Holly thinks he’s coming to the rescue again when he says, “Emerson Kingsley. Daughter of Dustin Kingsley.”
Several things happen after Holly finishes talking: Ginger straightens and gives me a smile so big I’m sure her face will break in half. Maddox kind of…blanches. He looks like he’s been shocked. Hard.
“You’re Dustin Kingsley’s daughter?” he asks after a moment. I wonder if his insides are rattled too because externally he looks it.
“I am,” I say. I shift my weight to my other leg because I’m impatient to leave at this point. Though I’ve always wanted to be the one people notice, once they do, I clam up. Unless it’s business because business I can handle.
“I’ve actually been working on—” Ginger starts before Holly interrupts her.
“Well, we have to get to…home. It was great meeting you both, and I’m sure we’ll see you around.”
I grin as he pulls me away.
“That was awkward,” I say while putting on my coat.
“So was her sudden and insincere interest in you. You all right?”
I nod even though I’m not too sure. I feel like I’m finding my balance, like talking to Maddox was akin to being swung around and around in a circle.
“I know that it probably sucked that you had to sit in the theater while he fooled around with some chick. You had hopes of love at first sight with him.” Hollis’ words make me a little angry because they’re true and because I have no idea what I’d been thinking.
“Except this isn’t the age of love at first sight. It’s the age of lust at first sight and acting on it and never seeing each other again. Men are better with condoms than with feelings and some aren’t good with either.”
Holly looks impressed as I wind down from my speech.
“You sure are unaffected by this.” He loops his arm through mine as we continue to walk home.
“I should be unaffected. I guess it’s time my hobby caught up to me.” I try to keep my eyes on the cement.
Tonight I want to live my own life, as uneventful as it is.
Chapter 3
It’s been days, nearly a week, since I let myself go to Central Park. I sat in a café for a few hours the other day to clear my head because listening to someone else’s problem is better than sitting around thinking about a stranger. I feel like my favorite hobby was taken from me. Something that was a fantasy came too close for comfort, and I don’t know if I can sit in Central Park now that Maddox knows me and now that my worst suspicions are confirmed: Maddox is a better dream than he is a reality.
“I’m heading out, Holly,” I say into the personal intercom as I press the button to activate it. I’m already looping my scarf around my neck when he appears at my door.
“Central Park?”
I shrug and grab my purse.
“I need to stop avoiding it.” I rub my fingers over my earlobe, feeling the silver butterfly studs.
“What would you like me to tell Mr. Kingsley when he comes looking for you?”
I walk toward the door and pat Holly on the chest.
“Tell him he’s a big boy.”
“Who’s a big boy?” My dad asks from the hallway.
I groan and walk away from the both of them.
“I’m hoping you both are,” I say as I make my way toward the elevators. “I’m leaving for the day. Don’t stay too late, Hollis.”
“Fine, but I need you here tomorrow for the A&R meeting,” my dad shouts after me. “You’re in charge.” I hear him saying something to Holly, and I know he’s telling him to make sure I’m there. Holly is, after all, in charge of my schedule.
I hate running meetings on my own, but it’s necessary if I’m going to take over someday. The more that day nears, the more afraid I become because it means saying goodbye to the music and hello to the business.
The series of stiff greetings along the way to the elevator bank makes me want to stand on top of a desk and demand everyone at least call me Emerson. I press my lips together to keep myself from laughing. The elevator opens and I step inside.
The entire way down, I’m picturing my father looking up at me in disbelief as I beat on my chest. I muse over the idea of everyone whispering how crazy I am to one another. Whispering as I pass by, as opposed to their usual stony silence. I admire their professionalism but…I’m not comfortable around these people who think I’m where I am because I’m the boss’ daughter. The amount of artists and albums I’ve worked with doesn’t come into play when they judge. So, maybe jumping around on a table would change that.
The doors open and someone asks, “That smile for me?”
I quickly drop my smile and make eye contact with Maddox.
“What are you doing here?” I ask. Then I scoot around him, embarrassed, and walk away as quickly as my little feet will take me in my expensive pumps.
Unfortunately, he follows me. He’s beside me in that same worn leather jacket and the same crooked smile and I wonder, as I always do when he’s around, if he came here because I told him I work here. Is it coincidental? I don’t ask him, though I’ll likely regret it later. I don’t ask because he’ll tell me the truth: he isn’t here for me, and I have nothing to do with his presence and his scent permeating my senses. A minute in Maddox’s presence and he’s taken my senses hostage, the rest of the world be damned.
“I come here often. Maybe we missed each other before but I feel like…I would’ve remembered seeing you,” he answers. He’s said this before, that he would’ve remembered me, but what makes me so different from the rest of them?
I fight the urge to scoff. He doesn’t remember where he knows me from because I’m no one. I remember how easily he told Ginger I was nobody. I think about his hands that tap on his legs and the fact that he’s here and now he knows who I am and I’m annoyed.
I’m somebody here and maybe that’s why Maddox is interested now.
“Good day, Mr. Bailey,” I say without turning and exit the building.
I hate that I’m expecting so much from a stranger. I hate that the fairytales never happen to me. I hate that I’m okay with living in the background and that I’m all right with being an understudy and living life through secondhand experiences.
Above it all, I hate that if Maddox had said he was here for me, I would’ve let the experience of him destroy me without hesitation.
How do I know Maddox Bailey would destroy me? His heart seems as crooked as his smile.
Mr. Kingsley knows a lot about me. He knows to bring me frozen yogurt when he’s upset me. He knows about my earring obsession and how my outward appearance tends to be a direct reflection of how I feel inside. He knows that it was when my mother died that I started listening to other people and I stopped talking as much. He knows it was a man who had me running back into his arms, my tail between my legs.
But he doesn’t know that I sing.
No one knows, not even Holly. I wait until I know he won’t be home and I get my keyboard out of my closet. I set up in the living room so I’ll be able to hear if anyone is coming.
Instead of going to Central Park, I decide to stretch my vocal chords. After going through the sheet music on my laptop’s desktop, I choose “Somewhere Only We Know” and begin playing.
When I sing, I feel like someone hears me. Even though I sing to myself, I know that I’m feeling something. I’m not just knowing what it feels like or imagining what it is to experience life. I’m feeling my own feelings, and though I almost always cry when I do it, it’s usually from the joy of knowing I’m not broken. Because other than when I sing emotional songs, I don’t ever cry. Hollis jokes about my being emotionless but the opposite is true. My beating heart is proof of that.
This time I wish for one person to hear me and to know I’m somebody, not because of the things I’ve created for others but because I can sound as beautiful as the women he spends his time with look.
I like to think that I chose to invest an amount of my feelings in Maddox n
ot because he’s beautiful but because he was never going to happen for me. The more I think about it, the more I know that it was his looks and unavailability that caught me. It was the hope that maybe we would happen that kept me so distantly enamored with him.
Now I have to hope that I wouldn’t run into him again for my own sanity.
When the song is over, I continue running my fingers over the keyboard, pressing for notes here and there and letting my fingertips take the lead.
My heart is full of secrets because that’s what happens when you listen. I’m a vault of words and experiences and though my father knows there was a man, he doesn’t know who that man was. He doesn’t know that I fell in love with the boy next door when I was just the girl next door. Children don’t know the changes that money makes. We grew together and then grew apart. I tried to keep him, but he couldn’t be kept. He slipped away, no matter how tightly I held on.
It was the boy next door, the sweet one who held my hand when no one was looking, who broke my heart when I offered him my love.
Looking back, the boy next door seems harmless when faced with Maddox. Maddox isn’t a boy I know better than I know myself. He’s a man with expectations and many lovers, and I have no business being with someone like that. Someone who’d scare the shit out of me without even trying. Just thinking of him makes me break into a light sweat.
I’m still playing the piano when I hear someone at the door. I continue to play when Hollis comes in and sits on the couch, listening to whatever it is I’m doing. Making noise, that’s for sure.
“You seem…thoughtful,” he says when I stop.
Aren’t I always? I want to ask but I don’t.
“Are we thinking about the past?” he asks me, and I think the same answer.
Aren’t I always?
But I shake my head.
“Thinking about him won’t change anything,” he says, and I decide I’ve had enough of the piano for today. I start gathering my things because I don’t want to hear Hollis’ attempt to fix me. I don’t need a vat of glue and some words slapped in my face. What ails me will take much more than that, so I’d rather pretend to be fine because at the end of the day, I am.
With the keyboard in hand, I look over at him.
“Which one?”
He shrugs.
“Either.”
The next day, I’m walking off the elevator, tea in hand when Holly rounds his desk and hurries toward me.
“You stayed out last night,” I say, twisting my lips and waiting for his explanation. After I showered last night, I got a text from Holly telling me he was out with friends. When I woke up to an empty apartment, I had to remind myself that Hollis could take care of himself.
“A man has needs.” He leads me to my office. “Meanwhile, I wanted to tell you this last night, but you seemed like you weren’t in the mood. I saw Maddox again yesterday.”
My pulse skips and I almost drop my tea.
“Me too.”
“When?”
“As I was leaving yesterday.”
“I’m guessing that’s why your earrings are skulls,” he offers and I frown.
“No.”
“Don’t bullshit me.”
“I’m not.”
“Are you interested in hearing what happened?”
“No.” I scowl and expect Hollis to ignore me and continue.
“Okay. You have a few messages but nothing too important. A meeting at ten with the A&R team—solo—and lunch with Mr. Kingsley at noon.” He walks out and I try not to follow the movement with my eyes. I remind myself that I have sworn off Maddox Bailey, which should be easy since he’s a stranger. But it’s proving tougher and tougher as I keep running into him and my imagination makes this into a bigger problem than it actually is.
Maddox is probably in bed with a flirty redhead or a sultry brunette and here I am wondering about him. As. Usual.
Because he makes my mind wander and wonder.
I check my email and prepare for my meeting. I typically loathe sitting in there with them because I can feel them thinking about how they’re more qualified than I am and yet I sit at the head of the table. They take advantage of my silence and try to force ideas or opinions on me but faced with my quiet authority, they remember who I am and, more importantly, who my father is. Fortunately, today I’m in the perfect mood to tell them all to kiss my ass if need be.
I pause.
Well, not to kiss my ass…something a bit more professional. But equally effective.
I’m a half hour early, but I leave my office feeling good. Feeling like I’m someone’s boss. Holly grins and I stick out my tongue, looking around to make sure no one else saw me. As I near the conference room in which the meeting is meant to take place, planner in hand, I hear my father’s voice. My smile is big as I enter the room.
“The meeting is in a half hour. People should start coming in soon and I’ll introduce you,” I hear him say, and I skid to a halt just inside his line of vision.
“Oh, Emerson! Glad you’re here early.” He turns and sidesteps, and I’m face to face with the man I’ve been trying to forget about for the better part of my morning. “This is Maddox Bailey. I hired him yesterday.”
“Nice to meet y—” I start to say just as he says, “We’ve met.”
They both shoot me puzzled expressions. My father has never been a stupid man, so he certainly wasn’t going to waste time putting two and two together. Unfortunately, putting two and two together equals a red-faced Emerson.
“Is this the Maddox you asked about?”
Inwardly, a stream of curse words free flows like a spout.
Outwardly, Maddox smiles an off-kilter smile and I remain expressionless.
Holly comes in behind me in the nick of time, and I excuse myself from the conversation quickly, much to my father’s annoyance. Holly follows me, maybe because he wants to see the Titanic that is my life sink.
“Before you kill or fire me, I tried to tell you. You weren’t interested, remember?”
“When I woke up this morning, I had no idea that I’d donned my black dress for your funeral.” Holly’s eyebrows shoot up and I continue. “What position was he hired for and when does he start?”
He smooths his hands over his sweater before telling me that Maddox is part of A&R and also contracted as a producer and he starts today.
“It would almost be easier if he were a singer,” I mutter.
“I am,” I hear Maddox announce from behind Holly.
I almost curse out loud. Almost.
“I mean, I write songs. Someone has to sing them.”
Yeah, I think to myself, artists.
“Good to know,” I say out loud. Before either of them can respond, I’m heading back into the conference room.
Just before I make it inside, I hear Maddox ask Holly, “Does she ever finish a conversation?”
The meeting doesn’t start the way I expected. Thankfully, my father decides to take over and introduces Maddox to everyone. All the while, I keep feeling Maddox’s eyes on me. I doodle, I stare at my father, I gnaw on the tip of my pen, anything to not stare back at him. Despite it all, I catch myself looking his way before dragging my gaze away. It’s insane the way I can physically feel his stare, and it’s even more insane the way I’m becoming addicted to his attention.
As soon as the meeting is over, I jump up from my seat. I’m almost safely out of the door when I hear my father call my name.
I may swear out loud today, I think to myself before turning. The heavens are smiling down on me because he’s alone.
“You all right?”
I nod and pull my planner to my chest because I need something concrete and safe to hold on to until I’m in the safety of my office where I can finally exhale. Or scream.
“We still on for lunch?”
I nod again. I can’t trust myself to speak yet. I’m too keyed up over Maddox’s presence, and I have no way of getting rid of the bubble in my chest.<
br />
“Black and skulls? Phew,” he says as places his hand on my shoulder. “Just in time for Halloween.”
I’m trying to keep Maddox in my sights so he doesn’t surprise me again, and my dad is making it hard, pointing out obvious red flags that I should explain.
“We’ll talk at lunch,” I assure him, placing my hand over his on my shoulder. The bubble is shrinking.
“Actually, I invited Maddox. I hope you don’t mind.”
And it blows right back up again. I fear that on the inside I look a lot like Violet Beauregard minus the blue. I expect Oompa Loompas to roll me away at any moment.
I do mind that Maddox was invited. My father never invites people to our lunches.
“Dad….” It’s all I can manage to squeeze out around the pressure.
“I know it’s our time. But I want you two to work closely together. He’s talented, and I’m sure you’ll come to realize that.” He puts his arm around my shoulder, and we walk out of the conference room. “You have to welcome him into the fold. You’ll always be my ear. But I can’t keep relying on you in that aspect when I need you for other matters.”
I sigh because I’m torn. I don’t want to have lunch with Maddox, but I know my father isn’t expecting me to just produce anymore and if he loses me, he needs someone to fill that spot. He needs new ears.
The shift is happening, whether I’m ready or not. I have to be prepared to leave behind what I love for someone I love, and I have to do it with a smile on my face because that’s what he deserves.
“Where’re we meeting?” I ask, ignoring everything but the man in front of me.
“I’ll have a car outside for you at noon. Union Square okay?”
I nod but more because I’m afraid he’ll hear the doubt in my voice. After all, I got my ears from him.
“Good. Because I made reservations.”
I hug him and tell him, “Can’t wait.”
Chapter 4
Union Square Café’s neon red sign comes into view as the sleek black sedan slows. I love the feel of this restaurant. Not only is the building architecturally nice to look at but the food is great. I thank the driver and head inside. When I give my father’s name for the reservation, I’m led upstairs.
The Sound of Serendipity Page 3
