by Aurora Rey
She paid the taxi and got out, slung her bag over her shoulder, and took a moment to center herself. When she turned her attention to the door, the doorman looked her way. “Ms. Crawley?”
“Um, yes. That’s me.”
“Ms. Montgomery told me you’d be arriving.” He opened the door for her. “She’s in 1242, twelfth floor. You can go on up.”
“Thank you.” To her relief, he didn’t follow her into the elevator and press the button.
A muted bell sound announced her arrival and the doors opened. Cam placed one foot in front of the other until she found herself in front of Lauren’s door. Deep breath. Gentle knock.
The door opened immediately, as though Lauren had been waiting on the other side. Perhaps the doorman had called to say she was on her way. Was that standard doorman protocol?
Lauren offered a hesitant smile. “Hi.”
She looked about as nervous as Cam felt, which should have made her feel better. But Cam was so caught up in how beautiful she was, the only feeling coming through loud and clear was longing. “Hi.”
Lauren took her hand and pulled her into the apartment. The touch was at once soothing and electric. It reassured just as it sent a jolt through her that reminded her of a literal electric shock. Lauren let go and closed the door. “I can’t believe you flew all the way here.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me why you left.” Lauren flinched and Cam wanted to slap herself. Instead she pressed on. “Not as in I’m angry with you. Only that I wish I’d known, that you shouldn’t have to face something like this by yourself.”
Lauren nodded. “I understand what you mean. It was something I needed to do, though, and by myself seemed like the best option.”
The thought of Lauren giving some sort of testimony, having to relate such a personal, traumatic event to a bunch of strangers, made Cam’s insides twist uncomfortably. “How are you? It was today, right? Did it go off all right?”
Lauren took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, like she was steeling herself for something. But when she looked at Cam, her eyes were clear and bright. “It went as well as that sort of thing could go. I’m glad I did it and I think it will make a difference.” She glanced away. “I’m only sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.”
Before she could stop herself, Cam put a finger under Lauren’s chin, gently nudging until Lauren resumed eye contact. “You were brave then and you’re brave today. You can’t doubt either of those things for a second.”
Lauren’s eyes, clear only a second before, gleamed with tears. “You don’t have to say that.”
Cam fought to keep her own emotions in check. This was not the time to fall apart. “I know I don’t, but it’s true. It’s also the least I can do after saying such horrible things to you.”
“I get why you did.” Lauren sniffed and the tears spilled over.
She’d prepared a speech. Even if she chucked that out the window, they needed to talk about what happened. But in that moment, words vanished. Along with the need for them. Cam pulled Lauren into her arms and held her.
It was as though a floodgate had opened. Lauren sobbed, her shoulders shaking with it. She clung to Cam’s shirt.
Cam tightened the embrace and told herself not to panic. This catharsis was bigger than her and the fact that she’d fucked up so royally. It was the culmination of several emotional roller coaster rides and, she was guessing, Lauren not letting her feelings get the better of her for a long time. Guilt over being the cause of some of that warred with gratitude for being there when Lauren finally let it all go.
After a while, Lauren shifted. Cam loosened her grip and was met with a tear-streaked face and a sheepish smile. “Sorry.”
Cam shook her head. “Don’t apologize. I should be the one apologizing.”
Lauren let out a shaky chuckle. “Well, that’s true.”
Cam laughed in spite of herself. “I was a total ass. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too. I should have been honest about the specifics of the article so you weren’t blindsided.”
Cam fisted her hands at her sides and forced herself to say what she needed to say, even if it tore at her. “What you do with the Rose & Crown is up to you. You don’t owe me anything.”
Lauren regarded her with a look Cam couldn’t read. Suspicion? Confusion? “What do you mean?”
Cam swallowed. She could make this about the Rose & Crown and the fact that she’d finally accepted it wasn’t hers to control. Or she could be honest. She didn’t fly across the ocean to hold back. “I’m in love with you, Lauren. And it has nothing to do with what you decide to do or not do with the pub.”
Lauren blinked a few times, her expression giving nothing away. Seconds ticked by interminably. Great. It couldn’t be a good sign to have her confession of love met with silence. She wouldn’t backpedal, though, or try to take it back.
Lauren’s face remained passive. Her eyes swirled with emotion, but for the life of her, Cam couldn’t decipher what those emotions were. And then, without saying anything, Lauren placed a hand on either side of her face and drew their mouths together.
The kiss was slow, achingly slow. It was promise and longing and surrender and reassurance, all rolled into one. At least, it felt that way to Cam. She could only hope Lauren felt something similar.
When Lauren pulled back, her eyes shined with tears. She was smiling, though, and Cam got the impression it was an entirely different kind of crying. “I can’t believe you came all this way to tell me you love me.”
Cam ventured a smile in return. “And to apologize.”
“But you hate traveling.”
She shrugged. “Aren’t you the one who told me desperate times call for desperate measures?”
Lauren laughed and one more tear spilled over. Cam couldn’t resist wiping it away with her thumb. “I may have said that once.”
She hadn’t said I love you back, and Cam was trying not to panic over it. She didn’t need immediate and emphatic reciprocation. Receptive was a big step in the right direction. It meant there was hope. At this point, she should be thrilled with that. Even if she ached to hear those words in return, she had no right to expect them.
“I love you, too.”
Had she heard it or just imagined it? She kicked herself for not being one hundred percent sure. “I’m sorry. Could you repeat that?”
Lauren’s head angled and she gave Cam a look of exasperation. “Are you serious right now?”
It seemed more playful than angry. She hoped it was playful and not angry. “I mean, I think I heard you. But I was busy freaking out about whether or not you loved me back, so I can’t be sure.”
Lauren looked her right in the eyes. “I love you, too, you dolt. And not just because of the romantic movie hero gesture.”
Cam threaded her arms around Lauren’s waist and pulled her close. “You better get used to repeating yourself.”
Lauren took a deep breath. She moved her hands from Cam’s face to around her neck. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, a mix of adrenaline and emotion. “Are you already planning not to pay attention when I’m speaking to you?”
Cam shook her head. “No, just the love part. I’m going to want to hear you say it again and again and again.”
A bubble of laughter escaped, a tiny release of the tension trapped inside her for the last week. Cam was in love with her. What a magical, miraculous turn of events. “I’ll say it as often as you’d like as long as you return the favor.”
“Hey, Lauren?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
Yeah, she was pretty certain she’d never get tired of hearing that. “I love you, too.”
“Hey, Lauren?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
This time, she kissed Cam first, then said, “I love you, too.”
“I’m very glad of that.”
Lauren took another breath, trying to capture enough oxygen for
her racing heart. Paired with the giddiness in her chest, her expanded lungs barely seemed to fit in the confines of her rib cage. Such a lovely contrast to the small, constricted feeling that had taken hold when she left England. “How exhausted are you?”
Cam considered for a moment. “I should be, but I think I’m a little amped up.”
Lauren grinned. “Perfect.”
She took Cam’s hand and pulled her in the direction of her bedroom. As they passed the kitchen, she paused. “Hungry?”
Cam seemed to have picked up on what Lauren had in mind. She glanced at the kitchen, then at the doorway to the bedroom. “Nope.”
“Good.” She led Cam the rest of the way into the bedroom and watched as Cam took in the space. “What?”
Cam frowned. “It’s so modern.”
“Well, you don’t need to look so worried about it. You’ll never have to see it again.”
“It’s not that. I just,” another frown, “do you like what we did at the inn at all?”
Oh, she was worried about that. “I love it. I think it’s the perfect marriage of old and new. And I love that we came up with it together.”
“Are you sure?”
She started working on the buttons of Cam’s shirt, hoping that would distract her from the decor. “It’s a modern building. This design goes. It’s not that I prefer it.” She kissed a patch of exposed skin. “I prefer the Rose & Crown.” Another button, another kiss. “I prefer you.”
Without another word, Cam’s arms came around her, lifting her off the floor. She carried Lauren the short distance to the bed, set her down on it. “I prefer you, too.”
And just like that, Cam was in charge. She grabbed at the hem of Lauren’s shirt, and slipped it over her head, unclasped her bra, and tossed it aside. After nudging her onto her back, Cam slid off her shoes, unfastened her jeans. Cam worked both the jeans and her underwear down her legs and tossed them aside.
Lauren opened her mouth to protest Cam’s state of dress, but Cam covered her mouth with a kiss that turned her insides molten. Demanding, hot. But also tender. The feeling behind it stirred something deep in Lauren, in a place she hadn’t even known existed.
Cam broke the kiss, brought her mouth to Lauren’s ear. “God, I’ve missed you.”
Even more than the kiss, Cam’s words affected her. They made her feel powerful and left her breathless at the same time. She grabbed Cam’s shoulders, really dug her fingers into the solidness of them. “Missed you more.”
“We’ll see about that.” Cam nipped her earlobe. “Let me show you.”
And show her she did. Cam overwhelmed her senses. With teeth and tongue, roaming fingers and the press of her body, Cam worshiped her, played her, possessed her. She took Lauren to the precipice of release, then over. But instead of falling, she floated—weightless, wanted, perfect.
“Shh. There now. Please don’t cry.”
Lauren shook her head, wanting to dispel the worry in Cam’s eyes, but not having any words. Instead, she pulled Cam into a kiss. And then she turned the tables, removing Cam’s clothes and embarking on a long and lazy mission to touch and taste every inch of her.
It reminded her of the night of the opening, when everything seemed possible and she let her heart imagine forever. Before everything went so very wrong. Only this night was better, because everything had gone so wrong, but Cam loved her enough to want to make it right. She wanted to make it right, too. Even without knowing how it all would turn out, Lauren knew one thing for certain. She loved Cam and had no intention of letting her go.
Hours later, Lauren crawled out of bed long enough to get them each a glass of water and to flip off the lights. She had a fleeting thought of texting Anja, but decided it could wait. No news would surely be read as good news. She rejoined Cam and pulled the duvet up and over them and, for the first time since arriving back in New York, she fell sound asleep.
Chapter Twenty-nine
In the light of morning, the reality of the situation sat heavy in Cam’s chest. Sitting in Lauren’s bedroom in her beautifully appointed apartment didn’t help. It was so obviously her space, her home, Cam couldn’t imagine her wanting to give it up. And, of course, the apartment was merely a proxy for her life here. Now that Cam had a glimpse of it, she couldn’t pretend it didn’t exist. Should she bring it up? Wait for Lauren to?
When Lauren walked in wearing a short little excuse of a robe and bearing two steaming mugs, she pushed those worries from her mind. There’d be plenty of time for worrying—today, tomorrow, and for the foreseeable future. In this moment, however, she merely wanted to bask in Lauren and in the fact she’d not fucked things up so royally they didn’t even have the chance to worry about those things.
“Good morning.” Lauren sashayed over to the bed and handed her one of the cups.
“Good morning.” Cam glanced down at the contents, then back at Lauren. “Is this tea?”
Lauren offered her a playful smirk. “It is. I’ve been drinking it the last few days. Craving the familiarity, perhaps.”
If Lauren was craving things from England, that had to be a good sign. Especially something that warranted a departure from her coffee addiction. Cam took a sip. English breakfast, brewed nice and strong. Definitely a good sign. “It’s just right.”
“So,” Lauren began, but just as quickly trailed off.
Maybe she wasn’t going to get to bask after all. “So.”
“What shall we do today? You’ve never been to New York, right?”
Oh. Cam couldn’t decide whether to be relieved or disappointed that Lauren’s thoughts seemed nowhere near the vicinity of their future. “I have not.”
“I don’t want to drag you around against your will, but it would be a shame to come all this way and not see any of the city.”
Cam nodded but found herself at a loss for words.
“How long are you staying? I probably should have led with that.”
“Um.” Not being able to read Lauren had always gotten under her skin. Now, it drove her absolutely mad. “Four days.”
Lauren’s eyes lit up. “That’s perfect.”
Perfect for what? For finishing out their fling and ending on a high note? For deciding whether or not they had a future?
“I booked my return ticket for next week, but maybe I can get on the same flight back as you, or at least the same day.”
It was no use. Cam raised her hand. “Not to put the cart before the horse, but could we perhaps talk about what comes next?”
Lauren closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she looked at the ceiling. “Right.”
Right. Cam searched for the words, the questions, that would bring clarity without making her seem like a controlling ass.
“I should have said as much last night. I’m moving to England permanently.”
“You are?”
“I like it there. More importantly, I like who I am when I’m there. So much more, I’ve realized, than when I’m here.”
Surprise, relief, and a hint of elation danced at the edges of her brain. Still, it felt like Lauren might be holding something back. If there was a however looming, she wanted to know. “Is there more?”
She took a deep breath and Cam braced herself. “I don’t want you to think I’m abandoning my life on the hope we end up together. I mean, I hope we end up together, but my decision is bigger than that.”
A tiny part of her wanted Lauren to want her, want a future with her, badly enough to upend her life to make it happen. The rational, sane, rest of her knew that was a terrible idea. “That’s probably for the best.” She smiled, then her brain backtracked to the magnitude of Lauren’s declaration. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
The calm certainty of the statement did more to reassure her than the words themselves. “I’m glad.”
Lauren set her mug on the table by the bed, then took Cam’s and did the same with it
. She crawled into bed and straddled Cam’s thighs, causing the robe to separate and ride even higher. Cam couldn’t resist sliding her hands up Lauren’s legs and over her ass. Lauren raised a brow but didn’t try to stop her. “So, you’ll let me play tour guide and then you’ll help me pack up this place?”
Cam stilled her hands. “Packing? You didn’t say anything about packing.”
To her credit, Lauren didn’t even blink. “Really? You’re not going to help me pack?”
It still seemed unreal that everything that was wrong in her life just a day ago was now right, that Lauren not only loved her but wanted to make a home in England. “I think I’m prepared to do anything you ask.”
Lauren quirked a brow. “Anything?”
“Well, almost anything. I still don’t think I’m willing to eat gazpacho.”
Lauren’s head fell back and she laughed, long and hard. “It’s good to know your hard limits.”
The gleam in Lauren’s eyes proved too much. Cam tightened her grip and flipped their bodies so Lauren was beneath her. “And what are your hard limits, Ms. Montgomery?”
Lauren looked up into her eyes. Arousal, yes, but something more. Love. It took Cam’s breath away. But then a gleam of mischief came in and she said, “I think I’m prepared to do anything you ask.”
Having her words turned back on her, with such overt sexual connotation, did wicked things to Cam’s insides. “I’m going to remember that.”
“You know, we don’t have to see the city. I could just keep you here for the next three days.”
The idea of spending three days in bed with Lauren had its merits. Cam leaned in and kissed her long and slow. “I know I was very resistant at first, but I have to say I like the way you think.”
Lauren grinned. “It’s about damn time.”
