by S. Nahar
I only hoped that I could join their journeys in the same way.
“When are you guys leaving for college?” I asked them, putting my controller on my lap.
“In a week,” said Tye.
“I’m going in like a month, I want to spend time with my girlfriend first,” said Thomas.
“Thomas got a girl,” Tye cooed.
“Shut up and play the damn game,” Thomas retorted.
I rolled my eyes. “Maybe we should find Tye a girl.”
“Nah, I’m good. The single life is the best life.”
Jacob nodded in agreement. “I can’t say that I disagree with him.”
I exaggeratedly gasped. “Jacob and Tye are agreeing with each other? Man, college hasn’t even started yet and I already sense the changes.”
“Shut up!” said Tye, pushing my shoulder. “I have a reasonable amount of charm that makes Jacob gay for me.”
I shook my head. “Absolutely not.”
“If you can pull Amira, I can pull whoever I want. It’s the twenty-first century, man. Anything is possible, and I mean anything,” he emphasized.
“You know, I think he’s onto something here,” Jacob acknowledged, scratching his chin with a free hand. “I’m definitely seeing the evolution of Tye.”
Tye groaned. “How do we always come back to that?”
“It’s okay, Tye. It’s just a natural instinct in us,” Thomas smirked.
Tye glared. “1v1 me, scrub.”
“You’re so on,” Thomas said with a mischievous glint in his eye.
“Hey, Jacob, wanna help me make food?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said as he put his controller down.
Jacob and I walked to the kitchen. Dad took Jade on a business trip with him, so I’d been at Mom’s house, trying to help her in any way that I could. Mom has been really busy lately, and decided to use her day off to take Daniel and Percy to an amusement park. Daniel was still a pain in the ass while Percy just sat in his room all day, wallowing in his own pool of misery as the divorce ate away at him every single day.
“You alright there?” Jacob asked while slicing tomatoes.
I snapped out of my thoughts. “I was just thinking about Percy.”
“What about him?”
I sighed, leaning against the counter. “My parent’s divorce is really fucking with him.”
“Well, obviously. He’s a little kid who looked up to his dad,” Jacob said as started cutting the lettuce for our sandwiches. “By the way, where are your brothers?”
“They went to an amusement park with Mom and their friends.”
“What? Why not us?!” he exclaimed, turning to me with a horrified expression.
I raised my eyebrows. “Aren’t you like an adult?”
“By law but not by heart, which means I can act like a child if I want,” he huffed proudly as he went back to his sandwich making. Not going to lie, Jacob makes amazing food.
“Bitch,” I muttered under my breath.
“Sometimes I wonder how Amira even likes you.”
The mention of her name brought a smile to my face. “She’s… different, special, and all kinds of amazing.”
Jacob gave me a sly glance. “I’m glad you finally realize how much she means to you. I’m still grossed out by the fact that you have a girl you’re crazy about.”
“Why?” I chuckled.
He shrugged. “I never saw it coming in all honesty. Remember what you were like when you first came here?”
“Oh, God. That feels like ages ago.”
“Doesn’t it? Time seems to be going by so fast now. I don’t think I’m ready,” he admitted, a faraway look in his dark eyes.
“Me neither.”
Suddenly, Jacob began laughing to himself as a memory played a reel in his mind. “You used to hate Muslims, and now you’re in love with one. Isn’t that ironic?”
I smiled. “Shut up. I know it is.”
“Have you talked to Luqmaan again?”
I shook my head. “Some things are better left unsaid.”
“Oh?”
“I just…” I paused, exhaling a deep breath. It still hurt to remember what he did, and I had a feeling that lingering pain wouldn’t be gone anytime soon. “Honestly, I don’t want to put myself in a situation where my curiosity gets the better of me. There are so many things I want to know about why he did what he did, but it’s better for me not to know, to live my life away from his toxicity, to focus on my future instead of the past. Luqmaan is a part of my past, and I don’t want to revisit it.”
Jacob slowly smiled. “That’s a big thing to say, Damon. I’m proud of you.”
“You don’t think it’s cowardly?”
“Of course not. You want to move forward with your life, and you should. Don’t ever hold yourself back because of one person. No one should ever have that much control over you.”
“Thanks, Jacob.”
Right as I said that, Thomas yelled, “You, goddam liar! I trusted you!”
“That’s what you get!” Tye shouted.
Jacob and I looked questionably back at the two boys playing video games.
“We better feed them before they kill each other,” I cringed.
“Seeing the preppy Thomas get worked up like that really is a treat,” Jacob chuckled.
“You have no idea,” I shook my head, laughing as we brought out the tray of well-made sandwiches.
***
The four of us sat around the dining table enjoying our lunch, while listening to Tye and Thomas bicker about their game. Jacob and I, had questionably glanced at one another as their trash-talking escalated. They had not stopped. Not for one second.
“I call that foul. You cheated!” Thomas accused, pointing a finger at Tye.
Tye scoffed. “It’s not cheating; it’s called using my resources.”
“That’s bullshit,” Thomas said.
“Can we please talk about something that isn’t your stupid game?” Jacob asked, finally annoyed at their petty argument.
We had to listen to them argue for the past twenty minutes. I didn’t blame him for being annoyed.
“I can’t believe we’re actually about to go to college,” I said, changing the topic.
“I know. It seems too fast,” Jacob said.
“I think it’s pretty good timing. I get my freedom,” Thomas shrugged, seeming unfazed by the sudden turn of events.
“Won’t you miss your family?” I asked.
“I mean yeah, but sometimes I want some space from them, you know?” Thomas justified.
“Maybe I’m just too family oriented,” I chuckled.
“That’s a good quality to have,” Jacob pointed out.
“Really?” asked Tye, shocked.
“Yeah, dumbass,” Thomas said as he whacked Tye upside the back of his head.
“Ow! Quit hitting me!” Tye scowled.
“Not until you stop being dumb,” countered Thomas as he whacked Tye again.
“I swear to God, you’re going to give me a concussion before sundown,” Tye said while rubbing the back of his head.
“That’s the point, smart one,” Thomas said.
Tye glared. “Sometimes I really want to punch you. A nice, heavy punch to the gut.”
“The bromance is real, right Damon?” Jacob asked as he leaned back against his chair and crossed his arms, amused.
I chuckled, leaning my head against the palm of my hand as I watched my best friends continue to insult each other, my conversation with Jacob muted by more trash talk. “It’s great.”
And I hope it will always be great.
Chapter 48
Consequences of Hatred
Amira Sarker
The sun was starting to set in its marvelous hues of orange and bright red, spraying in vibrant rays, as the last remnant of light slipped past my eyes. The Muslim prayer engraved itself into a believer’s heart. Cars honked as everyone prepared to go home, the people outside oblivious to the
sign of worship, to a Muslim’s instinct to remember Allah through their daily prayers. The masjid (mosque) called the athan (prayer call) and Muslim women gathered around to pray their sunnah (voluntary prayer).
Women of all colors; white, black, Indian and oriental Asians sat in the masjid. With shoulders side to side, foot next to foot, small and tall, they stood before their Lord, they stood before Allah. The women wore their long skirts and black abayas with their scarves wrapped tightly around their heads. It felt comforting to know that they were Muslims like me in this densely populated city, who reminded me of home.
Tanwir and I, had just finished moving all our stuff into our new apartment. It felt weird knowing that for the next four years. my older brother and I. would be living together without our parents. Some of our neighbors didn’t even like us either, especially with the upcoming elections.
Islamophobia had been at its prime this year. People were afraid of men with beards or women wearing hijabs. I didn’t even think that the presidential elections would be extremely complicated and that the presidential candidate who hated Muslims would even win the primaries but clearly, I was wrong.
Anyone who swore to value the Constitution and had no rational judgment might soon use every legal power in their hands to eradicate those they disapproved of. While America had a system to check against such people, I just wished that whoever would take the position would go for equality regardless of race and beliefs.
The imam called the iqaamah (second call to prayer) and I lined up with the rest of the congregation. I carefully listened to the ayahs that were recited, feeling a wave of tears in my eyes as my heavy heart drenched with my loneliness. I had never been so far from home, and I desperately wished to be back in my mother’s arms.
Oh Allah, please protect my family and don’t let them worry too much about Tanwir and I, I prayed silently.
With that, I returned my focus back to my prayer.
***
After we finished, the girl that was praying beside tapped my shoulder. I turned to her and was greeted with a wide smile.
“You’re new around here, aren’t you?” she asked with her voice as chirpy as the birds that sat outside our apartment window.
“Yeah, I am.”
Red, subtle velvet flowers decorated the outer layer of her hijab and deep rose that complimented her pale complexion. Her nose was long and straight, eyes with a deep shade of maple brown, lighter than mine but darker than most light-skinned people with that skin tone. I wondered if she was of Middle-Eastern or European descent, maybe both.
“I thought you were. Our Muslim community is pretty tight, so I didn’t recognize you. Are you a college student?”
I nodded. “I graduated high school like a couple weeks ago.”
“No way!” She exclaimed. “I did too! Wait, which university are you going to?”
“The one that’s like five blocks away from here. It’s a school for premedical students.”
“Oh my Allah. I’m going there, too! Yes! I have a friend to go with me now! This is great news,” she grinned, excitedly.
“Aren’t your friends going there?” I asked, confused. I thought everyone would go to the university closest to them, especially if it was a good university.
She smiled sadly as she shook her head. “I’m afraid not. Everyone was so eager to leave especially the Muslims.”
“Why?”
She sighed and leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes like a memory that pained her had flashed before her eyes. Slowly exhaling, her eyes blinked open. Her gaze was hard, and I felt as if the room suddenly got a degree colder.
“There was this...incident here not too long ago,” she said, bitterly.
I sat quietly and listened more attentively.
“This Muslim boy was playing basketball. Oh, he was such a sweet boy. He had a clean record in school like straight A’s, volunteered at the masjid, helped the elderly, and even led halaqas (religious gatherings) here. He was even supposed to get married! May what happened to him not happen to any other youth,” she hauntingly whispered.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, not liking the chill of her voice. Please, don’t be what I think it is.
“What happened to him?”
She looked me dead in the eyes. Tears glazed her dark eyes. Pain swirled in spirals as she said the words that I feared the most, “He was murdered.”
I gasped. “A Muslim man was murdered here?”
She nodded. She held back a sob as tears rolled down her face. “He...he was,” she hiccupped, “my fiancé.”
I was appalled.
“T-This man, he killed him,” she whispered. She roughly wiped the tears from her face. “His name was Musa. He did nothing wrong and he killed him!” she cried.
I felt my heart break into pieces as I watched this girl fall apart. She was going to get married and right when she found the perfect man for her, he was taken.
I pulled her into my arms, embracing her tightly. She sobbed into my shoulder, completely torn apart from her past events, holding me tighter like I was her lifeline in her turmoil of chaos, her personal disaster that ripped an innocent man away from her.
“Shh, it’s okay. Everything is going to be alright. Calm down, I’m right here,” I told her gently as I stroked her head.
Her cries shook her shoulders as she kept all her pain out. She was so strong to be able to go through that. She must have held all the anguish back, just like I did. She held it back all the way to the point where it consumed her.
“Don’t cry. It’s okay, shh.”
Moments after, her sobbing decreased. She started to breathe heavily, trying to control her breaths. Once her cries ceased, she said in the most broken voice I ever heard, “He stabbed him to death.”
I pulled back a little to wipe her tears. “Allah will help you, don’t worry. Allah will take care of him, remember?” I tried my best to give her a comforting smile.
She sniffled. “Yeah, I remember.” She sat up straight, rubbing her eyes with her left hand, gazing at me apologetically. “I’m really sorry about that. I just… miss him.”
I placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. No words were needed. She had suffered a great loss for the community, for her family, and for herself. Life was only painted in colors for her, yet all that drained as hatred poisoned dull, gray colors into a once beautiful community. Hatred expelled love.
And the Muslims had ran.
It was strange how we were strangers sitting in a masjid yet at that moment I felt like I knew her my entire life.
***
Kanza, the girl from the masjid, and I stayed and talked about school and our dreams. We also talked about the riots going on around here.
“It’s quite difficult for Muslims in this area, but this is our fight. It’s not fair that people vandalize our mosques and physically hurt our community. That’s not right,” she said, as she shook her head.
“I know what you mean. I wish people would understand that Muslims are human, too. Just like the whole Black Lives Matter movement, our lives matter, too. All of our lives matter, all colors, sexuality, or religion. Everyone’s life matters.”
“We’re compassionate, which is why I didn’t want to leave like a lot of other people. When times get rough, we have to stick together if we want people to change,” she confessed.
That was quite honorable of Kanza to say. Her words were really motivating and I could already see a bright future for her. Safe to say, I was inspired.
“Hey, Amira?”
I turned my attention back to Kanza. “Yeah?”
“Why is there a crowd in front of the masjid?” she asked, uneasily.
I furrowed my eyebrows and looked out the window. There was a protest outside against Muslims. “How hateful are these people?” I asked, appalled.
She cringed.” You don’t want to know.” Kanza pulled my arm. “We have to leave now.”
Fear snipped at me. I started to feel anxi
ous as I said, “How? The front door is blocked by the crowd!”
The other Muslim sisters held their children close to their chests. The babies started crying as the crowd shouted cruel chants. Their voices got louder, stronger to the point where all I heard were earth-splitting yells and screams. The crowd fueled off of their hatred. They relished our fear.
“Go back to your country!”
“We don’t want terrorists!”
“You deserve to burn in hell!”
I felt trapped. Why were they all here? The community here was just praying! They didn’t do anything wrong. They worshipped God. How was that a crime?
“Someone call the police! We need to leave!” a sister shouted.
Kanza rapidly dialed 911. I’d never been in a situation where I feared for my life as a Muslim. This was terrifying. At that moment, all I wanted was my mother. I wanted her to tell me I was going to be safe, but she wasn’t here right now. She couldn’t make all this go away, and if help didn’t arrive on time, I wouldn’t be alive to hold her one last time.
I had to calm down.
“Sisters! We’re going through the back door,” Tanwir shouted from the door.
“We can’t! They surrounded the entire building!” another brother shouted.
“Tanwir, what do we do?” I asked, afraid.
He saw the terror in my eyes. He placed his hands on my shoulders. “We’re going to be okay, Amira. Just make a lot of duaa until the police come.”
The masjid was chaos. Tanwir went back to the brother’s side to help the brothers find a way to calm the crowd before it got dangerous. The sisters tried to calm the children down and were praying, begging Allah to protect them.
Kanza and I watched the crowd from the window.
“How long till the police get here?” I asked in a whisper, wincing as something was thrown at the building.
“I don’t know. They said they were on their way,” she whispered back.
