by Jen Pretty
Sleep was slow to come, but when it did, it only brought terror and blood. I thrashed awake several times, my lungs burning and chest heaving, my face wet with more tears. Puck would make some sound at the door, letting me know he was still there, but he didn’t disturb my privacy.
The last time I drifted off was different, thankfully.
✽ ✽ ✽
“Lex, what’s happened?”
The forest in homeland was dark, lit only by a slight reflection of the moon. The trees were bare, and the grass crunched under my feet. What had always been a vibrant, beautiful place, was now barren and dead. It seemed fitting.
I reached out towards Luke’s voice and he pulled me into his arms. I was nearly blind in the darkness, but his warmth reminded me that I was still alive.
“Roman died,” I gasped out in a single breath. My mouth stayed open in a silent cry, my lungs empty. Saying the words out loud was much worse than sleeping beside his corpse.
Luke held me for several minutes before he spoke again.
“Margot didn’t see this coming,” he whispered. It didn’t matter if she had. I knew what was going to happen. I had felt it in my bones, and even after I knew the risks, I still had no choice but to climb the mountain and face the loss.
“I’ll bring him back,” I whispered, muffling my voice in Luke’s chest. He heard me though, and gasped.
“Is that even possible Lex?”
“Helena didn’t say it wasn’t possible. She just said to take him and get out of this world. I need more magic.”
Luke sighed. “You should come home, then. To homeland, I mean.”
He was right, my power would be stronger in my forest. Surrounded by the magic that I knew best.
“I’ll be home soon,” I said.
“Ok.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “Something is wrong with our connection, Lex.”
“It must be this place. It’s awful here. I just need to get out.”
Luke hugged me tightly before the dream faded away.
✽ ✽ ✽
I woke up frozen. When I shivered, Daisy shimmied off Roman’s chest and onto mine. He nestled his head into my hair, wrapping his warm feathered neck around me, but I couldn’t stop shivering. Roman’s body was ice, and I had spent the whole night wrapped around him.
A sob wracked me when I looked at his pale face. His skin was white as a sheet now and I couldn’t pretend he was still alive. He never slept. How could I pretend?
“Puck,” I said softly, I knew he wouldn’t have left me.
His head popped into the tent flap, but his face was still sullen.
“Can you take him? I’m ready to get going. We have to get back to homeland.”
“Sure, Lex.”
I slid out of the tent with Daisy and waited until Puck had scooped up Roman and followed us out. The hunters and elves and unicorns dropped to a knee as I passed, but I ignored them. I needed to get the hell out of this place.
I sat down on a backpack and watched the hunters tear down the rest of the camp. Armond shoved some toast and coffee in my hands, but my stomach was all acid. Nothing tasted right. I glanced over at Roman in Puck's arms every few minutes, but I felt numb. It was like watching a movie. I felt removed from the situation somehow.
When the hunters gathered in front of me and dropped to a knee again, I snapped back to reality.
“Why are you doing that?” I questioned.
“Because you are our queen and we are ready to do whatever you ask of us,” Armond replied for all of them.
I considered that for a minute before sighing and gathering my resolve.
“Ok, then let’s get the fuck out of here. I’m going to make a portal,” I said, standing up and walking a little farther from the hunters.
Just like I had done in the elves’ hidden city, I pictured a tall white door with inset panels. I wanted it to take me back to homeland, to Luke and Evan. They would be able to help me. I concentrated on the feeling of homeland, the scents and sounds. I pushed on my magic to take me there.
But, instead of a warm brush of magic, I felt an axe split through my mind. I screamed and crashed to my knees as bright lights flashed across my vision. I heard yelling and felt strong arms pick me up as I struggled to regain the breath that had been knocked out of me.
I started coughing and then heaving. More of the same black goo I sprayed all over the mountaintop came up from my stomach, coating the packed dirt. I was tipped forward in the arms that held me. The violent force of the filth leaving my body reverberated through my fractured skull like a gong. It was Armond who held me together until I began to finally feel my lungs expand and contract in an exaggerated but slowing rhythm.
My vision was blurred, but I turned into Armond’s broad chest. I didn’t need to be able to see to know it was him who picked me up. The voices around me calmed until there was nothing above a plaintive whisper.
Finally, Armond’s voice rumbled. “Get everyone moving. We are going to walk out of here.”
The world tipped sideways as he stood and began walking through the desert with me in his arms. Things had been so overwhelming, that I didn’t try to get free. I just lay in his arms and let him carry me.
Armond kept glancing down at me. I knew he was expecting me to get my shit together at any moment, but I was having a bit of a pity party and I didn’t want to be strong. I wanted Roman.
I let myself sink deeper into the dark thoughts. Closing my eyes against the sun. I wanted the brown clouds back because they matched my heart. I had given up everything, for what?
I looked around until I saw him. Aldridge. He was alive and walking away from the witch who held him captive for all this time. He was thin, but he wasn’t dead. He benefitted a lot from the sacrifice. So had all the shifters of his land. They had their new king. The Elves and the Unicorns, they benefitted too. They were reunited. They didn’t have to live apart anymore.
I glanced over to Puck, carrying Roman. What if I never got him back?
The price was too high.
Deep in thought, I realized Armond had stopped walking. It was dusk now, and the hunters and elves were setting up camp.
I had lost time. I pushed a bit at my magic, but the splitting headache that followed assured me it wasn’t my magic that had made me lose the hours of daylight.
“Armond,” I whispered as he sat down with me on his lap.
“Yes, Lex?”
I wasn’t sure if I was lost in thought all day or if magic was at play. Did it matter? After all, things could be worse.
“Never mind,” I mumbled, pushing off his chest and standing up. I wobbled, and Armond steadied me till I got my feet back under me. I started walking towards the tent, but his voice had me turning around.
“You need to eat something, Lex.”
I looked at his face for the first time since I came down off that mountaintop. He looked older. Ragged. Probably didn’t help that he carried me all damn day.
I gave him a weak smile then crawled into the tent and lay down.
A moment later, loud quacking proceeded a flurry of feathers as Daisy angrily flapped into my tent.
I put my arm over my face to keep from getting an eye poked out. He bit my arm savagely. Well as savage as a duck can bite, but it still fucking hurt.
“Ow, Daisy, what is wrong with you?”
He narrowed his eyes, lowered his head and snaked towards me like a wolf coming in for the kill.
I slid out of the tent and stood up ready to kick his ass if he tried to bite me again, but he came strutting out of the tent like he had fought a great battle and won.
“What is your problem?” I yelled at him before realizing I was yelling at a duck. A throat cleared behind me and I turned to find Puck and the rest of the army staring at me.
“Did you send him in there to bite me?” I asked harshly.
“We need a leader right now, Lex. We need a queen.” Puck apparently had no sense of self-preservation. The hu
nters and elves had all taken a knee. Only Puck stood before me, a target for my impotent rage.
“Well, that’s too fucking bad cause I’ve already given you everything!” I yelled back at Puck who shifted into a unicorn and took a step back. All the unicorns had shifted, but the rest were bowing, their horns touching the ground. Still, Puck stood.
I reached for my magic to try and punish him or something. Make him feel my pain, but instead a searing fire blew through my head and I screamed, falling to my knees. My stomach roiled and my eyes filled with tears. The pain mixed with the frustration collapsing me to the ground completely. Worn out and broken, I didn’t want to continue.
Puck flashed back to his human form and lifted me up off the ground. Then he shifted again, throwing me onto his back. He raced through the dusty world, away from camp and towards the portal. The air was cooler now as I gripped his mane and clung to his back. I let more tears fall, some for Roman and some for myself.
Puck ran full speed for an hour or more before skidding to a stop in front of the portal, dumping me unceremoniously off his back and on to the hard-packed dirt before he shifted back to his human form. I rolled onto my elbows and glared at him, but he didn’t look sorry in the slightest. He looked mad.
“You walk through that portal and you wait for us. I will collect Roman and bring him along. You have a couple of hours to decide if this is the queen you want to be, Lex.” Then he shifted and took off back the way we came.
Shit.
Ok, I probably deserved that. Armond just carried me all day while I sulked, and I tried to use magic to hurt Puck just because he was honest with me. Roman wouldn’t be happy when he found out about it. I needed to get my head on straight and stop being a bitch to the people who were helping me.
I stood up and dusted the dirt from my clothes as I walked towards the portal.
Before I stepped through, I heard the familiar quack of Daisy. When I turned around, I saw his little feathery body hurtling towards me as fast as his little wings could carry him. He landed with a skid at my feet and I crouched down.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been an asshole,” I said as I pet down his soft neck and across his back. “You are right. I need to get it together.”
He quacked once in agreement and then waddled towards the portal. I followed along behind him through the portal. On the other side I could hear echoes of voices and music. Daisy just kept marching through the twisting tunnels of the caves that housed the portal, and out into late evening glow of the shifter’s world. A swarm of people were there to greet us. Half were werewolves, and half were in human form. There were children and wolf cubs. The leaders of each part of their world were present too. The voices slowly hushed until they all stood in silence and I knew what they were waiting for. I wanted to be happy for them, but I couldn’t bring myself to be happy about anything.
“King Aldridge should be here by morning,” I said in a bland voice. What followed was a cheer of humans and howl of wolves loud enough they probably heard it in Kingsland.
“The witch is dead?” one of the revellers asked, and I felt a pang of sadness try to take me under. I bit my lip and nodded my head so that he wouldn’t see my pain. The witch was dead, but I was going to get Roman back, just like I told Luke and just as I promised myself when we came down off that mountain.
I needed to hold on to that.
I was going to do it for Roman.
I pulled a bit of my magic expecting I would be good to go now that I was out of the plagued world. What I got instead was another spike through my skull that forced me to drop to my knees. My stomach roiled and tried to expel its contents, but I hadn’t eaten so only produced dry heaves that teared my eyes and stole my breath.
A crowd gathered around me, but I couldn’t hear their words. The ringing through my head was overpowering them all. I sat for several minutes with Daisy pressed up beside me like the guardian that he was. Not that anyone here would take advantage. I had just saved their whole damn world and what I got in return was pain on top of heartache.
I stood slowly and walked away from the people. They had the decency to stop their celebration while I was crippled in front of them, but the farther I got, the more the party resumed.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself it wasn’t their fault. I had just scolded myself not to be a raging queen bitch before I stepped through the portal and already I wanted to go storming back there and…what? Fight the innocent people? What was wrong with me?
I found a small pond. It was stagnant but clear. I scooped up water and washed my face while Daisy walked in and started splashing about. I noticed my fingertips had turned black. I couldn’t wash the rot away. It was beneath my skin. I didn’t know what that meant, but I knew it wasn’t good. Something was keeping me from using my magic, and I had a suspicion it was the disgusting magic I had soaked up on the mountaintop. If I couldn’t use my magic, I had no hope of saving Roman.
“This is probably bad, Daisy,” I whispered. He waddled closer and then bit my finger. I snatched my hand away. Little jerk duck.
I scrubbed a bit harder in the water, but it wasn’t coming off.
I made my way back to the mouth of the cave to wait for Puck and Roman and the rest of the army. The party was still going strong, but I I sat down and tucked my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them to wait. One of the revelers set a blanket down on me and, when I looked up, I was surprised to see Grant, the bartender from Kingsville smiling down at me.
“Hey, how’s it going?” he asked, handing me a drink. I think I loved this man.
“Pretty bad.”
“You saved the king as you set out to do.” he reminded me. Like I could forget. I downed my drink. It was fruity and strong, burning all the way down my throat and warming up my insides.
“Roman is dead.”
“Oh man.” He slumped down beside me the smile sliding off his face. “I’m so sorry, Lex.”
My glass was empty, but luckily Grant waved to someone and they brought me a refill. Yup, I loved this man, and he didn’t even know it.
I took another big gulp before I spoke again. “I’m going to bring him back,” I said, but my voice didn’t sound as sure as the last time I had said it. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I’m going to--” a sob wracked my body, cutting off my words. I chugged the rest of my drink.
Grant flung his arm over my shoulder.
“Of course, you will. You have a shit ton of magic now, right? They are all calling you queen.” He gave me a wicked grin. “Maybe you could bring him back a bit more fun. He was kind of boring.”
I laughed despite the situation. That second drink had gone to my head and I couldn’t find it in me to be angry. The last 24 hours had nearly burned me out and I needed to check out for a while. By the time the time my third glass was empty, I found it hard to care about anything.
The music was still playing, so I stood up, wobbled a bit and grabbed Grant's hand. We made our way to the middle of a group of partiers and started moving to the music. Grant twirled me around and dipped me low. I laughed and sang along to the songs they sang even though I didn’t know most of them. I made up the words and ignored the strange looks I got from people. Screw them. I saved their king and this was a party. The firelight was enough to see by and the crowds weren’t even beginning to thin. The music of this land was so pure and upbeat, it begged for you to join in. I stopped to get another drink just as Puck came out of the cave with Aldridge and Roman.
It was like a splash of cold water on my face. Roman’s skin was nearly translucent now. The smile fell from my face as I remembered I had lost him and had no way to bring him back. I had been dancing and drinking while Roman lay there dead.
My hands started shaking, and when I looked down at them, I saw that the rot had crept up to my wrists. I just stared at them, turning them over and back. The decay was consuming me.
Puck’s steely hands grabbed my wrists and raised them to the moonlight.
“What happened?” he asked glaring at me like it was my fault.
“I don’t know,” I said, yanking my hands back and tucking them in my pockets.
“This is serious, Lex.”
I scowled at him. “You think I don’t know that? I sucked in evil on that mountaintop, Puck. Now I have no magic, I’m rotting from the inside out and I can’t bring Roman back! Do you have a solution?”
He didn’t reply.
“Didn’t think so. How about you stop staring at me like this is something I wanted and get me the fuck home so I can talk to someone who maybe does have an answer.”
He bowed and then turned on his heel and walked back to where the rest of the hunters, shifters, elves and unicorns were coming out of the cave entrance. I had no idea how they all got back. They must have doubled up on the unicorns.
I watched as he whispered to Armond, whose eyes scanned the crowd until they landed on me. I saw a flash of fear. He knew something and I wasn’t going to like it.
Armond made his way around the crowd. I felt his eyes on me the whole time, but I didn’t meet them until he was standing in front of me. Even then, I kept my eyes on his chest until he reached out a hand and raised my chin to make me look at him.
“Let me see,” he said softly. He was mere inches from me; so close I could tip forward into his arms and stay there again for an eternity. I could ignore all my problems and leave them to someone else. Instead, I pulled my hands out of my pockets and raised them into the dim light.
He sucked air through his teeth, making a hollow sound.
“I have no magic.”
He wrapped me up in his arms and held me close to him.
“We will figure it out, ok, Lex. Don’t go away on me. Please?”
“What are you talking about?” That’s when the pieces fit together. I was self-destructing like I did before I met Armond and Luke. Cut off from my magic. I was cut off from my bonded too. I had no one to keep me grounded and no magic to ground myself.
“Shit,” I muttered. The mood swings, the lost time, it all made sense now. I needed to get my magic back not just to save Roman, but to save myself as well. I was going to fall back into a very dark place.
