I couldn't stop the beaming smile that covered my face.
"What's that for?" he asked, curiously, maybe even a little breathlessly.
I lifted my shoulder in a half shrug.
We stepped into my apartment and I shut the door while he got a brief glimpse of the living room. I dropped my purse on the table by the door. When I turned around, I smacked right into his chest. My hands came up to stop the collision, but it was no use.
When I stepped back, he pulled me right into him again.
"What's that beautiful smile for, Grace? And if you don't mind, show it to me again," he requested, his voice gruff.
Smiling was difficult when the only thing I could focus on were his hands around my waist. I wanted him to kiss me again. To push me against the wall like he enjoyed so much and take me back to where we were before.
"Don't look at me like that unless you want me to do something about it," he muttered, his gaze gliding back and forth over my face.
He zeroed in on my lips, making me lose my breath for a moment.
A low rumble rose up his chest and that's when I saw it. His right eye dilated, completely covering the blue of his iris. I remembered the time that happened before and my mouth fell open in surprise.
"What?" His eyes darted back and forth between mine, the left one not as active as the right, but still strong.
"It was meant to be all along," I whispered.
He lifted an eyebrow, the scar slashed through his left eye standing out. "If you're talking about us, then I already knew that."
I smiled, bigger than before. He drew in a sharp breath while those arms tightened around me, drawing me closer.
"Make love to me," I demanded, not even caring how desperate I sounded.
He squared those massive shoulders and took a good, long look at me. Making sure I really wanted it.
Oh, I wanted it. I had always wanted it.
I just couldn't see past everything else, but I was getting there.
I was lucky that Merrick actually loved me enough to join me on that journey. That he was strong enough and devoted enough to fight those insecurities right along with me.
What was in front of me no longer mattered because of who wanted to stand behind me. Merrick was worth any risk.
Loving him was worth everything.
Something in my eyes must have satisfied him because in the next breath, he had me lifted in his arms and was wandering through the apartment in search of my bedroom.
I pointed the way then took his face in my hands and pulled his head down for a kiss. He paused, tangling his tongue with mine before picking up the pace and finally finding the bedroom.
He tossed me onto the bed, a squeal leaving my throat as I flew through the air.
"I've always wanted to do that. Now I finally can," he growled, crawling over me.
He pinned me to the bed and kissed me madly. My legs and arms automatically came around him as he shifted us both up the bed into the pillows. Those hands tore at my clothes until they slid under to find the skin beneath. His lips tore away from mine and he sat back on his knees, staring down at me with an intensity I'd never seen before.
"What's wrong, Mer?"
He shook his head and looked down at his hands resting on my hips. They constricted and started to slowly, gently, push my shirt up. The skin beneath was revealed and his fingers slid over my stomach, leaving goose bumps behind.
He stopped suddenly, closing his eyes.
I reached up, smoothing my fingers over the lines on his forehead. "Babe, what is it?"
He blew out a long, slow breath. His eyes stayed closed.
"Are you afraid to see me, Merrick?" I asked, knowing the answer before I even asked, but needing to say something to get him to open those eyes.
He didn't disappoint.
They popped open, a deep frown transforming his entire face. "No. I'm not afraid," he insisted, emphasizing it with a firm shake of his head.
I let my fingers drop to his chest, resting my hand over his heart. "Then what is it?"
His eyes blazed with desire, the blue more vivid than ever, and his hands started to move again. "It just doesn't seem real to me. Being here, seeing you for the first time. I've dreamed of this moment, prayed for it. Now that it's finally here, I don't want it to end."
"It doesn't have to."
He bent forward, planted his hands on either side of my head, then kissed me.
"I still have a lot to work on, Grace. I'm not worthy of you. Not yet. But I'm going to be. I'll do my best to fight the monsters we face and I'll stop being afraid of the dark. Because with you, there's always light. I know that now." He kissed me again, then shifted so we were both on our sides, looking at each other. "I'll be the kind of man you can be proud of."
"Oh, Merrick." I ran my fingers over his face, tracing the scar from his eyebrow, down to his jaw. "I'm already proud of you and I love you."
He smiled. "I know, baby. But a man should never stop making his wife proud."
I froze.
What did he just say?
Merrick chuckled, his eyes darting down as his cheeks filled with color. "Not the smoothest proposal, but we haven't really had the smoothest road, have we?"
"Merrick. Are you ..."
"Yes, Grace. I'm asking you to marry me."
I was in shock.
It wasn't what I was expecting at all. I thought we would have wild and crazy sex for a good week, then make a plan for ourselves and take it one day at a time. But marriage?
Warmth spread through my chest at the idea of marrying Merrick.
We're stronger together than we ever were apart.
"It doesn't have to be today. Hell, it doesn't even have to be this year. I'll take any day you choose. I just want you to know that I'm in this, all the way."
I took a deep breath and exhaled with a smile. "Okay."
"Okay?"
I nodded. "Whenever I give you my answer, it'll be yes. So, okay."
He slowly rolled back over me, settling in the cradle of my thighs. The whole time, his eyes were on me, a brighter light in them, now.
"Okay," he sighed. "Now, lie back and relax, baby. Because I have a lot to see, all day to see it, and you know I like to take my time."
An anxious moan left me as he lifted my arms above my head and slid my shirt off.
"Christ, that's a sight," he whispered.
My bra was nothing special, but to him, it was fascinating. He fingered the straps, gliding down to the cups. Those fingers slid over the material, around it, beneath it. Until I couldn't take anymore.
He took his time, just like he promised. Rediscovering every inch of me.
At one point, he turned me onto my stomach, a low groan on his lips when his hands landed on my ass. There was a sharp slap and before I had time to flinch, he covered me with his body and started kissing my shoulder, my spine, my hips.
Then, he flipped me back over, starting it all over again.
It was sweet, blissful torture. I didn't want it to end either.
"Open up for me, love. I've got some fantasies to play out."
I giggled as his hands spread my thighs open, only to gasp when his fingers found my core.
I closed my eyes.
"Let me watch you, Grace. Open those beautiful eyes for me."
They fluttered open and he pressed a finger inside of me, watching my face closely as he brought me higher and higher.
"Exactly the color I imagined," he said.
I didn't have a chance to ask what he meant, because I was already there and he wasn't about to stop and chat.
"Show me that light, baby. Blind me with it," he commanded.
I watched his head drop and his shoulders pushed my thighs opened wider. It only took that first touch of his mouth to send me over. All the while, Merrick watched.
He spent the rest of the day and well into the night, making love to me, worshipping me the way I worshipped him.
It was when neit
her one of us could keep our eyes open that I realized, being broken doesn't mean it's the end. Cracks can be filled with new paths, new friends, new love, and a lot of sweat and blood.
If anything, being broken is kind of a beginning.
And ours would last a lifetime.
Epilogue
Two years later
Merrick
We are all broken, that's how the light gets in. – Ernest Hemingway.
I kept staring at the quote on the wall of my mother's living room. It had hit me like a brick wall the second I walked in the house.
While everyone else sat around the dinner table talking about their plans for the summer or what movie they wanted to see next, I kept thinking about that quote.
I had come back from war a broken man. Living in a darkness I thought would never end. But there was a reason for everything that happened back in that desert.
The things that broke me, actually saved me. Because I could feel the light seeping in through those cracks.
Every time I looked at my wife, our beautiful baby girl nestled against her chest, I could feel that light shining through me.
The day Grace said yes to marrying me, I felt one of those cracks seal up tight. The night she told me she was pregnant, happy tears filling her eyes, another one sealed. More cracks opened up here and there. Struggles and obstacles we faced together would always leave us a little scratched, but they wouldn't break us.
The night Grace shook me awake, telling me it was time, I felt one seal up while another opened.
We were both scared, neither one of us knowing what to expect. Grace confided in me that she didn't think she could handle anything like the loss of her child ever again. She wouldn't have to. At least, not alone. Not ever again.
That trip to the hospital was tense. The ride up to labor and delivery even more so. But the moment we both heard that tiny heartbeat, strong and steady, we knew everything was going to be just fine.
Another crack sealed.
Then, every trial either of us had ever faced in life finally made sense. Every single one of them led us to that moment. I thanked God for giving me a second chance.
Seeing our beautiful daughter – this tiny miracle – come into this world, I broke down. And Grace was right there with me.
Who was I to raise a child, so perfect and pure, in a world with so many rough roads? But she was my future and so was Grace. They were both given to me to protect, to love. I'd fight for both of them, as long as I was breathing.
"It's time for a nap, I think," Grace said quietly. The conversation around us continued as she stood to take little Erica to a quiet room.
I followed after her, always eager to hear her sing our daughter to sleep. It had the same affect on Erica as it did on me. She always immediately calmed, her precious face relaxing from the sound.
I spent most of my nights following these two around, making sure I didn't miss a single thing.
I stood in the doorway, watching my beautiful wife rock our child to sleep. That soothing voice sending warmth through me for the millionth time in my life.
I'm trying. The images from being overseas still haunt me, but that's because I don't want to forget what happened. I want to live through it and know that those men died for me. I want to honor them for their bravery and remember them for everything else.
I'm going to live for them. For Grace and Erica.
For me.
The End
###
Thank you so much for reading Vivid. If you enjoyed it, please take a moment to leave me a review at your favorite retailer.
Thanks!
Jessica Wilde
Special Operations Warrior Foundation
http://www.specialops.org/
Like many other foundations, the Special Operations Warrior Foundation provides assistance to injured soldiers as well as their families. SOWF also focuses on one of the most important challenges those families face; 'getting to their hospitalized loved ones as quickly as possible'.
With grants immediately provided to the family, they can travel to be bedside with their loved one, especially for those crucial first days.
SOWF also provides a scholarship program, family services (including clinical social workers, scholarship counselors, and family services counselors). With on-going support and helpful counseling to all families of fallen members in every branch of the military, they are able to help in all the ways that count.
The SOWF was highly recommended to me by a recent veteran who served in Iraq. Therefore, I am thrilled to be able to help them in any way possible.
Every little bit counts.
SOWF Mission Statement
The Special Operations Warrior Foundation ensures full financial assistance for a post-secondary degree from an accredited two or four-year college, university, technical, or trade school; and offers family and educational counseling, including in-home tutoring, to the surviving children of Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine Corps special operations personnel who lose their lives in the line of duty.
The Special Operations Warrior Foundation also provides immediate financial assistance to severely wounded and hospitalized special operations personnel.
Vivid Playlist
Damien Rice - I Don't Want To Change You
Weezer - Say It Ain't So
Weezer - Hold Me
Bright Eyes - First Day Of My Life
Bright Eyes - An Attempt To Tip The Scales
About the Author
I live in Morgan, Utah with my husband, beautiful daughter, and a couple of spoiled pups. If I'm not deeply involved in writing my next book, then I'm probably reading in the safety and quiet of my closet. I love yoga – which I now practice regularly – playing hide and seek with my daughter (only to have my hiding spots revealed by one of the pups), and I love Fruit by the Foot, Twizzlers and Peace Tea. These are great ways to bribe me into revealing secrets about what's to come.
I have an unhealthy obsession with Supernatural, The Walking Dead, and The Big Bang Theory. I also enjoy talking about them, so if you like them, too, come find me.
Writing has become an enormous part of my life and every book I write holds a special place in my heart. If you read one of my books, I hope you have the same experience.
Connect with Jessica Wilde
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7373464.Jessica_Wilde
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorJessicaWilde
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Jessica-Wilde/e/B00GM4YNWO
Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/Jessicawildeauthor
Twitter: https://twitter.com/JessicaWilde9
TSU: http://www.tsu.co/JessicaWilde
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/jessicawilde27
Acknowledgements
There are quite a few people to thank, but first and foremost, I want to thank my brother, Jeff. For your service in the Army National Guard, the sacrifices you made to protect this country, and the never-ending devotion to your family. I love you and I am so proud and honored to be your little sister. Thank you for being so willing to share your experiences in Iraq with me and allowing me to make an attempt at putting those experiences into words.
To my husband. I honestly don't know how you put up with me and my constant habit of burying myself in a story. Your patience and support means the world to me. Thank you for always being a sounding board and a reminder that true love is completely possible. To my baby girl, I love you more than anything. You are the light of my life and I am so grateful for the privilege of being your mommy.
To Erica. I honestly don't remember life before you! I don't want to! You've been my rock through this entire journey. Not only with writing, but life in general. Thank you for the late night conversations that end with my face hurting so much from smiling and laughing. For the encouragement and support you have always given me. For your devotion to getting the word out there about my books. Like I always say, YOU ARE SUPERWOMAN!
Without you, I wouldn't know what the hell I was doing. You are my best friend and you mean the world to me. I love you! This just isn't enough, I feel like I didn't even hit the nail on the head. So I'll show you! I'll cherish your friendship and hopefully one day you will understand how much you mean to me. A shout out to your beautiful blog, Always Behind a Book. Thank you for all the cover reveals, blitzes, spotlights, tours, trailers ... everything! You are amazing!
To Keara. Seriously, where do I begin? What would I do without you? Your friendship means everything to me. You have changed my world so much just by being you. Thank you for always being there for me, for your enthusiasm, and your never-ending support. For being the Keara that this Grace will never stop loving. Without you, my world would be dark and lonely, sad and Dean-less (*wink wink*). Thank you! I love you! I cherish your friendship, and since words are never enough, I'll show you, too!
To Tracie, Jess, Amy S., Blythe, Amie, Jamie, Loraine, Amy A., Kass, Ginelle, Lisa R.D., Leah, Christy, Sarah, Joy, katz, Tricia, Samantha, my Wilde Ones Street Team (you know who you are), and so many more! Thank you for your friendship, your shares, your encouragement, and your support. You help me more than you realize and I'll never forget it.
To all the beautiful bloggers out there that have stuck with me through it all - I just can't thank you enough. Each and every one of you has helped me and so many other authors tremendously! Without you, the book world would be bleak. So, thank you. Please keep doing what you're doing. Whether you are big or small (To me there are no 'small' blogs! You all rock!), just starting out, or have been around for years, you make a difference! You make THE difference!
To my gorgeous readers. Thank you for sticking with me. For taking a chance on me. For your messages and love, your reviews, your bribes to get me to finish the next one (Yes, I said that), your shares and comments. For being the reason I do this! I love each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for reading my heart and soul, and for handling them with care.
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