by David Thorne
Corporate folder ..................................................... $400.00
Itinerary brochures (design & layout @$380 x 4).. $1520.00
Domain name registration and transfer .................. $125.00
Hosting setup and fees ........................................... $238.00
Website design, build and implementation ............ $3600.00
Promotional items (caps, pens, etc.)....................... $260.00
Sub total: $10,343.00
Stage 3. Application
Ship livery design (application to scale) ................. $2800.00
Shuttle boat livery design (application to scale)...... $900.00
Uniform design ....................................................... $600.00
Signage ................................................................... $2360.00
On-board branding (estimated) .............................. $4000.00
Sub total: $10,660.00
Combined total (stages 1,2 and 3) .................... $26,603.00
GST.......................................................................$2660.30
Total amount: $29,263.30
Stage 1 completion date: August 31 2001
Stage 2 completion date: October 12 2001
Stage 3 completion date (estimated): Early November*
* Based on ship arrival date.
................................................................................................
From: Neil Fairhead
Date: Monday 13 August 2001 11.06am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Proposal
David,
Excellent. Thank you for sending that through. I give approval to go ahead with all stages.
The only problem I see is that we need the stationery, brochure, corporate folder and itinerary brochures before the next investor meeting on September 7th. The success of that meeting depends on having these sales materials.
I should have mentioned this during lunch.
Are you able to meet this deadline?
Neil Fairhead, Director
Southern Australia Shipping Company
................................................................................................
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 August 2001 11.28am
To: Neil Fairhead
Subject: Re: Re: Proposal
Hello Neil,
September 7 is 25 days away. We need to complete the branding before we can even look at marketing materials and printers usually require 7 days lead time - even for short runs.
To have the stationery, corporate folder and brochures back from the printers in time for your investor meeting, we’d need to send finished artwork off no later than the end of this month.
That’s 17 days from now.
I’d have to chain my employees in and hook them up to drips of methamphetamine - and even then I’m not sure it’s possible - but I’ll discuss the timeframe with them and get back to you today.
Regards, David
...................
We agreed to the timeframe of course, we didn’t have much choice. There was a bit of panic when I told everyone - Frank did a weird thing like the robot dance, but really quickly, then threw up in the bathroom, Yola rocked back and forth on her chair while staring at the ceiling for ten minutes, and Huang yelled at me. I think Justin was playing Dance Dance Revolution in the ‘Fun Room’ at the time.
Several months earlier, after Frank had gone on and on about how Google has pool tables and fun stuff for their employees to use, I put a Playstation and dance mat in the stationery cupboard and a sign on the door that read, ‘Fun Room. For employee use.’ It was a walk-in stationery cupboard with almost enough room to lay the mat out completely flat, and it’s good to be really close to the screen, so Frank’s disdain was completely unwarranted. Surprisingly, the person who used the Fun Room the most was Huang. We’d all crowd in the doorway, cheering her on to another perfect score as her legs blurred and arms thrashed to Boom Boom Dollar by King Kong and D. Jungle Girls. Sometimes she’d yell at us and close the door but she’d have to open it again a short time later as the Fun Room had no ventilation. I tried it once but I was born without rhythm and apparently looked like I was running through mud while carrying buckets.
“Why are you lifting your knees so high?”
“To press the pad things.”
“You don’t need to stomp, just slide.”
“I can’t, my socks have little rubber dots on the bottom to give them grip.”
“You look like you’re climbing a fence.”
“No, he looks more like he’s playing a giant Whack-A-Mole game with his whole body. Or running through mud while carrying buckets.”
“Right, fuck this then. Someone else have a turn.”
“The song hasn’t finished yet. Play it through.”
“No, I hate it.”
“Weak.”
“Fuck you, Frank. I haven’t seen you play once.”
“That’s because I’m claustrophobic.”
We tackled the naming first, usually this would consist of two or three days of research then a day of brainstorming but we simply didn’t have that luxury.
“Right, we have an hour to come up with a name. Something that screams, ‘Let’s visit Antarctica and look at penguins’. Shout out names and I’ll make a list on the white board.”
“What about Penguin.”
“Yes, excellent Yola, ‘all aboard the Penguin,’ when people ask, ‘Oh, you went to Antarctica?’, travellers can answer, ‘Yes, we took the Penguin’... actually that’s not as bad as it first seemed, I apologise for the sarcasm, I’ll write it down. Anybody else? Yes, Justin? You don’t have to raise your hand, just shout names out.”
“Ice Explorer.”
“Right. I’ll write it down but...”
“Or Penguin Explorer.”
“Okay, that’s a bit suggestive but I’ll add it... yes Frank?”
“How about Hubert?”
“Why would we name the ship after a cartoon bear?”
“That’s Rupert. Hubert Wilkins was a famous South Australian explorer.”
“Did he explore Antarctica?”
“He might have.”
“We’re not calling the ship Hubert. I’m not even going to write it down.”
“You wrote down Penguin Explorer.”
“Fine. I’ll add it. Anyone else? Yes, Huang?”
“You need me here? I play Dance Dance Revolution.”
“That’s fine, just keep the volume down. Right, we have Penguin, Ice Explorer, Penguin Explorer and Hubert so obviously this isn’t working. Let’s just make a list of things you’d see in Antarctica... yes, Yola?”
“Penguins.”
“Alright, we’ll start with that...”
“...and ice.”
“Good, keep them coming.”
“Polar bears.”
“There’s no polar bears in Antarctica, Frank.”
“Who says?”
“It’s just a fact. There’s only seals and penguins.
“Seals then.”
“Okay. Yes, Justin?”
“Big puffy jackets.”
“...right.”
“...and scarves.”
“Really, Justin?”
“To keep your face warm.”
“Fine, I’ll add big puffy jackets and scarves to the list. And beanies, gloves and thick socks to save time...”
“...and stars. Ships used to navigate by the stars and you’d be able to see the constellations really clearly in Antarctica without any light pollution from the cities.”
“What the fuck? That’s not bad, Justin. Have you been holding out on us?”
“...especially the Southern Cross.”
“Right, everyone’s fired apart from Justin. We’re calling the ship The Southern Australis and using the Souther
n Cross as the logo. Done and dusted... yes, Yola?”
“I think the logo should have a penguin in it as well.”
“Fine. Throw together a logo of a penguin looking up at the Southern Cross and I’ll get it to Neil for approval.”
...................
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 15 August 2001 3.12am
To: Neil Fairhead
Subject: Naming and logo development
Morning Neil,
Unless you’re especially fond of the name Hubert, we’re leaning towards The Southern Australis as the name of the ship. It’s sophisticated, distinctly South Australian, and reminiscent of a time when expedition ships navigated by the stars. We’ve registered the .com and .com.au - these can be allowed to expire if we go with an alternative name.
Rough logo concept attached. We’ve used a crisp blue (PMS 299) to represent water & ice, and yellow (PMS 121) for the secondary text and subtle gradient on the Emperor penguin’s chest. It also works well in single colour and reversed.
Let me know your thoughts and any changes required. In order to proceed with the promotional materials and have them completed before the 31st, we need to lock this stage down as soon as possible.
Regards, David
...................
From: Neil Fairhead
Date: Wednesday 15 August 2001 9.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Naming and logo development
David,
It’s perfect. I love the name and the logo. I think I like the one in the circle better but they are both great. Well done. Let’s run with it.
I can see by the time you sent that email that you were up late working and I appreciate your team’s efforts.
I spoke to the other directors and we’ve all agreed to give you and your staff complimentary cabins on the ship’s first cruise to Antarctica in February. The first trip will be a test run but this means you and about 10 other guests will have the whole ship to yourselves. All you’d have to do is give feedback about the trip to iron out any kinks so that we can make sure the first commercial voyage is perfect.
Looking forward to seeing the brochure and other promotional materials. I’ll send through copy and photos for the brochures by Friday.
How hard would it be to get business cards done by next Thursday? I only need ones with my name and details at this stage. If it’s too much bother I can wait until everything is printed.
Neil Fairhead, Director
Southern Australia Shipping Company
................................................................................................
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 15 August 2001 10.12am
To: Neil Fairhead
Subject: Re: Re: Naming and logo development
Hello Neil,
I’m glad you’re happy with the direction - the logo is a bit rough but we’ll tweak it over the next few days. The penguin was meant to be looking up and it’s all looking a little too Star Trek. We’d usually present a completed logo showing application but time didn’t permit.
The enclosed logo, in the circle, is just a quick example of application. The open identity will be used for the majority of corporate application and the enclosed ‘expedition’ version for commercial application, embroidered patches, caps, etc.
I’ll have Frank create and send you business card artwork this afternoon. We can have these digitally printed and to you by next week if you only need a small batch. Huang is also sending you a revised invoice for the 25% deposit today. It combines stage 1 and 2 components that we are working on. It’s a 14 day invoice but as we’ve already started the project, having it processed sooner would be appreciated.
Also, thank you very much for the complimentary cabin offer. I’m sure everyone here will be excited by the prospect. Will we need to bring our own big puffy jackets or will these will be supplied?
Regards, David
...................
I told Yola that Neil hated the logo and wanted a ship with dolphins jumping out of the water beside it. It was meant to be a quick joke but after she tore an AC temperature control unit off the wall, I had her work on the logo for a few hours.
“That’s coming along well. I think the dolphin should be a lot larger though.”
“Larger? It’s already twice the size of the ship.”
“Then make the ship larger as well.”
“What?”
“Oh, and Neil hates the typeface. Try Baskerville Bold or maybe Bauhaus in... are you crying?”
“I wish I was dead. I can’t stand it anymore.”
“Right, well I feel terrible now. I was joking about the penguin logo, Neil approved it.”
“What?”
“Yes, it was just a joke. He loved it. Good job.”
“I’ve been working on this for two hours. You made me watch a video of dolphins jumping out of waves.”
“You ripped the AC unit out of the wall.”
“Yes, because you told me he wanted a fucking dolphin logo.”
“Fine, let’s just agree that we’re both at fault.”
“No, I quit.”
“Don’t be like that, Yola. What if I organise tickets for all of us on the Southern Australis for its first cruise to Antarctica? Would that make it up to you?”
“Really?”
“Consider it done. Also, Frank’s not back from lunch yet so I’m going to need you to design a business card.”
The next two weeks were a blur of late nights and grumpy mornings. Floors were strewn with printouts and desks piled with empty pizza boxes, styrofoam coffee cup towers, and overflowing ashtrays. Yola took up smoking on day four of the sales brochure design and by the end of the fortnight, was on four packs a day. Frank and I had been the only smokers before this so it was quite convenient for us as it meant we didn’t have to go outside to smoke anymore.
Say what you will about smokers, we don’t care. A smoker is far more productive if allowed to chain-smoke at their desk. Otherwise, they’re just killing time until they feel it’s been long enough to go outside and have a cigarette without non-smoking coworkers giving them ‘the look’ or stating, “You’re going outside again?” “Yes I’m going outside again, bitch, this is what you and your fellow non-smoking cult members have forced me to become; I could have had six weeks work done in the last four hours but instead I’ve ordered a pair of pants on Amazon and read a Wikipedia article about bamboo.”
At times, the smoke in the office was so thick we wouldn’t have been able to find the exit if we’d wanted to. We hung several air-fresheners shaped like pine trees around Huang’s desk but she still complained. Justin had a Ventalin inhaler so he was fine. We let him crack a window near his desk whenever he had an asthma attack - only for a bit though because it was pretty warm outside and the AC temperature control unit was broken. Frank tried to reconnect it but when he reached into the hole in the wall, there must have been loose wires because he received a decent shock. I gave him a stick of butter to rub into his third-degree burns, as that’s the recommended thing to do, but there wasn’t much that could be done in-house for his tongue - he was poking it out between his teeth when he received the shock and bit clean through the tip. It wasn’t a large chunk, only about the size of a baby slug, but I still agreed to drive him to the hospital. His screaming was distracting everyone from their work anyway. I’d first suggested dipping his tongue - the bit he still had, not the bit now in his hand - in melted candle wax to seal the end, but Frank insisted he wanted the tip stitched back on. Unfortunately, while climbing out of my car at the hospital, Frank dropped the bit of tongue down the side of his car seat. We looked for it for a about ten minutes before giving up and heading inside - I thought I’d found it at one point and held it up to Frank excitedly but it turned out to be a wad of chewing gum. I was a bit annoyed about this as Huang was the only person in the office who chewed gum and she’d borro
wed my car for errands the previous week while her scooter was in the shop.
“It just shows a lack of respect for other people’s property.”
“Nnnnnn n nnn nnnn nnnaaa.”
“The nurse said the doctor will see you shortly, just be patient. There’s a vending machine over there, do want a packet of crisps while we wait?”
“N n nneh nnnth?”
“Oh, right. I wouldn’t mind some though, do you have any change on you? I found some under the car seat but I didn’t think to bring it in. No? Anyway, my point is, that if someone’s nice enough to loan you their car, there’s rules you have to abide by. Rule number one is that you don’t just spit your disgusting wad of chewed gum down the side of the seat. It shouldn’t even have to be a rule, it should just be obvious, but it’s people like Huang who make these rules necessary. Rule number two is that you return the vehicle with a full tank, not potting mix on the back seat. How hard is it to put down a towel or something? There’s a third rule but I can’t remember what that is.”
“Nnnnn naaa nhhhhnn?”
“Yes, it’s bleeding a lot. Just hold the kitchen sponge against it tighter. Which hurts worse, the arm or the tongue?”
“Nnth.”
“Well there’s nothing we can do about your tongue until the doctor sees you but I could walk down to the cafeteria and see if they have any of those single-serve butter sachets. How many do you reckon you’d need? Ten?”
