by S. M. Shade
Is he fucking kidding me? “Landon! We’re fine. You need to go home. I can get the prescription. We could get a cab.”
“Not happening, Zoe. You were in an accident. I’m filling his script and taking you both home.”
His tone brokers no argument. “If you get burnt because of this, I’m kicking your ass.”
“You’re welcome, baby.”
Ethan laughs and hands his prescription to the pharmacist at the window.
Fifteen minutes later, we pull into my driveway. I’m glad we got most of the move completed, even if we aren’t unpacked. At least the UV proof windows mean that Landon can ditch the suit once we get inside. He orders delivery from our favorite Italian restaurant, and brings Ethan a glass of water and a pain pill. “I’ve cracked a rib before. They take a while to heal, but this will help. Just don’t take these less than six hours apart.”
“Thanks.” Ethan grins at him and tosses back the pill. “I think I’ll go watch T.V. in my room and take a nap.”
“Good idea, kid.” Landon turns to me and abruptly pulls me into his arms. His body is warm and comforting. “You scared the shit out of me, woman. Next time something happens, you call me, understand?”
“Mmm Hmm.”
“Come on. The food won’t be here for nearly an hour. You need a hot bath so you don’t get all stiff.” He accompanies me to my bathroom and runs a bath, pouring in my lavender bath beads while I lay out a pair of panties, leggings and a T-shirt on my bed. All I want to be tonight is comfortable.
Landon comes up behind me as I’m trying to remove my shirt. Bumps and bruises, my ass. My whole body feels like it’s been squashed under a boulder. His hands gently pull the shirt over my head and soft lips trail down my shoulder. When I turn to face him, his eyes darken at the strip of bruising the belt left across my torso. “I’m going to kill that drunk asshole.”
“No, he’s going to go to jail. That’s enough.”
He unfastens my pants and holds me steady while I step out of them and my panties. “Go soak for a while. I’ll let you know when the food is here.”
It’s so sweet, how he’s taking care of me and Ethan. I sink back into the hot water until my ears are covered, blocking out the distant sound of the T.V. and plunging myself into a world where all that exists is silence and the smell of lavender. The reality of the day hits me and I realize what could have happened.
I could’ve lost Ethan, or I could’ve died and he’d have been left in foster care. One or both of us could’ve been seriously injured. Sore muscles or not, we were both incredibly lucky.
I feel like my luck has changed. In the last two months, I went from struggling to keep food in the fridge to owning a nice home, from trying to keep my piece of shit car from dying to driving a brand new one. There’s no more struggling to keep my tuition paid or worrying about how to pay Ethan’s next year. And now I’m going to marry the most perfect man in the world. Well, perfect for me, anyway. For the first time since I can remember, I’m truly happy.
I must doze off for a bit because the next thing I know, I’m surrounded in chilly water, and a hand is sliding under my head. My eyes pop open to see Landon’s amused face above me. “Are you trying to drown yourself, you crazy woman?”
“Guess I was too comfortable.”
“The food’s here. Do you need help getting out?”
“Nah, I’m a little sore, that’s all. I’ll be out in a minute.”
His eyes travel over the bruises that have become much more pronounced, and his lips press together. I close my hand over his. “I’m okay. I promise.”
“All right.” He drops a kiss on my forehead. “Yell if you need me.”
I’m lounging on the couch, stuffed full of chicken parmesan when Frannie bursts into the living room. “You!” She points at me. “You were in a car accident and you didn’t call me?”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“Yeah, obviously.” She studies my bruised skin and crosses her arms. “You should’ve called. At least you called Landon and he had enough sense to call me.”
“No, she didn’t,” Landon snorts, just entering the room to bring me a glass of water. “Ethan called me. If she’d had her way, she’d have taken a taxi home.”
Thanks a lot, tattletale. “Because I can take care of myself!” I don’t appreciate them ganging up on me, and my head is starting to pound.
Frannie shakes her head and sits across from me. “I know. You don’t need anyone.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“No, girl, you live it, and it’s time you realized not everyone will fail you like your parents did.” Well, hell. “How would you feel if I was in the hospital and didn’t tell you? Or if Landon was in an accident and you had to find out after from one of his friends?”
“Pissed,” I admit. “I just…didn’t want to bother you if I didn’t have to.”
“It’s not a bother, Zo. You’re my best friend, you bitch. I love you.”
I get to my feet to give her a hug. “I love you too. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t let it happen again or I’ll kick your ass. And let this hot ass man take care of you. I’d sure as hell let him take care of me.” She eyes him up and down in typical Frannie style, and I can’t help but laugh. “Do you have any brothers, bright eyes?”
“No brothers. What happened with Jeremy?”
“Ran its course,” she replies with a shrug, but I see a slight wince cross her face. She must’ve really liked him. “Anyway, I have to get to work, but if you need me, you call.” Her hands are on her hips as she glares at me.
“I will.”
Landon wraps his arms around me and we cuddle on the couch after Frannie leaves. “She was pissed,” I remark.
“She was hurt, Zo. Just like I was. Did it even occur to you to call me?”
My arms find their way around his warm middle. “It did. I just thought why worry you when you couldn’t…I mean, it was daytime.”
“I get it, but as you can see, I can also take care of myself. I don’t want you to hesitate to call the next time something happens just because the sun’s out.” His finger slips under my chin to tilt my head until our eyes lock. “Promise me.”
“I promise.”
They’re right. I’ve been on my own for so long, it’s hard for me to ask for help. Deep down, I feel like they’ll resent me if I become too much of a burden, and then I’ll lose them too. Even being loved takes some getting used to.
* * * *
Landon stays with us for two days until both Ethan and I go back to school. It’s finals time, so I pretty much have my nose buried in my books twenty-four seven, and Landon has been busier than usual with ISH which hasn’t left us much time to be together. We’ve discussed getting married and both agree we don’t want a typical big wedding, but when I suggest a quick trip to the courthouse, Landon balks.
“I want it to be memorable for us,” he explains. I can’t argue with that.
When we finally get a night to spend together, Ethan is staying over at a friend’s house, so Landon takes the opportunity to “christen” my new house. Which means he bends me over any piece of furniture that will hold my weight. I’m laid out on the kitchen table, trembling from innumerable orgasms, when he curses and steps back.
“What’s wrong?” I murmur, still riding the high. The look of pure fear on his face makes me focus, and I sit up.
“The condom broke. I came inside you.”
“I’m on the pill. It’s okay. I was going to suggest we stop using them anyway.”
He paces through the house, stopping to jerk on his underwear. Whoa. Can you say overreaction? I pause long enough to pull my panties on and his discarded T-shirt. Anxiety contorts his face as he runs his hands through his overlong hair. “We can’t. I can’t get you pregnant. Shit, Zo, we should’ve already talked about this. I mean, do you want kids? Because I can’t…I just can’t,” he rambles.
“Hey!” I grip his face in my palms. �
��Calm down. I never miss a pill, but if you’re worried, we’ll go get a morning after pill, just to make sure.”
“Yeah? Okay.” He takes a deep breath and begins to hunt for his jeans.
I want to talk about this, about why he freaked out and what he has against having kids, but I can see he won’t be able to focus until he’s sure I’m not already pregnant. Although a late night trip to a twenty-four hour drug store wasn’t exactly what I planned tonight, that’s where we end up.
The pharmacist, a young woman, gives me a commiserating smile as we’re checking out. I’m sure we aren’t the only people who show up at midnight for emergency birth control. After Landon watches me wash down the pill with a sip of soda, his shoulders finally relax.
Awkward silence fills the car on the ride home. I stare out the window, but I’m not really watching the scenery go by. My thoughts are a jumbled mess. Landon is right about one thing, we should have discussed having kids before we got engaged. I always pictured myself raising children, maybe adopting or fostering. Can I really give that up? I’d do anything for Landon, including switching to a more nocturnal schedule, but I really want a family someday, kids I can love and nurture the way I wanted to be when I was little. I never got my wish, but how can I give up the chance to give it to another hurting, lonely child?
A lump forms in my throat at the thought of never having a family, at having to choose between the man I love, and any hope of future children. Landon turns off the car, and I realize we’re parked in my driveway.
“I’m sorry, Zo. Please, don’t cry.” Strong arms reach around me and pull me into his lap.
“I’m not,” I lie. The comfort of his arms pushes me over the edge and the tears I’ve been fighting run down my cheeks.
“I didn’t mean to react like that.”
“You were scared,” I whisper.
“Yeah.”
I lay my head on his shoulder. “Why, though? Can you tell me why kids scare you?”
His hand strokes my hair, then travels down my back. “Kids don’t scare me, sweetheart. Passing on my disease to a kid scares me.”
God, how dense can I be? XP is genetic. “Oh.”
“Yeah, and I know they say the chances are slim, both parents have to be carriers, and so on, but I just can’t risk it.”
“I understand.”
“I know I should’ve told you before, but I didn’t want to lose you. You shouldn’t have to give up having children on my account.”
I turn to look into his eyes in the dim moonlight. “So, is that the only reason, or do you not want to raise children? Because there’s always adoption.”
A slow smile brightens his face. “You’d consider adoption?”
“Of course. I’ve always thought about it. There are so many kids in the foster care system. Kids who have no one. I don’t need to have a baby with my blood, but I do want children someday.”
Warm lips land on mine, and his slow, searching kiss reassures me that everything is okay. We’re okay. “You’re amazing,” he murmurs. “Come on, let’s get inside.”
Chapter Fourteen
Zoe
A few weeks before Christmas, Ethan comes home excited. “Zo! Colin and his foster family are going to a ski resort in Vermont for Christmas and they invited me to go! I don’t need any money or anything. Please say I can go!”
A smile stretches his eager face. Christmas doesn’t mean much to either of us. We’ve pretty much avoided anything religious since leaving the church, so I shouldn’t be surprised he wants to use the time to go away with his boyfriend. “You aren’t going to come back married or anything are you?” I tease.
“Of course not! So? Can I?”
“Yes, but I want to speak to his foster parents. And you should find out how many members of their family are going and get each one a small gift. You don’t want to be left out on Christmas morning when everyone is trading gifts.”
He leaps to his feet and grabs his phone. “I will! Shit.” He pauses and stares at me. “What should I get? Gift cards?”
“We’ll go shopping before you leave,” I promise, laughing, and he’s off to call Colin and let him know he can go.
Landon and I had a long talk about our living arrangements and what we want after we’re married. We agree that he’ll move in with me, and in a few years, we’ll buy or build our own house and leave this one to Ethan. It’s hard to wrap my mind around the fact that money isn’t an issue anymore. That we can go where we want, do what we want. It doesn’t alter my goal to be an evolutionary biologist, but it sure as hell makes it more attainable.
Landon calls a little after nine and leaves a voicemail. “Hey beautiful. I had some things to take care of, but I’ll still be over tonight by midnight. You don’t have to wait up, but I will be waking you up…with my tongue.”
I get his message as soon as I get out of the shower and his deep voiced threat sends an excited shiver through me. An idea forms in my head and impulsively, I unwrap my towel and lie back on my bed. I’ve never even taken a naked picture, much less sent one, but before I can change my mind, I take a picture of myself reclined on the bed, pointing the phone where he can see I’m waxed bare for him.
I send it along with the message. –I’ll be waiting.-
Shit. I just put a naked picture of me out into the world. What’s wrong with me?
My phone beeps less than a minute later.
-Christ, woman, are you trying to kill me?-
-Does that mean you like it?-
God, I love fucking with this man.
-Keep teasing me, Ms. Difficult. I’ll make sure you can’t walk tomorrow.-
You know what I found out? The second nude selfie is easier, especially since it’s only a breast shot. Although, I may have been pinching a hardened nipple. His reply is instant.
-I’m fucking you the second I step through the door.-
Grinning, I reply. –What, no dick pic?-
A few seconds later, a picture of Landon’s rock hard cock fills my screen. Wait, is that the edge of his driver’s seat?
-Holy shit. Are you driving? Stop texting!-
-You started it. See you soon, baby.-
Crazy man.
I know there’s no way I’m going to fall asleep, but I change into a tiny pair of lace panties and a thin camisole that leaves nothing to the imagination and climb in bed with my tablet to read. I need to do something to take my mind off of the throb between my legs while I wait for him. I have every intention of faking sleep when he gets here, so he can wake me with that talented tongue.
I spend the next two hours reading and playing around online. Dayna and I send a few messages back and forth. She lives in Illinois now, and is going to college to become a psychologist. It seems I wasn’t the only one who ran like hell once I was of age. We make plans to get together soon, and I turn off my tablet.
Midnight comes and goes without the sound of Landon letting himself in. When he still hasn’t shown at one a.m. I text him.
-Did you get held up? I might have to start without you.-
No reply.
It’s not like Landon to be this late. When he says he’s going to do something, he always follows through or at least calls to explain what happened. When he still hasn’t shown by three o’clock, I know something is wrong.
I try to text him again, hoping maybe he just didn’t get the first one.
-Getting worried about you. Please let me know you’re okay.-
Nothing. Silence has never sounded so loud. I’m not sure what to do. Should I go to his house and check on him, or will that make me seem like a clingy stalker? Maybe I should call Dare and see if he’s with him, but again, I feel like that’s entering the overbearing girlfriend area. While I’m trying to decide what to do, my phone beeps and I breathe a sigh of relief at the sight of Landon’s name. Until I read the message.
-We’re done. Don’t message me again.-
What the fuck? My heart climbs into my throat, and I sit
up on the edge of the bed. Did he just break up with me by text message? Everything was fine this morning. What the hell could’ve happened since then to make him dump me? Because I admitted I want kids someday?
My eyes fill with tears at the sight of the ring on my finger. He seemed so happy to marry me, we were talking about him moving in, and he was bugging me about getting a dog. I can’t believe he’d do this to me, or to Ethan. I just can’t believe it.
Then it hits me. I can’t believe it. It can’t be true. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m going to find out. Maybe he lost his phone and someone found it and thought they’d be an asshole. I scribble a note to Ethan, explaining where I’ve gone, and grab my coat and car keys. I make it to Landon’s in record time, trying hard not to think of what I’m going to say if he is the one who sent the message. I can’t even think about it.
The security light outside Landon’s house comes on as I park underneath it. His car is in the drive, but it doesn’t look like any of the other ISH guys are here. I take a deep breath and try to rein in my emotions before climbing out of the car.
Landon’s front door is ajar. A chill runs through me as thoughts of every horror movie I’ve seen run through my head. Am I going to be the stupid girl who goes in, the one I always yell at? It appears so. I can’t call the cops, not from ISH headquarters. I’ll just go in and see if everything is okay.
Wind howls through the trees, making the scene a lot creepier, and I jump when a cat darts across the yard. As quietly as possible, I make my way up the steps and across the porch, which creaks in way too many places. If someone is just inside, they’ve surely heard me by now, but I can’t stop. I have to know if he’s okay.
His living room lights are on, as is the T.V., and a bottle of soda sits on the coffee table next to the remote. Nothing is out of place. It’s everything I can do not to call out his name, but something just doesn’t feel right to me.
I approach the room they use for ISH, and I’m rooted to the spot as terror like I’ve never experienced grips me. Everything slows down and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. My brain can’t seem to process what I’m seeing and my gaze sweeps over the room, trying to take in the blood, the destruction. “Landon?” The word comes out lower than a whisper.
