by S. Nahar
“Outside with my friends,” he responded bluntly.
“You shouldn’t go outside now. Mum and Baba will be worried.”
“I’ll come back. Just don’t say anything.”
“Tanwir, you can’t be serious? You’re making Baba even more stressed than he already is. Can’t you just listen to him for once?” I said, staring at him directly in the eye.
He walked a few steps closer to me until he was towering over me. I looked up, not lowering my stance. I’m not going to let him scare me.
“You don’t know shit. They never stood by me, so why should I stand by them? You don’t know what I’m going through. I suggest you shut up or else,” he whispered harshly.
“You’ve just misunderstood them. They’re trying to help you, and you keep pushing them away. You keep throwing your religion away!” I yelled.
Mum and Baba weren’t home. They went shopping, so they weren’t going to hear this.
He roughly grabbed my arms. “I’m not throwing my religion away! You don’t know what I’m going through. Go back to your princess life. Go back to everyone giving you all the attention, and just shut up!”
“No! I won’t! You’re my brother. I’m supposed to help you. We’re supposed to be there for each other. Why won’t you let your family help you? Why do you keep pushing them away? One day your family won’t be there anymore. One day they will all die and be gone—”
“Shut up! Don’t say that! You know what? Just shut up. No one else has an annoying sister like you,” he glared.
“I’m trying to help you, but all you do is yell at me and hurt me! Can’t you see that?” I desperately pleaded with him.
None of the worries of my day like my argument with Damon even mattered anymore. I just wanted my older brother to be as kind as he was when we were kids, when we were too pure to be tainted by harsh reality, when we still had everyone in our family. I wished things would go back to normal again before that incident had happened.
He twisted my arms, making me wince in pain. It hurt and I was holding back sobs. Pain erupted under his grip and I tried to pull away. He was stronger than me, making my struggles useless. I bit my lip to hold back a cry, holding myself to stay strong. He didn’t know what he was doing, I had to be calm.
“I hate you. I don’t need your help. Don’t ever ask or try again. This is a warning,” he seethed, letting me go.
I fell to the ground and he left, shutting the door. I let the tears fall. I sobbed quietly and let out harsh breaths. He hurt me again and this time, he gave me a threat. Why was he doing this? Oh Allah, please help me reach out to him. I was so scared for him and myself. Would he really hurt me more for helping him?
I wrapped a scarf around my head, and went outside. I walked to a lake where no one goes, and sat on the bench where my quiet spot is. I let all the tears out, all the pain and misery, all the aching need for my old life. It had been years, yet the pain still throbbed against my chest.
Death always rendered the weak in a state of mindlessness.
I cried and looked at my arms. Bruises were beginning to form. I was not going to give up. I was going to help even if it was the last thing I do, but at what cost?
Chapter 4
Terrorist Control Central
Damon Winters
I had stormed off after an argument with Amira, and allowed the gentle wind to caress my worries away with a kiss of a breeze. The world had spun out of my control since we moved. My mother forced me here because she thought, being around with a diverse set of students would allow me to adapt better.
But, I didn’t want to adapt. I didn’t want to like the people who had wronged me, who had hurt me, and who had absolutely betrayed me.
The rumors had been true. I did get in a fight with a Muslim student, and it wasn’t a regular high school fight either. The emotions between the two of us were too complex that physical dominance had been the only rational option, but it didn’t make things right.
The thing that wouldn’t get out of my mind was her eyes. As my anger intensified, and as the minutes went on, so did her defensive walls. They rose higher with every second that skimmed past the two of us. As I stood before her in the library, I realized that Amira was not somebody to reckon with. She would defend her beliefs through every type of accusation no matter how true they were. As much as I hated to admit it, Amira’s quick responses fueled a part of me I hadn’t known.
It was free will and debate.
I didn’t agree with her religious beliefs, but she argued so fiercely and strategically that I had been lost for words. I admired her bravery to stand up against me like that.
Sighing, I spotted a lake up ahead, feeling a flood of relief wash over me. I needed a minute to sort through my conflicting thoughts. I had seen Amira when I first moved in and I remembered how different she was. How she acted like an ordinary American teen does, finding her way through life.
But why is she different from the rest? What makes her special?
When I reached the lake, I heard sobs. I looked around until my eyes landed on one beautiful creature. It was Amira. Tears streamed down her golden cheeks like a waterfall, her body was shaking as she heaved deep breaths to calm herself.
What happened?
I walked a little bit closer to her and I saw her eyes and gasped. The hidden emotions in them started to show themselves, but I couldn’t read them.
“Amira? Are you alright?”
She looked up at me with her lips trembling. My heart broke looking at her. Her cheeks were flush and damp with tears. Sniffling, she vigorously wiped under her eyes.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” she forced with a tight smile.
She was about to walk away, but I grabbed her arm. She winced the second I touched her. What the hell?
I pulled her arm towards me, pulling her sleeve back and saw bruises, dark and tender. “Who did this to you?” I asked, harshly. I may have had different beliefs than her, but it didn’t make me completely heartless to a girl who needed a shoulder to cry on.
My chest ached, seeing her pain-ridden eyes with a mixture of fear and heartbreak. This was the same girl who matched my fervor in argumentative debates, the same girl who challenged me in a way that no one had ever dared, and here she was completely shattered beyond recognition.
She pulled her arm back and looked back at me. “Nothing. I just hurt myself,” she said calmly.
“That’s bull. I know you’re lying. Why were you crying, and why do you have bruises?’
“Nothing happened. Just leave me alone,” she mumbled.
“Amira—”
“I’m sorry but I have to go,” she whispered, running away.
I called after her, but she disappeared. What the hell? Something about this girl had me going for her, and had me feeling sympathy for her. That high school fight became a lost memory as I tried to search for the reason of her distress.
I didn’t even know why I cared for a girl associated with a terrorist religion.
She’s not a terrorist. She’s different. My inner thoughts contradicted.
Yeah, right. They were all the same. They tricked people with their amicable ways, and pounce when someone’s guard was down. After all, that was exactly what happened at the school where I came from.
Chapter 5
Just the Beginning
Amira Sarker
I was on lunch, talking to my friends as if yesterday never happened. I was very good at concealing my feelings. I didn’t want to burden my friends with my problems when they were going through their own. Plus, it felt nice to forget about yesterday and enjoy myself.
“Theo James is so hot. I’m not joking,” Meredith gushed.
I raised my eyebrows. Theo James was the actor who played Tobias Eaton in Divergent. I admit he was cute, but I wouldn’t go crazy about it.
“I swear you are too obsessed with him. You barely know the guy for heaven’s sake!” Lucy laughed.
“I agr
ee. Sure, the guy is cute, but not crazily hot,” I said.
“Oh, shut up. A girl can dream,” Meredith playfully glared.
“Hey! Telling people to shut up is my thing!” Tasneem exclaimed.
“Oh whatever. Everyone tells people to shut up,” Lucy remarked.
“Yeah, but the way I say it, is way cooler,” Tasneem argued.
Tasneem and Lucy continued their silly argument. Meredith and I just laughed at their comebacks. I noticed that one member of our group stayed silent, and looked as if she was in deep thought about something. Aria, who was sitting next to me, was looking across the room. I followed her gaze, and saw her looking at Mark’s table.
He was laughing with his friends with a girl seated right next to him. She touched his biceps, twirling her hair, and giggling at whatever he says. Mark didn’t seem to realize her obvious attempts at flirting.
I looked back at Aria. Her once electric blue eyes turned stormy and were glistening, clouded with hurt and betrayal. I grabbed her hand which seemed to get her attention.
“Talk to him,” I whispered.
She rubbed her eyes to rid the tears. “He really is losing interest in me, isn’t he?” she asked, broken.
“I can’t say, but if he does, it’s his loss. You’re an amazing girl. You have a kind and pure heart. You’re selfless in your deeds, and you do your best to become a good person. If he doesn’t see that, then he’s an idiot. Talk to him about it, and see what he says,” I told her softly.
She nodded her head, but kept her head down. Her light brown hair covered her face. I saw a tear slip on her hand and I squeezed it in reassurance. My heart was aching in pain for my friend of many years.
“Some guys aren’t worth the tears,” I said.
I gazed around the pantry, and my eyes landed on Damon. He was wearing a plain shirt with jeans, an outfit too casual than I expected from him. For a guy who had a whispering rumor about a major fight, I expected more of a bad boy look; wearing a leather jacket, driving a motorcycle. Damon was full of surprises.
I really hoped he forgot about yesterday, but only Allah knew. Damon was staring at his food, picking at it as his mind waivered. He seemed lost in thought about something. I turned my eyes away from him, and paid attention to what my friends were saying.
Damon was just another boy; he isn’t worth my thoughts.
***
Lunch was over and I was walking to my science class. Science was my favorite subject. It always fascinated me, especially how the body worked. Human health was interesting. Maybe that was why I wanted to be a doctor or a biomedical practitioner. Organisms and microbiology really heightened my interest in learning their complexity and their ability to regenerate easily, only if the cells were healthy. Allah’s creations were indeed perfect and beyond amazing.
As I was walking, Damon ran up to me.
“Hey,” he smiled.
“Hi,” I replied.
“Are you going to tell me what happened yesterday or not?” he asked, seriously.
“Nothing happened,” I responded, firmly. I was hoping that he forgot about yesterday.
“Don’t give me that crap. If nothing happened, then why were you crying, and why were there bruises on your arm?” he asked with raised eyebrows, like he was challenging me to tell him otherwise.
“I hurt myself really badly,” was my simple reply. I thank Allah that I didn’t stutter. It wasn’t a lie. Not exactly. I pushed Tanwir to his limits, so part of it was my fault.
He gave me the ‘are-you-kidding-me’ look.
“A likely story,” he remarked.
I shrugged.
“Tell me the truth now. What happened? I know you didn’t hurt yourself. Did someone hurt you physically? I want to know. Are you in an abusive relationship?” he demanded.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“The hell you don’t. You know exactly what I’m talking about, so I suggest you spill the beans,” he retorted.
We walked into the classroom together, and were the only ones at the moment. Placing my stuff on my desk, I turned to him with my most expressionless face.
“There are certain things in life that are meant to stay under lock and keys. It’s my personal life and I suggest that you,” I said, while pointing at him, “stay out of it.”
“I’m trying to help you,” he said with a determined look in his forest-green eyes.
“Why? Why do you care so much about it?” I asked.
“Because... well because,” he paused, shifting on his feet uneasily. That same tension coiled around him it seemed, immobilizing his train of thoughts. “Well… I’m not quite sure.”
I was shocked. The new guy treated me his friend! “Well, I don’t need your help,” I scoffed, taking my seat. My next words flew out without my consent. “I doubt you’d want to help a girl you deem incapable in her beliefs.”
Offense crawled over his features. “Hey, we don’t have to agree on every little thing. I’m not a heartless person, Amira. You can trust me.”
“It’s not a matter of trust.”
He sighed. “Damn. Why do you have to be so secretive?”
“Secrets are meant to stay hidden,” I smiled tightly.
“You are a mystery behind eyes, Amira Sarker,” he grinned, slowly easing the tension away. It seemed like he was warming up to me.
I felt my face heat up at the comment and I thanked Allah for my tan skin. It was harder to notice my blush, which was a trait many would wish to have.
I watched, as Damon engaged in a conversation with some of the other guys. His eyes suddenly gleamed with newfound brightness and luminosity which occasionally landed on me. Lost in my own world, I didn’t notice that my science partner, Anna, came and took a seat beside me.
“Are you blushing or is that just makeup?” she asked while squinting her eyes, looking at my face closely.
“When do I ever wear makeup in school?” I answered back with a question.
“The great Amira Sarker has actually blushed for the first time in forever. Who’s the lucky guy?” she asked.
“No one.”
“Liar. Someone has set their eyes on you, huh?” she winked.
“Oh, shut up. That’s not true,” I laughed.
She just grinned and wiggled her eyebrows at me. I was about to tell her to quit it, but the bell rang and cut me off. Everyone took their seats, and our teacher began the lesson.
“Today we are going to start with the research presentations. First up is Anna and Amira,” she announced.
“Ms. Lyon, I need to log into my email to open up the power point since I saved it online,” I said.
She nodded her head and I got up with Anna, following behind me while Damon sat near the computer. I quickly logged in and opened up the presentation, ignoring his burning gaze on my back.
***
I arrived home, and placed my stuff on the counter. Walking over to the sink, I washed my hands, and saw Mum putting a bowl on the counter.
“It’s macaroni and cheese, so enjoy! The kids are about to wake up. If you need anything, I’ll be downstairs. Oh, and when you’re done with your homework, come and help me take care of the kids,” she said, and headed downstairs.
Mum was a babysitter. She ran a family day care so we all pitched in to help. She made a daycare out of our basement. It was like a child’s dreamland down below.
I grabbed the laptop, and checked my email while eating my food. It had been a long day. Damon kept glancing at me in all our classes together, and no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, I just felt even more hot and bothered. His sudden act of kindness had painted his personality in a different light.
He was willing to put our differences aside just to help me. As much as I’d like to ignore it, my body felt warm and fuzzy like I rested upon a cloud of loving embraces.
Sighing, I opened up my Google chat, and saw something that made my body freeze.
[email protected] would
like to chat with you.
Chapter 6
His Messages
Amira Sarker
What the heck? Is it really Damon? I didn’t know his last name, but it could be him. If it is, then how did he even get my email to begin with? I never gave it to him. After thinking for a few moments, I replied.
Me: Who are u? And how did u get my email?
It couldn’t really be Damon. It just couldn’t. It didn’t make sense. No boy had ever, and I mean ever, gotten any of my personal social media accounts. I’d always turn them down or never even answer.
Damon: It’s me. Damon from school. Ya know? We’re partners for history. And I saw u type in ur email in science.
So, it is him. Why would a guy like him be talking to me through chat?
Me: Stalker much?
Damon: XD well yeah. I mean this way I can annoy u when ur at home 2. I forgot to bold their names here.
That made me smile before mentally hitting myself. What was wrong with me? Talking to the opposite gender in such a playful manner is haraam (forbidden), yet I feel so tempted to. Shaytan (Satan) makes the forbidden seem attractive when it really wasn’t. Allah told us to stay away from these things, so why am I going to do it? Why should I go against my Lord and His commandments?
I really did want to talk to Damon though. I guess I felt something for him. No. Stop. This isn’t right.
Damon: What r u doing?
Maybe if I keep the conversation from getting playful, it wouldn’t be so bad.
Me: Doing my homework.
Damon: Ur such a nerd dude. Live a little.
I snickered. I had the perfect comeback for that one.
Me: Oh yeah, I should totally forget about my future and become a bad girl with no future -_-
Damon: Ur still a mega nerd.
Me: I would rather be a nerd than a dumb bimbo duhh.
Damon: U make a compelling argument.
Me: Don’t I always?
