubting this decision.
In my gut and my heart and my head, I know Tyler is the one for me, even if our path here hasn’t been simple. Even if the path forward proves bumpy.
I ease up to Tyler’s driveway and consider the gate across it, pulled closed. It’s late, but they couldn’t have made it home too long ago. I reach for my phone but pause.
With a grin, I throw my truck in reverse.
And then slam my foot on the gas pedal.
The barn is nothing more than a shadow in the darkness when I reach the house, but the door is propped open, and a dark silhouette stands within it.
Tyler.
My blood pounds in my ears as I hop out of my truck and into the frigid night.
“How bad is it this time?” Humor laces his voice as he walks toward me.
“It’s still hanging on by the hinges. The chain snapped.” Kind of like me—clinging to hope, unwilling to let go. I trudge through the deep snow, my pace picking up the closer I get until I’m running. Running toward Tyler and whatever this is between us, unable to get to him fast enough.
But I’m not the only one this time, as he rushes my way.
We collide somewhere in the middle.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
March
I pull the cowl of my coat tighter around my face. It’s three a.m., minus ten degrees Fahrenheit, and my nose hairs are clinging together, but the growing cheers as Tyler approaches the Burled Arch for his second Iditarod win give me the warmth I need.
“They look good,” Reed says, and I know his big brown eyes are on Nymeria, trotting alongside Tank, their mouths parted as they pant. He never experienced this last year, but Tero and Anja Rask came in from Finland again, and stayed at the kennel to care for Nala and the puppies. Jonah reluctantly agreed to leave Calla and two-week-old Wren at home to fly Reed up to Nome.
I give the dogs a quick glance as they close in and then my attention shifts to the man coasting in behind them. I haven’t seen Tyler in six days, not since his twenty-four-hour rest at the Ophir checkpoint where I was working. It’s the longest I’ve gone without seeing him, even during his lengthy training runs, preparing for this. He looks exhausted and cold and in need of a long, hot shower that I will gladly join him for back at the inn.
“Come on.” With a hand against Reed’s back, together we weave through the crowd to where the sled and team have come to a stop. By the time we reach it, Tyler is handing out frozen treats for the dogs and officials are rooting through his sled.
The dogs start howling at Reed who gives Tyler a brief hug before dismissing him entirely and dropping to the snow-covered ground to greet his canine companions.
Tyler dives for me, collecting me in his arms while simultaneously leaning into me as if for support. “God, I missed your face. It’s all I’ve pictured for the last two hundred miles.”
I ignore the reality that there are cameras on us and kiss him. “You did it. Again.”
His forehead presses against mine. Ice pellets cling to his short but scruffy beard. “Reed can take them next year.”
I chuckle. “I’ll believe that when I see it.” Tyler may have started this adventure in honor of Mila, but there’s an innate drive in him. I’ve watched him for months now, dedicated to this journey he began after she died—day after day of abandoning a warm bed with me in it for a regimented day of conditioning himself and the dogs, leaving for days and sleeping on straw alongside them on the winter highway between Cantwell and Paxson.
He always returns to me with an unwavering heart.
“So?” He pulls away far enough to meet my eyes, eagerness in his. I see his burning question, begging for an answer.
I’ve learned that same drive laces through every facet of Tyler’s life, the same determination to succeed. He once said that when he’s in, he’s all in, and that wasn’t an exaggeration.
I think we both had intentions of wading into this relationship slowly when we reunited.
And we both figured out quickly—within five minutes of stepping into an empty paddock in the barn—that it would be impossible.
Since then, I’ve grown comfortable in Tyler’s home, spending every night there when he wasn’t out training and I didn’t have an overnight patient, and even some nights when he was away. I’ve discovered Reed’s competitive streak with the help of his PlayStation, and there have been several late nights of trash-talk while he pulverizes me at his video game of choice.
My little cabin in the woods beside the clinic has grown lonely over the months.
But it won’t be lonely for much longer.
It’s been a month since I sat my father down at the table with an apple pie and two bottles of beer and told him that it’s time to sell. Tyler was on a training run, and Liz had just given birth to her third daughter, so my mother was at their place with the older girls. It was just the two of us.
He didn’t argue.
Too much.
We have work ahead of us to get the property ready for the market in the spring. And I have a lot to figure out with how best to continue helping all the animals I’ve come to know and love, including Harry Hatchett’s kennel. But what I do know, without a shadow of doubt, is that there’s no one else I would rather make these decisions with than the man before me, as I begin this next chapter of my life.
“I took the test yesterday morning.”
“And?” There’s urgency in his voice and hope in his eyes. It’s as if the crowd, the cameras, the waiting officials, none of them exist as he holds his breath and waits for an answer. I think he may want this even more than I do. He’s certainly earned top marks for his effort these past few months, when we decided we would let whatever is meant to happen, happen.
I smile. “Did I forget to tell you that we Lehr women only have girls?”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This was a fun but tough book to write. I always knew Marie would be an interesting character once I took the time to explore her. She’s a woman who knows who she is and what she wants, but still grapples with how to get it. I really enjoyed getting to know her, as well as seeing Jonah and Calla from her point of view. This book is much subtler and softer than Calla and Jonah’s story of plane crashes and tragic death, but I felt that subtle and soft is how Marie’s tale should unfold—with competitive siblings and aging parents and real-life worries. I hope you enjoyed this different experience within this world.
As much as I’ve lived in this fictional world since 2017, when I sat down to write, I had to learn a lot about an industry that has proven controversial, especially in recent years. I wanted to recognize the real—fair—concerns while also respecting the sport, the history, and the good people who still embrace dogsledding today. There are a lot of opinions on both sides, and some things, I’m wary to believe. But I did have the opportunity to visit one of these kennels during my trip to Alaska in the fall. The dogs were very happy and seemed eager to run. They also loved to steal gloves and we were warned they might pee on us if we stood long enough (I kept moving.) I knew that had to make it in.
In case you were wondering about timelines, Marie’s “today” starts in January, 2020. I couldn’t bring myself to type out that year though, as it has brought such turmo
il to every part of the world, including Alaska and the Iditarod race world. It would have been impossible to incorporate that real-life situation without losing the entire story. Within these pages, COVID does not exist.
I will continue to say an immense thank you to my readers. The Simple Wild released in 2018 and your positive energy for this fictional world has grown exponentially.
Hang Le, for your incomparable cover design talent.
Jenn Sommersby, for your editing prowess, your kind words, and your wisdom.
Chanpreet Singh, for lending your shrewd eyeballs to this manuscript in search of the mistakes I missed.
Nina Grinstead and the team at Valentine PR, for helping to shine a light on this book and for all the behind-the-scenes legwork getting copies of this story into eager hands.
Stacey Donaghy of Donaghy Literary Group, for nine years of support, negotiations, and combing through contracts. But also for the laughs.
My family, who has finally (mostly) embraced the Do Not Disturb sign on my office door, and still care to ask what I’m writing next.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
K.A. Tucker writes captivating stories with an edge.
She is the internationally bestselling author of the Ten Tiny Breaths, Burying Water and The Simple Wild series, He Will Be My Ruin, Until It Fades, Keep Her Safe, Be the Girl, Say You Still Love Me, and A Fate of Wrath & Flame. Her books have been featured in national publications including USA Today, Globe & Mail, Suspense Magazine, Publisher's Weekly, Oprah Mag, and First for Women.
K.A. Tucker currently resides in a quaint town outside of Toronto.
Learn more about K.A. Tucker and her books at katuckerbooks.com
