by Delisa Lynn
“Give me a hundred bucks and it’s yours.” He says lighting another cigarette.
“I can do that, so is she here?” I ask knowing, she was she was probably just pleasing him in one way or another. He opens the door and sure enough, there she lies on the dirty ass floor, nude, with a pipe in her hand.
“Let her sleep, do me a favor, here is an extra two hundred to not tell her I was here. Can you do that for me?”
“Hell, yeah. It’s our secret, brah.” He says as he takes the money and gives me my bike keys.
I can’t believe how stupid I am for not throwing her ass out yet. I should have a long time ago. Things will definitely change. I’ll have to take her ass to court to get custody of my boy. But I will fight her with all that I have. She isn’t getting him, I’ll make sure of that.
I load my bike on my truck and head out of Crackville. I go home and get all of her shit packed. Hell, I think she had sold almost everything she owns. I put all of her clothes and shoes in trash bags and sit them by the living room door. We have separate checking accounts so there is no way she can touch my money. And I’ll be damned if she will get any of my hard earned money so she can do what she is doing.
Before picking AJ up, I decide to stop by and see Addison. I stop and buy her some yellow and purple flowers from the florist. I pull up next to her resting place, walking up to the stone, I could feel my tears releasing. Damn, I miss this girl more than any fucking thing. She hated me so much some times, but one thing was for sure, she always had my back.
The day she died, a piece of me died, too. But I knew I had to stay strong, for my unborn child and Lila. We didn’t know where Liam was, and Lila and Addison were the best of friends. You never saw one without the other. She was a total wreck, and I needed to comfort her. As I kneel in front of her stone, I place the flowers in front and run my fingers over her name. Coming here is always hard, I try to bring AJ, but his mother doesn’t think it’s a good idea.
“Hey sis, how are things up there? I can really use you down here right now. Things are so fucked up with Christa and me. You were right, she wasn’t what I wanted. But she got pregnant, and I couldn’t leave my child. So much as changed since you’ve been gone. Mom and Dad, are doing okay. But we all miss you every day. The day you took your last breath was the day that changed all of us. Your heart will forever live through us. I share stories and pictures with AJ. You would love him, he is an amazing child. He looks just like me, poor kid. Please watch over us, this is going to be a trying time for us. I’m finally going to divorce her, I hate saying her name. I’m glad I took your advice when you told me to always make her sign a prenuptial agreement.
Addison, I love you so much. I know you had so much more to give us all, but there were other plans for you up there. I’ll be back soon, and I’ll bring my little man with me. Until we meet again, I’ll be seeing ya.”
I walk back to my truck and cry like a baby. For my sister and everything that has been going on. I’m not as strong as I thought was.
I wake up to the smell of French toast, eggs and bacon. Turkey bacon that is. Liam thinks it’s healthier for baby bean. I’ve noticed we’re both using the name baby bean. I have the greatest husband ever. Today is our last day here. I’ve had an amazing weekend. We stayed in bed all day yesterday, we called room service four times, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a late night snack.
I’ve been so hungry lately and craving the oddest things. Last night I wanted salted caramel gelato and Funyuns. Thank God the resort has a never ending supply of whatever you need, because I ate three bags of Funyuns and not the snack size bag. It was the family size bag!! Liam brought me a bottle of mouth wash and my tooth brush told me to use the whole bottle.
I need to talk to Liam about Evan and everything that has happened. I know deep down he knows. He told me we can talk when I was ready. I don’t know how to explain everything. All the feelings I have for Evan and the time we’d spent together. I can never regret anything I’ve done with Evan. I know that makes me sound like an awful person, but I can’t just shut my feelings for him off. They are there, and I seriously don’t think they will ever leave my heart.
I honestly thought when Liam came back they would go away. Then after Liam and I was married, I still had dreams about Evan. Here it is four years later and I still have the same feelings I had the day I told Evan I was in love with him.
If this baby is Evan’s, it’ll kill Liam, and ruin our family. I can’t lose him, I love him too much, and we have been through hell and back. I almost lost him forever, and then my accident almost claimed my life. I’m very lucky and thankful that I survived.
When I woke up in the hospital and Liam told me I was pregnant, I instantly felt sick. I remembered that I had stopped my birth control because we wanted to have another baby before the twins started school. Liam loved the idea of having them all home at the same time. He works from home most of the time and so do I, when I don’t have a huge case that needs me in the office or the courtroom.
My plans were to travel to New York, and see my friends. I did want to see Evan, but I never thought I would cheat on my Liam. The feelings I have for Liam and the ones I have for Evan are very different. Yes, I’m in love with them both, but I can never be with Evan, my heart and soul is Liam’s, it always has been.
When Liam was in the army, I would cry myself to sleep every night. Not knowing where he was or if he was hurt, broke me. I put up a mask on the outside, but on the inside I was dying. I let my guard down and let Evan fall for me, in the process I fell for him. I was drinking bottles of wine for fucking breakfast, that’s how bad I was hurting. After Nikki moved all I had was Evan, he was my comfort, he showed me how special I was, and he filled that void that Liam had left. I was only nineteen and had only been seeing Liam for about six months before he went into the army.
But I knew that someday I would marry him. Then he disappeared and Evan swooped me up, literally. His country charm and his beautiful soul, not to mention his sexy body, and amazing voice. I accepted his proposal, but prayed that I would get my Liam back. I hurt Evan so bad, how he can even be friends with me after everything I put him through, and now this. I can’t tell him. No one knows that I’m pregnant. I know Nikki suspects it, and I’m supposed to be her Matron of Honor and Evan is of course Brody’s Best Man. I can see us now having a newborn baby at the wedding.
“What’s going through the beautiful mind of yours?” Liam asks as he carries our luggage from the bedroom, and sits it in front of the door then leans in and kisses me.
“Liam, what I need to tell you may hurt you. Do you want to talk here or at home?” I asks as I sat on the couch, hoping he would say here so I can just get it all out so we can move on with our lives.
He sighs and runs his hands through his hair, not just one hand he ran both and that means he is discouraged. I know my husband and he is going to hate everything I’m getting ready to say. I pull a pillow in front of my stomach for comfort. I look in his eyes, I can see hurt and sadness.
“Li, I will call and add another night. Also, I’ll call mom to let her know we won’t be back until tomorrow or the next day. Whatever we need to talk about, I think we should just talk here, and stay until we both are calm and ready to go back to our girls, okay?”
I sigh, I don’t know if I should start with day one or the last couple months. He makes his calls and takes our bag back into the bedroom. He changes into a pair of sweats and takes his shirt off. He is so goddamn sexy, his abs are enough to drive any woman crazy, and the way his pants hangs low around his V shape. I can lick, suck, and fuck his body all day long. No, it isn’t the hormones talking, my Liam is truly the definition of eye candy.
“So should I sit down next to you or across the room?” Liam asks as he stands in front of me with his arms folded across his chest. Hell, if he doesn’t put a shirt on, we aren’t going to get any talking done. I was ready to tackle his man parts with my mouth.
“Can you please
sit next to me, and hold my hand?” I ask as I reach my hand out to him. He walks to the kitchen and comes back with some paper towels. I know he knows exactly what I’m going to say. He takes my hand in his and kisses the top of it, then sits next to me and pulls me in for a hug.
“I will never leave your side love, we are in this together.” He says as he kisses my cheek.
“I’m just going to tell you everything, please let me finish before you say anything, okay?” I ask as I squeeze his hand. He doesn’t say anything, he just shakes his head and squeezes my hand.
“First, I want you to know I love you more than anything, and I will until I take my last breath. You complete me and I have loved you since the day you comforted me when I caught Ashton cheating. When you told me you were joining the Army, it broke my heart. I hated that we had just found our feelings for each other, and then we both were going different directions.
“When I started NYU and met Evan, he was a great friend. I never meant for him to fall in love with me or me to fall for him. I was so comfortable with him. He knew how much I loved you, I told him from the time he knew about you that you were it for me. I was hoping you would come home and propose to me, and he knew that. I hadn’t heard from you in months and I was so lonely. He and I had been hanging out together every minute that we could. The night his mother passed away changed everything.
“Any questions so far?” I ask knowing what I am getting ready to say is going to have me in tears. More than likely he will also be in tears and ready to leave me all alone.
“I don’t right now. I’m going to grab me a beer and you a water.” He says as he walks to the kitchen. Hell, I needed a damn beer myself. Of all times to have this discussion and I can’t drink. He comes back and hands me a water and kisses my lips. I love the way his lips fell against mine, they are always so warm and soft. I inhale his manly scent as he sits next to me. He reaches out for my hand, as our fingers intertwine, I feel comfort knowing he is ready to hear everything.
“The first time, I slept with Evan was the night his mother passed. He was hurt and lost. He came to me and was a mess. I held him, and I let him hold me. I hadn’t heard from you and when he kissed me, I wanted him. I know it was wrong, I knew I shouldn’t have been in bed with him anyways. But I was comfortable with him, he was a huge part of my life, and he needed me and I will admit I needed him just as much, if not more.”
I sigh and take a deep breath, and squeeze Liam’s hand. He reaches over and kisses my cheek, I can feel the unshed tears ready to erupt at any moment. I choke back a sob that I feel escaping my throat, then I speak again.
“I didn’t know what to do, but I knew that once he started kissing me we couldn’t stop. One thing led to another and we had sex. As soon as we finished, all the emotions came flooding in, I knew I had just messed up everything and probably lost you in the process. I had planned to tell you when I saw you at Thanksgiving. Nothing else, other than little kisses here and there, happened until you didn’t return in November.”
I stop, I can see the anger in Liam’s face and I know I am hurting him. How could I hurt him so bad when all he has done is love me? The look in his eyes breaks my heart, I want to run, not tell him anything, and just run as far as I can. But I have to explain everything for him to understand my actions.
“Lila, I know this is hurting you as bad as it is me. Please continue, I want to know everything.” He says as he hugs me. I can feel my body starting to tremble, baby bean must feel it too, because my stomach is doing flip-flops.
“When you didn’t show I went back to New York. I waited for a week before I called Evan, he just assumed that I was with you. Once I called him, I was having an emotional melt down, he planned a special day for us. He had no intensions of having sex with me that day. But Liam, I needed him more than I had never needed anything. I hadn’t heard from you, I was hurt, lost, and feeling all sorts of fucked up emotions.” I sigh and then take a sip of water, I know the sooner I tell him the better.
“We had sex that day, I told him I loved him because I do, I mean I did. Then after that day we just became a couple. I still thought about you every day. Not a day went by that I didn’t wonder where you were if you were alive and well.” I say as I sigh, getting ready to speak again but Liam put his finger to my mouth.
“Lila, can you please answer these questions, I’m going to ask you?” He says as he gets into the floor in between my knees, wrapping his arms around me.
“Yes, I can answer whatever you want Liam.” I say as I run my hand down his cheek. I know exactly what he is going to ask and I’m not so sure if I want to answer but I have to, I’m the one that fucked everything up.
“Lila, look at me love. Did you have sex with Evan the day of your father’s memorial?” he asks as he holds my hand. I go let out sigh and a sob escapes my throat. I’m trying to hold it back but it’s not staying in.
“Ye…Yes, Liam, I did.” I say. He closes his eyes and squeezes my hands even tighter. He brings both hands to his mouth and kisses them.
“Okay, now answer this, did you have sex with Evan when you were in NYC? If you say yes, please tell me you used protection?” He says as he sits back beside me on the couch. Oh God, I have to tell him the truth.
“Yes, I slept with him in NYC. No, we didn’t use protection. We had sex twice that weekend. Liam, please look at me. I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you.” I cry, he stands up and walks out on the boardwalk. I don’t know if I should follow, or if I should just sit here and wait for him to come back inside.
“Fuck, why the hell do you keep running to him?” I hear him yell. Then he turns to face me and starts walking back inside with his fists clinched together. He has never hurt me, but right now I’m terrified. I take an extra pillow and hold the two pillows as close to me as I can.
“So tell me Lila, when else did you go off fucking Evan. Hmm, are the girl’s even mine? You apparently don’t know what a goddamn condom is, and neither does he.” He says as he stands next to the kitchen counter.
“Ju…just the times you know about, in NYC when I packed my belongings to move back home, my father’s memorial, and this year. And, yes, the girls are yours. How can you ask me that Liam? I hadn’t seen or talked to him in months when I got pregnant with them.” I cry out as I can see him getting angrier. I can’t hold back the sobs as the tears started pouring form my eyes.
“Jesus Li, every goddamn time was unprotected?” he asks as I just cry. How could I’ve be so fucking stupid? “Fucking. Answer. My. Question.” He yells as he punches the counter. I know he is pissed, I can see the veins in his neck bulging out.
“Yes, every time was unprotected. I slept Evan four times since you’ve been back. I’m sorry, Liam, please… Please, baby, forgive me.” I whisper. I run to him and grab him around his waist. He pulls away from me and pounds his hand on the counter again.
“Are you just fucking him to fuck him? Because you want him? You want to hurt me? What the hell is it? I never imagined you would do this to me, to us, Lila. Baby bean might be his. There is no goddamn way he is going to destroy us or our family. Do you understand me? No fucking way, Lila Rae. This baby is mine, you hear me? It’s mine, and you’re mine. I’ll be goddamn if he will be a part of our child’s life, ever! I’ve known, since I had seen his smug ass at the hospital, that you was with him, and the baby might not be mine. I’ve had months to process this. I was so fucking mad at you. You were lying in that hospital bed for two fucking months and all I could think about is there is a possibility the baby inside you might not be mine. I’m trying really hard to stay calm, because I don’t want to cause you or the baby any stress.” He says as he grabs and hugs me.
“Liam, I’m so sorry… I don’t know why I needed him all those times. I love him, but not like I do you.” I say as I wrap my arms around him tighter.
“I know baby, I know. I hate that you were with him while we’ve been together, but I can’t help but to love you. Look at me, promise
me that you will never do this again.”
“I won’t, Liam, I promise. We have our lives and he has his.” I just look into his eyes and promise him I wouldn’t have anything to do with a man I used to be in love with. Hell, I still have love for him. I can’t just turn my feelings off for Evan, I won’t see or talk to him again. I won’t betray Liam again.
We spend the rest of the night holding each other and talking. We didn’t make love, his arms are my comfort. Without him and my girls, I’m nothing, and I just about lost my life with him. I can’t lose him, and this baby can’t be Evan’s. It will change everything.
I love my job, but days like this make me wish I would’ve taken more time off. We got back late last night, then both girls slept in our bed. I woke up late so, therefore, I am running late. I spilt decaf coffee down my blouse. Once I reach the office, my coworker and friend, Megan, is in my office with a new blouse and my files, I need for court. I’ve been working on and divorce case for a very wealthy client, she and her husband were very well known, and I was shocked when she asked me to represent her.
“Megan, doll, you are a damn life saver. Liam doesn’t want me drinking caffeine, and oh God, do I need it. I can’t function, I keep telling myself five months. Then the damn alarm, didn’t go off this morning. Maddison couldn’t find her favorite giraffe. Addison’s dress wasn’t the color she wanted to wear. Liam, had to go into the office early and Rosa, was just a life saver as always. You know if it isn’t one thing it’s another.”
“Just take a deep breath, sounds like the romantic weekend was longer than expected? I’m going to court with ya lady, I got your back. Now hurry before you are even later.”
“Yes, very long, but sweet. My husband is perfect. I don’t know how I got so lucky.”
“Yeah, we know. They broke the mold when they made that man, his body is well.”
