by Andi Rhodes
“I know.” I nod as I respond. “I just don’t know what the fuck to do.”
“Maybe that’s not such a bad thing,” Riker says.
“How the hell is that not a bad thing?” I snap.
“Think about it. You’ve always acted on impulse where she’s concerned. Maybe this time should be different.”
“Go on,” I prompt.
“The Soulless Kings and the Black Savages have been rivals since before we were born. A relationship between two of their members should be doomed, but it doesn’t have to be. If both people want the same things and love each other enough, anything can work. You just have to want it bad enough and love the other hard enough that the rivalry no longer matters.”
“Jesus, when did you become such a Romeo?” Joker chuckles.
“Fuck off, Brian.” Riker’s use of Joker’s given name does the trick. It shuts him up, as it always does because it reminds him that he’s just a man, like every other man on the face of the Earth.
“I gotta say, I think Riker’s on to something.” Piston’s expression turns thoughtful.
“For fuck’s sake, if you’re all gonna get philosophical, at least light up another joint.”
Greaser pulls a joint out of his pocket and lights it up. After he takes a hit, he passes it to his right, which unfortunately means I’ll be the last motherfucker to get any.
As we stand there, smoking pot and drinking beer, the flames dancing to the music of the night, I tilt my head up to the sky and stare at the stars. My brothers, my friends, continue to discuss how I can do things differently this time around, how I can bring Charlie to our side, how we can destroy the Black Savages without bringing carnage to our own doorstep. I know I’m lucky to have these men at my side, but it’s not their input I want right now.
I find the North Star and it seems to wink at me, as it always does when I need guidance. The original five may use this spot for ‘church’ but it’s also a place I come to when I need advice from the only woman, other than Charlie, that I’ve ever loved.
What do I do, mom?
Chapter Twenty-Three
I lose myself into panic. Lose myself into despair, defeat.
Charlie
The leather of my jacket creaks as I shift into a more comfortable position on the tree I’ve been leaning against for the last two hours. I shouldn’t have worn this. It makes too much noise.
I let my head rest against the trunk, but don’t take my eyes off the darkened window a hundred yards ahead of me. The window for the conference room they hold church in. As soon as it glows with light, I’m leaving my hidden spot between a few trees and crouching just beneath it to listen in on the meeting.
This would be so much easier if I knew what time it was starting.
I tap my fingers on my thigh and count back from one hundred as I wait, just to distract myself from the far more disturbing thoughts that have been bombarding my mind while I’ve been standing here. Like the possibility they already had church, and I’m too late.
Ninety-nine, ninety-eight…
Or the fact that I haven’t seen a guard walk the perimeter since I’ve been here, meaning they’ve decided our manpower is better spent somewhere else.
Ninety-seven, ninety-six, nin—
Warm light glows in the distance, and I squint to be sure it’s coming from the correct window.
Here we go.
I take a breath and plant my foot in that direction, hoping with everything in me that this isn’t the time a guard decides to come by. I halt when a crunching sounds behind me, and I spin in a panic to face the source.
My wide eyes narrow when they land on green eyes, so similar to my own.
“Did you at least crack the window first? Their voices will be muffled if you didn’t.”
My expression doesn’t change, but my heart gallops in my chest. She knows. My sister knows what I’m about to do.
What has she told them?
“I’m just heading up to the house to talk to Leal.”
Her eyebrow lifts, and she comes closer. “What have you been doing all this time then? Working up the courage?”
“Yes.”
She stares at me another moment with her brow lifted, then barks out a laugh and shakes her head. “You’re such an idiot, Charlotte.”
My fists clench at my sides. “I am not an idiot.”
“Yeah? Well, neither am I. I know what you’re doing, so just answer me. Did you crack the window?”
She seems like she genuinely wants to know, and it confuses me more than anything she could’ve said.
Has she done this before?
“Yes.”
She gives a curt nod and looks out toward the house. “Good.”
“Sylvia, what are you—”
“Do you really think you’re the only one who’s ever thought about being something other than a Black Savage?”
Honestly? Yes, that’s exactly what I thought.
I don’t answer, and she glances at me before continuing. “I’ve thought about running too. Not because of a fucking guy, but I’ve thought about it. You really ruined my chances when you took off. Dad became ten times more protective. You may as well have put the handcuffs on me yourself.”
I shake my head and try to make sense of what she’s saying to me.
This is why she hates me? Not because I betrayed the family but because I took her shot at a different life?
“Sylvia, I didn’t know.”
“That’s because you don’t look, Charlotte… You and everyone else. Leal was stupid enough to believe your boyfriend actually kidnapped you.”
I open my mouth to correct her but think better of it. She knows more than I thought anyone did. No need to point out the one thing she doesn’t have right just to have to explain why he kidnapped me.
I glance at the glowing light in the distance again.
“Come on, I’m listening with you.”
Sylvia starts toward the window before I have the chance to protest, and I follow behind, my head whipping in all directions to look out for anyone guarding the area.
We slow as we make it close to the window and duck beneath it. I press my back against the brick wall and cringe when my jacket squeaks. I can’t help but notice Sylvia doesn’t make a sound and crouches gracefully in all black, with her ear angled toward the top of the window.
How many times has she done this?
Inside, conversations drown one another out. It’s still the beginning of the meeting, so I know I didn’t miss the important discussion. Probably the only one they’re having tonight.
Finally, Leal’s voice is the only one that filters through the window as he tries to regain control over the meeting.
“Quiet! I know you all have something to say, and you’ll get your chance. But for now, we need to decide on a time for the raid.”
“That bitch isn’t worth it!” Someone’s voice I don’t recognize shouts. I feel Sylvia’s eyes move to me, but I don’t meet her gaze, nor do I show the hurt that spreads.
Another roar of voices begins. There’s a loud thud and I imagine it’s Leal’s fist pounding on the table.
“Whether she’s worth it or not isn’t fucking up to any of you!” Leal yells over the angry voices that won’t calm even with his demand. They slowly fade as he speaks. “Do you realize who you’re talking about right now? She’s Dyno’s daughter!”
“She’s a traitor!”
“She’s a Black Savage, and she’s family. Her reasons for leaving us aren’t clear, but I know she had them…”
His voice trails off as he defends me, and the breath caught in my throat whooshes out. I lay my forehead against the cool brick and breathe in its scent. He didn’t tell them about my alliance with the Soulless Kings. He didn’t even fucking tell them, and still, they hate me. Simply for not wanting to be a part of them.
No wonder Sylvia couldn’t leave.
“Can we at least agree that the Soulless Kings have done us wro
ng?” Leal asks, sounding almost defeated when the protests won’t fizzle out. No one agrees with him, or if they do, they’re quiet. This isn’t about the Soulless Kings. Whatever Leal says goes, and they all know it. But that doesn’t mean they have to be happy about it.
Muttered agreement sounds throughout the room.
“Good. Can we also agree that we aren’t going to be pussies and back down from the clear challenge they threw at us by kidnapping one of our own?”
More muttered agreement. They’re coming around. My heart speeds up at the angry grunts that filter out into the night air. Leal is getting them fired up, and for what? They might not know the truth, but he does. Why is he doing this?
“Smiley, when are they most vulnerable?”
“Five thirty in the morning, prez,” Smiley replies. “That’s when their gate security does shift change. The rest of the lazy fucks will still be in bed. They won’t know what hit them.”
“It’s settled then,” Leal says and his words are punctuated by a thud that can’t possibly be caused by only his fists. “We’ll head out at a quarter to five, so I suggest everyone gets some rest.”
“What about the specs?” someone asks. “Which members are we taking out?”
“All of them,” Leal says, steel in his tone. “We’ve let these scum live long enough.”
The room goes silent as they all process this.
“This time, we leave no survivors.”
“Charlotte?”
My sister’s muffled voice calls to me, but I can barely hear her past the ringing in my ears. My eyes are trained on brick, but suddenly Sylvia is in my line of sight when my shoulder is jerked back. I look down to see it’s her hand that’s on me.
“Charlotte, the meeting is over. We have to go.”
“Fender,” I say, my voice coming out warbled and my lip trembling.
She rolls her eyes and yanks me to stand as she does. I’m still trying to collect my bearings when she pulls me back the way we came, taking no care to shield either of us from the window. I look back and see the light is no longer on.
I pull my hand away, and she stops to glance over her shoulder at me, but I charge past her.
Fender.
Widow.
Joker.
Piston.
Margo.
Burly.
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“There you are, finally,” Sylvia says, speeding up beside me with a too-chipper tone. “I thought I’d lost you.”
I glare her way then look toward the house before breaking off into a run.
I need to get to my bike. I need to get to him.
“Charlotte, slow down,” Sylvia hisses, clutching my arm as she runs beside me.
I shake her off.
“You’re going to raise suspicions and get us caught!”
With that, I stop. I take deep breaths in through my nose and run my hands over my head.
I turn to Sylvia. “You can’t let him die.” I grab her shoulders and get in her face. “If anyone stops me from leaving, you have to go to them. You have to warn them!”
“Jesus, Charlotte.” Sylvia tries to push me off, but I dig my fingers into her jacket and don’t budge.
“Promise me!”
“Okay!”
Sylvia gently takes me hands and pries them from her jacket. There are tears running down my face, but I don’t bother brushing them away.
“I promise,” she assures me. “He’s gonna be okay, Char.”
I nod and lift my head to the wind, letting its cold bite dry the drops of weakness. I’m not crying because I’m afraid. I’m crying because I’m about to make the choice to sacrifice my family for this man… again. And I already hate myself for it.
“I know.”
Sylvia takes my arm and urges me toward our mom’s house. My jaw is hard when we walk up on it and I spot Leal’s bike in the driveway. I glance around and note that my mother’s Jaguar isn’t here, and for that I’m grateful.
Leal is sitting in one of the chairs on the front porch, waiting for us. Sylvia and I say nothing to each other as we approach, but I can see her throwing me worried glances out of the corner of my eye.
“Hey, Uncle Leal,” Sylvia says when we get near, no hint of deception in her tone. She’s good at this, I realize. I wonder what all she’s gotten away with over the years.
“Hi, sweetheart. Why don’t you go inside. Your sister and I need to talk.”
She moves past me and looks back as she gets to the door. I give her a reassuring nod, and she goes in, letting the screen door slam shut behind her.
“Hey, hon. How are you holding up?” Leal asks me, a sad smile on his face. He’s either as good of an actor as Sylvia or he doesn’t know we were just spying on them.
I sit in the chair beside him and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m okay.”
“Good.” He plants his large palm on my knee and squeezes. “That’s good.”
“What’s this about?”
“I’m afraid I have some bad news…” He combs his beard with his fingers and sighs like he doesn’t know how to tell it to me. He lets his hand drop to his lap. “I’ve thought a lot about what you told me. How you feel about that guy.”
“And?”
“And I realized we don’t always get to choose who we fall in love with.” He squeezes my knee again, but suddenly it doesn’t feel like it’s for comfort.
I move my eyes to that hand then back to Leal.
No.
“I remember when I was your age and what puppy love felt like. I get it, Char. I really do.”
I scoot to sit straighter and brush his hand off my knee as casually as possible.
I’m reading this wrong.
I have to be reading this wrong.
“Uncle Leal, what are you talking about?”
“I’m not angry,” he says, that compassionate smile curling his lips. It doesn’t have the settling effect it’s had on me since I was a little girl. My skin crawls.
“I even tried to convince the others that the Soulless Kings weren’t looking for a war. I tried to stop the decision, but you know how the brothers are.”
I don’t have the words to speak. I can’t even call him out on the lie. So much disgust and confusion clouds my brain that I’m frozen in place. Even when he puts his hand on me again.
“You don’t need that boy, sweetheart. You belong with a man. You belong here… with me.” He scoots his chair closer, and my eyes widen when he inhales and closes his eyes.
I should run. I should take this opportunity to slam my palm into his nose, but my brain still won’t command my muscles to move and he opens his eyes.
“I can take care of you. That kid never could. Not then and not now.”
I shove his hand off of me yet again and open my mouth to tell him to stop this before my fucking ears bleed, but something about the last thing he said stops me in my tracks. The way he said it.
“When I told you I had a history with Fender, you didn’t already know about it… did you?”
He chuckles and angles his head. “Sweetheart. You know you’ve never been good at keeping secrets. Not from me.”
“Did you know he would be there during the raid?” My lips part and my chest tightens. “Did you know they would’ve killed him?”
“Charlotte, listen to me. He is the reason you were in danger that day. He put your life in danger then, and he’s doing it now. Don’t you see that? Don’t you see he can’t protect you?”
I stand and move back from the chairs until my rear bumps into the porch railing. “You knew I was there that day?” The words come out as a question even though I already know the answer.
He stands too and holds up his hands. “I never would’ve let anything happen to you, baby. You know that.”
“Why didn’t you stop them?!”
Tears burst from my eyes, and I throw a hand over my mouth when the reality of it all comes crashing down on me. The
real reason for the raid. The reason Fender’s parents died. The reason Fender almost died.
“It was you.” My words are soft and broken, nearly swallowed up by the wind.
“You needed to see that you can’t be one of them. You’re one of us. We’re stronger than they are. We can protect you. I can protect you.” He thumps his chest.
“I don’t want your fucking protection!”
“Don’t say that.”
“Did my dad know, too? Did he order people to kill Fender for being my fucking boyfriend?”
Leal’s eyes darken, and he stands up straight, towering over me like a fucking giant. It doesn’t make me feel safe anymore. I’m not the princess protected by guards in the castle. I’m the princess guarded by a fucking dragon so I don’t leave the kingdom.
“Your father would never have been so forgiving.”
“Then why did he allow the raid to happen? Please,” I say, curling my hands over the rail. If he takes another step toward me I’m hurling myself over and running.
But I have to know this first.
“Please, I need to know.”
Leal’s face softens like he pities my pain, and it reminds me so much of the way he looked at me at my father’s funeral. Back when I thought his eyes were innocent. Back when I thought he was innocent.
“Your father was given information that the Soulless Kings were planning an attack on us. So we attacked first.”
“And who gave them that information? You?”
Leal doesn’t answer, but that’s an answer in itself.
“We lost lives that day.” I shove off the railing out of anger, forgetting that I’m supposed to be keeping my distance. “And how many lives have we lost since because you’re a jealous fucking perv?!”
Leal grabs my throat and lifts me into the air. His expression loses any compassionate appearance as he looks me in the eyes, his face hard as stone. I scratch at his hands and struggle, my lungs burning, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He peeks over his shoulder into the window to see if anyone is watching.
Sylvia.
I want to scream her name, but air won’t go through my windpipe. In or out.
He drops me to my feet and lets me gasp for a few seconds before he presses a hand to my mouth and forces me to look him in the eyes.
